What next

[hopesndreams]

Wow, it seems like I got a hater on hand.

 

What's your agenda here Corporate?

[Corporate]

What's your agenda here Corporate?

 

What is YOUR agenda?

[habs53]

People come her for advise because they are hurting. Isnt there some kind of Mode on here that can ban this annoying person.

[What_Next]

Corporate in reading your "contributions" to the LS community I have come to realize that you are likely in your mid to late teens and obviously have nothing to add to adult conversations. Please leave the adults to real world problems and go back to wherever you came from. Sorry to be blunt but it needed to be said.

 

We are on day 3 of our trip and so far it has been outstanding. My wife and I have been getting along perfectly. We both realize there are many conversations to have, but we don't have to get into them right now. This trip is about relaxing as a family and re-connecting as a couple. We have "re-connected" quite a few times and it's hard to stand today .

 

As much as I believed all along that being compassionate, caring, attentive etc etc would be hard, well it just plain isn't. With my wives changes in behavior I find myself so attracted to her that the attentiveness comes natural. Affection is also coming out of us both.

 

I decided to spend the night downstairs on the night before we left for our trip. As it turned out our daughter was feeling sick so she slept with my wife. I am going to suggest that I still sleep downstairs for a while when we return home. I plan on starting to open the lines of communication as far as dealing with our past slowly as well. We can't rebuild it all in one week.

 

I find myself smiling more, crying less and sleeping well. What more could a person ask for?

 

I'll keep updates coming.

[habs53]

That is fantasic stuff. Keep it going!!!

[tojaz]

What is YOUR agenda?

 

Corporate, since you seem so devoted to harassing people and being childish, I would suggest starting your own thread rather then being a nuisance to other people who actually need help or are looking to give advice. Of course i understand that this would not be nearly as entertaining for you, so why not dig up one of my threads and leave the rest of these nice people alone. They have enough to cope with, without your childish games.

 

We are on day 3 of our trip and so far it has been outstanding. My wife and I have been getting along perfectly. We both realize there are many conversations to have, but we don't have to get into them right now. This trip is about relaxing as a family and re-connecting as a couple. We have "re-connected" quite a few times and it's hard to stand today .

 

As much as I believed all along that being compassionate, caring, attentive etc etc would be hard, well it just plain isn't. With my wives changes in behavior I find myself so attracted to her that the attentiveness comes natural. Affection is also coming out of us both.

 

I decided to spend the night downstairs on the night before we left for our trip. As it turned out our daughter was feeling sick so she slept with my wife. I am going to suggest that I still sleep downstairs for a while when we return home. I plan on starting to open the lines of communication as far as dealing with our past slowly as well. We can't rebuild it all in one week.

 

I find myself smiling more, crying less and sleeping well. What more could a person ask for?

 

I'll keep updates coming.

 

Great news W_N you have me smiling from ear to ear. Its a long road but your off to a running start.

 

TOJAZ

[Chuck66]

What_Next,

What a story. So similar to mine. The differences are my W never took off her ring and we have been in the same bedroom. Everything else is similar but you have been at this longer than I have and I think we are not doing as well. Both scheduled for IC and MC but W's first appointment is 12 July and I want to go tough love on her before then "paper's drawn up" but its a huge risk. Please read my post to see if you can give me any advice. You seemed so diligent in your thought process during the whole thing...I was most impressed. You were very disciplined.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t236869/

 

Chuck

[tojaz]

Chuck, read your thread. Tough love and scortched earth aren't where you need to be right now. Read W_Ns thread and see what a little bit of softness and communication can do. There are times for the tough approach, but in your case i feel it would do more harm then good. Shes looking for reasons to act out...... Why give her one????

 

TOJAZ

[Chuck66]

I will back down...Support it is. I just see the up and down roller coaster many of you have been on and the length of these threads from a time standpoint. I want to cut to the chase and minimize the pain.

 

Chuck

[tojaz]

I will back down...Support it is. I just see the up and down roller coaster many of you have been on and the length of these threads from a time standpoint. I want to cut to the chase and minimize the pain.

 

Chuck

 

Not going to be up to you unless your ready to walk away.

 

TOJAZ

[hopesndreams]

I will back down...Support it is. I just see the up and down roller coaster many of you have been on and the length of these threads from a time standpoint. I want to cut to the chase and minimize the pain.

 

Chuck

 

That is great advice you gave yourself Chuck. It is the best option for you. If you follow it, the pain will be intense but short-lived. If you don't follow it, the hurt will go on for years or for however long she chooses until she's finally ready to cut the cord.

 

Give her the taste of what living life without you is like. Be the one in power.

