Married men, post here if you hate your life

[F2boi]

Before marriage I was an alpha male. Quick, strong, intelligent, head of my pack. Now I suck as a man. It seems all I do is work 15-16 hours a day to provide for my wife to spend money. Then I come home and get yelled at because I supposedly don't do enough around the house or spend enough time with my daughter, or because I don't work hard enough and earn enough money.

 

Right now my wife has taken our daughter out to see a chick flick, and I have two hours to pretend I'm still a man. Surely I can't be the only one who feels this way.

[Woggle]

This is the life most married men live but not me. I love my life. I

[F2boi]

Yeah, I used to love my life, too, and to be honest we had a good relationship before we got married. So I was fooled into thinking our marriage would be good, too. I didn't want to get married, but it seemed important to my wife to be, so I went along with it. If I knew then what I know now...

[Woggle]

Yeah, I used to love my life, too, and to be honest we had a good relationship before we got married. So I was fooled into thinking our marriage would be good, too. I didn't want to get married, but it seemed important to my wife to be, so I went along with it. If I knew then what I know now...

 

We have been married nearly for years and it is still great. The difference is she makes her own money and does not view me as her meal ticket.

[F2boi]

We have been married nearly for years and it is still great. The difference is she makes her own money and does not view me as her meal ticket.

 

Well, I'm glad it worked for you. The only thing I'd say is that the real test of most marriages seems to come after 10 years or so. When I had only been married for four years, it probably wasn't as bad as it is now.

[Stung]

So, you're obviously unhappy. If she's yelling and nagging at you for help, guess what: she's unhappy too. Rather than comfortably pinning ALL the blame for your unhappiness on your wife and continuing to let your life stagnate while you complain about how awful marriage is, have you considered marriage counseling to see if there are ways to fix your problems, improve the communication in your relationship on both sides?

[F2boi]

So, you're obviously unhappy. If she's yelling and nagging at you for help, guess what: she's unhappy too. Rather than comfortably pinning ALL the blame for your unhappiness on your wife and continuing to let your life stagnate while you complain about how awful marriage is, have you considered marriage counseling to see if there are ways to fix your problems, improve the communication in your relationship on both sides?

 

I doubt my wife would agree to me taking a day off work for any reason, and I can't see her letting me do it to go to counselling. Working all these hours wouldn't be so bad if my wife actually did anything, but she doesn't. She sits at home all day watching TV, the house is a mess, and then she yells at me when I get home at 9.30pm because I haven't cleaned the house as well.

 

The only real option I can see is to leave and start again. I think I'll start checking out some apartments for rent in my area. Sure, the divorce will cost me a lot of money, but at this point, I'll pay just about any price to get my life back. One thing is for sure, I won't be making this mistake again.

[F2boi]

Exactly. Marriage should be a partnership. It appears as if neither of you are doing the job you should be doing. 50/50 of doing nothing to nurture your marriage, of course your life sucks....until you un-suck it.

 

Well, what do you suggest I do? Bearing in mind that any course of action has to fit in around the 70-80 hours of work I need to do each week just to pay the bills.

[Woggle]

So, you're obviously unhappy. If she's yelling and nagging at you for help, guess what: she's unhappy too. Rather than comfortably pinning ALL the blame for your unhappiness on your wife and continuing to let your life stagnate while you complain about how awful marriage is, have you considered marriage counseling to see if there are ways to fix your problems, improve the communication in your relationship on both sides?

 

This would work if she were willing to work with him and do her half but a man doesn't stand a chance in a marriage like this. This is the reason many men don't want to commit. They don't want to end up like this guy.

[F2boi]

This would work if she were willing to work with him and do her half but a man doesn't stand a chance in a marriage like this. This is the reason many men don't want to commit. They don't want to end up like this guy.

 

See, this is the problem, marriage isn't about "commitment" and never has been. I would have been happy to stay with her forever if what we had before the marriage had continued. The problem was that clearly, she was making a big effort before we got married, but she had no plan to do anything for me, or show any commitment after she had me trapped in the marriage. I, being the fool that I am, went along with it. I've stuck it out this long for our daughter, and I've remained committed by continuing to work 70 and 80 hours a week when I should have just bailed and told my wife to pay for her own spending. Clearly, my commitment has never been returned, so it's time to go.

