What Do Women Think about During Sex?

[rewe4reel]

Probably partly because you posted this:

 

 

 

Deny away, but that clearly implies at least an unspoken threat of potential "physical violence or force by the man against the woman."

 

 

I'm really really sorry, but your avatar just makes me crack up every time I see it.

 

Difficult to take you seriously with an avatar like that.

[Woggle]

Fear is not the right word but a woman has to respect a man in order to be attracted to him. She has to know that he will stand up for himself and if need be kick her to the curb if she does him wrong. This is not to be confused with fear.

[rewe4reel]

Rewe, I know I'm not the only one waiting for the answer to the question:

 

Are you cheating on your wife? If not, why?

 

She gives me way more sex than I can handle as it is. By the time she's finished with me, I'm too tuckered out to even think of anything like that.

 

 

Also:

 

Do you truly believe that, if your wife is not cheating on you, you can attribute it to her FEAR of you?

 

Actually, in my case, it's because she worships my Adonis-like body, and the skill with which I use it. When you have filet mignon, like my wife does, why would you want to eat at Nathan's?

 

 

 

 

 

 

All joking and baiting aside; that is messed up.

 

Oh man you have to change that avatar, I just blew soda all over my laptop.

[rewe4reel]

Fear is not the right word but a woman has to respect a man in order to be attracted to him. She has to know that he will stand up for himself and if need be kick her to the curb if she does him wrong. This is not to be confused with fear.

 

 

Woggle, this is a great point. Maybe it's not exactly "fear."

 

However, it's not exactly "respect" either. It's whatever makes her toe the line even when she doesn't really respect him. It's fear (that word again) of consequences he can impose.

 

Maybe the correct word is "awe."

[rewe4reel]

I put this to him on a couple of occasions.

 

I also asked or suggested he let his wife read this thread and give her opinions.

 

 

....Isn't it quiet round here, suddenly?

 

 

Not quiet enough, apparently.

 

Speaking of silly avatars, I didn't know Buddha was a Longhorn.

[rewe4reel]

And...

 

Do you believe that husbands should respect their wives? (mutual respect)

 

 

Yes...but not too much.

 

Women do not dig men who show them too much respect.

[rewe4reel]

Not quiet enough, apparently.

 

Speaking of silly avatars, I didn't know Buddha was a Longhorn.

 

 

Quotin' myself:

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Hookemhorns.jpg

[xxoo]

Yes...but not too much.

 

Women do not dig men who show them too much respect.

 

That's like being "a little pregnant". You either respect someone, or you don't.

 

I find it sad that the women you know don't appreciate men who respect them.

[xxoo]

Fear is not the right word but a woman has to respect a man in order to be attracted to him. She has to know that he will stand up for himself and if need be kick her to the curb if she does him wrong. This is not to be confused with fear.

 

Woggle, I 100% agree with the bolded! But also believe the same is true for men, knowing their wives will do the same. Doormats have lousy marriages.

 

Still--it is a bit like claiming I don't beat my child because the law will be enforced and I will be thrown in jail. That may be true (hopefully it is!), but the primary reason I don't beat my child is I love my child, and want no harm to come to them. That is the primary reason I do not cheat on my H.

[Woggle]

Woggle, I 100% agree with the bolded! But also believe the same is true for men, knowing their wives will do the same. Doormats have lousy marriages.

 

Still--it is a bit like claiming I don't beat my child because the law will be enforced and I will be thrown in jail. That may be true (hopefully it is!), but the primary reason I don't beat my child is I love my child, and want no harm to come to them. That is the primary reason I do not cheat on my H.

 

This is true and people need to reward their spouses when they are treated well. If all a person gets is grief no matter what they do then it will destroy a relationship.

[rewe4reel]

That's like being "a little pregnant".

 

No it's not.

 

You either respect someone, or you don't.

 

This is an obviously false statement by you. What you are now claiming is that there cannot be degrees of greater and lesser respect?

 

So, you respect Abraham Lincoln exactly as much (or as little) as you respect say the police chief of whatever town you're from?

 

If you have respect for someone, that must be EXACTLY THE SAME level of respect that you have for anyone else whom you respect, because it is IMPOSSIBLE to have varying levels of respect for people.

 

 

 

I find it sad that the women you know don't appreciate men who respect them.

 

I wasn't talking about the women that I know. I was talking about women like yourself.

[rewe4reel]

 

Still--it is a bit like claiming I don't beat my child because the law will be enforced and I will be thrown in jail. That may be true (hopefully it is!), but the primary reason I don't beat my child is I love my child, and want no harm to come to them. That is the primary reason I do not cheat on my H.

 

Sorry, that's not good enough.

 

Because there are plenty of people who cheat on their spouses, and then justify keeping it a secret forever precisely because they do not want to hurt their spouse. Some of them even post at LS.

 

If the reason that you don't cheat is because you don't want harm to come to your spouse, then all that means is that you haven't figured out a fool-proof way of cheating and ensuring that he/she never finds out about it.

