The One: taken to the test?

[LoveDude]

Well, thanks for all your insights on my previous posts, some of you certainly figured out that there was a reason to my questioning. Well, maybe you can help me shed some light on my current situation :-)

 

My Girlfriend, A, and I had a big argument about a week ago, which was earth-shattering and easily the worst argument I have ever been a part of. However, it was very largely my fault (yes, it was really!). We patched things up slightly, very slightly, until later that week when I picked her up from a club. She then, while holding me tight, proceeded to tell me that I really scared her and that she needs space and time to determine what to do. It was a very emotional period, as I truly beleived her to be the one.

 

Anyways, we spent the following two nights together (not really a lot of space eh?) and I went out with my own friends. Though she admitted that the status of our relationship was "up in limbo", but I was pretty much single.

 

During that time, I met somebody else. She's really fun, but I wouldn't say "better". Just different. Has more of the same interests, and a similar background, like hardcore partying in the early years. After spending two days together, I found myself in her room. However, I was able to not "go all the way", and really cause mental problems for myself at a later date.

 

The next day, I didn't talk to my "girlfriend" until late in the evening. She freaked out, thinking that I was possibly cheating on her because the "limbo" thing. I didn't say the truth, obviously, but she was really sad and she really missed me. I think now we are in good shape, and though she admits we have a lot of differences, she wants to work on them.

 

Now the question (or moral?). After thinking that A was the One, I question myself. B, the other girl, was really fun. Not someone I would really consider as marriage material, but definitely someone who could really keep up. I never really thought I would meet someone else who could appreciate my eccentric way of approaching life, but B thinks it's really cool, and A tolerates it.

 

I know it comes down to weighing options, and A seems like a bad person here, but she's really mature, fun in her own way, and really a by-the-heart person.

 

I figure I'm not "single" again, so I would never cheat. B is fully aware that I am taken, but will still love my company. But am I passing up on something for an illusion that A is the one?

 

I'm repeating myself, quite sorry. It's very confusing in my head. After being single for nearly 3 years, it's quite a feeling to have multiple women knocking at your door, saying your a great person.

 

Any help would be greatly appreciated. I'm quite confused.

 

Sorry for long winded (if you make it this far!)

 

Thanks,

 

LoveDude.

[Little Britches]

WOW!

 

I have never read your other posts and have a pretty big problem of my own, but after reading that, I feel like I should at least say something...

 

Is your goal to get married? If so, does A feel the same way? If it is and you stay with A, is being friends with B an option? Sounds like she (B) would make a great friend, at least. If you don't really want the marraige thing, at least not for a long time, maybe it would be worth trying things out with B. Once you get to know her better, maybe she would be even better marraige material in the long run. I don't know about you, but to me, a lover must and is and will be my best friend if I could consider spending the rest of my life with them. Oh yeah, good for you for not "going all the way" with B...That was definitely a nice thing to do for your mental state (even though it probably wasn't easy)!!! Well, good luck. I hope it works out for the best. I also hope that either this advice works or that you get some that will! Let me know!~~~L.B.

Well, thanks for all your insights on my previous posts, some of you certainly figured out that there was a reason to my questioning. Well, maybe you can help me shed some light on my current situation :-) My Girlfriend, A, and I had a big argument about a week ago, which was earth-shattering and easily the worst argument I have ever been a part of. However, it was very largely my fault (yes, it was really!). We patched things up slightly, very slightly, until later that week when I picked her up from a club. She then, while holding me tight, proceeded to tell me that I really scared her and that she needs space and time to determine what to do. It was a very emotional period, as I truly beleived her to be the one. Anyways, we spent the following two nights together (not really a lot of space eh?) and I went out with my own friends. Though she admitted that the status of our relationship was "up in limbo", but I was pretty much single.

 

During that time, I met somebody else. She's really fun, but I wouldn't say "better". Just different. Has more of the same interests, and a similar background, like hardcore partying in the early years. After spending two days together, I found myself in her room. However, I was able to not "go all the way", and really cause mental problems for myself at a later date.

