A question for the women of loveshack

[AlwaysConflicted]

Typically, how long will a woman hold negative feelings about a man she recently broke up with?

 

I understand that certain variables may affect this answer, but please go on the basis that no horrible event has happened (i.e. infidelity, children issues, illness, death, etc.)

[simonsez]

Don't know why you are asking women.

 

I will tell you the facts though...

 

She will want you back WHEN you find another woman..

 

Go out and find someone else and when she finds out you aren't pining for her and her jealousy kicks in, is when all is forgiven on her end...

 

THAT is the way it works.

[simonsez]

And here is a perfect example. This thread is right below yours.

 

Notice that SHE left him.. NOTICE that she didn't want him back UNTIL he was seeing someone else. Now look at her and how much she wants him back. Take notice and follow what this man did. That is what will bring a woman around faster than anything.

 

Since the last time I wrote here, my husband and I have been talking. To explain shortly, we were married 7 years together 9. I left him for 6 months because he had trust issues and I didn't know of how to make him understand (now I know: counseling). Two weeks before I told him how I felt about him/us, he started seeing someone. They have been together a month. He finally says that he believes me when I tell him I will always stand by him and love him but he claims he is confused and I believe him. But when I pursue him, he becomes fickle and when I try to move on, he wants me. But he says he feels trapped because the girlfriend helped him when I left. I need advice, please on how to get my family back together.

[stillafool]

post deleted.

Edited May 30, 2010 by stillafool

[sedgwick]

This is one of those questions that there's no way to answer, as there is no "typical" woman, y'know? People have radically different concepts of what is typical based on their own life experience, culture, etc.

 

I can say that I personally only hold negative feelings toward exes who have done negative things to me. I was with a very abusive guy six years ago, and I still want nothing to do with him and think he's a total loser. I hope never to see him again. I was with a guy nine years ago with whom I had one of the two worst breakups of my life, and I don't hold any negative feelings toward him anymore. In fact, in '07 I wrote him an email telling him I was sorry for my part in the messiness of that breakup, because I truly was, and it had weighed on me all that time. He wrote back and said he was too, and now I feel at peace about it.

 

I briefly harbored negative feelings toward the two exes with whom I am still good friends, but those went away fairly quickly when I realized how much I still cared for both of them -- not romantically, but I missed their presence in my life very much, and I knew they were really good people despite the arguments that led to our breakups.

 

As for the whole "getting together with someone else will bring a woman back" thing, I have never wanted anyone back solely due to the fact that they got another gf. I knew there were valid reasons to break up, and though it did hurt when they found someone else, I never tried to get them back. The abusive guy got together with another woman and all I felt was sorry for her.

Edited May 30, 2010 by sedgwick

[AlwaysConflicted]

Notice that SHE left him.. NOTICE that she didn't want him back UNTIL he was seeing someone else. Now look at her and how much she wants him back. Take notice and follow what this man did. That is what will bring a woman around faster than anything.

 

Thanks for that answer. I enjoyed it and it makes a lot of sense. It's the principle that people want what they can't have. The grass really is always greener on the other side.

 

The reason I was asking women is because I'm trying to understand some of the psychology behind relationships.

 

I base a majority of my life on logic, so anything with emotion trips me up. I was trying to see if there is an average amount of time from when a woman feels hurt to when she starts to feel better about a situation like a breakup.

 

Most of what I read says No Contact for 30 days so maybe that's the average.

 

If nothing else, I'm trying to learn from my past relationship to better help me in the next one.

[sedgwick]

Thanks for that answer. I enjoyed it and it makes a lot of sense.

 

But, in my own personal female experience, it's completely untrue. I can't think of any of my female friends who have wanted an ex back (one that they broke up with; if he broke up it's a different story) just because he got another gf. Truly, I can't come up with a single example.

[AlwaysConflicted]

This is one of those questions that there's no way to answer, as there is no "typical" woman, y'know? People have radically different concepts of what is typical based on their own life experience, culture, etc.

 

I know it's a hard question to answer. I recently was broken up with a woman after seeing her for 4 months because we had many little arguments/debates. I actually enjoyed them, but I think they made her feel uncomfortable. We both professed our love for each other so I assumed all was well. I'm reminded of a quote from Jerry Maguire, "That's the difference between me and you, you think we're fighting and I think we're finally talking".

 

During the phone breakup, she mentioned several examples from our past that she deemed negative. However, at the time they occurred, those examples were not negative at all. She was revising history to rationalize her breakup with me. So for whatever reason, she thinks I'm this selfish guy based on fictional circumstances. I'm curious how long it will take for her mind to shift from focusing on the negatives to all the positives we experienced.

 

I adopted a dog 2 years ago, how selfish could I really be? I took in an animal that needed love when no one else did. Another great example is that I use to accompany her to see her grandmother who is partially senile and living in a nursing home. It made her uncomfortable to go alone to see her grandmother in that condition, so I sat by her side during the visits. Trust me, it was an uncomfortable situation, but I did it with a smile on my face.

 

At this point, I'm struggling to understand if I truly miss her or just the void of not having a relationship. She has some great qualities, but also a few not so great. I was able to see the good in her and was tolerant. Why couldn't she do the same for me?

 

The mystery of women continues.

[brokenamy]

And here is a perfect example. This thread is right below yours.

 

Notice that SHE left him.. NOTICE that she didn't want him back UNTIL he was seeing someone else. Now look at her and how much she wants him back. Take notice and follow what this man did. That is what will bring a woman around faster than anything.

You are so wrong to use me as an example. I left my husband because I was angry and I hoped that he would change. I left him angry and most women leave because they are DONE with the man and the relationship.