was happy til now Posted January 26, 2004 Share Posted January 26, 2004 I am recently married and I am already having problems. Before my husband and I got married we were both on dating web sites. When we became exclusive I took my profile off my sites and he told me the same thing. This past week he gave me his e-mail password to see if he had recieved anything from his mother. While there I saw there were MANY e-mails in regards to "here are the matches you requested" and such. HE TOLD ME HE WAS NO LONGER ON THOSE SITE. When I asked him about it he said he deletes them and that he tried to take is profile off. The e-mails I saw had been read. I went to his account a few minutes ago and went into the e-mails to get the addy for these sites (well like 3 of them) and took him off myself and believe me it wasnt difficult like he said.... it took like 30-45 sec per web page. Should I confront him about being on these sites or do you think I was in the wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
Errol Posted January 26, 2004 Share Posted January 26, 2004 Good grief! Why did you marry him if your trust level was so shallow! Deleting a profile is easy but it doesn't always work and those "matches" are generated and sent by computers who have his old profile stored in a data bank somewhere. He may get a lot more of them. If you love him and trust him enough to marry him then give him the benefit of the doubt. He certainly trusted you enough to give you his password. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted January 26, 2004 Share Posted January 26, 2004 He probably overlooked it. Sometimes, men procrastinate. I still get replys from date sites I haven't checked into for 4 years!! I rarely even remember my password or what name I used. I wouldn't be upset unless he actually contacted someone back. Link to post Share on other sites
Stone Posted January 26, 2004 Share Posted January 26, 2004 i agree he trust's you to give you his pass word you should trust him. You shouldn'd doubt your marriage so quickly. maby you need to learn how to communicate better and you will have a happier marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
befuddled11 Posted January 26, 2004 Share Posted January 26, 2004 What ages are you both? How long did you date *before*you married? I signed up for one of those particular online dating sites that *automatically* sends you emails with your "matches"......I surely never signed up specifically to receive them....hell, I don't even want them. The email is generic and says something like, "here are your matches that you requested"...well I never requested them! ....they word it that was as a gimmicky way of getting your curiosity up, so that you'll go back to their site and hopefully renew your membership. How long have you two been married? Now if he's telling you that he still has profiles out there and they exist because he "couldn't figure out how to delete them", then I'd say he's full of sh*t and that's cause for some serious discussion. Because you're right, it takes only seconds to delete one's profile...and even a monkey could figure out how to do it. The fact that he gave you his email password and obviously knew full well that if you went into his email, you'd see these emails.....well that would indicate he's not guilty of anything. Though to be truthful, the whole "he gave me his password so I could check to see if he received an email from his Mother" doesn't sound very plausible to me......me thinks you were snooping in his email, because you don't trust him, for whatever reason. Link to post Share on other sites
was happy til now Posted January 27, 2004 Share Posted January 27, 2004 befuddled11... he DID give me his password to see if his mother had e-mailed him. His father is having health problems and live like 8 hours away so we were trying to see if we needed to go there or not. He needed to get to class and I had a bit of free time so he asked me to check it. I am 22 and he is 30, my first marriage and his second. And we've been married for less then 6 months. He has also been talking to some girls online and once (that I know of) they were having sex talk... She was telling him to take off his clothes and such. Then tries to say that he wasnt even talking to her that she just "popped" up on the screen with that. When I walk up when he is on the computer he tries to hurry up and delete what he was doing. Sometimes he tries to log of the computer completely so I cant see what hes been up to. Even today, he was talking to some girl online. I walked up right as he started talkig to her, he initated the conversation and when she replied, he got hostal with her say that he "is married and he told her this and for her to leave him alone" and she replied with "you started talking to me, I dont know why you are acting this way". We talk about every little problem when one rises but every time I try to discuss this matter in a rational manner, he cops an attitude. He even flirts with other girls right in front of me. Theres this one girl in perticular, she works in the library at our school. He is always in there also. When he isnt in class or at work, he is at school in the library and he wont talk to her when Im around. In my mind, what he is doing is concidered lying at best and cheating at worst. To me, it seems as though he is having some "emotional" affairs that just havent moved onto phychical yet. Link to post Share on other sites
was happy til now Posted January 27, 2004 Share Posted January 27, 2004 I have made an appointment to see a councelor for us both for Thursday. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted January 27, 2004 Share Posted January 27, 2004 Isn't this the same guy you dated and decided to marry? It's hard to believe he just changed overnight. Or did you think once he was married you could then control his flirty character? Link to post Share on other sites
was happy til now Posted January 28, 2004 Share Posted January 28, 2004 He wasn't "flirty" with anyone when we got together.... He had some other girls he was talking to but when we got together he stopped talking to them. As soon as he even thought there was a chance with me he stopped talking to them. He didn't change "overnight" but it seems as though since the "30 days" was up (time you have to get an annulment) he has changed. We are trying to work on it and he has since cancelled the e-mail account that he was getting the dating Bull S**t in. The only question I have now is if he was innocent them why did he just sign up for one of those dating web site on Jan 14 saying that he was single? I just don't know. But like I said, we have an appointment on Thurs (tomorrow) but now he says he can't go "because he can't miss class". Sometimes I just wish I was like the guy in "What Women Want" so I can hear what he's thinking. Then other times I thinkig that he's doing this because I'm not good enough and he wants better. The grass is always greener on the other side, Right? He thinks that I analyze everything to much and maybe I do but we'll see what happens tomorrow. Link to post Share on other sites
jp13370 Posted January 30, 2004 Share Posted January 30, 2004 Why don't you just tell him "It's either me or your chat room sex talk - you can't have both!". Tell him you find that behavior disrespectful and unnacceptable in your marriage and that if he wants to flirt and talk sex with strangers - you're filing for divorce. If you won't tolerate it and he knows he will lose you over it either he'll clean up his act or not. If not then you have your answer! Link to post Share on other sites
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