 

Additionally--and it's a point I think I made before--once you've decided that you've fallen out of love with your spouse, you no longer really care about hurting him, or not.

 

We ALL act according to our own self-interest. Oftentimes our self-interest is parallel with the best interests of someone else (i.e. a spouse) and in that case there is no conflict.

 

However, people who claim to, or believe, that they are motivated by altruism in their personal conduct are at MORE, not LESS, risk to cheat then someone who has a more realistic view of human behavior, and of their own fallibility.

 

The reason I do not cheat (I admit it quite frankly) is because it would hurt ME. At least I think it would.

 

And, in actuality, that is the reason YOU do not cheat, as well. The difference between the two of us is I acknowledge that the primary motivator of my behavior is my own self-interest. Therefore I NEVER have the excuse that I am doing something in "someone else's best interests."

 

Therefore I am less prone to cheat than you are.

[rewe4reel]

Look, I've been married 17 years. 17 happy years, getting better all the time. If I came home tomorrow to my H yelling at me, I'd turn around and walk out the door. One sentence: "I will be back when you are calm." and leave. I'd probably grab my kids on the way out the door. He'd do the same. In fact, I learned that gem from him

The above gem was posted by xxoo in another recent thread.

 

All I can say, after being criticized for suggesting that yelling is something that happens in relationships, sometimes, is: "WOW!!!"

 

Your h actually walked out on you and took your children away from you as "punishment" for yelling at him???

 

And you DON'T regard that as EXTREMELY abusive????

 

I notice that you did NOT give these details in THIS thread, probably because you understand the implications of this kind of behavior in your relationship. It is EXTREMELY dysfunctional for you and/or your spouse to be holding your children "hostage" as a way of exerting this kind of control over each other's behavior.

 

I prefer a little yelling now and then to either myself or the wife kidnapping the children.

 

Different strokes, I guess.

 

17 "happy" years, maybe. But you are clearly terrified of making "one false move" because of the arbitrary, extreme and irrational consequences your spouse feels justified in imposing. (You've simply "mirrored" what his threatened actions are, but apparently he has actually done this--taken your children away from you because you yelled at him???)

 

Why are you sh*tting on my thread, claiming that you are not motivated by abject FEAR of your husband? You clearly are. You CAN'T yell at him because he has taken your children away from you and apparently has no compunction about arbitrarily doing it again.

Edited May 31, 2010 by rewe4reel

[Kamille]

Oh I see, we have a fan of Ayn Rand.

 

Listen, I don't agree with your basic premise, but as long as you're happy, love happy.

 

I'm happy and not amount of your preaching will convince me that the only reason I don't cheat on my bf is because I fear him. I RESPECT him and I love him, but that's because he reciprocates those feelings of respect and love and makes me feel safe and protected. If those pieces weren't there and I felt like he lacked respect for me or was trying to manipulate or control me through negative emotions, I would leave.

[giotto]

so, it's a mixture of fear and respect...

[xxoo]

Your h actually walked out on you and took your children away from you as "punishment" for yelling at him???

 

No, because I have NEVER come home to my H yelling at me. Neither has he. Just doesn't happen. Yelling happens sometimes (rarely), but never when walking in the door.

 

And, no, I wouldn't accept being attacked that way. Yep, if I walked in to a screaming, out of control spouse, I'd take the kids and leave until he calmed down. It's called boundaries, and protecting the kids. YOU are suggesting it would be overnight--I never said that, and certainly have never experienced that. If things were that bad, we'd divorce.

[xxoo]

Ah....did you think that "I learned this little gem from him" means it played out that way with us? No, it played out with H saying that to an employer when we were young married. I learned a lot from his example.

[giotto]

nobody yells at anybody or anything in our house... never done, never will do. it's just an unwritten rule... if you need to shout at your spouse, then you are doing something wrong in your marriage...

[xxoo]

nobody yells at anybody or anything in our house... never done, never will do. it's just an unwritten rule... if you need to shout at your spouse, then you are doing something wrong in your marriage...

 

It's really the same for us, Giotto, except I do feel like yelling sometimes. If I yell a sentence, the next thing I yell is "I'm taking a break!" and walk out of the room, lol. Take a breather, and try again sorting it out together. Isn't that what we expect our kids to do? When you're raising kids, you have to set the example.

[giotto]

It's really the same for us, Giotto, except I do feel like yelling sometimes. If I yell a sentence, the next thing I yell is "I'm taking a break!" and walk out of the room, lol. Take a breather, and try again sorting it out together. Isn't that what we expect our kids to do? When you're raising kids, you have to set the example.

 

I never yelled at my wife in our entire relationship... doesn't mean I don't get angry, but yell? No. It just doesn't happen... I've yelled at my children several times, though...

[rewe4reel]

Oh I see, we have a fan of Ayn Rand.

