Why are black women left out of the interracial dating game too?

[plotso]

I’m Portuguese and my fiancé is black. My parents love her. I’ve always dated whoever I was attracted to, race means nothing to me. But I must admit I do love black skin, the hue of black skin against mine is a big turn for me. All shades. And the curves..oh man!. I don’t think black women are being ‘left out’ of anything, but the notion of black women with white men is still new and as time goes on, I’m definitely sure there will be much more. Also, White men (some) are very shy to approach black women, for ‘fear of rejection’. But I’m seeing a lot more which is a good thing. I think everyone should just date whom ever they want and just be happy doing it. Life is way to short to worry about who’s with who and why. I love who I am and the woman I’m going to marry, anything else I could honestly say I don’t give a damn about.

 

Live life to the fullest. And live it well.

[utamu]

Originally posted by whateverman

 

 

If I were to say that many black women ALSO don't find white men attractive; if I were to say that white men are wimps, skinny and soft; if I were to say that white men are too small and have small penises....I'd get blasted for saying all of this.

 

 

 

This part of this issue is usually left out of the discussions like this.

 

I'm a black female and I must say...many black women I know and have encountered simply don't see white men as a good alternative to dating/marrying black men. That's why so many black women find the 'shortage' of 'good' available black men to be so desperate...because they don't want any other race of man as a substitute. So yes, a lot of black women DO take themselves out of the running when it comes to interracial dating...

 

From reading this thread you would think that black women are sitting around wringing their hands because white men aren't flocking to them...but in reality, lots of black women find white men to be not as attractive, not as masculine, and not as sexy as black men...which I suppose is natural since interracial dating/marriage is the minority case for most people of the world. Sticking to one's own seems to be the natural inclination.

 

Me personally...I have never dated a non-black man..but I certainly am not opposed to it. I just tend to be attracted to black men much more regularly. If I am to date interracially..I'm much more likely to be attracted to a non-American of any race....I find the baggage of American racial history to be too difficult to navigate. I'm even more attracted to the mindset of non-American black men (Carribean, African, etc) a lot of times because they bear less psychological hangups from having history in this country...

 

oh yea..i'm not fat ...or loud..i'm educated...and i have mahvalous curves that i wouldn't trade for the world...*giggles*

[Sandra]

As long as he is a MAN that treats me good, he could be GREEN for all I care. Race isn’t important and it shouldn’t be, I don’t know why everyone makes such a big deal out of IRR…It really isn’t such a big issue. I’ve dated white, black men and Asian men. My current ½ Japanese, Scottish and French, we just started seriously dating, and so far so good, he’s a gentleman and he honestly treats me like a queen. IR dating is now more common than ever and as passes, black women will gradually start picking on this new trend more, even now I’ve been seeing a WHOLE lot more then before.

 

..But I guess it depends on location too.

 

My sister is engaged to a German man, and my brother will me marrying a Jamaican woman in June. People can happy dating within their race just as they can outside, I don’t really think it matters. Time is changing and even from talking to my black female co-workers, for the ones who haven’t ‘been there’ already, they’re getting very curious.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by Rocdiva

Just chill.. There are plenty of sisters, that I know personally, who flat out would not even consider a White man.... So you still have your pick of the cream of the crop.

Living in DEtroit, ROCDIVA, i see many more decent black women than I do black men. Some black women who have their act together are forced to date outside their race cause there are not enough black men of equal stature to go around.

[LexiB]

Let me just say, that if there are women out there that shy away from dating black men because of whatever negative, preconcieved notion or steroetype, you, Gunnark, with your wild, relentless and just plain cruel rantings, are certainlty NOT helping the cause.

 

I agree with you 100% that black men are wonderful human beings and deserve tons of respect and recognition.

 

But since you've practically beat it over our heads that you are fortunate enough to be a part of this fabulous group, PLEASE don't lower them all by screaming at and insulting someone you know nothing about--especially, my dear brotha, one of your sisters, who deserves just as much respect as you do.

