Girlfriend has an active dating profile

[Krytie TV]

When she moves to my town, she wants me to move in with her!

 

Quoted for emphasis (italics and bold added). Notice she will not be moving in with you but vice versa. It's easier to kick someone out when it's your lease and not theirs.

 

Look man... all denial aside you need to wake up. Do NOT give up your personal living space or you will seriously regret it. Seriously, I can't emphasize enough that it sounds like you are her transitional support and nothing else (even if she may not explicitly know that, it's true). The bottom line is SHE IS NOT COMMITTED TO YOU! She is committed to the job. Read that a couple more times.

 

Don't let her convince you to make changes in your life for her. It's not worth the price you'll pay. If, however, you are a serious couple in 6 months or a year, then I stand corrected and you can move forward with no harm done. Something you can't say if you were to build your life around her now.

 

Oh man. This has disaster written all over it.

[b0s1]

Quoted for emphasis (italics and bold added). Notice she will not be moving in with you but vice versa. It's easier to kick someone out when it's your lease and not theirs.

 

Look man... all denial aside you need to wake up. Do NOT give up your personal living space or you will seriously regret it. Seriously, I can't emphasize enough that it sounds like you are her transitional support and nothing else (even if she may not explicitly know that, it's true). The bottom line is SHE IS NOT COMMITTED TO YOU! She is committed to the job. Read that a couple more times.

 

Don't let her convince you to make changes in your life for her. It's not worth the price you'll pay. If, however, you are a serious couple in 6 months or a year, then I stand corrected and you can move forward with no harm done. Something you can't say if you were to build your life around her now.

 

Oh man. This has disaster written all over it.

 

Yeah, I've been down that road with a previous ex and it turn real ugly. I never plan on giving up my personal space yet, until I know she's the one! And yeah your right she's more COMMITTED to her job than me. She's a workaholic and a very independent person.

[phineas]

Yes, she might lie. But faking a profile or hacking her account is definitely the immature approach.

 

Once he talks to her in person, it's up to the OP to decide whether she's being truthful and if he trusts her or not. If he doesn't, then he needs to end it. If he does, she needs to be completely forthcoming and delete the account.

 

Just to throw a wrench in the works, I had an account on POF once and trust me, it was more than difficult to figure out how to delete the darn thing. And I still got e-mails from them, so I finally just sent them to spam and blocked the e-mail address.

 

I agree with the bolded part.

It's a waste of time & energy & only postpones what needs to be done.

Asking her.

 

But, not being able to delete her profile & updateing her picture are two different ends of the spectrum.

[phineas]

Quoted for emphasis (italics and bold added). Notice she will not be moving in with you but vice versa. It's easier to kick someone out when it's your lease and not theirs.

 

Look man... all denial aside you need to wake up. Do NOT give up your personal living space or you will seriously regret it. Seriously, I can't emphasize enough that it sounds like you are her transitional support and nothing else (even if she may not explicitly know that, it's true). The bottom line is SHE IS NOT COMMITTED TO YOU! She is committed to the job. Read that a couple more times.

 

Don't let her convince you to make changes in your life for her. It's not worth the price you'll pay. If, however, you are a serious couple in 6 months or a year, then I stand corrected and you can move forward with no harm done. Something you can't say if you were to build your life around her now.

 

Oh man. This has disaster written all over it.

 

The only thing that has probably helped me keep my sanity is I owned my house before I even met STBXW.

 

I still own it.

I will NEVER move in with another woman unless my name is on the mortgage.

Preferably she would move in with me.

 

I cannot risk coming home one day & finding my crap on the front lawn because my GF has decided she changed her mind.

[rewe4reel]

OP, others have given you the path.

 

You just tell the gf that you don't think that she should move in with you right off the bat. Tell her you think she should get her own place for a few months until she adjusts to the new city. You still love her and will keep seeing each other of course. Then if that works out you can discuss a merger.

 

Obviously this won't fly with her if she's just staying with you for access to your apartment.

 

That will be your answer.

 

Does she want you, or your apartment?

[Crazy Magnet]

So here's what I would do. Next time I was with her, fire up the old computer and say "M buddy said he saw you on PoF. I checked it out and, yep, says you're on there every week and you even updated your pictures. Fork over your log in right now so I can see what's going on. Fork over your email log in right now so I can see what's going on."

 

Yes, it's an ambush, but you'll have your answer. Anything less than an ambush will give her time to hide evidence. If you are truly dealing with a liar, evidence hiding is something she will be very adept at. I, like Phineas, went through a cheating exH scenario from hell. I had to print out pages and wave them in his face as he conveniently deleted the online trail.

 

Screw the stealth approach and go straight for total ambush annihilation. If she doesn't immediately comply with request you have your answer. End it, walk away, and never look back.

 

I did maintain my OkCupid site after getting into a relationship. But it says "in a relationship" now and looking for "friends" and I took all but one picture down. I only use it to check out the guys my friends are interested in. My bf knows about this completely as I've even emailed a few of HIS friends on there when they find someone they are interested in. I'd gladly hand over all log in information on the spot if he asked or delete it if he asked. I've even asked him if he wants me to delete it, but he says it's fine. He knows why I'm there, what it says, and it's clear I log in less than once per month.