[F2boi]

If leaving will give you what you are looking for, by all means do it. But that may not be the cause of your angst. It is entirely possible the problem is you. Give it a try and see what happens,

 

The problem is me in that I've allowed this situation to happen. I should have put my foot down as soon as the nagging, complaining and overspending started, and I should have left about five years ago. I've learned my lesson.

[DadofTwoGirls]

Well..I've been married for 17 yrs:love:..and I was very happy with my wife up until about 14 yrs ago when she started getting on my nerves...first the voice started to irritate me then everything..but it was my fault why she left me 3 months ago..now I'm not sure if I'm happier or just still in limbo.

[allina]

This thread is so sad

[Tony T]

This thread is so sad

 

Yeah, but it's reality.

[WalkingOnEggs]

I agree. I feel like I got the ole "bait and switch" in my marriage. Before marriage we had no money, but we always had fun and great sex all the time. We'd do nice things for each other frequently. While I was a little reluctant to marry as young as I did, I loved her and we did get married.

 

But soon after the first child came, she slowly transformed into a nagging, angry harpie. I work hard and did well for us always. I've made us more money every year and so we live in comfort and security. I do nice things for her but nothing gets reciprocated. It's as though now she resents me for some inexplicable reason. We have mechanical sex maybe 2 times a month at best.

 

Now here I am, 2 kids later, and I have to take a deep breath before stepping into the house after work because I WILL be yelled at for something I did or didn't do, or could have done. Weekends I get yelled at several times a day for a variety of different minor infractions. I'm seeing my best sexual years pass me by with the vast majority of my orgasms coming from my right fist. The women I've pushed away in order to stay faithful now are cause for some regret at times when I think about what I'm missing.

 

I have tried so many times to get her to tell me what is wrong, but she tells me nothing is wrong. I had to stop asking because she gets visibly annoyed if I do now.

 

Don't any of you start with the introspective pollyanna bullcrap on me. She is happy with her life. She doesn't have to work, we have a maid so she doean't have to clean, and she cooks maybe once a week. I cook breakfast for everybody in the morning and take the kids to school. I cook great dinners on the weekends (because I like it - it's a hobby for me). She has a great circle of friends she does things during the day with and she gets to work out an hour every day. Unless she tells me what, if anything is wrong, then I have to think she is happy. She certainly seems that way. If there is something I'm supposed to change, then I don't know what it is.

 

The only reason I stay now is because I love my kids and could never imagine not seeing them every day. But do I hate my life? Yes I do.

[secretlady76]

I think many many husbands feel exactly as you do. I know mine does and in fact, your wives all sound like me so in fact I think we're all as bad as each other.....!!!!

[WalkingOnEggs]

I think many many husbands feel exactly as you do. I know mine does and in fact, your wives all sound like me so in fact I think we're all as bad as each other.....!!!!

Yeah, well definitely don't go and do anything crazy like show a little appreciation for your husband, okay?

[secretlady76]

Yeah, well definitely don't go and do anything crazy like show a little appreciation for your husband, okay?

 

Like I'd be that stupid...

[Eve]

Before marriage I was an alpha male. Quick, strong, intelligent, head of my pack. Now I suck as a man. It seems all I do is work 15-16 hours a day to provide for my wife to spend money. Then I come home and get yelled at because I supposedly don't do enough around the house or spend enough time with my daughter, or because I don't work hard enough and earn enough money.

 

Right now my wife has taken our daughter out to see a chick flick, and I have two hours to pretend I'm still a man. Surely I can't be the only one who feels this way.

 

Ok, forget that you are married for a moment.

 

In my mind, theres 'good predictable' and 'bad predictable' routines in life. You are stuck in 'bad predictable'. Right from the sun rises until the sun goes down you know how your life is going to pan out. Work on changing this first is what I would advise. Dont say a word to your wife or child about it either just make changes to how you live out your day.

 

Whether you are married or not, I think this is what 'living well' comes down to you see. This level of attentiveness makes a person interesting regardless of their routine. I suppose that I have found that many of the questions we have about our place within a relationship are not altogether meant to be directly shared with our other half just by words, its about how we move, dress, laugh.. how we give.