 

"you're a whore!" "you're a sellout!", etc, etc.. Nothing sums up everything you' ve said better than, COMPLETELY UNCALLED FOR.

 

Gunnark, this is a discussion board. And you claim to be an educated man. If you disagree with something Rocdiva said (nothing with which, I see a problem anyway), you couldn't think of any other way to get your point across aside from

SCREAMING AT HER WITH EVERY SINGLE WORD OF EVERY SINGLE POST YOU"VE "CONTRIBUTED"? (what was with the all-caps anyway???).

 

If you have an opinion, of course you are more than welcome to express it, but surely a person with such a knowledge of politics as yourself must know that calling someone,

 

a "COWARD" and "TRAITOR" and accusing them of being "INTO FILTH AND NASTINESS" just might not be the best method of persuasion.

 

I am very sorry if you've had bad experiences with black women in the past--if anyone has rejected pursuing a future with you solely b/c of your skin color.

 

It is a shame that such nonsense still exists. But please do not project the immaturity of those women onto the several on this forum (including myself) who are merely being open-minded enough to consider dating outside of their race. No one here is so desperate that they're looking to take just any old fart. There are such things as standards, ya know.

 

My god, if you're lucky enough to find someone in this crazy world who genuinely cares about you and who you can be happy with, who gives a f*** what color they are?

 

Yes, darling, even if it means dating, as you so eloquently dubbed them "whitey"

[SleepingLover]

I love women in general. So, I've never been selective on race at all. I have seen a large number of white man/ black woman couples and I think, in some respect, Hollywood has helped to break the ice there. I think many white men and maybe black women too, have been afriad of what "others" might think and the stares they would get. However, I think it's a beautiful thing. My children are mixed Aztec Indian/ Mohawk Indian/Dutch and German and my god they are beautiful... they have the best genes of all the pools heheh. Many mixed children turn out very beautiful ... Halle Berry, Beyonce Knowles and Mariah Carey come to mind . However many of the men born of mixed relationships are very handsome too.

[addy]

you oughta see all the mixed races where i am from! it is so common place to see white men with black women or black men with spanish women that you never even blink once about it because it is so second nature and no one here even cares anyways, and if someone does care then that is their problem and should keep it to them selves. i think it is awesome when couples intermix!

[Topaze]

I like and respect Black women, I'm just not sexually attracted to them.

 

I have heard this SO often and it really, really hurts. I can relate to what the other Black woman in the thread asking about dating in Canada said. If I weren't a Christian and I didn't have a child to raise, I would just commit suicide. (I am divroced.) This is a nightmare and it seems that it will never end.

[GirlDown]

Originally posted by solesista

 

 

everyone has their own battles to fight. one of mine (and other black women's) is going out of your way to prove to men and women of other races that you're made of the same stuff that they are. we're not aliens or lab rats. we're people - diverse in all aspects. go ahead and make excuses for an upbringing in a backward, racist environment or be as angry a right-winger as you like ( you know who you are)....

 

 

how is that an excuse? it's true. i know many black (not all) people have issues with slavery...we're tired of hearing about it. but damn right we're going to hear about it. pulling the slavery card is a favourite among people who are too weak to think of a better argument. maybe it's the same thing as saying "this is what i learned from my upbringing."

 

people have such a double standard.

 

 

and unless someone comes at you calling you a lab rat or an alien, you don't need to remind them that you are not. that's what's most annoying, the whole "i'm a human too!" thing. we know! get over it!

 

 

 

and yes, to intimate that all black women are fat, ghetto, and "flat out butt ugly" is racist. when you generalize an entire group, it's called racism.

 

 

not it is not. it's a preference. saying blondes are stupid is a stereotype, but it's not racism. saying all indians are doctors is a also a generalization. saying all asians are smarter than anyone else is a generalization. not racism.

 

when a black woman says "black women are the most beautiful creatures on the planet and need to be recgonized" is a generalization. i would be willing to bet that you would not consider that racism, although by your standards, it certainly would be.

