My mother is severely depressed!

[mickleb]

I think if your mother is this ill and you fear she might become filicidal if you spoke to her employer about her being so ill, you really need to get a professional to help her.

 

She may need an intervention. Sometimes people do. I would get her to the doctor's no matter what it takes.

 

As soon as possible.

 

Good luck.

 

x

[Atlantico]

I have been depressed almost all my life.

In my case I know exactly why i am depressed (bad choices long ago, guilty etc etc) and when I go really down the only thing I do is SLEEPING.

 

Oversleeping is a bad symptom. As someone already posted there should exist a reason why your mother is depressed. She may not reveal that to you. To give you an hint my wife doesn´t really know the origins of my depression, she thinks it is related to some chemical unbalance in my body and keeps telling me I should be taking some pills. So I feel a bit alone in my suffering, like crossing the desert all alone. She also is not the kind of person that stimulates me opening up my feelings to her, a virtue that not everybody shares.

 

Try to win your mother emotionally, and make time to let her open up to you and let you know what are her problems. I think you are doing a great job really with your mother. Another thing, depressed people may be sometimes bad tempered, that does not mean they don´t love you, it is just that the suffering is so overwhelming that take the best of us...

 

i feel that if I only could share my feelings with somebody things would be better.

Edited June 16, 2010 by Atlantico

[Corporate]

I have been depressed almost all my life.

In my case I know exactly why i am depressed (bad choices long ago, guilty etc etc) and when I go really down the only thing I do is SLEEPING.

 

 

What were those choices and guilt that caused you depression?

 

By the way, don't you feel "guilt" for cheating on your wife?

Edited June 18, 2010 by Corporate

[Atlantico]

What were those choices and guilt that caused you depression?

 

By the way, don't you feel "guilt" for cheating on your wife?

 

Many carrier bad choices that can not be un-do. The most terrible pair of words is "too-late". Also I feel guilt for neglecting my parents, something I will never let go. Every morning I wake up with my sorrows, and at night I go to bad with them intact.

 

What do you mean about cheating my wife? If you meant I should open up my feelings to her, I must say we are in different tones, she is a person that simply can not handle other people's strong emotions, she just backs up and closes. Her world is a pink happy place, where all the problems can be solved by taking some medicine.

[lonelygurl]

It sounds like you say that your mom is severely depressed. Does she know of a good psychiatrist she could see? If you are really scared would she be willing to go to the hospital and possibly do in-patient to get quicker help? Your mom may need more than just therapy. She made need some anti-depressants to help her. And as someone else mentioned, work can be good or bad for people with mental health troubles. I have been battling severe depression and severe anxiety for over 2 years now. I am currently on disability because of it. I have only recently with my psychiatrist found a combination of meds that seem to be helping a little. I know how worrying it can be for kids I have two teenagers myself and they have become very worried and upset with me too.

[Corporate]

Many carrier bad choices that can not be un-do. The most terrible pair of words is "too-late". Also I feel guilt for neglecting my parents, something I will never let go. Every morning I wake up with my sorrows, and at night I go to bad with them intact.

 

What do you mean about cheating my wife? If you meant I should open up my feelings to her, I must say we are in different tones, she is a person that simply can not handle other people's strong emotions, she just backs up and closes. Her world is a pink happy place, where all the problems can be solved by taking some medicine.

 

You said you're married, but then you wrote that you had been having problems giving your girlfriend satisfying sex:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t193076/

 

 

Unless you're calling your wife your "gf."

[WintersNightTraveler]

Hi Erica, I am coming into this thread a bit late so I am sorry if I have missed some points, as there is a lot to read. My mother had severe depression and anxiety issues that I wound up dealing with so I just wanted to give what little advice I had, because it's the type of issue that seems very personal to me.

 

As far as helping your mother, I would really recommend taking her to see a psychiatrist and looking at medication. (I do not think you have tried this, but I might have missed that part of the thread). A lot of my mother's symptoms were similar to what you describe (not bathing or eating properly, staying in bed all day, etc), and medication was the only thing that could help her really. No amount of me or anyone trying to "figure it out" - as in doing some thing or providing some companionship or trying yet another approach - ever really could fix things. It's hard to accept sometimes that but I find that in cases like these things often don't make much logical sense, but you kind of have to accept them. However, the right medication was able to dramatically help her even after things seemed hopeless.

 

If you do pursue medication, also be patient. In my mother's case, it took 3 months of in-patient treatment and experiementing with various medication types before the doctors were able to find something that worked. But I'm not saying that to make it sound long and scary, because when they did find something that worked for her the difference was huge. She went from being completely non-functional to being able to lead a much happier life and went back home and lived on her own. So try to be patient, even if it seems the medication is doing no good at first. In my mother's case, her symptoms had progressed much farther (needed to be committed, hadn't been able to hold a job in years, etc) so perhaps a good doctor can help your mom much more quickly and probably in an out-patient setting.

