What next

[What_Next]

Wow, what an outpouring of respsones. Absoutely fantastic and there is a lot of great ideas and observations in them as well.

 

Chinook there most definitely are men out there that realize the importance of communication in a marriage. However, many of us find out too late. In my case it might be too late, but I will at least treat my wife as she deserves from here on out.

 

I have been trying to be very direct in my needs with my wife. I did so the other night as I told her specifically what I needed. She has thus far really tried.

 

We will get some time to re-connect as a family over our vacation I am sure, that is my hope. Our child deserves it.

 

I really hope that some day, someone will read this thread and perhaps learn something from it. It might not save their marriage, but in some small way if it helps even a little I will feel as though I have give something back to the LS community that has given me so much.

[Corporate]

Are you still married?

[tojaz]

Tsk Tsk Corporate, do I have to tell you again? Please let the adults talk and go back to the childrens table please. Nuff said. Until you tell your story I've NO (ZERO, NADDA) desire to listen to your tripe, go AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

Heres his story.... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=239439&page=5 Laughed out loud at post#68 :lmao:

 

TOJAZ

[Corporate]

Heres his story.... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=239439&page=5 Laughed out loud at post#68 :lmao:

 

TOJAZ

 

Once again, I am not some teenage guy with Bieber hair! :mad:

[tojaz]

Perhaps you could create another username and explain to us grown ups what Bieber hair is...... If we cared..... which we don't. Sorry junior, go play somewhere else.

 

TOJAZ

[Corporate]

Perhaps you could create another username and explain to us grown ups what Bieber hair is...... If we cared..... which we don't. Sorry junior, go play somewhere else.

 

TOJAZ

 

I learned about "Bieber hair" through JL. Not so "junior" anymore, am I?

[tojaz]

I learned about "Bieber hair" through JL. Not so "junior" anymore, am I?

 

"junior" seems appropriate not just for the young but for those who choose to act as a child as it is a descriptive word used not only after family names but in the education field to describe those that have not yet reached an appropriate level of maturity or require a certain level of supervision, additional education, or training. Good luck with your continued studies of "Bieber hair" Junior.

 

TOJAZ

[tojaz]

So W-N havent heard from you in awhile, give us an update when you get a chance.

[Corporate]

"junior" seems appropriate not just for the young but for those who choose to act as a child as it is a descriptive word used not only after family names but in the education field to describe those that have not yet reached an appropriate level of maturity or require a certain level of supervision, additional education, or training. Good luck with your continued studies of "Bieber hair" Junior.

 

TOJAZ

 

Why are you being mean to me?

[tojaz]

Why are you being mean to me?

< all the while ignoring the fact that this post reads like a crying child>

 

I'm not really trying to be mean to you Corporate, but I am trying to be rather blunt. The reason for that is because your posts on this thread have seemed like little more then an attempt to stir the pot.

 

What Next is very much aware of what may or may not happened with his wife and the suspected OM. Something he has acknowledged many times. Truth is, he doesn't know for sure any more then you do yet he has decided for himself what he can accept, what he will do, and what he needs to know at this time.

 

You come to his thread multiple times, not offering advice or support but to badger him over STDs or the suppose affair. Enough that he had asked you to stop on multiple occasions. Yet you continue to play the childish game.

 

Now I do not know who or what you are, be it a Bieber haired troll or actually a well meaning adult who is just blind to how his posts read. People reap what they sow. If you dont like being treated like a child, quit posting as one. Read the thread, focus on what W-N needs to help him on his journey and write a well intentioned well thought out post with the intent to help, and you will earn my respect and those of many others. Play games with people here who are in a very bad emotional state, just for your own amusement... well i'd call that down right mean and you would deserve to get it paid back in spades.

 

So yes you seem to me to be acting like a child up to this point, and it seems I'm not the only one that thinks so, just a little more vocal on the subject and perhaps on W_Ns behalf because i hate seeing people chased from this place by the narrow minded and sometimes malicious.

 

However, I do encourage you to prove me wrong and a good start would be to give W_N his thread back and post something with substance.

 

TOJAZ

[Corporate]

< all the while ignoring the fact that this post reads like a crying child>

TOJAZ

 

That's not funny!

[What_Next]

Well we are back from our 2 week vacation.

 

First, Corporate, I've said it soo many times it is getting redundant. Go back to the children's table, you have added NOTHING whatsoever to this thread except silly childish posts which show your true level of maturity. I've nothing more to add on that subject.

 

Our vacation was lovely, a great time spent mostly family bonding. It ended up being what it was supposed to be; a time to begin healing as a family. We each had time to spend with our daugther and we had lots of time to spend as a family. Our child needed this time, she deserved this time and it helped.

 

As for our marriage, well we actually spent little time discussing it, in fact almost none. We tried to enjoy each other, laugh and have fun. After all isn't that what vacations are for in the first place? One trend did continue which we BOTH really liked was if one person said or did something mean or rude the other would say so right away. That way we could either apologize or explain what we meant to say. It avoided a number of potential conflicts I am sure.

