DENTALASSISTANT Posted January 27, 2004 Share Posted January 27, 2004 I would like some advice.. I got married almost three years ago and I had lived out on my own before, but always had a boyfriend. Well anyway I met my now husband and at that time I felt like I was getting older and I should consider settling down and getting married and maybe starting a family... plus, at the time my father was having some health problems, which now he is fine. But I am thinking I would like for him to see me get married and here is this guy that I get along well with and he loves me...I should just do it. Well as time as went by I find myself being very unhappy..I don't have interest in sex..when I am around him everything he does irritates me. Now mind you I am only 30 years old..so I am not young, but not really old either. There are times I think I would be happier on my own and meeting other people. I love to go out and dance and he says he does, but when he does he gets real jealous and ends up ruining my time out. There was a time when he hated all my friends and I eventually stopped hanging out with them. I have since made new friends, but is this normal or what is going on here. I have also dreamed about being with other men. I told him a few months ago that I wasn't in love with him anymore and he cried and he said its just everything going on around us..it isn't you..its everyone else..and I said I would give it some time and see if it changes and I told him there were no promises...and he got really angry. I feel like I do everything...I own the house, my own car, have a great job, great parents, I pay for almost every vacation...he doesn't. I just feel like I want someone to take care of me for a change and I feel like he has a lot of growing up to do. He is obsessed with motorcycles and motorcycle racing and I feel like through the years I have just fallen out of love with him and I just can't get it back. We do have fun together and all, but I don't go to Victoria's secret to buy gorgeous things to wear for him. I don't get nervous when I know he is coming home...I always try to include other people in our outings so it will be more fun. I always know he is going to ask me for sex and I just don't want too....what do I do? Do I get a divorce? There are days that are good, but I just don't have that passionate feeling or even a sexual feeling for him if I do, it isn't very often. He said the other day he wished I would love him like he was the best person in the world and I just adored him, but I don't and I didn't say anything. The first year we were married he asked me for a divorce and I have never forgotten it and now I am the one that wants out, but then I ask myself if that is the answer. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 27, 2004 Share Posted January 27, 2004 So this is why the affair with the dentist looks so tempting. It sounds as though you're already divorced emotionally. You have two choices; try to build a good marriage, or divorce. If you want to do the first, try out the Marriagebuilders program: <URL removed> If you really don't want to be married, then tell your spouse what you told us; you married for the wrong reasons. And divorce him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DENTALASSISTANT Posted January 27, 2004 Author Share Posted January 27, 2004 Your right, this is why it is so tempting....I just don't want to hurt him and I know he loves me and he is a good husband, but I don't feel how I should..I am so confused. Link to post Share on other sites
briley Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 I am virtually in the same situation. Email me at swordstyle_3@hotmail. com and we will talk. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 Great to see you focusing on the real problem - that's a big step forward . You have come very close to what could have been a damaging affair. You have stayed for a few months to see if your feelings have changed - they haven't. If you feel there is a chance things can turn around for you both then do give it another shot - couples recover from worse than this. If there's no chance then do both him and yourself a favour and leave sooner rather than later before any more damage is done. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 Actually, Meanon, this post is old. Her most recent posts are all still about 'does he (dentist) really like me'. Link to post Share on other sites
jester Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 You are sexually, emotionally, intellectually and romantically dead to your husband. You are infinitely more responsive to other men (or at least one you've told us about). You're an affair waiting to happen. My advice: Run for the hills. End the marriage, leave, exit this flatlined marriage. You're only 30, and I assume no kids are involved, which is all the more reason to leave. You don't appear to respect, or even like, your husband. You've cut the cord emotionally, now it's time to cut the cord legally. I like you, Dental, you're a spunky woman who appears to know what she wants in life. And you know you aren't getting it in your marriage. It's time for you to go. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 Well, actually, I happen to be of the opinion that one ought not simply look for what one can 'get' from a marriage. A successful marriage will involve giving and working together to create what both need. It doesn't appear that either of them have made much attempt at this. I also think she should leave, but not because she's not 'getting what she wants', rather because she doesn't appear interested in being married and working at a marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 Actually, Meanon, this post is old. Her most recent posts are all still about 'does he (dentist) really like me'. Thanks Merry - I didn't notice. My advice is still the same though. Link to post Share on other sites
Jules Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Hi' My name is Julie, I am a 39 year old hairdresser from Baltimore. I am married (this June will make 3 years) and dealing with alot of issues, actucally thinking of seperating. We have many differances between us that I'm not sure can be resolved. Very confused about what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Jules Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 We share alot of the same problems. But you are not old. I am 39 and have been married almost 3 yrs. It's hard to even think about being single again. It sure wasnt in my plans. I also have NO desire (ever) for sex,and question daily our future, if it is even worth it. As far as your situation,GO, get out,your still young! I think you already know its over deep inside. We share alot in common. If youd like to chat sometime, your more than welcome,maybe you'll have some advise for me as well. Best of luck in whatever it is you decide! Link to post Share on other sites
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