My husband and a child he had from a previous relationship

[onetine922]

My husband and I have been married for 3 and a half years now. We just had a baby in November. We both have children from previous relationships. I had my child adopted because I had no other options, and my husband's who is now 8 y/o is living in another country with her mother. I still keep in contact with the birth parents. He on the other hand still keeps in contact with the mother every so often via e-mail and sometimes phone, but stopped a few years ago because she had married a older Caucasian man to get her and her daughter's papers and she let him know that she didn't need help from him financially or emotionally. The older man threatened my husband never to call again, so my husband din't want to deal with any drama that could incur from his threat esp. involving me. The older man just recently died, so my husband was now worred about his daughter having a good life and make her way to the States. He recently started talking to his daughter about a few days ago and didn't tell me until after the conversation. I asked him why he didn't want me to hear his conversation and he said that he didn't want me to ask him questions(i.e. what did she say or what did you say) while he had her on the phone because I don't understand his dialect. I felt violated as a wife because I was taught that you're supposed to tell your wife everything because you are now one. I told him that I somewhat can understand the words he is saying and I would ask questions after the conversation and he just kind of dismissed what I said. After thirty minutes, I was planning to watch a DVD in our room together, but he said he was going to get something really quick so he stepped out of the room. It had been 5 minutes and he wasn't back from getting whatever he wanted to get, so I check in all the rooms and he is no where to be found. I finally go into the garage and he's in there talking on his cell. I ask him who is talking to and he says his daughter. I get upset because minutes earlier I told him how I felt and that it would be nice for me be there while he is talking to her. I asked him how come he didn't call her in the room and he says that it's because the movie would be too loud and he wouldn't be able to hear clearly. That wasn't a good excuse to me. I could have turned off the movie because it was only a movie and calling other countries with different times zonestakes more precedence. Like I said I got upset and slam the door because I felt so hurt. One: is he hiding something from me and Two: does he not respect me as a wife that my feelings don't matter to him. Don't get me wrong. I'm not jealous. It's just the whole principle of understanding and communication between a husband and wife. Sometimes I feel that my husband doesn't care about my feelings. is it because he's guy and sometimes guys are insensitive to a woman's feelings? please help me..

[DivaGirl]

Assuming this really was his daughter he was talking to, I think it's unreasonable and somewhat selfish to expect to always be in the room when he has a conversation with her. That's his DAUGHTER. I don't have any children, but if my mom were married to a man who insisted on always being around when we had a conversation, and didn't have enough trust to let us have our privacy, I would get pissed off pretty quickly and think of him as a nosy snoop with no life.

 

Assuming you trust your husband, and don't suspect him of anything bad, LET him have a private conversation with his daughter. You aren't the center of his universe.

[moom_of_3]

I Agree with the last poster. Do you listen in to all his phone conversations? I let my husband have his privacy and you need yours. True, as a wife you do "become one" but you still need your lives separate of each other. If I ever bugged my husband about something as trivial as that he would probably get really mad, really fast. Hiow would you like it if he damanded to listen in on all your conversations. It is a compplete viaolation as privacy. How would you feel if the tables were turned?