NickelbackFan Posted June 1, 2010 Share Posted June 1, 2010 I want to start out by saying that I am an idiot and a fool and I totally deserve what is coming to me. I created the situation I am about to describe and it blew up in my face. I just need to vent. I have a friend with benefits, nothing more nothing less, just a sexual relationship. It has been a fantasy of mine (in retrospect I should of kept it a fantasy) to have a threesome, tag team a girl with another guy. The situation arose the other night and it went horribly wrong. To make a long story short. I was ignored the whole time and did not participate. This made her very upset and we got into an argument. I was hurt, felt disrespected that I didnt participate and basically had to watch the other guy do her. The next day I told her she needed to see how I felt so I invited another girl over and made her sit there and watch us have sex. The other girl is way better looking, model material. When all is said and done, there is alot of jealousy. I made a huge mistake, Im hurting, my FWB is hurting, and I am very depressed. She cried as she watched me have sex with the other girl. But now she knew how I felt when I had to watch and not join in. Link to post Share on other sites
blair08 Posted June 1, 2010 Share Posted June 1, 2010 I'm sorry you're hurting, hopefully everyone involved learned from this choice. Link to post Share on other sites
Disintegration Posted June 1, 2010 Share Posted June 1, 2010 Could it be that there are more feelings between you and your FWB? If all you are is that, why would you both be upset about having sex with others? You may have more of an emotional attachment than you think. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted June 1, 2010 Share Posted June 1, 2010 Sounds like the real issue is that there is a lot more feelings between you and your "fwb". If it were strictly a sexual relationship, there wouldn't be any jealousy or hurt feelings. That's what you really need to explore. Otherwise, the whole thing sounds so horrible for both of you. On the good side, it sounds like she has the same feelings for you, that you do for her. I'd build on that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NickelbackFan Posted June 1, 2010 Author Share Posted June 1, 2010 Thank you everyone for your responses. Honestly, on my part there is no emotional attachment, I can honestly say its an ego thing. I am hurt because I did not participate, I got the sloppy seconds after he left which I was not happy about. We had a plan about boundaries and it wound up not working out. She was blaming me I was blaming her whats done is done. Link to post Share on other sites
CLC2008 Posted June 1, 2010 Share Posted June 1, 2010 This is why people shouldn't have threesomes. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted June 1, 2010 Share Posted June 1, 2010 Thank you everyone for your responses. Honestly, on my part there is no emotional attachment, I can honestly say its an ego thing. I am hurt because I did not participate, I got the sloppy seconds after he left which I was not happy about. We had a plan about boundaries and it wound up not working out. She was blaming me I was blaming her whats done is done. Wow. So very honest of you! But, even if you don't have romantic feelings for her, there were/are emotions involved. Otherwise, none of this would have mattered, and you wouldn't have felt jealous or left out or ego bruised. You would have jerked off watching the show, if you were truly as detached as these things would command. Then, taking this at face value, I'd say this arrangement is dead in the water, and it's time to move on. I think it's really hard for most people to really be totally dispassionate about sex. Even with an "arrangement". Which, is a nice commentary on humans, don't you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Author NickelbackFan Posted June 1, 2010 Author Share Posted June 1, 2010 Jillian, I didnt even get wood. It disgusted me I wasnt involved. The only thing going for me is that I was more hung then him and he was a two pump chump but the fact that things didnt go as planned and boundaries were crossed really upset me. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 my concern would be that you WANTED to be in the same room with another swinging weenie. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 Jillian, I didnt even get wood. It disgusted me I wasnt involved. The only thing going for me is that I was more hung then him and he was a two pump chump but the fact that things didnt go as planned and boundaries were crossed really upset me. A threesome is often one of those things that seems like a great idea, until you're in it. Sadly, you had to find out the hard way that sometimes fantasy is best left as fantasy. I get you on the boundaries thing. It sounds like the whole night went off-script. Are you and this girl still talking? What do you think is going to happen to your friendship? It sounds like both of you had the same level of fallout, which is good, since it means you are on the same playing field now. I had one threesome in my life. One of the parties was my best friend from college, so I knew I would be "safe". Still, these things are breeding grounds for heartache, unless, it seems, it's three total strangers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NickelbackFan Posted June 2, 2010 Author Share Posted June 2, 2010 Jilly I couldnt agree with you more. I should of kept it a fantasy but I was thinking with the wrong head. We are still talking, it is very odd. I think I really hurt her making watch me have sex with the other girl. The other girl was a lot more prettier, nicer body, not that I care and plus I was going at it with her for a good hour. She stayed though and watched. I feel bad but I dont feel bad because she kept me out of the loop also the night before. So I learned my lesson and was a dumbass. Link to post Share on other sites