 

The next day, I didn't talk to my "girlfriend" until late in the evening. She freaked out, thinking that I was possibly cheating on her because the "limbo" thing. I didn't say the truth, obviously, but she was really sad and she really missed me. I think now we are in good shape, and though she admits we have a lot of differences, she wants to work on them. Now the question (or moral?). After thinking that A was the One, I question myself. B, the other girl, was really fun. Not someone I would really consider as marriage material, but definitely someone who could really keep up. I never really thought I would meet someone else who could appreciate my eccentric way of approaching life, but B thinks it's really cool, and A tolerates it. I know it comes down to weighing options, and A seems like a bad person here, but she's really mature, fun in her own way, and really a by-the-heart person. I figure I'm not "single" again, so I would never cheat. B is fully aware that I am taken, but will still love my company. But am I passing up on something for an illusion that A is the one? I'm repeating myself, quite sorry. It's very confusing in my head. After being single for nearly 3 years, it's quite a feeling to have multiple women knocking at your door, saying your a great person. Any help would be greatly appreciated. I'm quite confused. Sorry for long winded (if you make it this far!) Thanks, LoveDude.

[jessi]

Hmmm...well, i think since you were not able to go all the way with B, it really says a lot...that you are still dedicated to A. Knowing if someone is "the one" is the hardest thing in life...im in a similar situation. The best advice i can give you is this: If you have any doubts, maybe you and A should take a break. It is not fair to either of you to stay if you are unsure. Did you ever consider that there may be a C? I mean, it does not have to come down to A o B...get my drift? On the other hand, if you really believe A is the one, and you know in your heart that this will never happen again for as long as you are with her, then I would say stay.....and dont tell her about your fling with B. It will only hurt her to hear it, and under the circumstances, it is hard to define it as cheating. Just remember, if you have doubts now, you will most likely have doubts down the road. It will be harder then to give the relationship time to see if it is right.

 

You just need to be 100% sure in your decision, because finding "the one" really doesn't mean being only 90% or even 99% sure. It means being 100% sure!

Well, thanks for all your insights on my previous posts, some of you certainly figured out that there was a reason to my questioning. Well, maybe you can help me shed some light on my current situation :-) My Girlfriend, A, and I had a big argument about a week ago, which was earth-shattering and easily the worst argument I have ever been a part of. However, it was very largely my fault (yes, it was really!). We patched things up slightly, very slightly, until later that week when I picked her up from a club. She then, while holding me tight, proceeded to tell me that I really scared her and that she needs space and time to determine what to do. It was a very emotional period, as I truly beleived her to be the one. Anyways, we spent the following two nights together (not really a lot of space eh?) and I went out with my own friends. Though she admitted that the status of our relationship was "up in limbo", but I was pretty much single.

 

During that time, I met somebody else. She's really fun, but I wouldn't say "better". Just different. Has more of the same interests, and a similar background, like hardcore partying in the early years. After spending two days together, I found myself in her room. However, I was able to not "go all the way", and really cause mental problems for myself at a later date.

 

The next day, I didn't talk to my "girlfriend" until late in the evening. She freaked out, thinking that I was possibly cheating on her because the "limbo" thing. I didn't say the truth, obviously, but she was really sad and she really missed me. I think now we are in good shape, and though she admits we have a lot of differences, she wants to work on them. Now the question (or moral?). After thinking that A was the One, I question myself. B, the other girl, was really fun. Not someone I would really consider as marriage material, but definitely someone who could really keep up. I never really thought I would meet someone else who could appreciate my eccentric way of approaching life, but B thinks it's really cool, and A tolerates it. I know it comes down to weighing options, and A seems like a bad person here, but she's really mature, fun in her own way, and really a by-the-heart person. I figure I'm not "single" again, so I would never cheat. B is fully aware that I am taken, but will still love my company. But am I passing up on something for an illusion that A is the one? I'm repeating myself, quite sorry. It's very confusing in my head. After being single for nearly 3 years, it's quite a feeling to have multiple women knocking at your door, saying your a great person. Any help would be greatly appreciated. I'm quite confused. Sorry for long winded (if you make it this far!) Thanks, LoveDude.

[magicklady]

You really might want to think about this one. If girl A just tolerates your lifestyle and girl B's lifestyle is like yours, but you don't think you could marry her then you are in trouble all the way around. Personally I tried being with someone that I just tolerated their lifestyle and it just didn't work out. I got upset with them constantly about the things they were doing that I didn't agree with. Get out of the relationship with A before it is to late and weither or not you pursue B... well atleast you will be able to meet someone that has your interests.. life is to short to spend it with someone that you don't really have anything in common with! Good luck and I hope you get it all figured out