Girlfriend has an active dating profile

[b0s1]

Little background info:I'm 27 and she's 21, and she never had an relationship until she met me. We live 45 minutes apart from each other and only see each other at most three times a week. We never got into a fight or yelled at each other. We are both laid back individuals and enjoy each others company. I'm not a jealousy or controlling person, I believe in giving people space.

 

Well two weeks ago my friend brought to my attention that my girlfriend of 1 year 1/2 has an active profile on "Plenty of fish". On her profile it says she's single and is looking for dating, also she changed her age to 23:confused:! It show's she visits the site about once a week and not everyday. But in three months she's moving to my town and wants us to get a place together. But after learning about this I don't know if I will have a girlfriend in three months, because I'm thinking about ending our relationship. I don't know if I'm overreacting to the situation and should get her side of the story first. But this situation to me seems like she's cheating on me, well emotional cheating anyways since I have NO proof she's done anything yet! I need some advice!!

[Green]

I don't understand how it can show if its active... this is a tough one... why not test the water. Make up a fake profile with a good looking cool guy.. make his height tall give him good pictures... Don't go to crazy with it... and send her profile a msg. If she doesn't respond then you know she just logs on out of curiousity...

 

Butt if she does respond the problem is it doesn't necesarily prove anything because now you like the police have caused entrapment.... hmmm

 

The best way to figure this out might be to break into her email that she uses for the site... it will atleast show you if she is sending msgs back and forth with some one.

 

I woujldn't over react yet if I were you.. but I would be a little upset... not necesarily breaking up... you need to do a little digging

[b0s1]

If you go to search people in your area on "POF" it shows last time they where on the site, it will show online today, online this week, or online in 30 days. She's usually "online this week", but still why the need to visit that site.

[Green]

If you go to search people in your area on "POF" it shows last time they where on the site, it will show online today, online this week, or online in 30 days. She's usually "online this week", but still why the need to visit that site.

 

I searched through craiglist singles one day just for shts and gigles.. but for the most part yeah she is probably up to no good. Maybe just talking to her might be best

[Serenitynow]

I would make a fake profile and email her, say somthing like hey you still single right now ? Just general chit chat. If she responds yes shes single. Then print out her profile, your fake profile, all the communication between the two and shove it down her throat next time you see her. She thikns shes far enough away that she can ef around behind your back.

[Green]

I would really worry if this were the same website you met her on and the same account

[SarahRose]

OP do you have an account on there?

[b0s1]

I never had an account on plenty of fish, but making a fake profile to catch her in the act, I don't know about that yet! Is there another way to find out if she is talking to people?

[Green]

I never had an account on plenty of fish, but making a fake profile to catch her in the act, I don't know about that yet! Is there another way to find out if she is talking to people?

 

I think the best way to find out for sure would be to hack her email that you think she is using for this

[b0s1]

You make it sound so easy to hack her email. Plus that's invasion of her privacy!

[legallyblonde289]

im on the making a fake profile team. just dont do it from your computer so she doesnt find your history or anything. you need to know the truth and its a lot easier than hacking her email.

[michaelhopes]

Ask her.......

Her response will tell you everything you need to know......

[reservoirdog1]

Frankly, I think this bodes badly for you. You guys have been together for a year and a half, and she's actively visiting a dating website and referring to herself as single on it? I'm not sure there's much more you need to know. At the very least, she's seeing what else is out there.

 

I'd be inclined to be the proactive and decisive one in this equation and dump her.

 

But, if you want to test the situation a bit first, go the fake profile route. It doesn't matter if it's "entrapment" -- the purpose of the exercise is to see how she responds if an apparently good-looking guy messages her.

 

If she responds with "no thanks, I have a boyfriend", that's good... but it still begs the question what she's doing on the site at all.

 

Either way... not good.

[Woman In Blue]

You make it sound so easy to hack her email. Plus that's invasion of her privacy!

ROFL! And you wouldn't want to invade her privacy even though she's on a dating website - where she advertises herself as "SINGLE" and 23 years old even though she's supposedly been committed to YOU for the last year and a half. Ahhh, the power of denial.

 

Just because her status doesn't show as "online within the last 24 hours" doesn't mean she's only logging on once a week. Going on every OTHER day will also cause her status to be "online this week." I should know - I have a POF account and have had one for almost 3 years.

 

You know what? She's only 21 years old. She's still a young girl whose only beginning to experience life. It sucks to be that young and tied down to someone who lives far enough away that you have to orchestrate your meetings on a schedule. Hell, it sucks to be tied down PERIOD when you're only 21 years old. You may be only 6 years older than her, but you're so far ahead of her in life experience already.

 

You've been given the gift of "sight." Someone above was looking out for you and GAVE you this information for a reason. You can choose to sweep it under the rug or take it for what it IS - a humongous red flag that's screaming out to you that this young girl has ALOT of living to do before she settles down with one person.

[goatee]

what does the profile say tho? friends? dating longterm?

 

My gf has "single" on her facebook and profile on PoF looking for friends, but she tells all her friends about me and introduces me to her real life friends as her boyfriend.

[b0s1]

You know what? She's only 21 years old. She's still a young girl whose only beginning to experience life. It sucks to be that young and tied down to someone who lives far enough away that you have to orchestrate your meetings on a schedule. Hell, it sucks to be tied down PERIOD when you're only 21 years old. You may be only 6 years older than her, but you're so far ahead of her in life experience already.

 

Well in one month she will be 22, but I know what you mean. I mentioned to her before that when I was 21, I wasn't ready to settle down with anyone. But she's adamant to get a place with me in three months, when she moves to my town.

 

 

what does the profile say tho? friends? dating longterm?

