What Do Women Think about During Sex?

[tassie83]

1. what i'm doing at the time

 

2. something dirtier than what i'm doing at the time

 

But I'm always thinking, unlike some of the luckier posters here. Unless I'm drunk or half asleep.

[TaraMaiden]

In another current thread,

4reel declared with authority that in order to love, a woman must respect and FEAR her man.

When a man talks about a woman fearing him, you know he's spineless.

if a man needs fear from a woman, then he's a pathetic coward, and probably gets fear through bullying.

A bully is insubstantial, empty and frankly, of little worth.....

[Spark1111]

I am so glad i was not drinking anything when i read that Spark. You would have owed me a keyboard.

 

We call it my purple friend.

 

hahahaha! Sorry about that. But I feel incredibly fortunate to be with a man so open-minded who does not feel threatened by the usage of G.E.!

 

And my multi-Os and howling excite him beyond belief!

 

Look men, educate yourself to a woman's response times and innate biology!

 

It's nothing like porn movies, which are made by men for men!

 

It's about 14 minutes on non-sexual foreplay before you even get close to the money spots.

 

Only 30 percent of all women can orgasm WITHOUT direct clitoral stimulation.

 

The other 70 percent have a hard time reaching climax, no matter how well you perform, and often learn to fake it to appease the male ego.

 

Meanwhile, men are so performance oriented because they truly want to please their woman, and women grow anxious because they want to please their man!

 

No fun in this scenario!

Just too much anxiety, IMHO.

[rewe4reel]

When a man talks about a woman fearing him, you know he's spineless.

 

 

O.K. so what does that tell you about a man who fears women? Wouldn't that person be less than spineless? Or in your opinion would that fearfulness of women be an indication of strength on the part of the man?

 

What about a woman who is fearful of men? Are you saying that is a strong woman or a weak woman? According to the logic you espouse, a woman who is fearful of men is a strong woman.

 

I guess the "bad boys" that so many women are so enthralled with express fear of women? That's what makes them so attractive? OK if you say so.

 

 

 

if a man needs fear from a woman, then he's a pathetic coward, and probably gets fear through bullying.

 

....but you just stated that a man who wants a woman to fear him, is "spineless." So he's a "spineless..pathetic coward," yet capable of being a "bully"?

 

If a woman allows a "spineless...pathetic coward" to "bully" her, what does that say about that woman? By the way, how is it possible for a "spineless..pathetic coward" to be capable of bullying anyone in the first place?

 

Are you claiming that every woman who is sexually excited by the prospect of being with a somewhat-dangerous "bad boy" is therefore less than "spineless"? Less than a "pathetic coward"? That if she gets into a relationship with a "bad boy" that must mean she's expressing her "weakness"?

 

I'd really like to know how you think it is possible for a "spineless..pathetic coward" to "bully" anyone? Seems like that's an oxymoron.

 

 

A bully is insubstantial, empty and frankly, of little worth.....

 

Well I guess we know who holds the power in your relationship.

[Neutrino]

Actually - during the whole act I was thinking about posting an answer here...duh....

[xxoo]

According to the logic you espouse, a woman who is fearful of men is a strong woman.

 

They are both weak, rewe. If they were strong, they'd seek a relationship with a healthier dynamic.

 

I'd really like to know how you think it is possible for a "spineless..pathetic coward" to "bully" anyone? Seems like that's an oxymoron.

 

Isn't this Bullying 101? Bullies are ultimately weak. They crave the boost from intimidating others. Standing up to a bully usually brings them down. Many bullies were bullied themselves. If they felt strong, they would have no need to bully.

 

If a woman continually seeks relationships with "bad boys" (ie: men who treat her badly), yes, she is expressing her weakness very clearly.

[redtail]

I don't think during sex. It takes away from the experience.

 

Quite possibly the best answer yet!!

[rewe4reel]

They are both weak, rewe. If they were strong, they'd seek a relationship with a healthier dynamic.

 

The other poster to whom I was responding was just making things up out of anger, and didn't even address what I had actually written previously.

 

Which is, any relationship in which the woman does not both respect and fear the man is not going to work out.

 

Women can pretend all they want--it's easy enough to talk through one's hat on a message board.

 

But real people, real couples, have conflict. They fight.

