Why are black women left out of the interracial dating game too?

[Moon]

In terms of looks, majority of black women are in my opinion just flat out ugly. I have seen very few good looking black women and i live in new york city wheres theres plenty of black women. Most asian females i see are above average, and white / latino women are average, but most black women who look good are usually mixed with other ethnicities and just call themselves black.

 

 

Oh my god I'm an asian woman myself yet I feel totally disgusted by your words! There are beauty in every single race and only because you are not attracted to them it doesn't mean they are "flat out" ugly!! That is just totally mean and shows that you are extremely shallow. Although everyone has the freedom of speech, it is not necessary to use it as an insult towards any other race.

[YellowLioness]

[solesista]

just some info...

 

as a well-educated, upper middle class, from a very accomplished family, stereotypically exotic/light/ethnically mysterious beautiful black woman:

 

i won't harp on how i'm constantly approached by men of all different racial, ethnic, and socio-economic backgrounds. or go on about how socially well adjusted i am.

 

everyone has their own battles to fight. one of mine (and other black women's) is going out of your way to prove to men and women of other races that you're made of the same stuff that they are. we're not aliens or lab rats. we're people - diverse in all aspects. go ahead and make excuses for an upbringing in a backward, racist environment or be as angry a right-winger as you like ( you know who you are)....

 

because i'm writing to give another fresh, black female perspective - I'm Exhausted.

 

tired of proving my humanity more than others have to. i don't date anymore - period. it's extremely lonely and depressing, but i feel i have no choice. in terms of ethnic & socio-economic differences, i've run into problems with all men - even other black men.

 

what i don't get, is why there is a political discussion at all when black women are involved in particular. both genders and all races have bad history. so why is it that it's such a big problem with black female relationships? time and time again, the guy is the one who brings up our obvious differences. i'm black, but i'm also a woman. i'm looking for love, not to trick some guy into a political debacle. by reading this discussion, which is probably ridiculously old, it seems clear that most non-black men are so angry, pent up, and frightened that all they see when they see black women are politics. and they are blind to everything else that she is - a woman with a heart.

 

and yes, to intimate that all black women are fat, ghetto, and "flat out butt ugly" is racist. when you generalize an entire group, it's called racism.

 

to try to get back on point - love is love and should be accepted.

but people who can't get over their prejudices lose out. i've dated several white and asian guys who when they finally discussed their reasons for breaking it off, it was always that we were getting serious and me being black was an issue. not that i was fat, ugly, uneducated, ghetto, etc. - just that i was black. i'm not angry. just tired. i don't feel like putting in the effort to figure out why a guy of another race is asking me out (crazy mythical black slut sex or novelty). i certainly don't feel like putting my heart on the line. and the sad thing is not that "good black men" are simply dating outside the race, but that they buy into these stereotypes championed by another world. most black men after me think i'm the black version of a blond bimbo - and that's exhausting and depressing, especially b/c they feel like they're doing black women a favor by dating them.

 

so, as far as i see it, and by talking to my friends - black women are not dating interacially or otherwise, because it's too much work -way more than a person of any other color or gender has to do- to find someone who sees us as women and not black women.

 

i know who i am. i know who my friends are. and we are not fat, ugly, uneducated, ill-bred people. so, for the white guys who really truly think that in their heart of hearts, i have no argument - but i really wonder what kind of environment you live in. if you're exceptional white men, i find it shocking that you don't know of any black women who don't fit those categories - even if you aren't attracted.

[Tilly]

Hi, I feel you on not dating solesista, I too have chosen not to date for the last 3 or 4 years now, I really lost count, this includes no sex and guess what?

 

I feel FREE, free from all the lies and BS lingering over black womens heads, I took myself out of the picture and got to watch the picture in living color and realized I wasn't missing much, I also had the opportunity to look at my own baggage and clean out my closet of hurt, despair, pain and not enoughness to name a few.

