ACA Joe Posted July 11, 2000 Share Posted July 11, 2000 I was in a relationship for over a year with a girl who was obsessed with getting married and all her energies went into acomplishing this and she almost did. I opened myself completely to her and everyday I worked in having a healthy and happy relationship, but I realized until we broke up that she had been playing these horrible mind games in order to make me feel guilty for not committing to marriage. Not a month has passed by since she broke up with me and she's in a serious relationship with somebody else. I am now extremely angry at myself for not having seen and in some cases ignored the warning signs and I'm also very hurt and with a lot of resentment towards her for playing with and in some cases taking advantage of my honest feelings for her. What do I need to do in order to stop the hurting and the resentment? Link to post Share on other sites
Kris Posted July 11, 2000 Share Posted July 11, 2000 I hate to give you advice that everyone else probably has . . . but I'm pretty sure you realize time is the only thing that will heal your heart. We all get played the wrong way sometimes . . . and it hurts bad. Don't blame yourself. It was she that manipulated you and she will be the one that ends up in a bad relationship in the long run, I think. Time will heal your wounds. Hang out with friends for a while. Being around people you know care about you is like anteseptic for your wounds. I truley wish the best for you. You'll get through. I was in a relationship for over a year with a girl who was obsessed with getting married and all her energies went into acomplishing this and she almost did. I opened myself completely to her and everyday I worked in having a healthy and happy relationship, but I realized until we broke up that she had been playing these horrible mind games in order to make me feel guilty for not committing to marriage. Not a month has passed by since she broke up with me and she's in a serious relationship with somebody else. I am now extremely angry at myself for not having seen and in some cases ignored the warning signs and I'm also very hurt and with a lot of resentment towards her for playing with and in some cases taking advantage of my honest feelings for her. What do I need to do in order to stop the hurting and the resentment? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 11, 2000 Share Posted July 11, 2000 Forgive, learn, grow, wish her the best, consider yourself lucky, let go of the resentment (it serves no purpose) and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
joe mama Posted July 11, 2000 Share Posted July 11, 2000 Why did she break up with you? Link to post Share on other sites
ACA Joe Posted July 11, 2000 Share Posted July 11, 2000 Why did she break up with you? During the end of last year and begining of this we began to talk more and more about getting married, although I was still deciding if I really wanted to get married with her. Around March we had a serious pregnancy scare which really freaked her out since she comes from a very strict Catholic family and had never had sex before. Never in my entire life had I seen somebody so afraid. Still, I stayed by her side, we went to the doctor and supported her until she had her period. This made me evern more cautious of getting married because she handled this so poorly. After this happend I told her we should wait to have sex until we had calmed down and had a chance to talk things over. She got extremely offended and mad and I got tired of trying to work things out week in and week out. I told her we should think things over and that's when she broke up with me. She told me that she really loved me but that her mind was a mess and she needed to work things out. She asked me to stay friends, an offer which I refused. She broke up with me on my birthday. Can you belive that? Now all I want is to stop being angry and resentful in order to move on, but it's been very hard. Link to post Share on other sites
joe mama Posted July 11, 2000 Share Posted July 11, 2000 Your hesitations about marriage are well founded. If you feel that you aren't ready, or she isn't, you did the right thing by telling her sex should be put on hold fo awhile. I applaud you for doing the right thing. I'm sure she was hurt and took this as a sign that you no longer loved her. That would also explain this quick rebound that she is having. If I were you, and I really cared for this girl, I would move on with my life. Give her time. Stay in touch and in time she may see that you had her best interests at heart. As far as the resentment, I don't know what to say. We've all been there before. "Only the strong of heart can be well married, since they do not turn to marriage to supply what no other human being can ever get from another- a sure sense of the fortress within himself" Max Lerner Link to post Share on other sites
ACA Joe Posted July 11, 2000 Share Posted July 11, 2000 Thanks for the advice Joe, especially Max Lerner's quote. Your hesitations about marriage are well founded. If you feel that you aren't ready, or she isn't, you did the right thing by telling her sex should be put on hold fo awhile. I applaud you for doing the right thing. I'm sure she was hurt and took this as a sign that you no longer loved her. That would also explain this quick rebound that she is having. If I were you, and I really cared for this girl, I would move on with my life. Give her time. Stay in touch and in time she may see that you had her best interests at heart. As far as the resentment, I don't know what to say. We've all been there before. "Only the strong of heart can be well married, since they do not turn to marriage to supply what no other human being can ever get from another- a sure sense of the fortress within himself" Max Lerner Link to post Share on other sites
magicklady Posted July 11, 2000 Share Posted July 11, 2000 Just let it go... that is all you can do. If you keep thinking about what she did to you .. you are not going to be able to move forward with your life and find someone that wants you for you and that will love you for who you are and not just to get married. Just be glad you found out in time what she was REALLY like.... Link to post Share on other sites
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