[Corporate]

 

I find myself smiling more, crying less and sleeping well. What more could a person ask for?

 

I'll keep updates coming.

 

Crying solves nothing. So, stop it!

[hopesndreams]

Crying solves nothing. So, stop it!

 

Objection!

 

Crying releases built up tensions and emotional distress.

[Corporate]

Objection!

 

 

 

Objection over-ruled.

[Steadfast]

This is my first post on this thread, although I have been following it with great interest. When it became clear that a reconciliation was happening I wanted to comment. Sometimes, the words just do not come.

 

This news makes me both happy...and sad. Happy for W_N but left feeling cheated for me, my ex and what our marriage -our relationship- could have been. The difference between this wife and mine is her love. Not just the love for her husband, but her ability to love. Not acting out of fear, due to facing the consequences of her actions, but recognizing the love for her husband, and gratefully accepting his love and forgiveness in return. This gives great hope to the power of romance...and love's ability to heal and endure when courage is applied.

 

You -both of you- are blessed. Not just with each other, but with real love. Your decision will bring many good fruits. For those of us who find ourselves outside the realm of real love and togetherness, the picture is clear.

[What_Next]

Steadfast, thank you for your well wishes. I don't know your story, but perhaps some day you would share it. We are not there yet, but we are on the road to recovery.

 

Corporate as I have posted, you are obviously a very young immature person, with absolutely nothing to add to this thread, nor any other for that fact. Crying is a human emotion that is normal and healthy. Perhaps when you achieve some life experience you will see this. For now I suggest everyone involved with this thread just ignore Corporate's posts as they have no value.

 

We are back home now and I am actually looking forward to this week. It will be the first week that I have changed my schedule to more closely match my wives to allow us more time together.

 

Chuck after I rest I am going to read your thread and hopefully comment on it.

[What_Next]

This is the first day of our new schedule and there was a slight wrinkle today in that I am bringing my brother to work due to his lack of a ride. This forced me to leave before my wife got up today (she is on a different schedule for 1 day only). Anyway, she went to bed early last night and I was up a little later. I decided to sleep downstairs.

 

I was up and gone before she even got up, so I decided to leave her a little note:

 

____:

Have a great day at work. I love you today more than I did yesterday and I will love you even more tomorrow. You are my one.

 

___, your husband

 

She called me just before arriving at the office today and we only talked about day to day matters, but her tone was so soft. So was mine. We ended the conversation with ILY. It felt natural, it felt right. I told her I didn't sleep in our bed due to me leaving early and her snoring was loud (she knows that I am a light sleeper), she was OK with it and said our daughter came in with throughout the night anyway.

 

I am beginning the Love Dare today, without saying anything to her. She won't know I am doing this. Day 1 is to resolve to say nothing of a negative nature. I will be doing this for 2 days rather than 1.

 

We'll see how this goes.

[tojaz]

This is my first post on this thread, although I have been following it with great interest. When it became clear that a reconciliation was happening I wanted to comment. Sometimes, the words just do not come.

 

This news makes me both happy...and sad. Happy for W_N but left feeling cheated for me, my ex and what our marriage -our relationship- could have been. The difference between this wife and mine is her love. Not just the love for her husband, but her ability to love. Not acting out of fear, due to facing the consequences of her actions, but recognizing the love for her husband, and gratefully accepting his love and forgiveness in return. This gives great hope to the power of romance...and love's ability to heal and endure when courage is applied.

 

You -both of you- are blessed. Not just with each other, but with real love. Your decision will bring many good fruits. For those of us who find ourselves outside the realm of real love and togetherness, the picture is clear.

 

Beautiful post Steadfast, and I know exactly what you mean on feeling cheated. Same here with every recon that I see.

 

TOJAZ

[tojaz]

This is the first day of our new schedule and there was a slight wrinkle today in that I am bringing my brother to work due to his lack of a ride. This forced me to leave before my wife got up today (she is on a different schedule for 1 day only). Anyway, she went to bed early last night and I was up a little later. I decided to sleep downstairs.

 

I was up and gone before she even got up, so I decided to leave her a little note:

 

____:

Have a great day at work. I love you today more than I did yesterday and I will love you even more tomorrow. You are my one.

 

___, your husband

 

She called me just before arriving at the office today and we only talked about day to day matters, but her tone was so soft. So was mine. We ended the conversation with ILY. It felt natural, it felt right. I told her I didn't sleep in our bed due to me leaving early and her snoring was loud (she knows that I am a light sleeper), she was OK with it and said our daughter came in with throughout the night anyway.