 

Let's say the male actually gets angry at the female and yells at her. (Oh no.) If his outburst doesn't evoke at least a little bit of fear in her on some level, it means she has absolutely no respect for him as a man. She views him as a child having a tantrum--not as an adult male capable under the right circumstances of physically overpowering her.

 

This doesn't mean he's a "bully" as some thoughtless poster previously wrote. He's not trying to intentionally intimidate her.

 

It doesn't even have to be a verbal outburst. Let's say she's considering cheating on him. If she has no fear of his possible range of reactions should she be discovered--and again this doesn't have to be anything physical or verbal at all, it could simply be the fear that he will immediately kick her to the curb--she will be all the more likely to cheat.

 

Be honest. Let's be honest. In the immediate aftermath of cheating being discovered, what if anything, keeps the cheater in line? Not remorse. Cheaters don't turn over a new leaf instantaneously, if ever. What keeps them in line, if anything, is FEAR. Fear that if they do it again, unacceptable consequences will be imposed. Has nothing to do with being "bullied."

 

Fear has nothing to do with being bullied. I'm afraid of putting my hand through a hot flame, but not because the hot flame is a "bully."

 

Fear is a quite normal human response to the anticipation of adverse consequences.

 

Show me a woman who has absolutely no fear of her man and I will show you a woman who has no compunction about spitting in his face.

 

There have been numerous threads about what turns a woman on in bed. It's never "oooh I want a man who is physically weaker than me" or "oooh I want a nice guy". It's always: "oooh I want a big strong man who can throw me around the bedroom like a raggedy ann doll."

 

 

 

 

Isn't this Bullying 101?

 

No, it's not. I never stated that a man should deliberately attempt to evoke irrational fear in a woman in order to psychologically manipulate her.

 

And again--let's be honest. You're not saying you have any fear of your partner regardless of any possible situation? Suppose you came home one night and told your partner: "Guess what, I've been having a torrid affair with your best friend. In fact we just made love in the back seat of his car and I am still wet from him. It was the best ever and he is 10x the lover you are."

 

Can you seriously claim that you would not be afraid of what his reaction might be? (I guess this only applies to women who haven't actually done something like this, because they must not have been afraid.)

 

You're mistaken if you think fear is a bad thing. It's a good thing. It's what keeps us from putting our hand in a hot flame. People who don't harbor a decent amount of fear of negative consequences from their destructive actions, will be more likely to do those destructive actions.

 

Every single cheater posting cheated for perhaps many reasons; but certainly one of the reasons they cheated was they were not sufficiently fearful of the possible consequences.

 

 

 

Bullies are ultimately weak. They crave the boost from intimidating others. Standing up to a bully usually brings them down. Many bullies were bullied themselves. If they felt strong, they would have no need to bully.

 

Spare me the pop psych.

 

If a woman continually seeks relationships with "bad boys" (ie: men who treat her badly), yes, she is expressing her weakness very clearly.

 

No, she simply doesn't fear them sufficiently. If she feared them sufficiently, she would avoid them.

[TaraMaiden]

O.K. so what does that tell you about a man who fears women?

There's a difference between a man who fears women, and a man who is with a woman who believes he should fear her.

 

Wouldn't that person be less than spineless?

it would depend on his reasons for fearing women.

 

Or in your opinion would that fearfulness of women be an indication of strength on the part of the man?

In a healthy relationship, the word, term, or emotion of fear shouldn't even figure....

 

What about a woman who is fearful of men?

This is different to a woman who is fearful of her own partner, because he instills fear into her.

Again, my response would be that there's a difference between a woman who fears men, and a woman who is with a man who believes she should fear him.

 

...... According to the logic you espouse, a woman who is fearful of men is a strong woman.

No, that's according to your logic - which frankly, isn't logical, merely clouding the issue and - YET AGAIN - reading things into comments where they don't exist.... supposition, hypothesis and imagination.

 

I guess the "bad boys" that so many women are so enthralled with express fear of women? That's what makes them so attractive? OK if you say so.

 

Now you really are making absolutely no sense whatsoever.... Goodness me, your brain works overtime on trivia....

 

....but you just stated that a man who wants a woman to fear him, is "spineless." So he's a "spineless..pathetic coward," yet capable of being a "bully"?

Of course. Bullying is an absolute definite sign of an insecure and cowardly person. Bullies will always exercise dominance and control over someone they envisage as weaker. Bullying is a weak man's show of strength.

