I am LOST...

[marinergirl]

WOW.... I never in my life thought i was going to do this...post my feeling in an internet site, but this is how far i have gone to get a simple advice of what to do with my life. I am stuck (i really do feal STUCK) in a 8 year relationship, that i don't know how to end. We met in college he was 20 and i was 21 and at first sight i knew he was not for me and that he was not ready for a relationship, but i wanted to still see him just for kicks. Well Some how we fell in love. My mom hated him and refused to accept that we were together and therefore we were always hidding from her and i never took him to any family functions from my side. But in the other hand his family loved me and i always went to his family functions. Well it was like that for five years and we were both ok with it. Until Oct 20 2006 I found out i was 3 months pregnante!!!! Well you can imagine the surprise to my family since they never knew that we were even datting. I had to confront my parents and family for the lie on the century. BUT I DID... because i wanted this baby so much... I thought this baby was going to be the final bond between us. But as the months passed by everything became harder than ever. He wanted to spend less time with me, my parents made my life a living hell, i had pushed all my friends away years ago therefore, i had none at this time. I was truly lost. My family was pushing me to marry him... because i am catholic and well you know how that goes... and when i presented the thought to my soon baby daddy .. he said "R U sure you want that" therefore i thought..." ok this is not a response a guy give if he wants to marry a girl" so i discarded that thought. Then He started to go out drinking with his guy friends more often and flirted with a girl as well when he went out. By this time i was 5 months pregnante and i confronted him with this. I told him i was probably being paranoid, but to please take me in his outings because I was really unsecure of us. I cried to his feet and begged him to please help me with that. And he said no! that he was not taking me anywere and that i had to deal with it. Well He kept going out and I kept hearing crap from my house. My house was a living hell at the time and as much as i asked him to get me out of there he said " I am on it" but never happened. Dec 21 2006 came and i lost my baby, i never got ahold of him, my parents were the only ones their for me for 5 days... on the 6th day he came around and asked me what happened to me. I lost it... i told him it was all his fault that i lost my baby and that I was never going to forgive him for it. I told him I never wanted to see him again and that i hated him. On the 10th day he sent me dozen of roses with a sorry card and hotlines for me to call and get help. 2 months later i came around and i called him and asked for forgiveness becasue it was not his fault. I noticed that I had the power to make my own decisions and I had the power to move my life around and i didn't so if it was anyones fault it was mine! 6 months later i moved out of my house and then 6 months later i moved in with him. The first six months were the BEST and then downfall for the next year i lived with him. Then we decided to take a break , i moved into my moms for 4 months and now i have my own place, he moved back with his parents and is still their. We are still together but not, i hope that makes sense. He has changed so much, he is cold, dosen't want to sped time with me, I am going thru a hard time at this time with some work crap ( too long of a story) and he is avoiding me. He rather be at his parents house, in his computer, with his borther and friends, than with me... He is calling me controling, nag. And I don't have an engaging ring on me and its been 8 years. I guess i know i have to let go and move on with my life. But I CAN'T I AM SO USED TO HIM AND HIS WAYS I AM SCARED TO MOVE ON... I AM SCARED TO ACCEPT THAT I HAVE WASTED MY TIME WITH A MAN THAT I KNEW FROM THE BEGINING THAT HE WAS NOT FOR ME AND THAT HE WAS NOT READY FOR A REALTIONSHIP... HE SAIS HE LOVES ME, HE SAIS HE WANTS TO MARRY ME (BUT NOT YET), HE SAIS HE WANTS KIDS (BUT NOT YET)...BUT ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS... HIS ACCTIONS ALL 8 YEARS HAS BEEN NON COMITED. I AM LOST.... HOW DO I LET GO??? HOW DO I MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE???

 

HELP??

[IronMaiden]

You have to let go of him. He is, in fact, already gone unfortunately. Life is very hard. We just all do it one day at a time.