Ended my FWBs deal

[nolagurl07]

Hi so today i ended my FWB deal with a friend who i have known since I was 14. Now we are in our 20s. He moved around off and on over the years so i think thats why it went on for so long. I realized i had feelings for him years back but kept seeing him b/c the sex was great and i felt like we really were friends. I know now that he never had any intentions of being with me after i proceeded to finally tell him how i felt. I asked him if he had anything to say and he said no and asked if i was okay and needed so therapy i was like WTF! Im so disgusted with myself for allowing this to go on all these years. yesterday I told him were done! I know i did the right thing but why do i feel so guilty. I guess i just thought he respected me a bit more than that since weve been friends all these yrs. I mean sometimes we actually hung out and nothing more so it wasnt always that way you know. Every guy ive met in the past has tried to put me in that category some ive let them but most i tell them to just piss off. I just want a real relationship one ive never really had but hope to have and i thnk thats why i ended this b/c i know if i keep going on this route ill never find one the right way. I dont feel like anythings wrong with me i am capable of loving someone often more than i should. I guess my question is did i do the right thing. I established no contact with him from now on. It hurts that i wont be talking to him anymore since im so used to doing that. I feel like i wasted alot of years of my life. Also ppl often tell me that the ideal situation for a guy is FWB which i can totally understand why but why is it that ppl get married. how does this change do men just finally grow up one day and want more. Am i just not picking them right b/c i feel like ive gone on 1000 dates and they all want the same thing. how do i get to that point of establishing a real relationship with a guy?

[Green]

Well I really liked my current gf and there is no way she would have just been my friend with benefits ... what ever that means. Look you have to define for yourself what you want.

 

Do you have any close female friends in good relationships? Because maybe you can try to learn from them

[ADF]

For the overwhelming majority of men in their 20s, FWB is indeed the ultimate goal. Most men in their 20s greatly prefer FWB to real relationships. They will try for FWB if they can get it, and only settle for a real relationship if they can't.

 

Marriage is another issue. Why do men get married? Frankly, many of them marry because they feel they have to. They marry because they know the women they love will leave them if they don't commit. If women didn't insist on marriage, many men would never marry. They'd be perfectly happy just drifitng along, "hanging out" with a woman for years, forever keeping their options open.

 

You have to put this in historical perspective. There was a time when marriage was a man's ticket to full personhood. If a man wanted to live with a woman, to have a sex life, to enjoy the respect of his family and community, he needed to have a wife. Even a man's employer might see him as flakey and unreliable if he wasn't married.

 

None of that is true anymore. There is nothing a man might want--love, sex, companionship--that he needs marriage in oprder to get. Nothing. The incentive for men to marry is basically gone. Today, men often fear and dread marriage. They associate marriage with a loss of freedom, with the end fo youth, and they fear financial ruin in the event of divorce.

 

 

They key for someone like you, someone who wants a real relationship, is to NEVER assent to FWB. Not ever. Once a guy has you in a FWB, he'll never allow the relationship to go any further. Why would he? He is already getting everything he wants--for free!