Crazy Magnet Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 Way to act 12 dude. Congratulations on making another human feel like crap, it's such an admirable trait and one that any woman would love to have in a bf or fwb. I too think if you were completely detached you wouldn't have cared one bit about what went on or sought revenge. You would simply have tried it again. It's time you both cut loose from one another. Your fwb is completely toxic at this point. Next time have a conversation with everybody involved so you're all on the same page prior to getting naked. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 Nickel - I think the depth of your remorse is enough to show that you've really learned alot from this experience. Feel free to stop beating yourself up at any time. But, then I would have a heart to heart with the girl, as I think she'd like to hear your thoughts on this. Better yet, show her the thread. Link to post Share on other sites
crimsonmike Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 I want to start out by saying that I am an idiot and a fool and I totally deserve what is coming to me. I created the situation I am about to describe and it blew up in my face. I just need to vent. I have a friend with benefits, nothing more nothing less, just a sexual relationship. It has been a fantasy of mine (in retrospect I should of kept it a fantasy) to have a threesome, tag team a girl with another guy. The situation arose the other night and it went horribly wrong. To make a long story short. I was ignored the whole time and did not participate. This made her very upset and we got into an argument. I was hurt, felt disrespected that I didnt participate and basically had to watch the other guy do her. The next day I told her she needed to see how I felt so I invited another girl over and made her sit there and watch us have sex. The other girl is way better looking, model material. When all is said and done, there is alot of jealousy. I made a huge mistake, Im hurting, my FWB is hurting, and I am very depressed. She cried as she watched me have sex with the other girl. But now she knew how I felt when I had to watch and not join in. This is gonna make u feel better. U made a total dick move. I can't believe you would do that to somebody. I got news for you, champ. If she cried, you are more than fwb to her. YOU wanted it. She didn't do anything on purpose, and you intentionally made her feel like sht on a shoe. Congrats on being a douche. Link to post Share on other sites
legallyblonde289 Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 This is gonna make u feel better. U made a total dick move. I can't believe you would do that to somebody. I got news for you, champ. If she cried, you are more than fwb to her. YOU wanted it. She didn't do anything on purpose, and you intentionally made her feel like sht on a shoe. Congrats on being a douche. agree 100%, took the words right out of my mouth. it was your idea to have a 2 guy 1 girl threesome, she didnt intend for you not be involved and i dont even see how you blame her for that. but you were mad so you decided to get "back at her" for forcing her to watch you bang another girl while she sits there crying. poor girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NickelbackFan Posted June 2, 2010 Author Share Posted June 2, 2010 Before you all go jumping down my throat I know it was a dick move. It was immature yes I acknowledge however we did go over boundaries and the semantics of the threesome which she did not adhere too, she admitted to not adhering to them and takes blame and responsibility for not letting me get involved in it. It was my fault partly and her fault partly. Poor girl ? I have feelings too you know im a human being and what she felt I felt the night prior. I am not the villain and we did have a heart to heart but it still doesnt ease the pain. She needed to see that her actions her severely hurtful by keeping me out of the loop, so I did another girl in front of her. Taught her a lesson. Link to post Share on other sites
Crazy Magnet Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 Like I said, if you were truly detached, you wouldn't give a rats a$$. She's nothing but a masturbation instrument. Your palm never hurts your feelings so how can she? Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 Thank you everyone for your responses. Honestly, on my part there is no emotional attachment, I can honestly say its an ego thing. I am hurt because I did not participate, I got the sloppy seconds after he left which I was not happy about. We had a plan about boundaries and it wound up not working out. She was blaming me I was blaming her whats done is done. Why would you intentionally hurt someone when it was you who kept you from participating? Did they tell you to sit it out? You said it was YOUR fantasy and not something she pushed for. You got what you wanted, sat it out, and then hurt her on purpose by rubbing her face in your ego fallout? Gross. Link to post Share on other sites