 

not dating also gave me time to re-analyze why I was dating in the first place. I SMILE so much I shock myself whereas before, I was bitter and angry all the time at how hard I was working and trying to hold my relationships together with minimal return....I SMILE and people Smile back and thats rewarding.

 

I once was exhausted and now I'm just over it...over all the lies I believed about my own people and the lies of the media, I was just as ignorant as some people on this forum and in the world, I had to re-educate my way of thinking and realize how much I was trained to believe and think that I wasn't deserving of anything valuable and good in this world.....now I live life the way I choose to live and I don't have this expectation of if I date so and so he will leave because I don't fit the stereotype of beauty. By the way I just re-entered the dating game and yes it's still a GAME but I LOVE IT!! Every second of it...life's too precious not enjoy it and I make lemonade out of lemons.

 

I know who loves me and that's GOD and I LOVE MYSELF..a man isn't obligated to love me, doesn't have to or want to and I'm okay with that and vice versa..actually takes some of the pressure off of me and him. I just want to live and be happy with the choice's I make in life, for me marriage was never something I was interested in, I love kids but can be happy without them. It's about EVOLUTION, evolving into a the person you want to be, I decided that I was going to be accepting of my life and live life to the fullest..that's my satisfaction, living life the way I want to with no apologies to anyone.

 

I am a decent, loving, warm hearted attractive woman...this confidence shines through and attracts all the good I deserve from people period, not just men. It's more to life than MEN...yes they are lovely, they are charming and they possess beauty and strength in more ways then one but being a WHOLE, HEALTHY human being doesn't evolve around them and being in a relationship with a man will not make you BE A WHOLE, HEALTHY human being, the only person that can do that for you is YOU.

 

LOVE is here, you don't have to find it, when it's ready it will just show up like it was never around..don't give up, take some time and re-evaluate what you truly want out of life and KNOW that GOD has manifested it in your life already (even before you ask I shall have given it to you).... in the mean time use this down time to HEAL and find FORGIVENESS...forgive every person that UNCONSCIOUSLY SAID OR DID something to hurt you whether intentional or not.

 

Not dating or having sex in the last several years has given me time to heal, and look at how I may have contributed to certain stereotypes and make an effort to change things in my life that wasn't working...I see many sistas taking down time to do this, so don't be discouraged or dismayed it's changing, all this black women bashing shall pass, everyone gets a turn, were just on the back end of the spectrum right now..10 years from now it will be another race feeling left out and having to prove they aren't what others think or say.

 

I have learned alot since I embraced my SINGLENESS...it's not BAD...it's actually LOVELY but don't tell anyone

[jumab]

That is an easy question. Black women are too dramatic and they don't date black men unless they have a criminal record.

[DayumQuitPlayin]

Originally posted by asdfg

As a white guy, I will have to say that the 3 main reasons many men dont go for black women is

 

 

1. Many black women tend to be overweight, especially when they get older. Plus most men arent too fond of females with thick bones, thats why men love asian women

 

2. Many black women seem to act very masculine. Men want women who are strong but not women who are gonna be arm wrestling and fighting with them.

 

3. In terms of looks, majority of black women are in my opinion just flat out ugly. I have seen very few good looking black women and i live in new york city wheres theres plenty of black women. Most asian females i see are above average, and white / latino women are average, but most black women who look good are usually mixed with other ethnicities and just call themselves black.

 

That is so stupid. I'm not black..but I find that very offensive. I have black in my family.. but I'm predominantly PRican. I grew up in a 'black neighborhood' ..and mostly had black and latin friends.

 

What you said is so so so stupid.. Many black women seem to act very masculine? Standing up for what they believe in.. and speaking their minds is 'masculine'? That's ridiculous! All you white guys thinking because a man's girlfriend or wife.. stands up for what they believe in.. speaking their minds.. putting their foot down.. is Masculine? I find it very sexy if a Woman challenges me. Why the hell would I want some girl who submits to all my demands? Me myself.. I don't find White Women attractive.. just the same as you do with Black Women. The whole 'white culture' in itself is a turn off for me. I believe in interracial dating/marriages ..I find it as a beautiful thing. Mixing two diverse cultures is wonderful.

