daddy, daddy, daddy!

[lenore]

i am so tired of people assuming that "everyone"! has a dad. i see so many posts on here saying maybe your dad did this or your dad didn't do that, on and on, blaming dad for everything. well what about those who never, ever, in their whole life had a dad, don't even know his name, or if he even knows about me, or if he does why wasn't he there? not everyone was blessed or cursed with a dad, i never see or hear about the possibility of someone never having a dad in their life, or a father figure of any kind except brothers, uncles or other relatatives that don't even qualify for a father figure. what about us?

[billy the kid]

Lenore, I am so sorry and I do know where you come from. My son's mother left us when he was 5 months old. we never heard or saw her untill he tracked her down when he was 17.. it was best for us cus there were no fights , custody battles, or any of that crap.. the only thing I regret is forgetting about her, ya see her grand mother was filthy rich and she was going to inherit.. well as I said I forgot all about her.. when my son looked her up we found out that she had Millions and not just one or two, yet we never heard from her.. never a birthday card or christmas card , nothing the phone never did ring.. so my symp. go out to you, yes some of us know exactly how you feel.

i am so tired of people assuming that "everyone"! has a dad. i see so many posts on here saying maybe your dad did this or your dad didn't do that, on and on, blaming dad for everything. well what about those who never, ever, in their whole life had a dad, don't even know his name, or if he even knows about me, or if he does why wasn't he there? not everyone was blessed or cursed with a dad, i never see or hear about the possibility of someone never having a dad in their life, or a father figure of any kind except brothers, uncles or other relatatives that don't even qualify for a father figure. what about us?

[Tony T]

When I refer to a person's dad as having contributed to some sort of problem they may be having now, usually it is in reference to an abandonment issue. Those who never had a dad, never knew him, or don't even know who he is, are often just as damaged by that abandonment as those who have a father who has abandoned them through alcoholism, drugs, physical or verbal abuse, or just plain not being there.

 

An infant has an inborn knowledge that two people are supposed to be there for it, a mother and a father. If one is missing, the infant knows innately that something is wrong. The effects of such a situation are different with each child who experiences it.

 

Rather than getting tired of people making the assumption that everybody has a dad, I hope you will consider changing your attitude towards many people who either make the assumption through their own ignorance or fail to properly express themselves for the sake of brevity.

 

If you never knew your dad, I am sure there is a very empty spot in your soul and you are obviously sensitive about it. It is a loss that others who have both parents will never fully comprehend or understand.

 

In psychology, there is a principle called "projection" whereby people assume that because something is a certain way in themselves or in their lives, it is that way with everybody else. People really don't take the time to analyze situations so thoroughly everytime they open their mouth. I am truly sorry about this situation but you need to get very used to the fact that most people just aren't sharp enough to consider the possibility that you never knew your dad.

 

My mother died when I was 13, yet most everybody at my school assumed I had a mother. Rather than upset myself over this, I chose the path that was kinder to me by just letting it go and not getting upset. As an adult, I try not to get tired of any mistakes people make because they are going to make them regardless. Since they won't change their mistakes, it is just being very kind and gentle to myself not to get all bent out of shape.

 

I think when we take personal responsiblity for how we feel about things and stop blaming other people, we take control of our lives and become a lot happier.