Girls' Week

[Els]

In a word...yes. It's common practice here for bachelors to go off for a weekend for the stag do...my ex didn't go because he knew it made me incredibly uncomfortable. If he went off on a cycling foray with a group I was fine with it...it's often the destination of the trip that's the issue. Not always...I understand if you want to cheat you will cheat, but there are places where it's more likely than others.

 

Glad you think so. I'm a bit cynical though, due to all the threads I've seen by women posting about their men going for stag parties, all guy weekends... and most of the posters (mostly men, but some women as well) defended it. Saying she'd better get used to it, a man needs some time alone with the guys, etc. Whereas some of those same men are happily accusing the OP's wife in this thread.

[Owl]

You know...I honestly think that if I told my wife I was going on a vacation with a couple of the guys, she wouldn't bat an eye. Now, if I told her we were headed to Vegas...I'm thinking she'd have SOME concern, but she'd probably go ahead and let me go with little worry.

 

But...and this is a big one....

 

...I'd never go to Vegas or someplace like that without her, if I had any choice at all in the matter. Work trip...I'd have to go, but I'd take my personal laptop and make sure I spent the evenings 'with her'.

 

But I just wouldn't feel comfortable going on a 'guys outing' to someplace like that, getting drunk and stupid in a situation that could get me into trouble.

 

Learning to AVOID stuff like that is how you stay married for more than two decades.

 

It's not a gender thing. Other than the lingerie thing of course....then again, I think my wife would be QUITE upset if I decided to go on a cruise or to Vegas wearing lingerie of ANY kind! :D :D

[MizFit]

Glad you think so. I'm a bit cynical though, due to all the threads I've seen by women posting about their men going for stag parties, all guy weekends... and most of the posters (mostly men, but some women as well) defended it. Saying she'd better get used to it, a man needs some time alone with the guys, etc. Whereas some of those same men are happily accusing the OP's wife in this thread.

 

Sorry! I was speaking for myself and not the other posters! I would have a problem with it...sorry!

[califnan]

You know...I honestly think that if I told my wife I was going on a vacation with a couple of the guys, she wouldn't bat an eye. Now, if I told her we were headed to Vegas...I'm thinking she'd have SOME concern, but she'd probably go ahead and let me go with little worry.

 

But...and this is a big one....

 

...I'd never go to Vegas or someplace like that without her, if I had any choice at all in the matter. Work trip...I'd have to go, but I'd take my personal laptop and make sure I spent the evenings 'with her'.

 

But I just wouldn't feel comfortable going on a 'guys outing' to someplace like that, getting drunk and stupid in a situation that could get me into trouble.

 

Learning to AVOID stuff like that is how you stay married for more than two decades.

 

It's not a gender thing. Other than the lingerie thing of course....then again, I think my wife would be QUITE upset if I decided to go on a cruise or to Vegas wearing lingerie of ANY kind! :D :D

 

-----------------

 

I would think the times that a woman wouldn't feel left out - would be that of fishing and sport events..

[Bryanp]

My friend you are in such denial it is astonishing. My guess is that you are getting off on this. I would strongly suggest that your wife be tested for STD's after she gets back.

[Fight4Me]

Wow. Would all the posters here who are so eager to accuse the wife, say the same thing if it was a guy going off for a guys' weekend?

 

You betcha. My view is pretty much aligned with Owl's.

[Dexter Morgan]

It could be that she takes pride in her body and wearing sexing things makes her feel confident and sexy and it's simply for herself. She could gain confidence from the adoration of others and wearing sexy attire achieves that need in her. It could also be that she wants to keep up with her sexy friends and they are just having some girl fun.

 

so who is the sexy lingerie for?

[Chrome Barracuda]

she will jthorne, lets not be naive.

 

that's the only reason she went on this cruise. We all see the signs, I hope the OP does more digging he might find something. Your gut is mostly right we have seen time and time again on these boards.

 

If she comes back defensive, angry at you, distant, needs time to find herself?

 

You get your azz down to a lawyer and have her azz served asap!

 

Time for diplomacy is dead. and get actual proof she's cheating.