[Topaze]

No one is saying that all Black women are beautiful. I think that what we are objecting to is this "I don't find Black women attractive" foolishness. Being Black should not mean automatically unattractive and go directly to the "just freinds" pile.

[Mr Spock]

I don't get it....are we saying that it's offensive for a non black person to say they're not attracted to black women but NOT offensive for a black woman to say they're not attracted to non-black men? It's a muddle of conflicting statements.

 

I really wish people would not get their feelings hurt when someone says they don't want to date you (the racial category in which they've pegged you)

 

I mean, you wouldn't want to date someone who thought like that anyways.....

[GirlDown]

Originally posted by Topaze

No one is saying that all Black women are beautiful. I think that what we are objecting to is this "I don't find Black women attractive" foolishness. Being Black should not mean automatically unattractive and go directly to the "just freinds" pile.

 

maybe you didn't, but someone did. i wasn't accusing you.

 

doesn't matter.

[GirlDown]

Originally posted by Mr Spock

I don't get it....are we saying that it's offensive for a non black person to say they're not attracted to black women but NOT offensive for a black woman to say they're not attracted to non-black men? It's a muddle of conflicting statements.

 

I really wish people would not get their feelings hurt when someone says they don't want to date you (the racial category in which they've pegged you)

 

I mean, you wouldn't want to date someone who thought like that anyways.....

 

and someone finally hits the provernial nail on the head.

[Dino]

Originally posted by Topaze

No one is saying that all Black women are beautiful. I think that what we are objecting to is this "I don't find Black women attractive" foolishness. Being Black should not mean automatically unattractive and go directly to the "just freinds" pile.

How is that foolishness? It is an opinion; one that I personally share (in general). This opinion does not make me a racist, or anyone else who shares this viewpoint. Someone on this board may not find Asians attractive. Does that automatically make them racist towards Asians? No, it does not. I don't like peas. Does that mean I am "racists" towards peas? No, that is my taste, my preference.

 

Generally (although of course there are always exceptions), people from a particular race/ethnic background share some of the same physical attributes, sometimes even personality traits. These ethnic attributes are what I personally find unattractive about most black females, not because of the fact that they are black. However, my opinion is not all-encompassing; there are some black females that I find very attractive. These would be the ones that have attributes differentiating from the majority of the African American women.

 

I like and respect Black women, I'm just not sexually attracted to them.

Originally posted by Topaze

I have heard this SO often and it really, really hurts. I can relate to what the other Black woman in the thread asking about dating in Canada said. If I weren't a Christian and I didn't have a child to raise, I would just commit suicide. (I am divroced.) This is a nightmare and it seems that it will never end.

You really need to relax. Do you realize you are saying that you are willing to kill yourself because someone’s opinion differs from your own? That is ridiculous. People take things way to personally.

 

Originally posted by Mr Spock

I don't get it....are we saying that it's offensive for a non black person to say they're not attracted to black women but NOT offensive for a black woman to say they're not attracted to non-black men? It's a muddle of conflicting statements.

 

I really wish people would not get their feelings hurt when someone says they don't want to date you (the racial category in which they've pegged you)

I agree with GirlDown; that was perfect. Double standards and political correctness have been getting entirely out of hand. A black man can turn to another black man and say “What’s up, n*gga?”, but me (being white) saying the same thing to a black man, even if he were a friend, would be completely unacceptable. Now, I understand that the “N” word has negative connotations and therefore I don’t use it, but those connotations should apply no matter who is speaking it. I hear a black person calling a white person “cracker” or “honky” all the time. Why is this acceptable? Is it because your ancestors were treated horribly as slaves, and you now think you deserve some special treatment? I am sorry, but you don’t. Slavery was abolished quite a long time ago (and rightfully so). It had nothing to do with you personally, you do not deserve any reparations because of it, and you need to contribute to society in the same manner as everyone else.

 

I apologize if that came off a bit harsh, but I speak my mind and say what needs to be said; to hell with political correctness.

[GirlDown]

why, thank you dino.