 

No, I guess if I had someone whose philosophical persuasion I could say I admired, it would be someone like Marcus Aurelius or maybe Sun-Tzu, but since I'm not learned enough to have ever done anything resembling a comprehensive survey of the works of any well-known philosopher, I can't really claim to be a "fan" of any of them.

 

Ayn Rand was a novelist, not a philosopher, but since I've never read any of her books, I don't see how I could be considered a "fan." Obviously I've heard of Atlas Shrugged and the Fountainhead, but never read them. I think I saw part of the Gary Cooper/Patricia Neal about one or the other of the books, but that was because I kind of like Gary Cooper as an actor.

 

 

Listen, I don't agree with your basic premise, but as long as you're happy, love happy.

 

I don't see my personal "happiness" as being the be-all and end-all of my existence. I think "happiness" is a side-effect of living a responsible life, or trying to live one; trying to have a little bit of fun while doing it, catching a lucky break from time to time, and avoiding the really huge foul-ups that people can get themselves involved in. Also having the good luck to be able to maintain a reasonably good state of health.

 

 

 

I'm happy and not amount of your preaching will convince me that the only reason I don't cheat on my bf is because I fear him.

 

TBH, congratulations! on your happiness!; but, I'm not very persuaded one way or the other by arguments/evidence provided by anyone who doesn't have the solid credentials of being in a successful LTR, specifically, a marriage which has lasted 5, 10, 15, 20 years w/o cheating/divorce or some other serious relationship fracture. Not to say you shouldn't be doing what works for you, but let's face it, you're not actually married to the guy, how deep can the mutual commitment actually be? I realize a lot of people don't think marriage is that big of an indicator of a committed relationship, and that's fine, but if my partner didn't want to get married to me, or I didn't want to marry my partner, then in my own case, I'd have to question the depth of the level of commitment in my own relationship.

 

 

 

I RESPECT him and I love him, but that's because he reciprocates those feelings of respect and love and makes me feel safe and protected. If those pieces weren't there and I felt like he lacked respect for me or was trying to manipulate or control me through negative emotions, I would leave.

 

Sounds like you've got a "winner" there, you might want to snap him up and marry him to get him off the market. The good ones are sadly few and far between.

[xxoo]

What you are now claiming is that there cannot be degrees of greater and lesser respect?

 

I'm saying there is a basic minimum of respect that every adult and child deserves. In my world, respecting a person means not thinking it is ok to yell at them--just as it is not ok to hit them.

[rewe4reel]

so, it's a mixture of fear and respect...

 

Yes, I believe "awe" is probably the closest that I've been able to come up with.

[rewe4reel]

No, because I have NEVER come home to my H yelling at me. Neither has he. Just doesn't happen. Yelling happens sometimes (rarely), but never when walking in the door.

 

The immediate issue is whether or not your h actually has ever threatened to take your children away from you simply for yelling at him, should you yell at him. (I'm not saying the threat was made in response to an actual "yelling incident.") Your post on another thread, which I've now quoted in this thread, clearly indicates that he has in fact made this kind of a threat. The fact that he may have made the threat in a calm voice doesn't make it any less of a threat. And it's evidently a threat you take very seriously.

 

 

And, no, I wouldn't accept being attacked that way. Yep, if I walked in to a screaming, out of control spouse, I'd take the kids and leave until he calmed down.

 

I never said anything about "screaming" in an "out of control" manner. If one's spouse is actually "out of control" for any reason that might implicate the childrens' safety, then removing the children for their own safety may be a legitimate thing to do. The "out of control" doesn't have to relate to yelling, screaming, or anything of that nature at all. "Out of control" is "out of control."

 

So are we to assume that what you are actually talking about is an incident where one or the other of you WAS actually so over the top, so "out of control", that the other spouse legitimately felt the children to be in danger if they stayed in the same residence with the "out of control" spouse?

 

 

It's called boundaries, and protecting the kids. YOU are suggesting it would be overnight--I never said that, and certainly have never experienced that. If things were that bad, we'd divorce.

 

If either you or your spouse legitimately believes the other is such a potential threat to the children that they would have to threaten to take the children away, then you have a serious problem in your relationship.

 

On the other hand, as I think is probably more likely the case--if either you or your spouse feels the need to use the threat of taking away the children to stifle the other--then you still have a serious problem in your relationship.

[rewe4reel]

Ah....did you think that "I learned this little gem from him" means it played out that way with us? No, it played out with H saying that to an employer when we were young married. I learned a lot from his example.

 

How would I have any way of knowing that? That's not what it said in your post. I'm not sure it makes much difference to the point, though.

 

And why on earth would your H tell an employer that if his spouse (you) yelled at him (your H), he would take the children and walk out with them? Was this in response to some sort of (typically) inappropriate job interview question?

 

Moreover, even if your h was just throwing out an answer to a job interview question that he thought might placate the interviewer, why would he actually then say that to you?

 

The bottom line is that in my book, threatening to take the children out of the home in response to being yelled at is completely over the top and is itself very controlling, abusive behavior. I realize however everyone reads and writes their own book here.