 

If a woman allows a "spineless...pathetic coward" to "bully" her, what does that say about that woman? By the way, how is it possible for a "spineless..pathetic coward" to be capable of bullying anyone in the first place?

If you expect fear from your wife, perhaps you'd better answer these.....I know nothing about the kind of fear you expect from her, why she should fear you, and to what level of cowardice you would stoop.

 

Are you claiming that every woman who is sexually excited by the prospect of being with a somewhat-dangerous "bad boy" is therefore less than "spineless"? Less than a "pathetic coward"? That if she gets into a relationship with a "bad boy" that must mean she's expressing her "weakness"?

Not every "bad boy" is a bully. There are different types of "bad boys".

I'm not sure why you equate one with the other.

 

I'd really like to know how you think it is possible for a "spineless..pathetic coward" to "bully" anyone? Seems like that's an oxymoron.

Seems like it?

Only to you.

It seems.

 

 

Well I guess we know who holds the power in your relationship

What makes you think that either person should hold 'power' in a relationship?

You think it's a healthy relationship, if one person sways power over the other?

I call it severely dysfunctional.....

Edited May 29, 2010 by TaraMaiden

[califnan]

 

But real people, real couples, have conflict. They fight.

 

Let's say the male actually gets angry at the female and yells at her. (Oh no.) If his outburst doesn't evoke at least a little bit of fear in her on some level, it means she has absolutely no respect for him as a man. She views him as a child having a tantrum--not as an adult male capable under the right circumstances of physically overpowering her.

 

This doesn't mean he's a "bully" as some thoughtless poster previously wrote. He's not trying to intentionally intimidate her.

 

It doesn't even have to be a verbal outburst. Let's say she's considering cheating on him. If she has no fear of his possible range of reactions should she be discovered--and again this doesn't have to be anything physical or verbal at all, it could simply be the fear that he will immediately kick her to the curb--she will be all the more likely to cheat.

 

Be honest. Let's be honest. In the immediate aftermath of cheating being discovered, what if anything, keeps the cheater in line? Not remorse. Cheaters don't turn over a new leaf instantaneously, if ever. What keeps them in line, if anything, is FEAR. Fear that if they do it again, unacceptable consequences will be imposed. Has nothing to do with being "bullied."

 

Fear has nothing to do with being bullied. I'm afraid of putting my hand through a hot flame, but not because the hot flame is a "bully."

 

Fear is a quite normal human response to the anticipation of adverse consequences.

 

Show me a woman who has absolutely no fear of her man and I will show you a woman who has no compunction about spitting in his face.

 

There have been numerous threads about what turns a woman on in bed. It's never "oooh I want a man who is physically weaker than me" or "oooh I want a nice guy". It's always: "oooh I want a big strong man who can throw me around the bedroom like a raggedy ann doll."

 

No, it's not. I never stated that a man should deliberately attempt to evoke irrational fear in a woman in order to psychologically manipulate her.

 

And again--let's be honest. You're not saying you have any fear of your partner regardless of any possible situation? Suppose you came home one night and told your partner: "Guess what, I've been having a torrid affair with your best friend. In fact we just made love in the back seat of his car and I am still wet from him. It was the best ever and he is 10x the lover you are."

 

Can you seriously claim that you would not be afraid of what his reaction might be? (I guess this only applies to women who haven't actually done something like this, because they must not have been afraid.)

 

You're mistaken if you think fear is a bad thing. It's a good thing. It's what keeps us from putting our hand in a hot flame. People who don't harbor a decent amount of fear of negative consequences from their destructive actions, will be more likely to do those destructive actions.

 

Every single cheater posting cheated for perhaps many reasons; but certainly one of the reasons they cheated was they were not sufficiently fearful of the possible consequences.

 

.

 

-----------------------

 

Although your analogy above was very entertaining - and had me laughing my head off ..

 

No. I do not believe a woman wants to fear her spouse. What keeps her from cheating may be an intense love, respect and reverance.. But not a fear. And no, respect and reverance is not the same as fear - it is for him, the marriage, and possibly God .. but not for if he should get angry.

 

Women may be attracted to a man who can cause fear - but they don't wish to live with them ..

 

In this day and age, if a man yells .. he had better pretend he is yelling at the dog..

[dreamingoftigers]

-----------------------

 

Although your analogy above was very entertaining - and had me laughing my head off ..