 

I just really can't believe that you're saying that most black women are overweight, masculine, 'ghetto'.. and bla bla bla.. if I could flip it around.. I could say that All white people are inbred- rednecks. I'll say something like.. Go Watch Jerry Spring.. I see your Cousin on tv dating his Sister.. but I'm not too ignorant to believe because of what a show, or from what seeing certain individuals do/say/act ..bla bla bla.. is gonna make me feel that that's how Most of them are. That's just plain ignorant.

 

I hate Racist people.. people who are against 'change' .. people who are close-minded.. people who see the world in Black and White. People like that is what causing our Country to not Prosper. Its a Damn shame.

 

Oh.. one more thang.. Men liking only skinny women (Asians).. Uhh.. last time I remembered.. its the White Males who tend to be the ones who are attracted towards women who are anorexic... I prefer my ladies to have meat.. its more to grab on to..as opposed to getting stung by white toothpicks.

 

Anyways.. that's my 3 Dollaz.. 52 Cents..and 2 Chicken Wangs..wit a plate of Neckbones...tenderized and Yummy..for Ya ...Oh yea.. and Kool-AID too

[Moose]

This thread is still here?????? I'm sure I've said something in this thread somewhere, but, let me reinforce it a little. I think black women are HOT! I'm happily married so I don't see myself dating a black woman in the near future. But if something where to happen to where I found myself free to date again, I definitly wouldn't exclude a black woman. As a matter of fact, I'd probably prefer it.

 

Really, think about it......if I ever had a problem out on the streets, my woman would probably take em' out!!

 

That's really not the reason though ya all.......

[DayumQuitPlayin]

LoL Moose

 

That's wassup

[mochaprincess]

I had a conversation recently with some friends of mine. The attitudes of many black women is not that they don't find men of other races attractive, but they prefer to date black men exclusively. They feel the only people that can understand them are black men. Which to some degree is true, but not always. Unfortunately, this limits our options significantly in the dating game. Since such an astronomical amount of black men have chosen to date interracially, this has left many black women "out in the cold" so to speak. My advice to black women is to be more open-minded to dating men of other races. You will find good and bad in all races. However, you may find that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

 

 

"An ode to our beautiful Black queens"

[Groovy]

Wow, people are saying they are mellow dramatic, love guys with prison records, they are too dominating, how many black women have you all really gotten close with to draw the conclusion! You sound like you live in Arkansas n a town of 20 people. And while you can't help what you find physically attractive to say they are ugly is the worst posting in the board I've seen yet. Their features are different, that does not make them ugly. As many people said, they think they are attractive.

 

I am Italian and have dated Italian men. People say they are bossy and controlling. Some are but some are mellow guys who are really sweet. Sometimes stereotypes are based on cultural truth but I liked the person who said intelligent minds differentiate and do not categorize groups of people. I am sure there are a lot of black people in prison and who drop out. That is partly due to sociological factors over anything else. One of the only men I loved was black and he had none of that. A lot of people in my company who are making triple digit salaries and have more education than me are black woman. I am just lucky my company is very liberal and doesn't judge.

 

Personally I think for anyone who passes up dating based on any stereotypes before knowing someone it's not that person isn't good enough but the other way around.

[SweetEbony]

I don’t believe many of these posters are all different people, they all sound alike and MANY didn’t even stop to register..

 

Go figure!

 

No, and black women aren’t left out anywhere...at least NOT the ones who leave out others. For the ones who are left out-many times just need to be more open-minded and choose wisely. My friends and I (black women) have no problem attracting men of ALL races; many of them are dating Puerto Rican’s or white men. I on the other hand love all races, I don’t care about background or color it’s the heart that matters most in a relationship...or just period! I’m in a serious relationship with a white man and I could honestly say he’s the best man I have ever been with, he understands me and cares so much, I love him to death. This goes to show you that black men aren’t the only ones who can understand a black woman which some may believe

 

… I honestly don’t think that skin tone has that kind of effect.