 

I wish I could say we fell deeply in love with each other, but that would be a lie. In fact there were a number of times when we said little, we just were "there". It was comfortable, it was familiar in that sense.

 

We will continue what we have been doing that has been working, and will continue to work on the rest. I am still not 100% sure what way it will go. For now we are together, we'll see what the future holds I suppose. As much as it pains me to say, if I were to lay odds (what a nasty thing I know, but is the only way I can express it) we are still 50/50 at best.

[habs53]

Well we are back from our 2 week vacation.

 

First, Corporate, I've said it soo many times it is getting redundant. Go back to the children's table, you have added NOTHING whatsoever to this thread except silly childish posts which show your true level of maturity. I've nothing more to add on that subject.

 

Our vacation was lovely, a great time spent mostly family bonding. It ended up being what it was supposed to be; a time to begin healing as a family. We each had time to spend with our daugther and we had lots of time to spend as a family. Our child needed this time, she deserved this time and it helped.

 

As for our marriage, well we actually spent little time discussing it, in fact almost none. We tried to enjoy each other, laugh and have fun. After all isn't that what vacations are for in the first place? One trend did continue which we BOTH really liked was if one person said or did something mean or rude the other would say so right away. That way we could either apologize or explain what we meant to say. It avoided a number of potential conflicts I am sure.

 

I wish I could say we fell deeply in love with each other, but that would be a lie. In fact there were a number of times when we said little, we just were "there". It was comfortable, it was familiar in that sense.

 

We will continue what we have been doing that has been working, and will continue to work on the rest. I am still not 100% sure what way it will go. For now we are together, we'll see what the future holds I suppose. As much as it pains me to say, if I were to lay odds (what a nasty thing I know, but is the only way I can express it) we are still 50/50 at best.

50/50 is better than 0.

[hurt and devastated]

50/50 is better than 0.

 

 

Hell yeah! I'd love to be at 50/50. Don't give up yet. I know you have a long way to go, but you've come a long way since you started this thread.

[hopesndreams]

Vacations are so great aren't they? Worries get washed away and with that the guard goes down.

 

It's not a good sign that she became distant though. I wonder what she was thinking about. Too bad the communication between you both kinda stinks, otherwise, you'd know.

[BetweenHere&There]

I don't know if the communication thing is a bad sign....when you look at the big picture...the communication before was a different time...there is a transition period where the communication changes.

 

WN, hoping for you that this is a transition to better and more meaningful communication in the future as you both progress through these changes. Right now might be in flux...but there could always be rewards in the end.

[Corporate]

 

First, Corporate, I've said it soo many times it is getting redundant. Go back to the children's table, you have added NOTHING whatsoever to this thread except silly childish posts which show your true level of maturity. I've nothing more to add on that subject..

 

You should be thanking me for keeping your thread alive while you're gone.

[BetweenHere&There]

:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:

 

You should be thanking me for keeping your thread alive while you're gone.

 

Nuf said

[BetweenHere&There]

Well we are back from our 2 week vacation.

 

First, Corporate, I've said it soo many times it is getting redundant. Go back to the children's table, you have added NOTHING whatsoever to this thread except silly childish posts which show your true level of maturity. I've nothing more to add on that subject.

 

Our vacation was lovely, a great time spent mostly family bonding. It ended up being what it was supposed to be; a time to begin healing as a family. We each had time to spend with our daugther and we had lots of time to spend as a family. Our child needed this time, she deserved this time and it helped.

 

As for our marriage, well we actually spent little time discussing it, in fact almost none. We tried to enjoy each other, laugh and have fun. After all isn't that what vacations are for in the first place? One trend did continue which we BOTH really liked was if one person said or did something mean or rude the other would say so right away. That way we could either apologize or explain what we meant to say. It avoided a number of potential conflicts I am sure.

 

I wish I could say we fell deeply in love with each other, but that would be a lie. In fact there were a number of times when we said little, we just were "there". It was comfortable, it was familiar in that sense.

 

We will continue what we have been doing that has been working, and will continue to work on the rest. I am still not 100% sure what way it will go. For now we are together, we'll see what the future holds I suppose. As much as it pains me to say, if I were to lay odds (what a nasty thing I know, but is the only way I can express it) we are still 50/50 at best.

 

Something you failed to mention...you needed this time too...it is about the family....but years from now, it will be just the two of you. Kids grow up and leave home...in the end, it is just you and her...that is what you need to be rekindled. It is refreshing to see someone dedicated to that.

[hopesndreams]

It is refreshing to see someone dedicated to that.

 

Refreshing? Most, if not all on these boards seeking advice are dedicated to that. The problem lies with who they are with. It takes two dedicated people to recover a M. Anything less, is pointless.