 

I am beginning the Love Dare today, without saying anything to her. She won't know I am doing this. Day 1 is to resolve to say nothing of a negative nature. I will be doing this for 2 days rather than 1.

 

We'll see how this goes.

 

 

:bunny::bunny: <<< equals LS applause. Keep it up W_N.

(oh by the way, your established now, you are officialy hooked on LS)

 

TOJAZ

[Chuck66]

W_N,

Look forward to your take on my sitch. Gunny thinks she just wants attention. I can't see the forest through the trees and cannot effectively assess... It starts with a link back to another forum. I thought I 'd get twice the advice (second set of eyes) telling the story on 2 sites. Now it gets confusing on how much of the story I told on either.

 

Chuck

[Corporate]

I told her I didn't sleep in our bed due to me leaving early and her snoring was loud (she knows that I am a light sleeper), she was OK with it and said our daughter came in with throughout the night anyway.

 

That's what I would call a love buster.

[tojaz]

That's what I would call a love buster.

I would disagree in this context

[What_Next]

(oh by the way, your established now, you are officialy hooked on LS)

 

Hard to disagree with this statement. For the most part the LS community has helped tremendously. I am very grateful to those that care enough to post and are willing to give advice.

 

I will do my best to give back to the community as well.

[What_Next]

A bit of an up and down day. It definitely did start on a positive note. When I arrived home something just wasn't right. She was not feeling well and that did obviously effect things. As the night wore on though it was obvious she didn't want to spend any time with me whatsoever.

 

Not entirely a bad thing, we do need our space I suppose. She had taken our daughter to work today so she spent all day with her. It was very very hot here today so when I came home and she wasn't feeling well she mentioned she wanted soup. So I went out right away and bought several types, came home and made it for her. I then did the dishes and did some minor repairs to our A/C as it was acting up (of course it was, it was almost 100 degrees).

 

I went upstairs and eventually lied down, when I came downstairs again she was on her way to bed. She asked if she should turn the television etc off on her way. No real response beyond that. I went into the bedroom with her, she turned to say good night. I then asked her about the morning since it was our first day on my new schedule. She said she was going to get the bus as per normal. I thought we had discussed that but I suppose I was wrong. When I told her I changed my work schedule so we could spend some time together I got no response.

 

She then asked what was wrong as something was obviously wrong. I answered with I am still nervous about us. She responded with "We are better than last week, but still nowhere near better". A fair comment to make I suppose.

 

I came downstairs as I cannot sleep. I am not sure I will return to the bedroom tonight. In the end it was just a bit of a down day, nothing to worry about. Still it leaves me feeing uneasy.

[WhyHope]

A bit of an up and down day. It definitely did start on a positive note. When I arrived home something just wasn't right. She was not feeling well and that did obviously effect things. As the night wore on though it was obvious she didn't want to spend any time with me whatsoever.

 

Not entirely a bad thing, we do need our space I suppose. She had taken our daughter to work today so she spent all day with her. It was very very hot here today so when I came home and she wasn't feeling well she mentioned she wanted soup. So I went out right away and bought several types, came home and made it for her. I then did the dishes and did some minor repairs to our A/C as it was acting up (of course it was, it was almost 100 degrees).

 

I went upstairs and eventually lied down, when I came downstairs again she was on her way to bed. She asked if she should turn the television etc off on her way. No real response beyond that. I went into the bedroom with her, she turned to say good night. I then asked her about the morning since it was our first day on my new schedule. She said she was going to get the bus as per normal. I thought we had discussed that but I suppose I was wrong. When I told her I changed my work schedule so we could spend some time together I got no response.

 

She then asked what was wrong as something was obviously wrong. I answered with I am still nervous about us. She responded with "We are better than last week, but still nowhere near better". A fair comment to make I suppose.

 

I came downstairs as I cannot sleep. I am not sure I will return to the bedroom tonight. In the end it was just a bit of a down day, nothing to worry about. Still it leaves me feeing uneasy.

 

WhatNext - I am a specialist in screwing up! ))) To me, what you are doing and showing - is you being a push over. Here is the thing - soup - Good Idea! Going after her - way too much pressure. Come on - be care-free! (You know that I have to be that way!)

 

You love her - but you have to show that you are the boss! Not an a-&&&le, just a decent guy who does have some bad qualities! ))) Nice guys finish last!

 

I would have gotten soup - but ONLY the kind that I also like! Yeah, I got US food, but made it "soup" because you are sick. You wanted to spend time with her? "Hon, watching TV/going for a walk - feel like joining?" Not, "Would you like to watch TV with ME?" We all sound WAY too desperate. We don't want to lose them, but we can't live being treated the way we are.