monkey Posted February 14, 2004 Share Posted February 14, 2004 I know your right, This is why i'm having treatment for panic attacks, i have these thoughts of missing her & inpatience & it's realy hard to bear sometimes. There's a saying "it's never too late", i hope this is truehaven't heard from her in a while, i just need to talk about it, i've had no chance to say my side because she doesnt want to hear it,. She seems to think i'll never get better & it will always be the same, i'll just have to show it won't be. Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted February 14, 2004 Share Posted February 14, 2004 i was just wondering today should i invite my ex ( who dumped me ) out to do something sometime as it has been her ever since who has maintained contact and invited me out? or should i continue letting her make the moves and i can decide whether or not to go along with them? i have not initially phoned or contacted her at all in the last 2 months... always her... what is all this about this is strange even yesterday she came over to my house for an hour and is coming over on valentines day too although it is to get a favour but she talked for an hour yesterday Link to post Share on other sites
FeelLike13 Posted February 14, 2004 Share Posted February 14, 2004 some girls just want to know that they can still have you if they wanted you. She sounds like she would go through the roof if she found out that you have started dating another woman to replace her. She's keeping you at arms length to use you emotionlly/physically when she needs you, and then run when she truly has found something better in her eyes. I've seen this over and over from a handful of friends of mine. I always end up feeling really sorry for the nice guys they dated. Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted February 14, 2004 Share Posted February 14, 2004 i actually do have the opportunity to sort of replace her but i won't mess this girl about as i have emotional baggage what do you think my ex would do if she found out? or if i told her? what do you think i should do? good to hear advice from a girl! cheers! Link to post Share on other sites
monkey Posted February 14, 2004 Share Posted February 14, 2004 Does this also count when a s/o says she doesn't want to mail me & give me hope, & then says 1 a week, then says she doesn't want to see me, but will in the future. If she instigates contact like 1 mail a week, should i do it or not bother, she doesn't trust me to keep it to 1. Link to post Share on other sites
matrixgenius Posted February 14, 2004 Share Posted February 14, 2004 All of you have to ask the girl to stop torturing you. When she sends you a mail tell her to stop, when she calls you tell her to stop. Say every time you call I'm being tortured so please just stop. This is called reverse psychology. She will A. stop calling forever , which ends the relationship, which its ended anyway, by them B. wait a while and maybe decide to stop " 'f' ing" you. They might realize you dont want to play games and have a newfound respect for you ( possibly starting a relationship over ) As long as you bite, they will fish - and fishing is a game ( to women ) Link to post Share on other sites
monkey Posted February 15, 2004 Share Posted February 15, 2004 I've thought of this reverse psychology thing, it's like the push & pull effect! However, there is a possibility that it may blow up in your face, like i stop contacting her & she thinks "great" & then there's no chance. A game to women, she's adamant now that she won't be with me in the future, just like someone with a hangover saying they will never drink again. I wish i knew how she learned how to read the future. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 15, 2004 Share Posted February 15, 2004 Originally posted by monkey She's adamant now that she won't be with me in the future, just like someone with a hangover saying they will never drink again. Perhaps she'll drink again, but maybe from a different bottle? Link to post Share on other sites
Author maxmuscle Posted February 15, 2004 Author Share Posted February 15, 2004 Monkey, You ex is just feeling that way right now. Yeah, women sometimes say things they don't mean, but you have to prepare yourself for the future if she DOES mean it. Remember, you cannot force feed someone to be with you....... Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted February 15, 2004 Share Posted February 15, 2004 Monkey, What she says now is meaningless to the future. But it is reality now. Wait or move on. Contacting her is counter-productive. If you made it thru Valentine's, you shouldn't have any trouble making it thru the end of the month. Link to post Share on other sites