 

No. I do not believe a woman wants to fear her spouse. What keeps her from cheating may be an intense love, respect and reverance.. But not a fear. And no, respect and reverance is not the same as fear - it is for him, the marriage, and possibly God .. but not for if he should get angry.

 

Women may be attracted to a man who can cause fear - but they don't wish to live with them ..

 

In this day and age, if a man yells .. he had better pretend he is yelling at the dog..

 

I don't cheat because I want to hold a higher standard for myself, I never wanted to cheat until my husband started his stupid cheating behaviours. The only reasons I had any desires to cheat were: 1) To potentially hurt him the way he hurt me. 2) To make myself feel more attractive 3) To level out the sexual playing field we were on, my 3 partners vs his 60+ 4) To show myself that I wasn't sexually inadequate as I had been lead to believe. 5) To finally have some decent sex.

 

Fear never factored in, I thought about each reason and decided that I would never cheapen myself, lower my personal standard or do what he did to me because I would never want to have what happened to me happen to anyone.

[xxoo]

Let's say the male actually gets angry at the female and yells at her. (Oh no.) If his outburst doesn't evoke at least a little bit of fear in her on some level, it means she has absolutely no respect for him as a man. She views him as a child having a tantrum--not as an adult male capable under the right circumstances of physically overpowering her.

 

You're serious?

 

First of all, he IS having a tantrum (same for a yelling wife). Healthy couples can resolve conflict without yelling at each other. I am not saying that yelling is ALWAYS a sign of trouble, but it certainly is not necessary for open communication and conflict resolution.

 

If the basis of your argument is that yelling is necessary, then we will never understand each other.

 

It doesn't even have to be a verbal outburst. Let's say she's considering cheating on him. If she has no fear of his possible range of reactions should she be discovered--and again this doesn't have to be anything physical or verbal at all, it could simply be the fear that he will immediately kick her to the curb--she will be all the more likely to cheat.

 

Be honest. Let's be honest. In the immediate aftermath of cheating being discovered, what if anything, keeps the cheater in line? Not remorse. Cheaters don't turn over a new leaf instantaneously, if ever. What keeps them in line, if anything, is FEAR. Fear that if they do it again, unacceptable consequences will be imposed. Has nothing to do with being "bullied."

 

Fear has nothing to do with being bullied. I'm afraid of putting my hand through a hot flame, but not because the hot flame is a "bully."

 

Fear is a quite normal human response to the anticipation of adverse consequences.

 

Show me a woman who has absolutely no fear of her man and I will show you a woman who has no compunction about spitting in his face..

 

Can you reverse all this about men fearing their wives? Why don't (good) men cheat on their wives? Is it because they fear them?

 

Of course they fear the consequence of losing her--but the REASON loving spouses do not cheat is because they fear breaking the heart of the person they love the most. Not fear of the spouse's imposed consequences, but fear of the spouse's crushed spirit. Knowing that I caused my love that level of pain would be more than I could bear.

 

Cheaters who realize the consequences of their actions (the reality of the crushed soul of the person they were meant to love and protect after dday) can be motivated to change. It doesn't always happen that way, but it happens often enough.

 

Show me a man who has absolutely no fear of his woman and I will show you a man who has no compunction about spitting in her face

 

I changed out some pronouns above. Still true? If not, why not?

[rewe4reel]

There's a difference between a man who fears women, and a man who is with a woman who believes he should fear her.

 

Too confusing. Try again.

 

 

 

it would depend on his reasons for fearing women.

 

Why are we even talking about men who fear women? No woman except a dominatrix wants a man who is afraid of her.

 

 

In a healthy relationship, the word, term, or emotion of fear shouldn't even figure....

 

This statement could only have been made by someone who 1) has never been in a healthy relationship or 2) is in deep, deep denial.

 

Fear is a natural, and normal, human emotion. Wishing it away is simply a denial of reality. Successful relationships, healthy relationships, can't exist in the absence of a recognition of reality.

 

I guess you think both yourself and your partner are absolutely fearless in the context of your relationship? OK, then do whatever you want. Have no fear that it will damage your relationship.

 

 

This is different to a woman who is fearful of her own partner, because he instills fear into her.

 

No, the fear is not the problem at all. The fear is her brain telling her something is very wrong and she should get far away from the guy. NOT LISTENING to the fear is what will get her killed or injured. PRETENDING THAT SHE IS NOT AFRAID, that she has no fear (sound familiar?) is the problem. Not "the fear" itself.