 

As far as yourself - in my case, I could help my mother much much better not living with her. I had endured far too much as a child and the slightest trigger could really hurt/anger me coming from her, which was very counter productive to actually helping her. I was a very young adult (early 20s) at the time I had to deal with this, so maybe you can live with her better than I could live with my mom. But if you do need to move, don't hesitate and don't beat yourself up about it! It's so easy to feel guiltly but in fact you clearly are a very caring daughter and should feel proud.

 

Also someone mentioned her employer. Whatever you do, don't tell them unless you absolutely have to (I am assuming this is not some family business or some other such circumstance where you truly know her employer). While legally employers have obligations in this regard, many companies will ignore the law and just fire employees at the first sign of trouble. Not all do - at my old company we actually tried to be very accomodating - but why take the chance if you don't need to?

 

The only circumstance I would tell the employer is if your mom has to take extended time off (in patient treatment or whatever). And in this case don't discuss details just provide medical documentation and make sure you are familiar with the family medical leave act and mental health parity bill (assuming you are in USA) which gives you mother many rights from her employer and insurers.

 

Good luck.

[D-Lish]

Hi E,

 

I just saw your post, so I am chiming in late.

 

It sounds like you are taking on a huge burden with your mother. I think this problem is much bigger than just the two of you, and you need to find some help. Where is your aunt in all of this? It doesn't seem like she was helpful in her response to you, and this shouldn't be something you should be tackling by yourself. With everything you've been doing, you are hardly being overly needy or selfish!

 

You shouldn't have to be dealing with this alone.

 

You can't hault your own life in order to take care of your mother for the rest of hers! You need some support, and you need your family to step up.

 

Whom else can you turn to?

 

When you are worried about someone harming themselves, it ceases to become a private matter.

 

I am sorry you are dealing with this- a child shouldn't have to take on this kind of burden alone with an ailing parent Erica. It seems like you are walking on pins and needles in your own home...And that's not okay.

 

I'm so sorry you are going through this- you do need an ally in all of this- you need support.

[Atlantico]

You said you're married, but then you wrote that you had been having problems giving your girlfriend satisfying sex:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t193076/

 

 

Unless you're calling your wife your "gf."

 

Uhhh married for good, simply in my country (somewhere south europe) we also refer our girlfriends as wifes, and vice-versa, so a cultural thing...satisfied? And yes, round here cheating is usualy seen as wrong...

[Corporate]

Uhhh married for good, simply in my country (somewhere south europe) we also refer our girlfriends as wifes, and vice-versa, so a cultural thing...satisfied? And yes, round here cheating is usualy seen as wrong...

 

[Atlantico]

LOL, ok should have been singular...

 

Regarding the original OP subject, I still think that medicine will not solve the problem if there is an issue that should be adressed. Medicine should reduce the problem of the temper variations...and agressive behaviour

Edited June 19, 2010 by Atlantico

[EricaH329]

Thank you everyone for all of the responses!! I've thoroughly read every post, and I wanted to thank all of you for taking the time to share your stories and advice!!

 

I'd like to say that my mom isn't in that deep depression anymore. However, she is still not 100%. I don't think she ever will be, because as far as I can remember, she never has been.

 

She's been on medication ever since she stopped drinking. I think she is taking every single type of medication out there. Anxiety medicine, sleeping medicine, pain medicine, depression medicine, etc. She has a box filled with medicines. I think that the medicines have done all they can do, and the rest is up to her. Her negative and pessimistic outlook on life has not changed, and does not look like it's going to change. That's the one thing that's left for her to do, and she refuses to try.

 

I've spoken with her, in great lengths, about how she got to the point she's at today. She's told me a lot of her childhood experiences, and experiences as a grown adult also. I personally believe that most of what we learn (how to react to certain things, the way we think about certain things, etc.) stems from childhood lessons. My mother didn't have it half as bad as I had it, and she is much much worse than I am (and ever will be). It's extremely difficult listening to her whine and complain about things, when I want to remind her of all of the terrible things she's done to me/ said to me/ put me through.

 

I don't tell her these things, though. Those are my thoughts. I allow her to vent to me, good and bad. I've learned to be very selective with the things I say in return. As to not upset her further.

 

I am continuing to do all of the things I was doing to make her less upset (chores, staying out of her way, etc.). I've come to accept that's the relationship I am going to have with her.

 

Again, thank you all very very much for all of your support and advice! It means a great deal to me that i'm able to discuss this with people who have had similar experiences, and to vent about this to. You all are really wonderful people!

[Corporate]

Erica? Where is your dad? Is he dating or married? Do you have any half-siblings? You need to reconnect with him if your mom is too much for ya.

[Atlantico]

Very few daughters that I know of would have such as great atitude as Erica, a truly Heroine!

Edited June 19, 2010 by Atlantico