missy197 Posted May 31, 2010 Share Posted May 31, 2010 ..I am struggling.. We work together - although she has a new job so only got another 6 weeks to do. Until then I aim to stay out of her way. Have LC as she is still in the house we shared and have to finalise bills/stuff etc. She emailed me on Friday (asking for some money and to tell me of her new job, and asked if I am alright) I am not going to intiate contact, altough it's so tough. Basically she is selfish and spoilt, and gave very little. The "problem" is she is so attractive she gets what she wants so acts how she wants.. I know I deserved better, but it's hard because I love her. I also resent her now. I don't want to get back with her, I just want her to realise what's she done and what a mistake she's made in her behaviour and ending it the way she did...unlikely to happen, she goes home (160 miles away) to her friends and family, and everything that comes with it, plus her new job is going to be there, so she is unlikely to miss me (for now).. Link to post Share on other sites
This Hurts Posted May 31, 2010 Share Posted May 31, 2010 I understand how you feel. Honestly, the only advice I feel I can give is to just stay strong. Stay out of each other's way as much as possible, and just pretend she's not even there. Pretend she ALREADY moved away. The realization that you're way better off without her will come with time, but until you get there there will be doubts and moments where you feel you want her back, and you have to hold yourself back from falling into temptation. You'll be okay. You honestly seem to have your head on better than me Link to post Share on other sites
Author missy197 Posted May 31, 2010 Author Share Posted May 31, 2010 yeah, it's really tough after a couple of really tough years for me for different reasons (major back surgery, depression, off work for a year). The thing that is keeping me going is that, regardless of her bad points, she has good stuff going on, and I did lots for her that she will never forget. I know one day, especially once she is back home and away from me (things got a little crazy when we split), she will miss me and reach out (when the grass isn't as greener) for me in some capacity. I am already planning my response if/when she does finally get in touch. Not sure whether to give her both barrels, the guilt trip, or ignore. I want her to cry the tears I have cried, or feel the loneliness I have felt. She won't though..if only I could think of a way to make her feel it... Link to post Share on other sites
This Hurts Posted May 31, 2010 Share Posted May 31, 2010 Not sure whether to give her both barrels, the guilt trip, or ignore. I want her to cry the tears I have cried, or feel the loneliness I have felt. She won't though..if only I could think of a way to make her feel it... Hell yeah. I'm sure we ALL have thought of that. The ultimate revenge. Trying to come up with the simplest words that will make them feel absolutely terrible. To make them step into our shoes for at least a day. We would all love that. I have told myself time and time again, "I hope karma exists, 'cause if it does, she has A LOT of sh*t coming her way." Link to post Share on other sites
Author missy197 Posted May 31, 2010 Author Share Posted May 31, 2010 Yeah, I have even told her that if karma exists then she screwed. She really is. The thing is because she is priviledged, she always has other things to occupy her, to turn to, to do. When she actually looks for love, and wants all the things that love brings, then she will probably be f**ked because she doesn't know how to treat someone. That won't be for a few years though, and doesn't help me in this situation...I wish I could fast forward time... Link to post Share on other sites
This Hurts Posted May 31, 2010 Share Posted May 31, 2010 That won't be for a few years though, and doesn't help me in this situation...I wish I could fast forward time... Yeah, I know where you're coming from. I know my ex is going to have a ****ty few years of her life, at least in a couple of years, but that doesn't help me now. Right now she's out being happy, probably dating, partying, doing drugs, but I know this is all going to go away eventually. She's not stable and she's making very careless decisions. I wish I could just get over her already. I'm tired of wasting time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author missy197 Posted May 31, 2010 Author Share Posted May 31, 2010 same here, at the moment, she has returned home to her friends and family and having the time of her life. Do you think it will hit her eventually? At the minute, she can see me at work (i.e. have contact if she wants it), but once she has gone, been out on a few dates and realises how good I actually am, she will be in touch? I am obsessing with that idea, if only to tell her "told you so" and "you're too late, it's your turn to suffer..." that's what is keeping me going at this stage. I am having a bad, bad day. Can't focus on anything other than her today, like most days.. I can't just switch off. I wake up and check my phone, I lie awake thinking about what she is doing, who with, knowing she is making a mistake. Sometimes, I convince myself she will suddenly realise, then other times I think I will never see her again, then I think how much I despise her, then repeat.... Link to post Share on other sites
This Hurts Posted May 31, 2010 Share Posted May 31, 2010 same here, at the moment, she has returned home to her friends and family and having the time of her life. Do you think it will hit her eventually? At the minute, she can see me at work (i.e. have contact if she wants it), but once she has gone, been out on a few dates and realises how good I actually am, she will be in touch? I am obsessing with that idea, if only to tell her "told you so" and "you're too late, it's your turn to suffer..." that's what is keeping me going at this stage. I am having a bad, bad day. Can't focus on anything other than her today, like most days.. I can't just switch off. I wake up and check my phone, I lie awake thinking about what she is doing, who with, knowing she is making a mistake. Sometimes, I convince myself she will suddenly realise, then other times I think I will never see her again, then I think how much I despise her, then repeat.... It's an incredibly chaotic rollercoaster. Sometimes I just want to register myself into a mental institution and have them take care of me there, since I just get so damn exhausted. My mind races just like yours sometimes. And then other times I have to try my hardest to imagine how amazing my future CAN be, and try to remind myself that it WILL get better. "He that can have patience can have what he will." Link to post Share on other sites