[seibert253]

You know...I honestly think that if I told my wife I was going on a vacation with a couple of the guys, she wouldn't bat an eye. Now, if I told her we were headed to Vegas...I'm thinking she'd have SOME concern, but she'd probably go ahead and let me go with little worry.

 

But...and this is a big one....

 

...I'd never go to Vegas or someplace like that without her, if I had any choice at all in the matter. Work trip...I'd have to go, but I'd take my personal laptop and make sure I spent the evenings 'with her'.

 

But I just wouldn't feel comfortable going on a 'guys outing' to someplace like that, getting drunk and stupid in a situation that could get me into trouble.

 

Learning to AVOID stuff like that is how you stay married for more than two decades.

 

It's not a gender thing. Other than the lingerie thing of course....then again, I think my wife would be QUITE upset if I decided to go on a cruise or to Vegas wearing lingerie of ANY kind! :D :D

 

My thoughts exactly, even down to the wearing of lingerie.

I think a point that many have missed in all this is the lack of respect she's shown for her H.

This shows the true intent of this trip.

 

If she had any respect for her H and M, she would have ASKED him if she could go on this trip. Not, tell him, plan and buy all this crap to take with her.

 

She hasn't show respect prior to her excursion, why in the h2ll would anyone think she would have any while she's gone?

 

Think about it guys. What would happen if you TOLD your W's you were going on a week long trip to the Mexican Riviera, with a couple of your single buddies, bought a bunch of new handsome clothes, silk boxers or briefs, fancy cologne, then went.

When we got home, whatever stuff our wives didn't burn, would be sitting out in the street, with the D papers pinned to it.

 

IMO, his reaction should be the same if she decides to go, and he should make it crystal clear to her.

 

What happened to the OP? Hope we didn't scare him off.

[jnj express]

Hey Backster---where are you---what are thoughts as to the advice, you are being given here.

 

Those who talk of dressing hot, or very provacative---for their various outings, that is a whole different ballgame, than a week long cruise.

 

She is gonna be in harms way 24/7 for one FULL week, drinking, eating, dancing, sunning, showing her body off in a bathing suit, gambling, --I E guys are gonna be taking shots at her for the whole 24/7, that is unless, she has already set up a rendezvous with someone.

 

Those who talk about going off with the girls and not cheating----that's fine, but a cruise is not a vehicle to prove you can go out with the girls and not cheat----much to much of a slippery slope to oblivion

 

Backster where are you??????

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Guys getaway 95% of the time for completely different reasons. Often it is golf, biking, hunting, fishing, camping, gambling. No married man is ever going to say I am going to a resort/cruise and plan to have fun dancing and carousing....

 

Even a Vegas trip and I'll be sexist, all 95% of men in their 40's (as the OP is) can hope for is paying for strippers or hookers, unless they really are ridiculously handsome or a high roller.....

 

A cruise, while better then a resort in my opinion for girls trip, is a completely different dynamic as you will see the same people everyday, can form relationships, there are bars, discos and lounges everywhere. The one positive is that it is not an all inclusive resort where the alcohol flows freely and continually. And as I said, an attractive woman, moreso now with the societal view of older women, are the opportunities available.

 

BTW this thread should be on Marriage & Life Partnerships not Infidelities, as nothing has happened.....

Edited June 3, 2010 by Toodamnpragmatic

[silktricks]

To get back to the poster's original question:

 

IMO you don't have a lot to worry about, as far as the cruise itself. It depends upon the cruise, of course, but most of the men who go on cruises are married or at least attached, not in hunt mode. There are undoubtedly some exceptions, but my H and I cruise a lot, and very very rarely do we meet unattached men on cruises. Unattached women, yes, but rarely unattached men. The men in the ports of call could be of more concern.. But, what are her friends like? Are they women who would encourage infidelity or discourage it? Would you feel comfortable with her going out dancing with them at home without you?

