midori Posted January 27, 2004 Share Posted January 27, 2004 You're welcome. My insight is gained through hard experience, I had to have my eyes opened to my own anger too. I hope your healing begins soon and goes quickly. Keep in touch with us here! Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted January 29, 2004 Share Posted January 29, 2004 darkclouds - this a follow up - i have thought about you a number of times in the past few days, and talked about you to my guy and my mom. i just thought of you and wished you well, and wanted to know how you were; it's the agnostic equivalent of praying for you. how are things? how is your everyday life now? what do you think about from day to day? are you dating again? i assume your higher thinking. i guess i really want to make sure the flesh and blood you, complete with the full gambit of emotions, is doing ok too. i guess i wanted you to know that i care. Link to post Share on other sites
DarkClouds Posted January 30, 2004 Share Posted January 30, 2004 Dear Jenny, Thank u. Thank u. Thank u. That resonates from my heart. How r things with me? I am now over the grief and anguish I felt about having hurt someone so innocent by being the one to 'open their eyes' to reality. It still bothers me, but I have accepted that it has been done as it was meant to have been done. That night of posting was the worst night I have had in months. You see, to explain a bit more, for the last few months I have been on a spiritual journey, a spiritual awakening of sorts. Although for the last few weeks, the msgs I receive have been immense. So much so, that I do not sleep at night, well at least not til 3am on working days. I am up writing, thinking, reading, and just learning about mankind and our reasons for being here. That night of posting was the worst. I did not sleep until 8am the next morning. My boss and my mother know of my sleeping and lack of eating habits, so I called them and admitted to them I have a problem. My Dad called when he heard I'd spoken to my mother. And when my Dad calls, I know it's bigger than I thought. I have tried to be 'angry' with him like I told someone here... but I just cannot be angry within me... It comes for a moment and then dissolves.. Maybe that is my weakness...but I just can't... And I try and think 'u know - how would Jesus deal with betrayal?'...Far out, Im turning into one of those religious Christian ppl I used to laugh about. You see I was born and pushed into the Muslim faith but I have stood on the fence... Then, because of all my reading on the net, I learnt that same night of posting, the meaning of "Agape"... and although I can hardly speak, and can put on a brave face... truthfully??? my spirit is shattered... That day after posting I wanted to end the craziness going on in my head. I went to my doctor and embarrassingly told him of the spiritual msgs I have been getting very strongly the last few months. That I can't take it anymore. I can't sleep. There are msgs at me 24/7. It's affecting my work and my health. He understood. He asked me if I knew the meaning of "Agape" (!)... Turns out he's a priest at one of the biggest churches in my country. He said the things I told him that have been happening to me, happened to him 25 years ago (things I haven't mentioned here). He said "God is banging on your door". He gave me a blessing and warded off evil (you see lately I have been visited a few times by a dark spirit).. I'm not mad... I know this all seems crazy and I feel like such a twit telling ppl this. But I am only being honest. I have wondered tho if I'm going crazy with all this. So how am I? I am now on sleeping pills. My parents want to move to a larger home so that I can live with them. My mother wants to cancel her trip o/s to lay her father's ashes so she can be here. I feel bad that I'm worrying the ppl around me unneccessarily because I know it will all be okay. I am still sooo gracious for life. I still wish the two of them (him and her) well and send them love, and I know this is just a lesson on life. I have changed from the always happy, strong person I used to be a year ago. I could always hide pain, but now my voice carries a pain I haven't heard before. My eyes reveal a sadness I have always hidden so well behind a smile.. No joke. But thank u so much for thinking of me.. The river of life is a bit rough right now, but I know, around the bend, the waters will ease and there will be peace within... Thank u Jenny... U do not know what your post, and the love I have seen, means to me and also to others... Love and Light for all the good you guys do on this site... I hope you all know how much and how many lives you probably save with what you do here... May your intent be your outcome. You are all angels, everyone of u, and particularly u this moment Jenny... Thank u again... DC x Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted January 30, 2004 Share Posted January 30, 2004 that was beautiful; i'm misting up and i'm not typically that sort. i love the idea of agape - i looked it up - it suits you perfectly. i have no doubt you will be ok - you are immensely strong - and i'm very glad i got an oppurtunity to meet you and hear your story. so many people on this forum need wisdom and strength like yours; i myself needed to see someone so entirely removed from pettiness to remind me what this site is all about. thank you, sweety, i hope we hear more from you much love and support, j Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted January 30, 2004 Share Posted January 30, 2004 Wow, there is a lot of emotion in the last two posts up there, more then I have seen in a long time, but it is touching to see that jenny could help DC. Link to post Share on other sites
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