 

And besides when I’m out with my man and his friends, they can’t stop talk about black women, they comment on EVERYTHING! Our skin, shape and...backsides..lol …even though they date black women themselves. And sometimes even our attitudes, I didn’t actually think men kinda like a women with a lil bit of attitude…although too much can be bad.

 

BTW, cute pic DayumQuitPlayin!

[renee2004]

Ok I read an article about this a while ago... apparently men like women who are very feminine and women like men who are very masculine... Black men generally happen to be the most masculine type of men, and asian women the most feminine type of woman, so according to the article I read they win out in the dating game...

[alphamale]

Originally posted by Jeff

Someone started a thread about Asian men getting the short end of the stick in interracial dating, so I decided to ask the same thing, but this time, only for black women. Most black women online will claim it is because of the history of racism and loyalty to their culture that prohibits them of imagining a relationship with non-Black men. However, today I got to chat with real black women at work. Some readily admits that they are very open and curious to date non-black men, but that they never get asked or hit upon by non-black men.

 

I live in the Detroit area which is the most racially segregated city in the United States. Mostly white and black with little in between. Most suburbs are 95% white and actual city of detroit is like 80% black.

 

You don't see many black women with men of other races. You do see white women with black men on occcasion but it is by no means prevalent and the black men are usually either well off or very good looking (or both).

 

I am of asian-indian background and have been hit on by a number of black women over the years but I never responded cause I am just not interested. I guess it is a matter of preferences.

[allina]

Alpha, Asian-Indian yummmm

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by renee2004

Ok I read an article about this a while ago... apparently men like women who are very feminine and women like men who are very masculine... Black men generally happen to be the most masculine type of men, and asian women the most feminine type of woman, so according to the article I read they win out in the dating game...

Pg. 24, Gross Overgeneralizations Quarterly- Winter 2004

[renee2004]

yes it is a generalisation that's why I wrote "generally".....

[Stone]

I have alot of black girl friends, And I have never seen any of them have a problem dating anyone.

[SEXXXYBLK]

Ya know, I don’t know what I love more about myself Or why black women are hated so much (FROM OTHER WOMEN)….could it be because of our beautiful brown skin.. Or maybe it’s our luscious juicy lips…OR it could be our voluptuous curves… but then again were always complimented on our trademark backsides, which SOOOOOOOO many spend thousands to have…hmmmmm, I dunno!

 

I just L-O-V-E being a black woman, THANK U GOD!!!!!!!…I could honesty say I wouldn’t want it any other way

 

.....But I can’t complain too much though, because if it weren’t for ALL these women who pay thousands to look like US! My Italian stallion (a cosmetic surgeon) wouldn’t be making millions and I wouldn’t be driving around a BMW…

 

*so in other words THANKS a bunch xoxoxox!!!*

[americanw25]

As a black female who has not had any problems attracting men from any race, this is what I have to add to this topic of conversation:

 

My mother is very light-skinned with green eyes and long light brown hair (and she can't even tan). My father is brown-skinned but looks more Native American Indian than black. I have four sisters, all of whom have dated more white men than any other race. I believe that when it comes to white men who desire to date black women, they are looking for a certain type of "black female" Either the black woman is very "ethnic-looking" or she fits in as closely as possible to being like a white woman as possible with the exception of her outer coloring. I am very intelligent, I have a warm & caring personality and work hard to stay fit. However, I'm pretty sure that the way I look, speak and the way that I wear my hair plays a huge part in attracting white men.

 

(As bad as this may sound) While growing up,my sisters and I used to discuss the fact that we were glad that we didn't have broad noses or really full lips and that we weren't as dark as other black people. I feel that just as white people have an edge because of their coloring, so do we when it comes to attracting certain males. I attended a predominately white school where mostly all of the black males dated white females. The white guys flirted outrageously with me but didn't really take it further than that because I feel they were too afraid.

