Abusive Schitzophrenic husband

[BlkAzian]

I am going through a terrible Divorce.. I feel like I failed but my husband has called me every bad name yo can think of...I cant continue to walk on egg shell. he is very verbally abusive and sleeps with weapons under his pillow ..im talking M-16 pistols and K bars. and Glocks. I dont think this is normal.. He acts like being married is a burdon on him and told me I trapped him.. Tells me to find someone else. Even told me to dig up my deceased spouse and be with him and tells me that my dead husband is lucky he isnt here to be with me. Tells me to find someone else and he will be glad when this marriage is over.. and complains i dont want to sleep with him. I wonder why

Edited June 1, 2010 by BlkAzian
Was too long

[carhill]

If he's a danger to himself or others you can have him committed involuntarily. If his weapons are unregistered, he can be arrested for that.

 

What you described doesn't match up with my understanding of schizophrenia. As a caregiver, I dealt with paranoid delusions, hallucinations, and physical and verbal abuse. The delusions and hallucinations are hallmarks of schizoid-type disease processes. If he's attacking people who aren't there or talking about or to imaginary people like they're in the room, that's getting closer.

 

Regardless, if the environment is toxic, take the kids and get out. Go to a shelter if you have to. Get assistance. Engage the VA. Maybe he can get the help he needs. Don't sacrifice yourself and your kids at the altar of his toxic personality. Life's too short.

[BlkAzian]

I didnt get into details with his illness but.. he does see things and told me that he sees things and reached out and touched it. He also has anger management issues. He is a manic depressant and there is never a good day far as he is concerned, I met him while serving in the M.C since he had a stoke it has altered his personality and he developed Schitzophrenia. He was parinoid that someone was going to break into our house and harm us. Constantly watchen the news & He keeps purchasing weapons. Got mad at me and cursed me out and discharged a weapon over the phone and told me he was going to kill me over some B.S so I left him ... So much has went on but too much to write, I told him in order for him to see the kids he has to continue to get help I tried to get VA involved they said he has to be a crime commited which to me is too late if he acts on his threats. I dont even know this man we had been married almost 10 years.. I just feel like i failed. but he doesnt want to give up the fact we are not in the Marines anymore

[Ronni_W]

I just feel like i failed.

BA, there is no "failure" on anyone's part when an illness is involved. Mental illness is not different than, say, cancer. It is not something that you (or he) had any control over.

On the other side, you took steps to preserve your own sanity and safety. When you are clear of all of this, you will have been successful at self-preservation and also at protecting the kids' mental, emotional and, potentially, physical well-being.

There is nothing that you've "failed" at!

Hugs, and wishing you all the best.

[BlkAzian]

Thank u for that.... I still love him but i know he is too crazy to be with he makes my blood pressure go up too high. and has disrespected me and my family to the point of no return .... I still feel bad for him living in that house all alone.. I pray for him, I feel so sorry for him he is mad because i wont stay and subject myself to his abuse

[Gunny376]

I sleep with a pistol safe in my night stand. It has a four digit code. To open it? I need but enter the last digit.

 

Its a Colt .45 ~locked and loaded. Round in the chamber.

 

I've got it because between the crank-heads, crack-heads etc ~ the world has gone crazy and lost it mind!

 

I'm not out to kill anybody mind you! You might limp away or crawl away? But you want be walking away!

 

The sooner you get away from this fool the better!

[Darth Vader]

I sleep with a pistol safe in my night stand. It has a four digit code. To open it? I need but enter the last digit.

 

Its a Colt .45 ~locked and loaded. Round in the chamber.

 

I've got it because between the crank-heads, crack-heads etc ~ the world has gone crazy and lost it mind!

 

I'm not out to kill anybody mind you! You might limp away or crawl away? But you want be walking away!

 

The sooner you get away from this fool the better!