 

 

and everything you said in that last part was completely true.

 

i used to get irriated over the same thing all the time, then i realized i didn't care.

 

call me a honky--who gives a shyt? but don't get pissed when i say something you don't like. i totally agree with that.

[CaughtUp]

I am a black woman and I live in an area where the racial divide is huge. But the last five guys I've dated have been white guys. And I think that some of you haven't left your apartment and have been getting your views on black women from Jerry Springer or Maury.

 

It comes down to this we are going to first notice what a person looks like and if they don't interest us we move on. Its not racism (in every case) its just eh way we are wired as humans. Every race has all kinds of people in it and if you aren't asking someone out because of what you THINK they are going to be like then you are really missing out not them YOU, because if they are a wonderful person someone else will grab them right up.

 

 

Ok I'm going to stop here and breathe and try again later

[CurvyGurl]

::cries::

[Rocdiva]

What in the dickens are crying about, sis? We are not lost lady! Cheer up.... You have to remembner that we, along with other races, are "Something the Lord Made." We will have our say. We are having our say right now and getting our due whether the [Enemy] Satan likes it or not. Negativity does not define you nor do the comments of a few online entities-love does. Only love is real.

 

I know how it is to read comments on the net that are not necessarily favorable. They are opinnions and just like a**h***s everybody's got one. So don't get hung up it, ok? So please get up and shake them haters off.

 

"We are born of stardust." We are apart of all things living, past and present. It is commonly accepted that creation or life on Earth started from a single point, a 'spark' if you will, and if that is so we are all created from at least some the same stuff that composes the universe. Think of it. You are are apart of all things great and small. How many countless nights have we stood gazing at the stars at night? Admiring their beauty? Sweety you are that star and stars weep not. So keep your head to the sky and shine! That is what a star is supposed to do!

 

KEEP YOUR HEAD TO THE SKY

Maurice White (Earth, Wind and Fire 70's R&B Group)

 

 

The Master told me one day

I'd find peace in every way,

but in search for the clues

wrong things I was bound to do

 

Keep my head to the sky

for the clouds to tell me why

As I grew with strenghth

Master kept me as I repent

 

Keep your head to the sky

Keep your head to the sky

 

Gave me the will to be free

the purpose to live is reality

Found myself never alone <<<<<<<<<<<<< Sometimes a song says it all!

changes come to make me strong

 

Step right up, be a man (woman)

You need faith to understand

so we're saying for you to hear

Keep your head in faith's atmosphere...

 

Keep your head to the sky

Keep your head to the sky

[caramelbrownchick]