 

After Highschool, I have had just as many white men approach me for dates as I have from black men and I know that it's the way that I carry myself. My attraction factor rose in leaps and bounds when I grew my hair out past my shoulders. I have always had long hair, but kept it only shoulder-length during highschool. I know that I sound vain, but I'm just telling the truth as it is for me. Men are very physical and it helps if what you have isn't deemed too unattractive. Obviously, it's sad to think that I wouldn't possibly get as much attention had both of my parents not been of mixed heritages but I work with what I have.

[....]

Lol… As a beautiful black woman (not mixed), I must say that this whole mixed thing has gotten ridiculous and actually quit amusing I might add. Decent men are attracted to decent women, If you are a decent woman who carries herself in a respectable manner, attractive, intelligent and easy to approach…YOU will attract men, REGARDLESS of race… you could be black, white, Chinese, mixed, semi-mixed …etc, men will approach you, PERIOD! Beautiful men and women come in every race. I am not mixed. When I go out to clubs, dancing, dinner, plays, movies, etc. men of all races approach me and take interest. I am currently with a Spanish/Japanese man whom I love dearly.

 

Why are black women left out in the interracial dating game?

 

SIMPLE. As another poster said, because they choose to be left out.

When black women start opening their hearts and well as their minds ....they will start realizing that they were NEVER really left in the first place.

 

*Fatten your eyes, shop around in other stores instead of JUST one, you may find the shoe you’ve always longed for in another color*

 

P.S.--- sexy blk, You really held it down huh...I’m definitely wit you girl, you had me rollin’. I agree 100% we do have it all

[alphamale]

Originally posted by americanw25

(As bad as this may sound) While growing up,my sisters and I used to discuss the fact that we were glad that we didn't have broad noses or really full lips and that we weren't as dark as other black people.

 

most white people don't understand that there is also intra-racial discrimination going on and has been for eons.

 

what this means is that within a particular race, say african-americans, the darker skinned individuals are discriminated against even by their own people. I usually see successful black men with either a light-skinned black woman or a woman of another race besides black.

 

this happens extensivenly in the asian subcontinent, i.e. india, etc... the women who are lightest skinned are considered most attractive even if their facial features are average or they are a bit heavy. essentially, a dark skinned indian woman no matter how beautiful facially will be considered below average.

 

the point is that the lighter you kid's skin is the more of an advantage they will have in the world. it all comes down to DNA folks! live with it.

[Rocdiva]

Originally posted by alphamale

the point is that the lighter you kid's skin is the more of an advantage they will have in the world. it all comes down to DNA folks! live with it.

 

 

The problem is not DNA it is the warped mentality that says Black/Dark is bad and White/Light is right or good. What people sometimes get muddled all together is concept of "Colorism" vs. "Racism" neither of which are good.

 

*******

Colorism

*******

 

Colorism is represented when person's of a particular race/ethnicity favor light -skin over dark. However, this matter far exceeds aesthetics. On the surface Colorism looks very similar to racism, but just below their differences are stark in comparison.

 

"Pre-European-contact colorism occurs in the context of members of the same "race" (quotes being used because "race" is a modern Western concept we are applying anachronistically). Wealthy people did not have to work in the sun, and thus were lighter-complexioned than poor workers and peasants. Light skin became a symbol of wealth and class. Fatness, another physical characteristic associated with a lifestyle of prestige and plenty, was also deemed attractive."

 

******

Racism

******

 

"Post-colonial racism is in fact based on the opposite concept: that one's genotype, and by extension, its phenotypic expression, determines one's circumstance in life, i.e. "if you are white, you will have certain privileges as a result of your biological heritage". This idea of "biology=destiny" is what undergirds modern Western racism. "

 

It is important that we anaylze what it is that we believe to be truth. We question so many other concepts and aspects of life. Why not this issue of Dark=Bad Light=Good?