 

My gf has "single" on her facebook and profile on PoF looking for friends, but she tells all her friends about me and introduces me to her real life friends as her boyfriend.

 

Well she has "In relationship status" with a link to my facebook page. She's introduce to all her friends and family as her boyfriend.

 

On PoF, her status shows single and looking for dating. But before we were exclusive, she told me she had a PoF profile. She just never updated her profile, because in the "about me part" it still says college student, but she's a college graduate now. But yeah it's still not good that she's visiting that site.

 

Even her myspace page still shows single.

[vivrantflo]

Read Woman In Blue's post over and over again, cause she's right.

 

I've also come to realize that a LOT of women sign up on that site with no intentions of meeting anyone, but they get free validation from tons of men. I only say this cause I have a few female friends on that site.

 

If I were in your shoes.. I'd make a fake profile, pictures and all.. Talk to her, and arrange to meet her in person. Then show up

[Mme. Chaucer]

If I were in your shoes, I would just send her an email through POF from you as YOURSELF, and say how surprised and shocked you are to see her profile there as single / looking for dating. Ask for an explanation.

 

Since she visits once a week or so, it can't be that she forgot it was up there, which can happen since it's free and all.

[Holding-On]

Remote possibilities:

Does she use a name and information that makes you think it is definitely her? I realize it is her picture but it is possible (extremely unlikely but possible) that someone used her picture. Just saying this because I am one of several girls in my family and one of the younger ones used the information she knew about one of the older ones to get a driver's license with her picture but the older sister's age and name.

 

There is also the possibility, at her age, that she enjoys looking/validation/ or is "stalking" someone else. Someone who dumped her or a platonic friend she likes to chat with still but not interested in or that a girlfriend of hers is using her account this way. (don't ask how I know this).

 

So unless you do the fake ad thing and actually meet her in person you can't know for 100% sure. It is more likely exactly as it seems but I did want to point a few other possibilities off the top of my head.

At 21 maybe she feels you are stringing her along? That she has to come out to your town to be with you may not signal a lot of interest to her? I didn't move to my husband's town until he had a ring on my finger and I was a lot older. So perhaps she is not 100% sure about you either.

[b0s1]

Yeah, it's definitely her, same name and information. Matter of fact she was on today and submitted a updated picture. She's moving to my town, because she found a job here! Thing is we hardly see each other or talk to each because we work opposite schedules, but she told me that she will be working my schedule soon, that way we can see each other more.

[Krytie TV]

You're temporary. You will be her "short-term lifeline" for about 2 months then she will dump your ass once she meets enough banging material in her new town. I jest... kinda. She will leave you though once she's settled in.

[b0s1]

When she moves to my town, she wants me to move in with her! I never once brought up moving in together, she always mentions it. She wants to know how commited I'am to this relationship. If I don't move in, she'll think I'm not serious about the relationship. But when I have time,I'll make the fake profile.

[stace79]

Okay, first off, IGNORE the people telling you to hack her email or create a fake profile. More dishonestly does not help your situation.

 

You should honestly tell her -- "Hey, my friend was on POF and said he saw your picture on a profile. Are you using the site?" and then have a discussion like grown-ups.

 

I really think that's the ONLY step you should take right now.

[phineas]

Okay, first off, IGNORE the people telling you to hack her email or create a fake profile. More dishonestly does not help your situation.

 

You should honestly tell her -- "Hey, my friend was on POF and said he saw your picture on a profile. Are you using the site?" and then have a discussion like grown-ups.

 

I really think that's the ONLY step you should take right now.

 

I agree.

When I asked my STBXW about the pictures I found of her with another man's arms around her & with her & him at a formal affair....she lied her arse off then continued cheating on me until I had proof.

 

Hence the STBXW part.

 

Honestly, she's on a dateing site updateing her picture.

 

We know the mature thing to do is to ask her.

But we also know she will probably lie to him until her ducks are all in a row.

 

My STBXW would talk about OUR future & the things we would do while we were in MC & OM was supposidly history.

 

She was manipulating me the whole time.

 

I honestly cannot think of a good reason as to why she would be updateing her profile on a dateing site while she is supposidly in a relationship.

 

sorry to the OP but don't expect an honest answer & it's best to ask her in person to see her reaction.

 

My STBXW did this "OMFG" thing with her eyes. They damn near popped out of her head & I thought she was going to swallow her tounge when I confronted her.

[stace79]

I agree.

When I asked my STBXW about the pictures I found of her with another man's arms around her & with her & him at a formal affair....she lied her arse off then continued cheating on me until I had proof.

 

Hence the STBXW part.

 

Honestly, she's on a dateing site updateing her picture.

 

We know the mature thing to do is to ask her.

But we also know she will probably lie to him until her ducks are all in a row.

 

My STBXW would talk about OUR future & the things we would do while we were in MC & OM was supposidly history.

 

She was manipulating me the whole time.

 

I honestly cannot think of a good reason as to why she would be updateing her profile on a dateing site while she is supposidly in a relationship.

 

sorry to the OP but don't expect an honest answer & it's best to ask her in person to see her reaction.

 

My STBXW did this "OMFG" thing with her eyes. They damn near popped out of her head & I thought she was going to swallow her tounge when I confronted her.

 

Yes, she might lie. But faking a profile or hacking her account is definitely the immature approach.

 

Once he talks to her in person, it's up to the OP to decide whether she's being truthful and if he trusts her or not. If he doesn't, then he needs to end it. If he does, she needs to be completely forthcoming and delete the account.

 

Just to throw a wrench in the works, I had an account on POF once and trust me, it was more than difficult to figure out how to delete the darn thing. And I still got e-mails from them, so I finally just sent them to spam and blocked the e-mail address.