 

It is, of course, easy for all of us to sit in front of our computers and say this is dangerous activity - and IMO as well it is dangerous activity - not because of taking a cruise, or even the purchase of slinky clothes and lingerie. Many women do indeed purchase sexy looking clothes because they want/need to feel sexy even when they have no intention of follow through. But still the activity holds danger because a marriage takes care and feeding, and going on a vacation with your friends, dressing sexy for strangers, and drinking is definitely NOT giving care and feeding to your marriage.

 

As little vacation as most of us have, it seems a shame to spend it with anyone other than your spouse. Both my Mom and my sister have asked me to cruise/vacation with them, I've turned them down, not because I didn't want to spend some time with them, but because I want my vacation to be with my hubby. However, my husband gets FAR more vacation time than I do, so sometimes he will take off for a few days by himself - and though most of the time that will be hunting or fishing, sometimes those fishing trips are to pretty cool places!!

 

As many times as he's gotten hit on while on a fishing/hunting trip, (yes, he tells me) it's not as if there's any activity that is risk free infidelity wise. At some point you just need to say to yourself that your partner is going to be faithful - or not. There are people of the opposite sex pretty much everywhere you go. Sooner or later, if you're halfway presentable, you're going to get hit on.

 

There have been comments on this thread about going to Vegas without your spouse. My husband has gone by himself in the past - and may do so again in the future. I've gone by myself as well. There are a gazillion trade shows in that town. Sometimes your spouse can't get away, or sometimes you don't want to burn up vacation when one of you has to be in seminars all day.... or maybe (like me) you just hate Vegas and don't want to spend valuable vacation time there.

Edited June 3, 2010 by silktricks

[Dexter Morgan]

To get back to the poster's original question:

 

IMO you don't have a lot to worry about, as far as the cruise itself.

 

 

I disagree. If she weren't on shopping sprees to find sexy dresses, and more relevant, sexy lingerie to wear on this trip, and with 2 SINGLE women..........I can guarantee you she is planning on trying to get a hookup on the boat.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

To get back to the poster's original question:

 

IMO you don't have a lot to worry about, as far as the cruise itself. It depends upon the cruise, of course, but most of the men who go on cruises are married or at least attached, not in hunt mode. There are undoubtedly some exceptions, but my H and I cruise a lot, and very very rarely do we meet unattached men on cruises. Unattached women, yes, but rarely unattached men. The men in the ports of call could be of more concern.. But, what are her friends like? Are they women who would encourage infidelity or discourage it? Would you feel comfortable with her going out dancing with them at home without you?

 

It is, of course, easy for all of us to sit in front of our computers and say this is dangerous activity - and IMO as well it is dangerous activity - not because of taking a cruise, or even the purchase of slinky clothes and lingerie. Many women do indeed purchase sexy looking clothes because they want/need to feel sexy even when they have no intention of follow through. But still the activity holds danger because a marriage takes care and feeding, and going on a vacation with your friends, dressing sexy for strangers, and drinking is definitely NOT giving care and feeding to your marriage.

 

As little vacation as most of us have, it seems a shame to spend it with anyone other than your spouse. Both my Mom and my sister have asked me to cruise/vacation with them, I've turned them down, not because I didn't want to spend some time with them, but because I want my vacation to be with my hubby. However, my husband gets FAR more vacation time than I do, so sometimes he will take off for a few days by himself - and though most of the time that will be hunting or fishing, sometimes those fishing trips are to pretty cool places!!

 

As many times as he's gotten hit on while on a fishing/hunting trip, (yes, he tells me) it's not as if there's any activity that is risk free infidelity wise. At some point you just need to say to yourself that your partner is going to be faithful - or not. There are people of the opposite sex pretty much everywhere you go. Sooner or later, if you're halfway presentable, you're going to get hit on.

 

There have been comments on this thread about going to Vegas without your spouse. My husband has gone by himself in the past - and may do so again in the future. I've gone by myself as well. There are a gazillion trade shows in that town. Sometimes your spouse can't get away, or sometimes you don't want to burn up vacation when one of you has to be in seminars all day.... or maybe (like me) you just hate Vegas and don't want to spend valuable vacation time there.

 

What 40 yo male get's hit on during a hunting trip???? I may be naive or just don't put myself in those types of position, but keep wondering how this happens (and I am a passable looking guy;)).