 

The Creator did not make a mistake nor 'disadvantage' me and other women of darker hues by any stretch of the imagination. It's the mind that creates this fixation and this fixation is then promoted as truth, but I ask you whose truth is this? Does it unify and build up or does it divide and tear down? This division based on hue is a cancer that has been upon the sons of man for as long as there has been hate, jealousy, betrayl, and deceipt amongst us. And that my friends has been for a mighty long time.

 

Quoted comments are excerpts of: Pre-European-contact Colorism and Post-colonial Racism in Asia and North Africa.

© Colorq.org 2002-2004

 

Article can be read in it's entirety by the following the provided link below:

http://www.colorq.org/Articles/2002/colorism.htm

[LexiB]

Originally posted by Rocdiva

The Creator did not make a mistake nor 'disadvantage' me and other women of darker hues by any stretch of the imagination. It's the mind that creates this fixation and this fixation is then promoted as truth...,

http://www.colorq.org/Articles/2002/colorism.htm

 

 

 

Very well said Rocdiva. Very true as well.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by Rocdiva

The problem is not DNA it is the warped mentality that says Black/Dark is bad and White/Light is right or good. What people sometimes get muddled all together is concept of "Colorism" vs. "Racism" neither of which are good.

 

i agree ROCDIVA, but when people of a particular race are discriminating against the members of their own race who are darker skinned then we have a real problem on our hands.

 

if members of your OWN RACE are treating you like a 3rd class citizien cause you have very dark jet-black skin then how would fair skin peooples treat you???

 

see, light skinned people can become temorarily darker by sitting in the sun, right? but dark skinned people cannot become lighter. who has the advantage?

 

in the same vein, skinny people can be made up with a body suit and makeup to look like a fat person (as in the movies). but a fat person cannot be made to look skinny no matter what the hell u do. who had the advantage?

 

all i say is that people also need to look at the intra-racial problems which most often are not brought up.

[Black Ivy]

I can't believe I made it through over a year of posts. I feel like I've been through a war. I've also been on an roller coaster ride of emotions.

 

The first few posts in the topic were quite hurtful, just confirming my worst suspicions, that while everyone is telling me to open my mind and date others outside the race, that others have yet to open their mind to me.

 

If you take a casual look around the mall, depending on your city, you can see black men with moderately attractive to unattractive white women. Sometimes, these women seem to be the "ghetto" (if you are using the term to refer to lower income earning, little education people living in close quarters some on public assistance), overweight, with low self-esteem. This is a slap in the face especially if you are someone who is educated, in great shape, with a pretty face.

 

When I look back at my life, it seems as if my parents where grooming me to be someone's spouse. They put a lot of effort put into making me different from what people considered "ghetto". Private schools, music conservatory, trips, camps, undergrad, and Ivy-League grad school, where all to make me a well-groomed, well-rounded articulate (save for the spelling), interesting person. Still, I've turned out to be opinionated, driven, focused, and outspoken. In short, quite intimidating. You get to a point in your life where you can only change who you are so much.

 

I'm tired of listening to overweight white women tell me how much they love black men. I'm tired of these same women admitting, in the next breath, that they don't feel they are worthy of the affections of a white man, and black men seem to feel so honored to be with them. I'm also tired of having all of the resentment, especially with all of the opportunities I've been afforded, I have no right to resent anything. Especially because I think that somewhere deep down inside the resentment is what gives all men (white, black and otherwise) pause when dealing with black women romantically.

 

Somewhere upthread (3rd page I think) someone made mention of the fact that black women are often the backbone of the home. There has also been much discussion about the overbearing qualities many black women seem to possess. I wonder if that's one of the reasons black women and white men don't currently seem to be overly taken with one another: Too many chiefs and opposites attract and all.

 

Also, on the first page, people were doubting the effect the media played in what Americans deem attractive. This is the only truly stupid thing I think that I have read. To deny the fact that the billboards on the side of the road, the images in the commercials you see, the romantic leads in the movies, the women in the videos, and models on the covers of magazines play no part in your perception of beauty is silly.

 

I think I've said enough for now. That was very cathartic.