 

I'd get away from this man, FAST! Have you tried getting him help before? I'm not suggesting that you do it now, just get away, FAR FAR AWAY, NOW!:eek:

[You Go Girl]

Scary situation. I think you need to use smart psychology whenever possible when you have to deal with him. Pacify him whenever possible, and distance yourself whenever possible. As limited contact is possible. Don't say anything to anger him. Let him think it's the goons in his head, or politics, or whatever gets him angry, and that it's not you who is making him angry, so that you aren't his anger focus.

You didn't fail at all. This is about his anger issues, and mental illness. He may be schizo if he's paranoid.

The problem is that you have children. How are you going to work out visitation?

Pay attention to whether he is watching you, spying on you, etc. If he is, then he's focusing on you, and you need to enter a shelter.

I am very glad you got out. Now start being very smart as to his nutso psychology, and what he is doing. No more burying your head in the sand and thinking this is anywhere near normal behavior.

If he tries any psychology games, like getting angry that you left, you calmly remind him that he wanted you out, and that he felt trapped. Ask him doesn't he feel less trapped now. Make him think he's getting what he wants.

You need some spies of your own. Where he lives, and who he works with, and who is around the children when he has them with him. You need these spies so that you can react quickly if he is terrorizing your children, etc.

If he gets worse, you will need a confidential discussion with his employer and family. At some point he may need to be committed BEFORE he commmits a crime. This can be done, but it's difficult and requires witnesses such as employers, family, friends, neighbors. If he's on meds, then he must have a doctor that you can talk to. Call this doctor up and tell the doc your concerns, about the guns, and threatening your life in the past. The doctor can't share with you confidential information, but the doctor will listen to you, and that listening won't be breaching the confidentiality law.

[BlkAzian]

He isnt working anywhere he is 100 percent disabled from the military. I know that I was naive in thinking that this behavior was normal. I left him and live with my family. My soon to be ex husband bought a game for our son. He got mad at my 9yr old because he didnt want to go to see a movie with him and wanted to go home and play his new game ,now he wants to see the other child and not our other son because of it. I dont think thars right. He told me he doesnt chase children, if they dont know that they are supposed to spend time with him then he X,s them out and told me he was just like his mother I guess to insult me. I told him I wasnt going to let him mistreat my son and make the children resentfull of one another.He doesnt have contact with his other children from a previous marriage because he cant get along with them and they are teenagers. He had the nerve to tell me that he can have more children and replace them and told me if I dont let him see the baby he is going to disappear and i wont be able to ever drop the baby off again, He was going to dissappear 4 a long time and the next time our kids would see him would be when he is in a cauffin

[You Go Girl]

Let him disappear. Sounds like he's given you the best scenario possible!

[BlkAzian]

I know right...he doesnt know that im like good.. disappear. I dont know why he needs a child to boast his ego and make him feel like a man... I dont want him sticking around anyway.. Everytime the phone rings and its him my heart gets all jumpy and my nerves react.

[You Go Girl]

I know right...he doesnt know that im like good.. disappear. I dont know why he needs a child to boast his ego and make him feel like a man... I dont want him sticking around anyway.. Everytime the phone rings and its him my heart gets all jumpy and my nerves react.

 

He likes that he has spread his seed in the world. As if getting a woman pregnant is an accomplishment. Hello! 99% of guys can do it every month. The 1% that can't, it's not their fault.

 

Don't answer his calls if you don't want to. Maybe he'll fade away. If he gets hostile about it, tell him to leave messages and you'll call back as soon as you are able.

[Feelin Frisky]

I don't know why you'd ask "am I to blame"? The only thing you made clear was that this dude is a murder/suicide wiating to happen. I would take some of the other advice given here and see if there's a way to get him separated from those guns (perhaps arrested, perhaps committed). Then move to Katmandu and don't leave a fowarding address.

[Electron Manipulator]

You know, I have firearms. At night mine sleep in a safe and I sleep in the bed. That being said, your stbx has mental issues, so you really can't place much faith in anything he says. Nor can you read anything from it other than that he's crazy and possibly very dangerous. If you can show that he's a danger to himself or others, and depending upon the laws in your state, you may be able to get him TDO'd (temporary detention order) which will take care of the firearms until he can prove to a judge that he's sane. For the time being, take your babies and RUN for the hills!