I am a mixed black and white female who was raised by a pretty strong and educated black family (my birth mother and father gave me up for adoption when I was only 10 days old) Although people don't usually think that I am black because I do look Latin, I have always considered myself to be a black woman, because that is all I know and all I have ever known, I have been attracted to almost every race at one time or another, I have had my fair share of crushes on Asian men, Latin men, white men, the list goes on and on and on, I'm pretty sure if there were green men I would be able to find one that could win me over. Living in Texas we have our fair share of racism , and yes people tend to sterotype black women as strong, too much attitude, and fat. An that truly isn't the case there are so many beautiful black women in this world who have there heads on straight, are very well educated, and arn't the ghetto "you can't tell me ****" type. Black successful familys stick together, if you were to go to Atlanta certain parts are nothing but successfull black people, and they send their children to schools like Clark Atlanta, Moorehouse, Hampton in VA, Howard University, the list goes on and on. So just because maybe in your city the black people may not be the most educated, that does not mean that there are a lack of educated black people, I mean in my city we have alot of very uneducated white people, basically my point is that no matter what race you either have the drive to succeed or you don't, considering that we as black people had to start from the bottom, 100 years ago there were not many rich black people at all, in fact we were fighting just to vote, to have equal rights, to not be look down upon because our skin is a little darker, WE ARE DOING DAMN WELL NOW!! Correct me if I am wrong black women, but basically, probably due to all of the endless videos I have seen about slavery, and racism, and living in Texas seeing all the people with their confederate flags, and even once being called a nigger , and my town is prodominatly white and we even have a confederate solder in front of our court house, also due to my white mother giving me up probably because she knew that her family couldn't accept a half black child , when I am out in public and surrounded by white people I do feel diffrent and I feel like they really would rather I not be around them , because "minorities are trouble" in their eyes, is this true, probably not for all white people, but maybe for some of them, can i decipher between the two, no, so im nice to people who are nice to me, if you look at me in a mean way I'm gonna look right back at you in the same way. Just going shopping I am asked probably 100 times, can I help you with anything, or can I hold your bags while I shop, while I see white women walking around with 5 bags and not being bothered at all, or if I go into an expensive store I seem to be overlooked if their are any white women in the store they are being helped first, (my friends and I even have a little saying when we go out we say "man you know I think were the wrong color today") I mean as much as you don't want it to it goes to your head. I have many white friends whom I love and who treat everyone equally and don't see race as an issue, as long as they are happy with a guy or girl, they don't care what race they are, no too people are the same, and I guarantee that all you guys who have never been attracted to a black girl and think they never will be , you are in for a big surprise, one day your gonna meet a black girl who blows your mind, who is gonna change your thoughts about black women, then you will realize that there are good people and bad people of every race, ugly and beautiful, rich and poor, educated and uneducated, you can never stereotype anyone by looking at them, you need to get to know there soul, so until you know every black woman's soul, don't feed me this all black women are one way crap because we all aren't all one way, we are all different , the next time you see a beautiful black women approach her get to know her, she may not be too different from the white women you know.

[caramelbrownchick]

Originally posted by Dino

 

I agree with GirlDown; that was perfect. Double standards and political correctness have been getting entirely out of hand. A black man can turn to another black man and say “What’s up, n*gga?”, but me (being white) saying the same thing to a black man, even if he were a friend, would be completely unacceptable. Now, I understand that the “N” word has negative connotations and therefore I don’t use it, but those connotations should apply no matter who is speaking it. I hear a black person calling a white person “cracker” or “honky” all the time. Why is this acceptable? Is it because your ancestors were treated horribly as slaves, and you now think you deserve some special treatment? I am sorry, but you don’t. Slavery was abolished quite a long time ago (and rightfully so). It had nothing to do with you personally, you do not deserve any reparations because of it, and you need to contribute to society in the same manner as everyone else.

 

Black people using Nigga not Nigger, is basically just a way of making the word more comfortable I feel, after having the word hurt us so deeply, its like our generation said hey look were tired of being called Nigger in a since of your black and ignorant (although being black has nothing to do with the actual def of the word), lets make this our word but lets change the meaning this word is gonna mean "my homeboy"or "my homegirl" screw the old meaning. Yeah when a white person says it, why would we like that, if they are thinking in the since of a "black ignorant person" come on now be real no one wants some rasist trash to call them a nigger, but I live in TEXAS and when I hear a white person say it meaning thats my homeboy I'm not gonna be mad at them, and I have seen it happen in a room of black people and it didn't bother not a one of them,its basically the way they use the word if you use it in a derogitory sense, most likly people arnt gonna be too happy, if not not too many people seem to be worried about it. Also slavery does have alot to do with us personally, you have to realize that my parents went to segregated schools because of slavey, they had to sit at the back of the bus and come second to the white man, they still hurt because of that and the people who did that to them are still alive, I believe they should recieve reperations for that very reason, black people have been treated bad for ages and ages, at least those who were slaves can look down at there ancestors and see that they finally got something for all they went through, and although it wasn't them themselves who recieved it, it was their seeds who recieved it. Man I watch documentarys about people like Emmit Till who was drug behind a car and shot in the head, and thrown in a river, because he called a white woman baby, this boy was 14 years old this was way after slavery. And it hurts like hell to know that people were like that back then it makes no sense our parents deserve something for having to fight so hard just to be treated equal, to have suh wonderful leaders such as Martin Luther King get shot down, when he was only speaking of peace, and equality. Unless one day you wake up black you will never know how it feels to be a black person and you will never know how hurtful it is to know what we had to go through because of our SKIN color, and how we still hurt because of things in the past. Every grandmother and grandfater has a story to tell, a story of extream rasism, being chased becasue they were black, having crosses burned infront of their lawns because they moved into a white neighborhood, it goes on and on and on, and we as their children and grandchildren wont forget and we wont stop telling the stories of what they went through to get us here.