[b0s1]

I went over to her place last night, but I didn't mention PoF because her mom was staying over there. But I did mention moving, and she quickly said that her and her best friend might find a place together. But this best friend of hers is known to sleep with anything hanging between their legs. Just last week, she talked about being with three guys at once! Well I told my girl that when I was 21, I was not ready to settle and wanted to experience life at that age. She stated that girls think differently than guys at 21 and she wants to experience life with me and that she needs me. Well she's coming over to my place this weekend and I'm pulling up PoF profile on my computer and going to ask her again if she really needs me in her life.

[goatee]

i don't get it. what's the big deal here? she's not married to you, if it bothers you just ask her. If it's a deal breaker then tell her. As for moving in with her, hell no.

 

Or you can just hit it until she gets bored and leaves (or you get bored and leave).

[stace79]

I went over to her place last night, but I didn't mention PoF because her mom was staying over there. But I did mention moving, and she quickly said that her and her best friend might find a place together. But this best friend of hers is known to sleep with anything hanging between their legs. Just last week, she talked about being with three guys at once! Well I told my girl that when I was 21, I was not ready to settle and wanted to experience life at that age. She stated that girls think differently than guys at 21 and she wants to experience life with me and that she needs me. Well she's coming over to my place this weekend and I'm pulling up PoF profile on my computer and going to ask her again if she really needs me in her life.

 

Okay, seriously... you are acting like a high schooler. You don't need to pull it up on the computer. You don't need to dance around the elephant in the room or throw it in her face and start a huge fight.

 

Grow up, and just sit down with her and say exactly "My friend was on PoF a few weeks ago, and he told me he found an active profile with your picture. Are you still looking to date other people?" And then let her answer. If she gives you an answer you don't believe, then YOU have to decide whether or not to break up with her. It's really as simple as that.

[Livelovelearn]

Hey So I dont know what you did, but i will say that no matter what, whatever she tells you will not be good enough because the fact that shes on that site and you have seen her page saying single, it has already had an effect on you making you feel not good enough. I say this because unfortunately my ex of 3 years also was on Plenty of fish. How i hate that site! Within a year he went on it when we had a fight, the first time my friend saw him and i told him okay so im not good enough for you eh, and i was so mad and i told him my girl seen him. He got scared of losing me and took it off. However i later found out that he had met one girl of of there. Any way i forgave him for that and he hadnt been on it until we started having problems so this was 1.5 years in. I kept checking it every couple of months because truth is, trust does get lost. Any way so his immature a## kept going on it when there was problems and he had met another girl from there when we broke up last year. They also had sex. We got back together in sept. thought he knew what he wanted but instead he started going back on POF n finally met someone i guess he thought was better than me. He broke up with me and met this girl from POF (i talked to her after we found out he cheated on us both). He met her when we were having problems, the first time he met up with her he asked her to be his girl and she intiated sex. And they were together for 4 months until i found out. ANYWAY your partner being on POF is trouble and i would say as hard as it is, let her go unless you guys allow eachother to see anothers emails and whatnot to build trust cause this is definately not good news dont wait around until she cheats on you like i did. And the fact that that girl that my ex met initiated sex on the first date shows theres nothing but sleeze balls and whores on that site

[Maggotface]

Meh, I don't know this all seems fishy to me (no pun intended), if she takes the time to update her profile picture then she has time to update her relationship status. Especially since she changed her status on facebook.

 

Theres no need create a fake profile or hack her computer or any of that nonsence it'll just make the situation messier and although, it all sounds sneaky and fun in theory, it's really childish.

 

I don't think it's such a bad that you ask her to pull up her email and her page because chances are she'll lie to you about her intentions with POF.

[ADF]

The best way to figure this out might be to break into her email that she uses for the site... it will atleast show you if she is sending msgs back and forth with some one.

 

Dude, what is wrong with you? Breaking into someone's email is NOT a reasonable thing to do! Heck, why not just tap her phone, bug her house and hire a PI to follow her around and take pictures? Sheesh!

 

Even if this guy didn't give a damn about respecting this woman's privacy--and maybe he doesn't; maybe he, like you, has no concept of what privacy means or why it needs to be respected--secretly searching her email could backfire. What if she's done nothing and finds out he's been snooping? She'll probably dump his ass right then and there for being such a jerk.

[phineas]

After experianceing a cheating wife & going through what I went through if my gut ever tells me any woman i'm with might be cheating i'd probably just end it.

 

I have no desire to turn into a snoop again.

[samspade]

No need to play Sherlock Holmes - having the active dating profile is reason enough just to dump her.

 

If you really want to burn her though, you could do the fake profile thing. I don't think it's such a bad idea since she is already betraying you. Why not catch her in the act?

 

Or, you could just let her catch you in bed with another woman. If she's horrified just act like you thought you had an open relationship, and that she's not the only ho you're banging.