My husband and his estranged child from a previous relationship

[onetine922]

My husband and I have been married for 3 and a half years now. We just had a baby in November. We both have children from previous relationships. I had my child adopted because I had no other options, and my husband's who is now 8 y/o is living in another country with her mother. I still keep in contact with the birth parents. He on the other hand still keeps in contact with the mother every so often via e-mail and sometimes phone, but stopped a few years ago because she had married a older Caucasian man to get her and her daughter's papers and she let him know that she didn't need help from him financially or emotionally. The older man threatened my husband never to call again, so my husband din't want to deal with any drama that could incur from his threat esp. involving me. The older man just recently died, so my husband was now worred about his daughter having a good life and make her way to the States. He recently started talking to his daughter about a few days ago and didn't tell me until after the conversation. I asked him why he didn't want me to hear his conversation and he said that he didn't want me to ask him questions(i.e. what did she say or what did you say) while he had her on the phone because I don't understand his dialect. I felt violated as a wife because I was taught that you're supposed to tell your wife everything because you are now one. I told him that I somewhat can understand the words he is saying and I would ask questions after the conversation and he just kind of dismissed what I said. After thirty minutes, I was planning to watch a DVD in our room together, but he said he was going to get something really quick so he stepped out of the room. It had been 5 minutes and he wasn't back from getting whatever he wanted to get, so I check in all the rooms and he is no where to be found. I finally go into the garage and he's in there talking on his cell. I ask him who is talking to and he says his daughter. I get upset because minutes earlier I told him how I felt and that it would be nice for me be there while he is talking to her. I asked him how come he didn't call her in the room and he says that it's because the movie would be too loud and he wouldn't be able to hear clearly. That wasn't a good excuse to me. I could have turned off the movie because it was only a movie and calling other countries with different times zonestakes more precedence. Like I said I got upset and slam the door because I felt so hurt. One: is he hiding something from me and Two: does he not respect me as a wife that my feelings don't matter to him. Don't get me wrong. I'm not jealous. It's just the whole principle of understanding and communication between a husband and wife. Sometimes I feel that my husband doesn't care about my feelings. is it because he's guy and sometimes guys are insensitive to a woman's feelings? please help me..

[cdn]

What is it that is bothering you: that it appears that your husband will be able to re-establish a relationship with his daughter or that your husband makes phone calls you can't hear and that he doesn't inform you he's making? I am assuming that your upset at the latter is because of your concerns about what the former may yield.

 

Have you and your husband talked about what the death of his daughter's step-father means for him (your husband?)? You mention that your husband is worried about she is having a good life and wanting to go to the states. Is this where you and your husband live now? Where is the daughter?

 

I think it's likely that your husband will want to be involved in his daughter's life. This is a good thing and should please you, especially since you have a child with this man. I think you need to discuss your fears with your husband. I don't think you will find a resolution to what's bothering you if you continue to focus on the fact of the phone calls rather than his intentions.