 

But of course, I never said that the entire relationship must be defined by fear. I simply said that a woman who does not fear her man (a woman like you, I guess) does not really respect him. I didn't say she should fear him all the time, under all circumstances.

 

It depends on why you're feeling fear, and under what circumstances. For example, if you cheat on him, you should be afraid of his reaction if he finds out. That doesn't mean he will hurt you or even yell at you. It might mean he does something self-destructive. It might mean he will end the relationship. It might mean he might have a revenge affair which ends up hurting you more than you hurt him. It might mean he discloses the affair to everyone you know.

 

If you are considering cheating on me yet you have no fear whatsoever of the possible consequences that I might impose, should I find out about it, then no, you do not respect me at all.

 

 

 

 

Again, my response would be that there's a difference between a woman who fears men, and a woman who is with a man who believes she should fear him.

 

I never said anything about what the man believes or doesn't believe at all. I was talking about what the woman believed/felt. Maybe the man sincerely believes that there is no possible situation which could occur which could cause the woman to fear the man. His belief is irrelevant. What matters is what she believes he is capable of doing, given the right circumstances.

 

 

No, that's according to your logic - which frankly, isn't logical, merely clouding the issue and - YET AGAIN - reading things into comments where they don't exist.... supposition, hypothesis and imagination.

 

Please don't speak to me of "logic" when you expect people to accept that you don't believe "fear," a normal human emotion, has any role in a typical relationship. That has to be one of the most absurd things I've heard in a long time. Are you seriously expecting anyone to believe that if you cheated on your partner, you have so little respect for him that you have no fear of any possible consequences he could impose upon you? You are not afraid that your partner might end the relationship if you cheated on him?

 

We are not saints, and one of the reasons that most people who do not cheat, don't, is not simply because they are morally superior beings. They are not that superior to those who cheat. One of the big reasons that people stay faithful (among others) is fear of the negative consequences. Rational people are able to do a cost/benefit analysis. They can figure out that destroying a marriage may actually not be worth a little p*ssy or penis on the side. In contrast, many people who cheat are completely irrational. They can't do a simple cost/benefit analysis. Or, they ignore reality. Or they have something internal that is broken, such as a lack of a conscience; a lack of compassion for their spouse; or a lack of sufficient fear of potential negative consequences.

 

 

 

 

 

Now you really are making absolutely no sense whatsoever.... Goodness me, your brain works overtime on trivia....

 

Apparently my brain is doing the work for two here, it has to work overtime.

 

 

 

Of course. Bullying is an absolute definite sign of an insecure and cowardly person. Bullies will always exercise dominance and control over someone they envisage as weaker. Bullying is a weak man's show of strength.

 

OK so you believe that the only time when you should feel fear is when you are being bullied? And therefore because it's being caused by a bully, the fear does not actually exist?

 

That's all just dandy but has nothing to do with what I said.

 

 

 

 

If you expect fear from your wife, perhaps you'd better answer these.....I know nothing about the kind of fear you expect from her, why she should fear you, and to what level of cowardice you would stoop.

 

Well don't be so modest. You actually "know nothing" about quite a few things. I never said I expected fear from my wife. And, if she does nothing which would ever cause a reaction in me that would give her reason to fear me, then what are you concerned about?

 

 

Not every "bad boy" is a bully. There are different types of "bad boys".

I'm not sure why you equate one with the other.

 

Where did I do that?

 

 

 

 

 

 

What makes you think that either person should hold 'power' in a relationship?

 

You have it backwards, once again. You're implying that YOU don't believe that YOU should have power in YOUR relationships. You're entitled to be powerless, good luck with that.

 

 

 

You think it's a healthy relationship, if one person sways power over the other?

I call it severely dysfunctional.....

 

Aren't you the same person who posts about how sex is not that important in a relationship?

 

Has it ever occurred to you that you just might not have got this "relationship stuff" quite figured out yet?

[Mme. Chaucer]

 

Which is, any relationship in which the woman does not both respect and fear the man is not going to work out.

 

There you go AGAIN with the blanket statements which you present as absolute fact. I know there are many people on this board (besides me) who have a relationship that IS working out, and I also know that you will sit there behind your computer and pseudonym refuting all their personal experience.

 

Women can pretend all they want--it's easy enough to talk through one's hat on a message board.