[whichwayisup]

Black people using Nigga not Nigger, is basically just a way of making the word more comfortable I feel, after having the word hurt us so deeply, its like our generation said hey look were tired of being called Nigger in a since of your black and ignorant (although being black has nothing to do with the actual def of the word), lets make this our word but lets change the meaning this word is gonna mean "my homeboy"or "my homegirl" screw the old meaning. Yeah when a white person says it, why would we like that, if they are thinking in the since of a "black ignorant person" come on now be real no one wants some rasist trash to call them a nigger, but I live in TEXAS and when I hear a white person say it meaning thats my homeboy I'm not gonna be mad at them, and I have seen it happen in a room of black people and it didn't bother not a one of them,its basically the way they use the word if you use it in a derogitory sense, most likly people arnt gonna be too happy, if not not too many people seem to be worried about it. Also slavery does have alot to do with us personally, you have to realize that my parents went to segregated schools because of slavey, they had to sit at the back of the bus and come second to the white man, they still hurt because of that and the people who did that to them are still alive, I believe they should recieve reperations for that very reason, black people have been treated bad for ages and ages, at least those who were slaves can look down at there ancestors and see that they finally got something for all they went through, and although it wasn't them themselves who recieved it, it was their seeds who recieved it. Man I watch documentarys about people like Emmit Till who was drug behind a car and shot in the head, and thrown in a river, because he called a white woman baby, this boy was 14 years old this was way after slavery. And it hurts like hell to know that people were like that back then it makes no sense our parents deserve something for having to fight so hard just to be treated equal, to have suh wonderful leaders such as Martin Luther King get shot down, when he was only speaking of peace, and equality. Unless one day you wake up black you will never know how it feels to be a black person and you will never know how hurtful it is to know what we had to go through because of our SKIN color, and how we still hurt because of things in the past. Every grandmother and grandfater has a story to tell, a story of extream rasism, being chased becasue they were black, having crosses burned infront of their lawns because they moved into a white neighborhood, it goes on and on and on, and we as their children and grandchildren wont forget and we wont stop telling the stories of what they went through to get us here.

 

caramelbrownchick, great post reply!

 

and we as their children and grandchildren wont forget and we wont stop telling the stories of what they went through to get us here

 

I agree, these stories should always be told, not kept hidden away.

[CurvyGurl]

Originally posted by Rocdiva

What in the dickens are crying about, sis? We are not lost lady! Cheer up....

 

ROFL! Oh, I am not crying due to any race issues whatsoever. We just spent a week with a poster who insisted that men of different races that proclaimed to not be attracted to black women were racist. This is one of about... what... 7 or 8 different threads on the subject in the last few days. I've just had enough of focusing on skin color- it ain't everything.

 

And, in my world, I refused to be called nigga, I refuse to listen to my friends be called nigga and I refuse to use the word nigga. It's a new spin on an old ugly word and I don't like it one bit. Some wonderful people died for my ability to have racial equality and be free from that old ugly word. I dont care what new spin black folks put on it. I ain't no nigga and neither are they.

[Paulie]

I like black women

[caramelbrownchick]

Its very true that the word should no longer be used at all, but since it is and it is used so much especially here in the south it seemed as if it was a last resort, there is no way the word is going away, in a perfect world it would, but is this world perfect, no.

[sweetness69]

someones post said that black women have a slight disadvantage when it comes to romance, well let me tell you they dont have the saying " once you go black you never go back" for nothing, black women have good coochie so thats what alot of men say (all races too. )

 

the blacker the berry the sweeter the juice