Best approach..

[Eve]

Well, the family party I attended yesterday certainly had a twist and a half in store for me. My older sister attended. Surprisingly she was really nice! We only talked briefly but she spent a lot of time speaking with my daughters and it was beyond great to see my nephew and niece again.

 

Ok, what do you think.. should I call her?

 

My younger sister arranged the party and wants to have us all iron out the past now that our parents have died. She too has been fabulous lately and I am thinking about staying more in touch with her too.

 

I moved away from my bio family at least 15 years ago you see because the situation was just bad bad bad.. but in the last five years we have had more and more contact. Now that my stepdad has died there seems to be scope for us to maybe move on...?

 

We are all professional people. All the kids have done well/are on the right track too which isnt bad considering the past. My sister now has a faith as do all of my siblings in their own way or via a Church and I think this is why I dont feel as cautious about things as before .. but calling her does make me a little scared..

 

Wow, I still cant believe that my older sister came yesterday! Maybe my younger sister told her that I would not be there or something?

 

What to do, what to do? I do believe in striking whilst the iron is hot and all that. Our former disagreements are really at the center of most of the family discord from the past, as well as other stuff.

 

Rather than let anyone choose between us, I simply sold up and left the area.

 

Anyone been in a situation as such? I keep reminding myself that I am not a child anymore and to just to do what I feel is appropriate. Realistically its either I contact her or we continue to meet up at weddings and funerals..

 

Any suggestions?

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[quankanne]

glad to hear you girls had a good visit together, and I hope this sets the stage for future gatherings, whether it's you three alone or with your families ...

 

maybe the best approach is to let go of all the hurts of the past and just focus on enjoying your time together as adults. Believe me, the right time will present itself to talk about the past or iron over old hurts – the main thing is that you learn to forge a new relationship as grown-ups.

 

I've got two older sisters, I'm Cindy to their Marcia and Jan Brady, LOL. The there's an 11-year age span from me to Marcia, so the hardest thing to overcome is having them see me as an adult, too, not just the baby sister they tend to be overprotective of. And it's been really nice that we're able to relate as friends now, which always hasn't been the easiest thing to do for various reasons. Now that we're orphans, though, it seems like we – and our brothers – have made a greater effort to get along ....

 

if it helps, plan brief get-togethers at first, like lunch or a movie or meeting up for drinks. That'll help melt any awkward feelings about being together again, and set the stage for fun things you can do together later. Most importantly, let go of whatever it was that kept y'all apart in the past. Life's too short to stay angry with folks you love, you know?

 

best of luck – I'm pulling for you gals!

q

[Eve]

glad to hear you girls had a good visit together, and I hope this sets the stage for future gatherings, whether it's you three alone or with your families ...

 

maybe the best approach is to let go of all the hurts of the past and just focus on enjoying your time together as adults. Believe me, the right time will present itself to talk about the past or iron over old hurts – the main thing is that you learn to forge a new relationship as grown-ups.

 

I've got two older sisters, I'm Cindy to their Marcia and Jan Brady, LOL. The there's an 11-year age span from me to Marcia, so the hardest thing to overcome is having them see me as an adult, too, not just the baby sister they tend to be overprotective of. And it's been really nice that we're able to relate as friends now, which always hasn't been the easiest thing to do for various reasons. Now that we're orphans, though, it seems like we – and our brothers – have made a greater effort to get along ....

 

if it helps, plan brief get-togethers at first, like lunch or a movie or meeting up for drinks. That'll help melt any awkward feelings about being together again, and set the stage for fun things you can do together later. Most importantly, let go of whatever it was that kept y'all apart in the past. Life's too short to stay angry with folks you love, you know?

 

best of luck – I'm pulling for you gals!

q

 

There is an 11 year gap between myself and my older sister and I am 5 years older than my youngest sis. We laughed about a lot of the stuff from the past.. silly things that used to scare us and laughing at it all now as adults felt weird. Its mad how you think that things will never change when you are a child.

 

I forgave my family as a whole years ago but it was kind of part and parcel of being baptised;I could not really forgive them, rather it was said in terms of, 'Lord, I forgive them because you said so.. ' The distance I moved helped a lot but yesterday I was surprised that I couldnt find any mistrust in my heart, nor hatred.. but I am not that into hatred anyway.

 

So thats good I suppose.. the whole forgiveness thing seems to be in place on my side.

 

My younger sis really wants us to all to get on and my brother (whose party it was) had a wonderful time with all of us together.. so the forgiveness thing isnt much in question there either..

 

Yes, a little girls get together sounds good. The City where I am originally from has had a huge face lift quite a few years ago and I have a lot of good memories from there, plus my younger sis works there.. so maybe a meet up in this location would be good? .. I will have a think.

 

.. but if things proceed in this line, I may have a family again..

 

My girls think this is fab!

 

Take care,

Eve xx

 

P.s Cinnamon, not being obstructive here but I dont talk about my past anymore. It is pretty horrible stuff and a huge part of my healing has been to allow it all to die in order to not allow it to live on through me so that my children could be free. Neither my Hubby nor children know about the past I survived and so I dont think it good to speak of these things on the internet.

 

If it was that your interest was genuine though, thank you for asking

Edited May 31, 2010 by Eve

[Eve]

I am offended by the "If."

 

Cinnamon, the internet is a medium that does not always convey intention well.

 

Therefore sometimes there can indeed be if's.

 

I am sure you know that I am referring to previously also.

 

Please dont try and engage me in anything other than my original sentiment which is a thank you if it is that your interest was genuine.

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[TaraMaiden]

You've just answered your own question, Eve.

if the past is past - leave it there.

turn the page completely, and head off from this point.

 

You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.

Grasp the nettle, take the bull by the horns and seize the day.

 

if that's not enough metaphors to convince you that holding onto the past is futile and reaching for the stars is the way to go - then I'm done!!

[Eve]

You've just answered your own question, Eve.

if the past is past - leave it there.

turn the page completely, and head off from this point.

 

You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.

Grasp the nettle, take the bull by the horns and seize the day.

 

if that's not enough metaphors to convince you that holding onto the past is futile and reaching for the stars is the way to go - then I'm done!!

 

 

Yes.. now for the hard bit of putting action to words..

 

Take care,

Eve xx