LSNoob Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 LOLOL why did you not participate?? and why is it the girl's fault?? I still don't get it. If they didn't tell you to sit down and watch, why did you SIT DOWN AND WATCH? ahahahhahahaha and you're a twat for doing this to a girl, that hurts a lot specially for girls. Go back and tell her how you feel, and tell her that shes the best and don't be such a dickhead. Man up and go apologize, its 100% fully your fault. ALL OF IT. The 3some idea, the sitting out then the revenge on that poor girl. Shame on you. Link to post Share on other sites
Peter Attis Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 I love how people in this thread think they're really putting him in his place by telling him stuff he apparently already knows. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NickelbackFan Posted June 2, 2010 Author Share Posted June 2, 2010 Wow, I love how all you people are assuming I sat out on my own like you were some fly on the wall. Not to get into detail, but I tried to get into the bed when it started and she pushed me away and said "no". That was not part of the plan. She acknowledged this. I did not willfully sit out because I wanted to watch. And yes, I did apologize to her for retribution because I do feel bad for making her upset, but does anyone give a **** that I was upset ? Regardless of if put myself in this situation and made mistakes which I owned up too, I am still upset. It is a huge ego killer and a self esteem killer when your pretty much told to leave the bed. Haste and immaturity drove me to sleep with another girl in front of her. In the end, we both got hurt but yes I have apologized. Link to post Share on other sites
harmfulsweetz Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 In all honesty, you're a douche. I doubt she knew she was making you feel like crap, but you knew, and wanted to make her feel like that. If I felt like crap, I certainly wouldn't wish someone else to, and actively make sure they did. It is immature, and you're lucky the girl is still talking to you. I'm sorry but what you did trumps what she did, because you did it solely for the purposes of hurting her, she didn't. You carried on despite knowing she was crying, and I bet you enjoyed the fact that she was hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 Wow, I love how all you people are assuming I sat out on my own like you were some fly on the wall. Not to get into detail, but I tried to get into the bed when it started and she pushed me away and said "no". That was not part of the plan. She acknowledged this. I did not willfully sit out because I wanted to watch. And yes, I did apologize to her for retribution because I do feel bad for making her upset, but does anyone give a **** that I was upset ? Regardless of if put myself in this situation and made mistakes which I owned up too, I am still upset. It is a huge ego killer and a self esteem killer when your pretty much told to leave the bed. Haste and immaturity drove me to sleep with another girl in front of her. In the end, we both got hurt but yes I have apologized. Ok, without the judgmental tone that has overtaken this thread...By the sounds of it, you weren't actually UPSET, emotionally you were just pissed you weren't involved, things didn't go to plan. She was crying while she watched you screw another girl. She clearly has deeper feelings for you than you do her or she'd be mad you made her watch, as was your reaction. It would break my heart to see someone I love with another woman, if it was someone I was just fooling around with I'd be pissed he was being an arse. I think THAT is your main issue now. It's an often stated fact that you can't have a FWB if one has deeper feelings for the other. It is far more cruel to remain in this now you know that is how she reacts to something like that than anything either of you did before. Link to post Share on other sites
Bangle Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 You didn't do anything wrong and seeing as you aren't in a relationship with her I would just cut her off and move on. Find someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
LSNoob Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 Ohhh so she told you to sit out. Man she prob didn't want to be done by like two guys at same time. She thought that was like too disrespectful. So she wanted it to be one by one. She was just trying to be a good girl (yes i know, even if its in a naughty situation). Then you made her feel like crap, hurt her feelings, and make her cry while she sees two people having fun while shes left out. Congratulations you did some psychological damage there!! You taught her a lesson not to carry that "good girl" attitude. Now she prob gonna end up doing drugs alcohol and becomes a sex addict and have horrible life. ahahahha ALL because of your fantasy ahahahahhaha!! this is funny =P Link to post Share on other sites
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