[tojaz]

 

As for our marriage, well we actually spent little time discussing it, in fact almost none. We tried to enjoy each other, laugh and have fun. After all isn't that what vacations are for in the first place? One trend did continue which we BOTH really liked was if one person said or did something mean or rude the other would say so right away. That way we could either apologize or explain what we meant to say. It avoided a number of potential conflicts I am sure.

 

Sounds good W-N it sounds like not only did the vacation go well, but that you both figured out some tools to use in the future. Nice work!

 

 

I wish I could say we fell deeply in love with each other, but that would be a lie. In fact there were a number of times when we said little, we just were "there". It was comfortable, it was familiar in that sense.

 

We will continue what we have been doing that has been working, and will continue to work on the rest. I am still not 100% sure what way it will go. For now we are together, we'll see what the future holds I suppose. As much as it pains me to say, if I were to lay odds (what a nasty thing I know, but is the only way I can express it) we are still 50/50 at best.

 

It doesn't happen over night W-N but I would say your odds are better then most of the poor lost souls here, you have something that so many of us did/do not................... A spouse who is willing to work through it with you.

 

TOJAZ

[BetweenHere&There]

It is refreshing to see someone dedicated to that.

 

Refreshing? Most, if not all on these boards seeking advice are dedicated to that. The problem lies with who they are with. It takes two dedicated people to recover a M. Anything less, is pointless.

 

Well, I agree with that...it does take two to want to work on the marriage and communicate. Mine did not; however, I do like to see dedication to working on the communication and marriage as WN has done here. Not everyone will get it right and there can be setbacks here and there, but he and his wife are working through them. Nothing is ever perfect, but if it doesn't work for others on the board, it might actually be a good thing...perhaps there are better things for us down the road.

 

In the end, what works for some might not work for others, we are all made up differently. But we can learn from each other here, that's what is important.

[What_Next]

Thanks everyone for the continued contribution to this thread.

 

Hopesndreams I wouldn't go as far as saying the communications "stinks", but then again I tend not be such a negative person. I can only hope some day your situation improves and you can be a happy person. I'm not worried what she is thinking, heck she's entitled to her own thoughts. She is a person of few words, has been so her entire life, I need to learn to read between the lines with her a lot of the time. I'm not there yet but I am trying.

 

Tojaz, yes the vacation was enjoyable, the intent was nothing to do with "us" as such. It was a family vacation. If we wanted "us" time we could have went alone.

 

BetweeHere&There if you read enough on LS you will see that it is most often one spouse trying to save the marriage, rather than both at the same time. In my case and if you have the time (this thread is certainly a LONG read) to read my story you can see that most of the time it was a case of one or the other of us working on the marriage at any particular time. In a way a game of martial chicken.

 

I have taken the route of becoming a better partner and husband in as many ways as I can identify, not only for my wife, but for my daugther, the people around me and if this marriage does not work out my next partner. If my current marriage does not survive, I have no intentions of becoming bitter and angry about it. We will not become enemies, we will not tear each other apart.

 

Communication is our first hurdle to overcome and that is happening slowly, respect, compassion, trust etc will all have to come in time. To my mind this is not necessarily "fixing" the old marriage but in a way it is building a new one.

[Steadfast]

 

It is refreshing to see someone dedicated to that.

 

Refreshing? Most, if not all on these boards seeking advice are dedicated to that. The problem lies with who they are with. It takes two dedicated people to recover a M. Anything less, is pointless.

 

 

Agree. I like your choice of words; dedicated. That's key. Not wildly attracted or deep into mutual soul searching. That can come again, but only after the decision is made to ride the wave and not jump ship.

 

It only takes one to bail to find yourself alone in the boat.

[hopesndreams]

Hopesndreams I wouldn't go as far as saying the communications "stinks", but then again I tend not be such a negative person. I can only hope some day your situation improves and you can be a happy person. I'm not worried what she is thinking, heck she's entitled to her own thoughts. She is a person of few words, has been so her entire life, I need to learn to read between the lines with her a lot of the time. I'm not there yet but I am trying.

 

The communication does stink. You say there is only a 50/50 chance of what???

 

Do you really believe it is up to you whether this M survives? Or, are you taking her cue whether or not this M survives?

 

My happiness or unhappiness is not of issue here. I'm only here to try and help you. Sorry it sounds all so negative whatever it is I'm saying. Perhaps you're thinking, "Geeesh, she is such a bitter woman" and then ignore whatever value there may be in whatever it is I'm saying. That's your choice. It is your thread, yes, but there are many others reading this who haven't told their story and are looking here, in your thread, for guidance.

 

Granted, things are going well for you, kinda, for now. Look at the big picture though. Look at 2, 3 even 10 years down the road. There is no communication unless there is conversation and you are scared, yes scared, to bring anything up that will rock the boat.

 

It's all being swept under the rug rather nicely and in that respect, good job!