 

I agree about the cruise and that there are not as many single males as in other places, but there are plenty. If you are someone up for dancing, hitting the lounges & bars and carousing, there are plenty of opportunities still available.

[WalkingOnEggs]

I think we've been trolled. It's just all too contrived. The wife going on a cruise with other girlfriends and buying sexy underwear beforehand. Makes for great frothing by those of us who reply, but it's not very plausible when you think about it.

[rewe4reel]

IMO you don't have a lot to worry about, as far as the cruise itself. It depends upon the cruise, of course, but most of the men who go on cruises are married or at least attached, not in hunt mode. There are undoubtedly some exceptions, but my H and I cruise a lot, and very very rarely do we meet unattached men on cruises.

 

Did you read the part in the original post where OP explains that he's not going on the cruise with his wife????

 

When you go on a cruise with your h, you h is right there with you, right?

 

Also, do you feel "romantic" on your cruises? Do you have sex with your h? Of course.

 

When you state that, while cruising with your h, you don't meet very many unattached men, might it occur to you that the unattached men are NOT looking for women with their husbands along? (At least not unless they are into a threesome or something.)

[Krytie TV]

To get back to the poster's original question:

 

IMO you couldn't be more out of touch with reality.

[silktricks]

What 40 yo male get's hit on during a hunting trip???? I may be naive or just don't put myself in those types of position, but keep wondering how this happens (and I am a passable looking guy;)).

:lmao: Well, the last trip, he got hit on by a woman in line at the grocery store where he was picking up supplies... I'm not too sure how you can avoid "that type of position"...

 

I agree about the cruise and that there are not as many single males as in other places, but there are plenty. If you are someone up for dancing, hitting the lounges & bars and carousing, there are plenty of opportunities still available.

Yeah, there are always opportunities available - including with married, frankly - but the numbers of available men on a cruise as opposed to single women on a cruise - well, the odds are not in favor of any single woman getting much "action". . There are a couple of stories I could tell, but I'm afraid it would be a little TMI...

[silktricks]

Did you read the part in the original post where OP explains that he's not going on the cruise with his wife????

 

When you go on a cruise with your h, you h is right there with you, right?

 

Also, do you feel "romantic" on your cruises? Do you have sex with your h? Of course.

 

When you state that, while cruising with your h, you don't meet very many unattached men, might it occur to you that the unattached men are NOT looking for women with their husbands along? (At least not unless they are into a threesome or something.)

 

Yup - read that part... my husband and I are quite gregarious people. We chat with any number of people. We also don't live in each other's back pocket, so we are on occasion not in the immediate vicinity of each other - even on a cruise.

 

Of course, unattached men are not looking for a woman with her husband along - just as unattached women are not looking for a man with his wife along. We meet a great number of unattached women. Unattached men? Not so much. Have we met ANY? Yes, of course, but not very many.

[silktricks]

I think we've been trolled. It's just all too contrived. The wife going on a cruise with other girlfriends and buying sexy underwear beforehand. Makes for great frothing by those of us who reply, but it's not very plausible when you think about it.

 

I agree - probably a troll - but I wonder how many of the people who are frothing about this have actually been on a cruise. I think their ideas are more than a little off the mark.

[rewe4reel]

Yup - read that part... my husband and I are quite gregarious people. We chat with any number of people. We also don't live in each other's back pocket, so we are on occasion not in the immediate vicinity of each other - even on a cruise.

 

Of course, unattached men are not looking for a woman with her husband along - just as unattached women are not looking for a man with his wife along. We meet a great number of unattached women. Unattached men? Not so much. Have we met ANY? Yes, of course, but not very many.

 

 

OK go tell your husband you want to go on a cruise without him, to Mexico, for a week, with two single gf's, and that you have bought all new matching sexy lingerie outfits for the cruise.

 

Then get back to us with his response.

 

Not what you think he would say. Actually present this proposal to him.

[rewe4reel]

I agree - probably a troll - but I wonder how many of the people who are frothing about this have actually been on a cruise. I think their ideas are more than a little off the mark.