 

Women "talking through their hat" still have a much better chance of knowing what they are talking about, with regards to a woman's experience, than you.

 

 

Let's say the male actually gets angry at the female and yells at her. (Oh no.) If his outburst doesn't evoke at least a little bit of fear in her on some level, it means she has absolutely no respect for him as a man. She views him as a child having a tantrum--not as an adult male capable under the right circumstances of physically overpowering her.

 

Sick.

 

Show me a woman who has absolutely no fear of her man and I will show you a woman who has no compunction about spitting in his face.

 

Well, I guess I will have to confess a healthy bit of fear of the aroma of my man's farts. Otherwise, I love him, respect him, treat him like a king, and don't fear. I believe that fear STOPS love ... and love stops fear.

 

I've been in a relationship where I was afraid of the man. I thought I was in love. Looking back, it was not love. Not at all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No, it's not. I never stated that a man should deliberately attempt to evoke irrational fear in a woman in order to psychologically manipulate her.

 

 

You're mistaken if you think fear is a bad thing. It's a good thing. It's what keeps us from putting our hand in a hot flame. People who don't harbor a decent amount of fear of negative consequences from their destructive actions, will be more likely to do those destructive actions.

 

Every single cheater posting cheated for perhaps many reasons; but certainly one of the reasons they cheated was they were not sufficiently fearful of the possible consequences.

 

Do you truly, honestly believe that someone who wants to "cheat" would not do so because of fear? That is so wrong, so sick, on so many levels.

 

If being afraid of you is the reason your wife isn't cheating, then I can't imagine the state of your marriage without my skin crawling. She must be even more scared of trying to leave you, if she wanted to ...

 

A person's husband or wife is not supposed to be a source of fear and of "consequences" for unfaithfulness. That is what their own conscience and code of ethics are for.

 

 

 

 

 

Spare me the pop psych.

 

 

 

No, she simply doesn't fear them sufficiently. If she feared them sufficiently, she would avoid them.

[rewe4reel]

-----------------------

 

Although your analogy above was very entertaining - and had me laughing my head off ..

 

Wow, so someone around here actually has a sense of humor? Outstanding!

 

 

No. I do not believe a woman wants to fear her spouse.

 

I never said she "wanted" to fear her spouse. I don't "want" to get up every morning and go to work, either.

 

 

What keeps her from cheating may be an intense love, respect and reverence.. But not a fear.

 

You have more faith in Platonic Idealism than I do.

 

 

 

 

And no, respect and reverance is not the same as fear - it is for him, the marriage, and possibly God .. but not for if he should get angry.

 

She should not be afraid only if he gets angry. Him having to actually get angry to evoke the fear is an indication that she does not fear him enough in the first place.

 

As a matter of fact there are plenty of women who play exactly these kinds of games. They will try to manipulate their men by seeing how angry they can get him. Then when the guy actually loses his temper the woman will blame him for it, asserting victimhood.

 

The bottom line is that, like it or not, women who do not fear their husbands do not respect them.

 

 

 

 

 

Women may be attracted to a man who can cause fear - but they don't wish to live with them ..

 

I didn't say the man has to "cause" fear. Where did you get that from?

 

And what you're saying that women don't want to live with men that "cause fear" in them? Absolutely incorrect. The opposite is true--women don't want to live with men who are absolute wimps.

 

This is the whole "bad boy/nice guy" problem, in a nutshell. Women say one thing ("we want to be with men that we don't fear") but their actions are the opposite, because women are largely irrational about these things. Maybe it's political indoctrination at an early age or something.

 

Part of the excitement of being with a "bad boy" is that you don't really know what's coming next. Why do you think so many women have rape or non-consensual sex fantasies? Fear is thrilling, it gets your juices pumping, it gives you goose bumps, it creates sexual excitement.

 

You ever go on a roller coaster? They scare the sh*t out of me, I don't like them at all. Plenty of people however like having the sh*t scared out of them.

 

 

In this day and age, if a man yells .. he had better pretend he is yelling at the dog..

 

What about if a woman yells? The same women claiming that there is no fear, no power struggle, in their relationship are also probably constantly yelling at and criticizing their men, precisely because they have no fear, and therefore no respect, for them.

[califnan]

I don't do roller coasters or ferris wheels etc etc ..

 

I was fearful of my father, but certainly did not respect him for his lack of control, and smouldering.