Author missy197 Posted May 31, 2010 Author Share Posted May 31, 2010 I have spent the day thinking about her, wondering if she ever feels upset about it (we went through a lot), wondering if she has been close to contacting me, for whatever reason, whether songs, or actions, or anything reminds her of me and she a moment....I hope this passes. As a teacher, I have this week off work (holidays) so I have time to think. Meanwhile she is back with her family, her sisters, her friends and is probably having a great time..I am so sad. Link to post Share on other sites
This Hurts Posted June 1, 2010 Share Posted June 1, 2010 I have spent the day thinking about her, wondering if she ever feels upset about it (we went through a lot), wondering if she has been close to contacting me, for whatever reason, whether songs, or actions, or anything reminds her of me and she a moment....I hope this passes. As a teacher, I have this week off work (holidays) so I have time to think. Meanwhile she is back with her family, her sisters, her friends and is probably having a great time..I am so sad. Don't worry about it. It'll pass. I remember going through what you just described last year when my ex and I broke up for the summer. I thought about her SO much—all day, everyday, literally. A cycle of questions and sometimes memories. I just focused on the future and told myself, "In a few months, I won't be thinking about her like this." and that usually calmed down at least the fear that I was never going to get past it. I'm not dwelling so much this time around, though. Maybe 'cause I've gone through this with her before, maybe 'cause I'm just sick of it all, maybe 'cause I'm too preoccupied with other problems. I don't know, really, but this time around is different for me. It's not as painful as last year, but it's scarier 'cause I'm not familiar with it and I feel I'm doing something wrong. Bleh! Confusing stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Author missy197 Posted June 1, 2010 Author Share Posted June 1, 2010 yeah, I know I am better of without her. She does have qualties, she doesn't realise that she's wrong. I miss her, but need to move on. I know in time that she isn't going to get what she wants in life because of the way she is but she needs to discover that herself. It is gonna take time because she has no urgency to settle - she's 26 in August. It doesn't help me in the short term, her short term is going out, having fun, not being answerable to anyone, she's moving back with her folks and no doubt doing all the things that a single 26 year can do. In a couple of years when she starts looking for a long term partner (she loves the idea of a family, marriage supposedly) she will realise, especially when she wants an honest, giving man. The thing is she doesn't know how to treat one well. I know it's her loss, I am a great guy. Her family loved me, everyone it seems apart from her. I don't think she knows that the problem doesn't lie with other people, it's actually her, but because she has never faced consequences and has always got what she wants, she acts how she wants. In the meantime, I need to man up and move on. I just can't stop thinking about her Link to post Share on other sites
jv032889 Posted June 1, 2010 Share Posted June 1, 2010 It's hard when you have so much love for one person and they up and leave you hanging with all these feelings. It's very important to remain NC and improve yourself. I broke two weeks of NC and feel horrible today. Do yourself a favor and don't break it. Many scarificies have been given up on my part to try and remain NC. I guess when I look back in a few years it will all be worth it... My motivation is also that I'm an awesome girl who will be loved again. Link to post Share on other sites
This Hurts Posted June 1, 2010 Share Posted June 1, 2010 (edited) yeah, I know I am better of without her. She does have qualties, she doesn't realise that she's wrong. I miss her, but need to move on. I know in time that she isn't going to get what she wants in life because of the way she is but she needs to discover that herself. It is gonna take time because she has no urgency to settle - she's 26 in August. It doesn't help me in the short term, her short term is going out, having fun, not being answerable to anyone, she's moving back with her folks and no doubt doing all the things that a single 26 year can do. In a couple of years when she starts looking for a long term partner (she loves the idea of a family, marriage supposedly) she will realise, especially when she wants an honest, giving man. The thing is she doesn't know how to treat one well. I know it's her loss, I am a great guy. Her family loved me, everyone it seems apart from her. I don't think she knows that the problem doesn't lie with other people, it's actually her, but because she has never faced consequences and has always got what she wants, she acts how she wants. In the meantime, I need to man up and move on. I just can't stop thinking about her It sounds like we dated the same person. Honestly, my ex is probably going to be exactly like your ex in a few years. And try not to dwell on the fact that you can't stop thinking about her. Just take it as it comes. If you can't stop thinking about her, then allow yourself to think about her. Yes, it hurts, but it'll go away with time. If you're always thinking, "I can't stop thinking about her. I can't stop thinking about her. God damn it, I can't stop thinking about her!" then you're never going to stop thinking about her. Stick to NC, plan the near future (maybe school in the fall or this summer, or a new job), pick up hobbies, and join social groups (clubs, for example). Some days you might feel lost, and other days you might feel like you're going in the right direction. But if you stick to those things, overtime she'll start fading. *Edit Wanted to add that I've read about people who after a few months, start functioning properly and can live their lives normally, but it still took them about a year or a little more to stop thinking about their exes everyday. So just remember you're not alone, others have gone through what you're going through, and you CAN be happy while having her in your thoughts and overtime, she'll start leaving your head. My motivation is also that I'm an awesome girl who will be loved again. I envy this mindset, because it seems impossible for me to feel that way Sucks. Edited June 1, 2010 by This Hurts Link to post Share on other sites
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