 

You SHOULD NOT be working all those hours. What kind of madness is that? During the day you should have at least 3 hours where you do something that you would like to do. currently there are zero hours for you.

 

**** that!

 

I spend the first portion of my day connecting to what sustains me spiritually and throughout the day although I am always busy, my mind is in good places. I watch for discontented feelings and own them. I think that you are discontented a lot of the time and simply dont have an outlet.

 

The energy you need for change has to be fed firstly so try and build yourself up within yourself firstly but then I would call a family meeting and say that you are not happy at the mo and want to know if anyone else feels the same. By this time you should have worked out what will need to change in order for you to cut down some of those working hours.

 

If your wife cares about you she will offer to help.

 

Gosh, my Hubby has never really been allowed to work any overtime because I would rather have him at home or doing his boring sporty things with the kids. Although I have been an 'at home Mummy' I still worked during school hours (mainly looking after other kids). This income went to our 'entertainment fund'.

 

Maybe your wife could generate money somehow for something as such? In the meeting suggest that you want to start an entertainment fund but also need to cut down the hours you work because it is too draining for you.

 

This is what being a whole human being is about honey. Not especially being 'a man' as such.. just being a responsive human being.

 

So make slight changes.. I dont know what you are into.. but make slight changes. In my mind the lack of ability to do this is what is at the core of your sense of not feeling happy.

 

If the stalemate situation in your marraige still does not change.. leave. Personally I think that you both are too wrapped up in a state of predictableness to really value each other right now.. and this will happen again in other relationships unless you get your swagger back.

 

Hope it works out Babes...

 

 

Take care,

Eve xx

Edited May 29, 2010 by Eve

[jennie-jennie]

Yeah, I used to love my life, too, and to be honest we had a good relationship before we got married. So I was fooled into thinking our marriage would be good, too. I didn't want to get married, but it seemed important to my wife to be, so I went along with it. If I knew then what I know now...

 

That's the case for my Married Man too. Now he is stuck in the marriage having a long term extramarital relationship to fulfill his needs.

[Eve]

That's the case for my Married Man too. Now he is stuck in the marriage having a long term extramarital relationship to fulfill his needs.

 

What extramaritial relationship? Huh?

 

As a rule, I dont get involved in nonsense threads like that.. Did I misread something?

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[Eve]

Oh sorry.. you were talking about yourself Jennie..

 

Phew..

 

Sorry OP, I got mixed up..

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[jennie-jennie]

Oh sorry.. you were talking about yourself Jennie..

 

Phew..

 

Sorry OP, I got mixed up..

 

Take care,

Eve xx

 

Yeah, what I meant is that if you go along and get married only because the woman wants to, you might end up like my MM: in an affair.

[xxoo]

I doubt my wife would agree to me taking a day off work for any reason, and I can't see her letting me do it to go to counselling.

 

Let you? Do you actually ask her permission to go to the doctor???

 

There is so much wrong with this thread. People, yer doing it wrong!!!!

 

Look, I've been married 17 years. 17 happy years, getting better all the time. If I came home tomorrow to my H yelling at me, I'd turn around and walk out the door. One sentence: "I will be back when you are calm." and leave. I'd probably grab my kids on the way out the door. He'd do the same. In fact, I learned that gem from him

 

Same response Each and Every time someone yells at me. If you want my audience, you need to control yourself. Teach people how to treat you! I teach my children "I won't be yelled at," and they learn. Your wife should have more self control, ability to learn, and motivation to be heard than a preschooler.

 

If you want to go to a dr (medical or psychological), go. You can not control her (force her into MC), but you CAN control YOU. Be an adult and make the appt. Find out why you are staying in this gawd awful situation, modeling dysfunction for your child.

[BB07]

I gotta wonder.....about the husbands that are bitching on this thread, if they are doing anything to change the current state of their own unhappiness, are you? I would venture a guess that the wife's aren't too happy either, otherwise they probably wouldn't be as difficult to live with.

 

It's very easy to sit back and complain and wait passively for something to change, but it doesn't work like that.