 

A man or woman who can keep control, is to be reverenced.. I would think their reward would be on earth as well as in heaven ..

 

The women who marry bad boys.. I don't think their marriages last, do they..

[alphamale]

I really want to know.

they're probably making up grocery lists

[rewe4reel]

There you go AGAIN with the blanket statements which you present as absolute fact. I know there are many people on this board (besides me) who have a relationship that IS working out, and I also know that you will sit there behind your computer and pseudonym refuting all their personal experience.

 

The above statement is self-contradictory. First, you sit behind a pseudonym and computer just as does everyone else here. Therefore the fact that I do so, does not make my opinions any less valid than yours. Second, unless you know other posters "in real life," you have absolutely no way of knowing anything about their actual, real-life relationships. Third, as far as I am aware, you are not currently involved in a successful, long term relationship (i.e. 1 year long or more, monogamous), yourself.

 

I may not be your idea of a relationship "sage," and I certainly don't claim to be. I am simply participating on an internet discussion board. But you are fooling yourself if what you are trying to do is compare yourself to myself, with any advantage.

 

 

 

Women "talking through their hat" still have a much better chance of knowing what they are talking about, with regards to a woman's experience, than you.

 

I agree with you to the extent that the women you happen to be talking about have been in happy, long-term monogamous relationships which has not resulted in separation, divorce, or cheating (by either partner).

 

If you are one of those women, then you may have a point. But I do not think you are one of those women.

 

 

 

 

Sick.

 

You must be referring the other poster who said they wanted to "throw up." Perhaps an antacid might help?

 

 

 

 

Well, I guess I will have to confess a healthy bit of fear of the aroma of my man's farts.

 

What are you, 12 years old or something?

 

 

 

 

Otherwise, I love him, respect him, treat him like a king, and don't fear. I believe that fear STOPS love ... and love stops fear.

 

You just mocked your man, with your silly "fart joke"--at his expense, of course.

 

Which means that, no, you don't really respect him. If you had respect for him, you wouldn't have made a joke like that to a bunch of strangers.

 

 

 

I've been in a relationship where I was afraid of the man. I thought I was in love. Looking back, it was not love. Not at all.

 

If you were that confused about what love is, why are you claiming to have developed expertise now? What qualifies you?

 

 

 

 

Do you truly, honestly believe that someone who wants to "cheat" would not do so because of fear? That is so wrong, so sick, on so many levels.

 

Yes, if they are rational. If they are not rational, they will fearlessly cheat, unless they rationally believe there is nothing to be afraid of.

 

If being afraid of you is the reason your wife isn't cheating, then I can't imagine the state of your marriage without my skin crawling. She must be even more scared of trying to leave you, if she wanted to ...

 

I would certainly hope fear is at least one of the reasons she doesn't cheat (assuming she's not cheating).

 

 

 

A person's husband or wife is not supposed to be a source of fear and of "consequences" for unfaithfulness. That is what their own conscience and code of ethics are for.

 

Who made up this "rule" that being afraid of what someone else--in this case, a partner--might do to impose consequences for one's bad behavior is not only "wrong" but should actually be "wished out of existence"?

 

Are you kidding me?

 

Are you saying if your current partner cheats on you, you will impose no consequences on him for that bad behavior? That if his own "code of ethics" doesn't prohibit him from cheating, well, that's good enough for you? That doesn't even make any sense.

[rewe4reel]

....by the way, I will give my applause to some of you women who completely derailed the thread topic!

 

Instead of simply 1) not responding at all or 2) actually indicating what you think about during sex, you mounted quite an effective distraction campaign to avoid the issue entirely!

 

Well done!

[califnan]

....by the way, I will give my applause to some of you women who completely derailed the thread topic!

 

Instead of simply 1) not responding at all or 2) actually indicating what you think about during sex, you mounted quite an effective distraction campaign to avoid the issue entirely!

 

Well done!

 

------------------

 

Although some disagree - I think when threads go off into other directions, it can be much more informative, rewarding, ... more meat.

[SouthernSunshine]

When I have sex I say what's on my mind.. I say what I want, and how I like it. If I have a lot on my mind, I won't have sex unless my SO wants a quickie, then I'm concentrating on getting him to the finish line. If there ever comes a day where I'm thinking about grocery shopping or laundry WHILE I'm taking one... I'll stop having sex.