rich_1517 Posted February 16, 2004 Share Posted February 16, 2004 Hi Monkey i had panic attacks for a very long time, lots of medication and therapy. it is hard i know, especially when there is someone else involved. we tend to focus on them instead of ourselves. that focus though is not reality, you have to move on, the sooner you do the better you will feel. I know it hurts, none of would be in this forum if it didnt. but you are giving away power and focus you desperately need for yourself. get the anxiety and phobia workbook -> it works! in terms of your ex, you must rebuild your strength and show you dont need her. do not try to engage any contact with her period. that is your first step, and dont play games with yourself that this will make her come back to you. ACT AS IF its over even if you dont want to face it. And thanks Feelslike -> many women do drive bys many of mine have, and am expecting this one too as well, and having a comment slip about new dating is the best solution. my opinion. the key is to not make a big deal out of it. attitude is everything. Link to post Share on other sites
rich_1517 Posted February 16, 2004 Share Posted February 16, 2004 Originally posted by matrixgenius All of you have to ask the girl to stop torturing you. When she sends you a mail tell her to stop, when she calls you tell her to stop. Say every time you call I'm being tortured so please just stop. This is called reverse psychology. She will hmm, do not blow them off completely, not if you want them back. you are better off taking a day or so to get back to them if they call, say nothing in detail. be first to get off the phone. be upbeat and not wanting anything. do not call them, let them call you. remember at some time you showed you wanted them, and now... leave the questions in their camp and out of yours. Link to post Share on other sites
ldybg51 Posted February 16, 2004 Share Posted February 16, 2004 [font=times new roman][/font][color=indigo][/color] okay, Reading all these post was not easy. All the advice was very good but definitely depended on the person and situation. I am happy for you guys that have your girls coming back and will try to follow your examples. But...since you are guys and Im a girl I need to tell my situation and get advice from you all. My guy just broke up with me. This is not the first time. The first go he told me that he wasnt sure how he felt and that there wasnt any trust. (he didnt trust me yet because he had some wierd idea that I was still in love with my ex- who i left for him) He also said that he wasnt sure if he was still attracted to me. Third he said that he just didnt see the relationship lasting in the long run because of how we didnt do anything anymore and just seemed to be "bored" with each other. I couldnt move out for 2 wks and during this time, although he wasnt attracted to me we were intimate a few more times. Before I moved out I met someone else and began doing things with him but truly only as friends. We never kissed or anything of the sort, I didnt even want to. Well ex found out and got mad. He said that I was a dissapointment and that i could have waited a little longer. I told him it was just friendship and he said that didnt matter. I told him that it wasnt his perrogative anyway. Anyway, after about 1 month he called me mad at me because I had gone out with some mutual friends bowling, some of who I met through him. Anyway we ended up talking and I told him that he shouldnt care that for someone who wasnt in love with me he sure did act very jealous. Well we ended up talking and All things said we gave it another try. Well wouldnt you know it about 1 month later he dumps me again and says that once again he loves me but doesnt know to what extent, says we dont talk anymore and cant have a "two hour long conversation about something that interests us both" and really didnt enjoy being together unless there was a "median" there. tv ect... I told him that he never wanted to do anything anymore and he said that may be because he wasnt in love with me anymore. He loved me but wasnt in love. ;Some inside info. For the past three months he has been very depressed with his job and not very good bf. I say this without conciet...i did everything for him, i tried to cheer him up and loved him and cooked for him and everything when we got back together. and until about 4 or five days before he broke up with me he really seemed to love me going so far as to mention the future together. He just wasnt easy to talk to though and was no fun and didnt want to do anything except play halo with his roomies. Anyway, I dont know what to do? I felt like he was my soulmate but I cant pine forever. If hes not I know I should move on, but if hes just going through a hard time....I really dont know if he does love me and just doesnt realize what true love is instead of 'new love' Sorry so long ...Help guys. Link to post Share on other sites
ldybg51 Posted February 16, 2004 Share Posted February 16, 2004 I forgot to mention that we dated for 1 year and some 'change' Link to post Share on other sites
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