Does the MM "owe" the OW anything when the A is over?

[bohogirl]

How people end relationships is just a reflection of who they are. The type of relationship does not matter. An egoist does not become sensitive and caring when leaving someone. Conversely, a "decent" person does not become hard and dismissive when letting his/her lover go.

 

If a person can walk away from an intimate relationship without giving an explanation (irrespective of honesty), I repeat, it just shows you who they really are.

[Dexter Morgan]

Two wrongs don't make a right. Just because the relationship shouldn't exist in the first place doesn't mean it should not be as respectful and dignified as possible.

 

and by bedding down someone elses husband, what do you or the husband know about respect?

[Silly_Girl]

and by bedding down someone elses husband, what do you or the husband know about respect?

 

Plenty thanks. In my dealings at work, with friends and family, and in life in general. I made an error of judgment, although looking back I am not sure I would have done anything differently so perhaps that isn't the correct term. I am not ashamed of myself or my actions, but with hindsight I would have stayed away.

[Dexter Morgan]

Plenty thanks.

 

don't think so. If you knew anything about respect and demanded and expected respect, then the H wouldn't be a cheater and you wouldn't sleep with someone elses husband.

 

Maybe you KNOW about respect, you just don't practice giving it out.

 

 

In my dealings at work, with friends and family, and in life in general. I made an error of judgment

 

oh please, error in judgement that you defend and keep on defending. That and you have defended affairs.

 

Sorry, this isn't an error in judgement. This is your character. You have shown this in your responses on this forum.

 

If it was an error in judgement, you wouldn't have the attitude like the wife isn't owed respect of decency from you.

 

 

although looking back I am not sure I would have done anything differently

 

ya, error in judgement? if you wouldn't have done anything differently, well...?:confused:

 

 

I am not ashamed of myself or my actions, but with hindsight I would have stayed away.

 

so much for the error in judgement and respect.

[Silly_Girl]

You know nothing abuot my circumstances, or his/theirs, not really. You don't know what was said or done. You can have an opinion on affairs per se, but you can't judge me as a person unless you know the full story. You're getting your knickers in a twist with me personally for absolutely no reason.

[Dexter Morgan]

You know nothing abuot my circumstances, or his/theirs, not really.

 

I know he is cheating, and you make excuses for sleeping with him. we know what you have told us.

 

You don't know what was said or done. You can have an opinion on affairs per se, but you can't judge me as a person unless you know the full story.

 

uh, you are here making excuses for your affair and asserting you don't owe decency to the wife. The full story doesn't matter. its your attitude about everything that is all too telling.

 

so for someone to sleep with someone elses spouse and not think the spouse is owed decency or respect from you, you are paving the way for the judgement.

 

and as far as people that do harm to others in real life, then saying, "you have no right to judge"....sorry, I just have to give out a big "boo hoo" on that one.

[Silly_Girl]

I was cheated on, for a long time, it's left its scars.

 

I have thought over (previous to this exchange with you, believe it or not) the facts as they were presented to me at the time, and how I reacted at each juncture. As a result I'm not beating myself up about what I did and the choices I made. I've satisfied my own conscience. There's things I've done I am very ashamed of, things I've beaten myself up about for years, some were my doing, some were things I allowed to happen to me. The decisions I took in this particular relationship do not give me cause to hate myself.

 

If the facts had been presented differently, or I knew then what I know now, I'd never have had anything to do with him.

[Dexter Morgan]

If the facts had been presented differently, or I knew then what I know now, I'd never have had anything to do with him.

 

ok, this is embarrassing now:o

 

"I made an error of judgment, although looking back I am not sure I would have done anything differently "

 

But then you also said in that same post that in hindsight you would have stayed away.

 

So which is it really?....really?

[Silly_Girl]

ok, this is embarrassing now:o

 

"I made an error of judgment, although looking back I am not sure I would have done anything differently "

 

But then you also said in that same post that in hindsight you would have stayed away.

 

So which is it really?....really?

 

That's why I said contradicted myself. Because I am not sure it's an error of judgment. Because, in that situation, as it was then, and the facts as I understood them to be, I did nothing wrong and am not cross with myself over the decisions I took.

 

If I had realised there was even the slightest thread of a tangible relationship, regardless of how crappy, and that things had the potential to improve, even slightly, I'd not have bothered. That's where the hindsight comes in.

 

Hope THAT makes sense. It does to me, but it's been a long day.

[Hazyhead]

That's why I said contradicted myself. Because I am not sure it's an error of judgment. Because, in that situation, as it was then, and the facts as I understood them to be, I did nothing wrong and am not cross with myself over the decisions I took.

 

If I had realised there was even the slightest thread of a tangible relationship, regardless of how crappy, and that things had the potential to improve, even slightly, I'd not have bothered. That's where the hindsight comes in.

 

Hope THAT makes sense. It does to me, but it's been a long day.

 

Makes a lot of sense SG. I often feel angry with myself for making the decisions I did; but I made them, so I have to live with that. And, it's far easier to do so with your attitude. I should be using my experiences to learn from instead. Thanks for your insight

[wheelwright]

Whether you could respect their M or not, it was not your M to disrespect, it was THEIR M. When she told you what she did, did she know you either wanted to or already were schlepping her husband? I doubt it.

 

You can twist things all you want. You had an affair and you were wrong. MM had an affair and he was wrong. But if it makes you feel better to twist things around to your advantage... Whatever. I think you do yourself a disservice denying the truth.

 

But they both disrespected their Ms. That's what I mean. I can respect a M the MPs respect, but if they don't - well. Where exactly is the respect owed?

 

I wasn't in any A with her H when she said it. Nor when he did.

 

I am not twisting. Just pointing out some things. If you think I am twisting to make myself feel better, you are wrong. In fact twisting things is something I do not like in myself and in general.

 

Can you think of a better way to put your disapproval?

 

Lets say you were in this position. You loved a guy. Then he and his W both told you (in some bizarre turn of fate - I was avoiding them both at the time) their M was Dead Dead Dead. Would you respect the M?

 

I think there is a lot in this Q/A that concerns LS.