susanl Posted January 28, 2004 Posted January 28, 2004 Well this is a first for this forum and a post from me. I am divorced but me this wonderful man, great guy wonderful personality, a lot of fun, great lover--yes I could go on and on. We are very much alike in personalities, likes dislikes etc. I have two kids one in college and one a junior, he has two kids 15 and 13. My kids really like him, the problem is his ex wife and daughter. He is great dad that expects from his son to do his chores etc around the house---he has custody of his son the ex has custody of his daughter. He gets his daughter one evening a week and every other weekend. Well until recently everything was going great, I get along great with the kids and everything was fine. Then this weekend the four of us go away and for a kind of "working" weekend--cleaning etc at his beach place--long ride home kids are tired and I go home to my son and his daughter gets an attitude with him---says he doesn't love her, isn't a dad etc--(by the way he is a great dad)--now I find out that it is either her or her mom or both are jealous of me and the time I spend with him. I am at my wits end--this guy is wonderful and I love him but I know I can't come between him and his daughter. What do I do and has anybody out there experienced this same situation? This is the first time in many many years I am happy and as a side he is happy when he is with me but after just getting off the phone with him--I am so worried that he wants to "cool it" for a while to get over this hump--I know this sounds like a selfish question but how can you let a 13 year old and an ex wife run your life when he is truly happy? I have no clue what to do--I want to offer to cool it for awhile but in my heart I can't offer that. Someone please HELP!!!!!
Darkangelism Posted January 28, 2004 Posted January 28, 2004 Ok, well there are other people on the shack that are more qualified to help wih this, but I will give my two cents. What I think is that his daughter is just 13, and 13 year old children rebel, don't want to be rational. Se is probably afraid of you replacing her mom. Her mom might be planting ideas in her head, but then again maybe not. I think you are worrying too much about it, cause his daughter will try to exert her independence by making decisions.
Author susanl Posted January 28, 2004 Author Posted January 28, 2004 Well that might be true but what do you do about a 13 yr old running her dad's life. Especally where he loves her to no end and this whole situation is killing him emotionally and mentally. I really at a loss what to do because as I said before I don't want to lose him but I don't want him to be unhappy. Again thanks for any help you can give me and any comments good or bad.
lostforwords Posted January 28, 2004 Posted January 28, 2004 ok.... i think you were the one that had posted a few months ago about the ex and your boyfriend being at her beckon call and her calling him always..... all i can say is susan, your going to have to get used to his ex and his kids always being in the picture good or bad.... but remaining on the sidelines when it comes to his children.... it seems to me just from experience, that he needs tod eal with his kids on his own... if he decides to slow it down with you really youll have to accept it.... mainly cuz you dont want him more confused as well as him feeling hes burning the candles on both ends. he does need to take a stand with his ex but he also has to help his children, and perhaps helping his kids adjust maybe time apart for you 2. as crappy as that sounds but if you approach him and you can approach him and tell him how your feeling about the daughter etc..... however, it may backfire on you. let him know your there to support him and be his companion or shoulder to cry on when he needs it but i wouldnt pressur ehim anymore than he is feeling right now especially if your sensing hes wanting time on his own. good luck
Darkangelism Posted January 28, 2004 Posted January 28, 2004 I think you should do whatever is most helpful to him, if he needs space give it, otherwise, to be frank I have no clue, lol, my expertise isnt in this.
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