[xxoo]

What about if a woman yells? The same women claiming that there is no fear, no power struggle, in their relationship are also probably constantly yelling at and criticizing their men, precisely because they have no fear, and therefore no respect, for them.

 

You didn't comment on my post, but quoting myself

 

First of all, he IS having a tantrum (same for a yelling wife). Healthy couples can resolve conflict without yelling at each other.

 

Yelling is intimidating and disrespectful, for either partner. I learned this lesson from my wonderful H, who will not accept being yelled at (not by me, not by his children, not by his boss). He wouldn't want me to accept being yelled at--by him or anyone else.

 

I'm really interested in your response to this:

 

Show me a man who has absolutely no fear of his woman and I will show you a man who has no compunction about spitting in her face

 

I changed out some pronouns above. Still true? If not, why not?

 

What leads men to respect their wives, if not fear?

 

Are you suggesting that a woman can not respect her husband who, for example, is physically disabled and CAN'T overpower her? Or her wonderful partner of 40+ years who is weakened by cancer? What a sad world that would be I don't believe it for a minute.

 

....by the way, I will give my applause to some of you women who completely derailed the thread topic!

 

I think fear is the topic of this thread.

 

You want to know what women think about during sex, but you asked on the MARRIAGE forum.....not sexual practices or dating. That suggests that the question relates to your marriage.

 

We suggest you ask your wife, as it is different for each woman. You believe that her response would be edited and "lies".

 

Why? Why would you assume she would lie? Why are you concerned about thoughts she chooses to keep to herself? (edits)

 

The answer is insecurity. Fear. And that is why you crave control.

[xxoo]

Coming back to clarify--it isn't like we are perfect, and no one ever yells. It happens sometimes. But it IS viewed as a temper tantrum, and the other walks away until the partner is calmer.

 

Communication, problem solving, and respect happens when both parties are under control.

[Lecturer]

So, introduce the great equalizer, the one that levels the playing field and helps turn a woman's ability to arrive at the same destination as you in the same amount of time without trememdous effort and slowed performance. ;)

 

Our little friend, G.E. (General Electric, thank you!)

 

hahahaha! Sorry about that. But I feel incredibly fortunate to be with a man so open-minded who does not feel threatened by the usage of G.E.!

 

And my multi-Os and howling excite him beyond belief!

 

Look men, educate yourself to a woman's response times and innate biology!

 

It's nothing like porn movies, which are made by men for men!

 

It's about 14 minutes on non-sexual foreplay before you even get close to the money spots.

 

Only 30 percent of all women can orgasm WITHOUT direct clitoral stimulation.

 

The other 70 percent have a hard time reaching climax, no matter how well you perform, and often learn to fake it to appease the male ego.

 

Uhh, yeah, we do - I was including it in my post. It actually took ages of me encouraging her, but finally she was willing to try a few things and we found the best thing to be the little mini clit vibe thing. Using it is a bit of a a trade-off though. It will work quite well sometimes (taking around 15-20 minutes), but too frequent use causes her to get desensitized, which will sometimes lead to 'fizzled' orgasms (or complete inability). Not to brag but I'm pretty skilled with my hands and we've been around the block together a few times in the last 11 years .. my hands are more 'reliable', but admitedly less powerful/effective for times when she is very sensitive. As with all things, we try to find a balance.

 

Trust me, I'm no prude nor am I insecure. If I can entertain the idea of her being with another guy, I'm certainly not threatened by an inanimate object!

 

Edit: And kudos for posting the 30/70 stat.. I'm usually the first person to post that in the endless amount of threads from men and women who are frustrated that they can't orgasm from penetrative sex alone (and incorrectly think something is wrong). I agree that the porn industry is the primary blame for that, with the secondary being the prevalence of women that fake orgasms leading to so many men thinking it is the norm.

Edited May 30, 2010 by Lecturer

[sally4sara]

How did a thread about what women think about during sex turn into a thread about how a woman needs to fear physical harm from a man to not have sex with someone else?

 

Physical safety is an illusion. Yes most men are larger than most woman, but this doesn't mean he is impenetrable. How could a marriage be healthy if anyone was fearful in it? We have to sleep and eat if we are going to couple and try to love each other. And a 90lb woman holds a 200lb man's heart in her hand every night he wakes her with his snoring and every time he eats the food she prepares........all his size would get him is no warning.