 

 

Wow silktricks, you seem to have an awful lot of personal investment in selling the notion that nothing untoward could possibly happen when a married woman goes on a singles' cruise without her husband, with two single gf's, having bought all new sexy lingerie for the cruise.

 

Seems to me you probably are not telling us what your agenda is, being that you say you've been on multiple cruises with your husband.

 

Why on earth would you have an agenda to try to persuade the OP that his wife isn't up to some funny business here?

 

I can think of one reason, and one reason only.

 

So now why don't you do as I requested/suggested and go ask your husband what he thinks.

[silktricks]

Wow silktricks, you seem to have an awful lot of personal investment in selling the notion that nothing untoward could possibly happen when a married woman goes on a singles' cruise without her husband, with two single gf's, having bought all new sexy lingerie for the cruise.

 

Seems to me you probably are not telling us what your agenda is, being that you say you've been on multiple cruises with your husband.

 

Why on earth would you have an agenda to try to persuade the OP that his wife isn't up to some funny business here?

 

I can think of one reason, and one reason only.

 

So now why don't you do as I requested/suggested and go ask your husband what he thinks.

 

I don't think you read my entire first post. I think you only read the first paragraph and then went off.... But if you think I have an "agenda" here, then that's your business. Not mine.

 

He had puhlleeenntttyyyy of people telling him his wife is up to funny business. He didn't need any more. There is another possibility - that she isn't. The fact that I don't just jump in and say "well of course she's up to funny business" for some reason has your panties in a twist. There is no "of course" about anything. There are possibilities.

 

Do I think it is wise from a marital perspective for someone to take a cruise without their mate? No, I don't. And I stated that in my first post.

 

Do I necessarily think that because a woman is taking a cruise or any other vacation without her mate she's up to funny business? No, I don't. Sexy lingerie or no... Just as I don't think a man who is taking a vacation or hunting/fishing trip without his wife is automatically up to funny business.

 

But I also think that WalkingonEggs had it right and this is probably a troll...

[rewe4reel]

Do I think it is wise from a marital perspective for someone to take a cruise without their mate? No, I don't. And I stated that in my first post.

 

Silktricks,

 

you then went on to completely undercut the above correct advice to the OP, by trying to persuade him that he actually has nothing to worry about. That's not what he needs to hear--because that's what he's trying to tell himself, already.

 

Then when you started talking about the fact that you yourself have gone on cruises, it seemed to me like you have a strong personal investment in selling the notion that funny business by one's spouse shouldn't be a concern on one of these cruises.

 

It seems to me that it's not unheard of that "funny business" can happen on a cruise even if one's spouse happens to be along for the ride.

 

Capice?

[silktricks]

Silktricks,

 

you then went on to completely undercut the above correct advice to the OP, by trying to persuade him that he actually has nothing to worry about. That's not what he needs to hear--because that's what he's trying to tell himself, already.

Actually, you are stating this completely backwards. I started out by saying that he probably doesn't actually have anything to worry about, and then went on to say that I didn't think it was a good idea.

 

Then when you started talking about the fact that you yourself have gone on cruises, it seemed to me like you have a strong personal investment in selling the notion that funny business by one's spouse shouldn't be a concern on one of these cruises.

And from what better perspective can one come, than having been on a number of cruises. We cruise a lot, therefore I do have some experience of who actually shows up on those things. And I can tell you, that single men aren't high on the list (other than gay men )

 

It seems to me that it's not unheard of that "funny business" can happen on a cruise even if one's spouse happens to be along for the ride.

 

Capice?

And that is, of course, my point. Funny business, can happen anywhere, anytime. You don't have to go on a vacation to play around, if that's your bent. And stopping someone from doing something they want to do, out of fear that they will cheat on you is probably going to be non-productive in both the long and short run. You trust someone - or you don't. If you don't, then you probably shouldn't be married to that person.

 

That said - I personally would not be interested in taking a cruise (or any other vacation) without my husband. But I personally have taken any number of trips without him, as he has without me as our occupations often require it.

Edited June 3, 2010 by silktricks