Author NickelbackFan Posted June 4, 2010 Author Share Posted June 4, 2010 Brightmoon, I adamantly don't have those kinds of reasons for her like she has for me. I do care for her deeply as a friend and as a person (I know my actions at the time didn't dictate that) but I do. When we met and became friends, she was cheating on her current boyfriend with me so that left us friend zoned by my choice, I simply couldn't trust her. I have never cheated in my life however I didn't want to banish her from my life all together. We went our separate ways for a few years, then reconnected and the FWB things evolved. The main reason why I won't have those feelings for her is her history of cheating. Im sorry, but I dont think I can let my guard down to try. As for the threesome, yes I know its history and I have cease and desisted from any fornicational activities with her, and we are plain old friends. A lesson learned to say the least. Link to post Share on other sites
LSNoob Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 Why did you cheat with her then?? =/ Did you know she had BF when you were dating her? If you did, then I don't see why you blaming her fully for the cheating. You prob knew her relationship was in a bad shape at that time and you just told her things that made her closer to you. I been told there are people that disagree with "cheated with you, will cheat on you" thing. But I'm sure you know her better than all of us here, so you know best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NickelbackFan Posted June 4, 2010 Author Share Posted June 4, 2010 Why did you cheat with her then?? =/ Did you know she had BF when you were dating her? If you did, then I don't see why you blaming her fully for the cheating. You prob knew her relationship was in a bad shape at that time and you just told her things that made her closer to you. I been told there are people that disagree with "cheated with you, will cheat on you" thing. But I'm sure you know her better than all of us here, so you know best. LSNoob, at the time that I had no idea she was in a relationship or had a boyfriend till after we had sex a few times. And yes, I learned that their relationship was strained. That is why I we went out separate ways for a few years because I dont condone cheating and I was a little miffed she withheld information from me that she had a boyfriend. But back then we were young. Still, I have no trust in her. Link to post Share on other sites
asia2269 Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 Let me start by sharing you my story. My fantasy was always a threesome and at the same time since I was cheated on twice my fiancee always told me that he will never cheat on me and he doesn't flirt with other women he just happens to be friendly. Anyways I told him about the threesome he was cool with that the first girl was an acqaintance so they started sending flirty sexual stuff via email since she travels. The fantasy was never fulfilled since she was busy. So I found a woman who will do it. Apparently I didn't want to participate I just wanted to watch. He was making love to this woman and not having sex. Their sexual chemistry was intense. So we had a conference call and we all aggreed that nothing should go behind our backs and everyone should know what was going on. My fiancee picked a fight and left and was on the phone with her for 1 1/2 hours. So when we met her and it happened again they started doing things behind my back as if they were cheating but they blamed me for initiating it. To make the long story short I take full responsibility in my action and had to pull the plug. Both were upset to a point he did hurt me. It caused pain in my part for he can cheat. So far they claimed they stopped don't want to hear from her again. I don't know if they are still talking, texting or texting. This is one fun fantasy that bit me and he didn't have the conscience like you did. If it wasn't for the fact that she had a baby and she is inlove with the baby's father who left her. My fiancee would have stayed. He didn't stay because he loves me he stayed because I had a better thing to offer. What if another woman comes along with no hang-ups I could honestly he would say bye and still blame me for it. I'm glad there are men like you out there who still has a conscience. I want to start out by saying that I am an idiot and a fool and I totally deserve what is coming to me. I created the situation I am about to describe and it blew up in my face. I just need to vent. I have a friend with benefits, nothing more nothing less, just a sexual relationship. It has been a fantasy of mine (in retrospect I should of kept it a fantasy) to have a threesome, tag team a girl with another guy. The situation arose the other night and it went horribly wrong. To make a long story short. I was ignored the whole time and did not participate. This made her very upset and we got into an argument. I was hurt, felt disrespected that I didnt participate and basically had to watch the other guy do her. The next day I told her she needed to see how I felt so I invited another girl over and made her sit there and watch us have sex. The other girl is way better looking, model material. When all is said and done, there is alot of jealousy. I made a huge mistake, Im hurting, my FWB is hurting, and I am very depressed. She cried as she watched me have sex with the other girl. But now she knew how I felt when I had to watch and not join in. Link to post Share on other sites
Brightmoon Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 (edited) Brightmoon, I adamantly don't have those kinds of reasons for her like she has for me. I do care for her deeply as a friend and as a person (I know my actions at the time didn't dictate that) but I do. When we met and became friends, she was cheating on her current boyfriend with me so that left us friend zoned by my choice, I simply couldn't trust her. I have never cheated in my life however I didn't want to banish her from my life all together. We went our separate ways for a few years, then reconnected and the FWB things evolved. The main reason why I won't have those feelings for her is her history of cheating. Im sorry, but I dont think I can let my guard down to try. As for the threesome, yes I know its history and I have cease and desisted from any fornicational activities with her, and we are plain old friends. A lesson learned to say the least. Nickel there is so much conflicting stuff going on. You have respect for her as a friend and yet you judge her very harshly indeed for cheating with you... what 10 years ago? Each to their own but your morals are immovable in one respect (her cheating on her b/f) and then all over the place in other respects. Either way what you are going to have to negotiate is a friendship with her, while knowing that she cares very much for you and will even compromise her own needs and self respect for you. All this while you respect her and yet don't trust her one iota. Mixed with the fact that sex will rear it's ugly head again... that is one hell of a challenge. Good luck with that. This is what I think: You are in love with her too. You seem to need her. When you came on here your ego dented and bruised.... trying to blame her... it was obviouse there were far deeper feeling.. on both sides. My guess is that there is pride involved here somewhere... perhaps she is not good looking enough for you to consider a regular g/f?. Either way.. as LSnoob says, "You know best" Edited June 4, 2010 by Brightmoon Link to post Share on other sites
Author NickelbackFan Posted June 5, 2010 Author Share Posted June 5, 2010 Nickel there is so much conflicting stuff going on. You have respect for her as a friend and yet you judge her very harshly indeed for cheating with you... what 10 years ago? Each to their own but your morals are immovable in one respect (her cheating on her b/f) and then all over the place in other respects. Either way what you are going to have to negotiate is a friendship with her, while knowing that she cares very much for you and will even compromise her own needs and self respect for you. All this while you respect her and yet don't trust her one iota. Mixed with the fact that sex will rear it's ugly head again... that is one hell of a challenge. Good luck with that. This is what I think: You are in love with her too. You seem to need her. When you came on here your ego dented and bruised.... trying to blame her... it was obviouse there were far deeper feeling.. on both sides. My guess is that there is pride involved here somewhere... perhaps she is not good looking enough for you to consider a regular g/f?. Either way.. as LSnoob says, "You know best" I can assure you that I have been in love before, and I am no way shape or form in love with this girl. Do I care for her, yes. I agree that the sexual part of our friendship complicated things but I didnt really think that she liked me that much that she would sacrifice her morals for something I fantasized about. She has a history of infidelity, is divorced due to infidelity and I truly wont sacrifice my standard on cheating to date someone. Our relationship is sexual yes, but I do care for her as a friend and have been there for her financially, and in many other ways. Im really not a bad guy albeit people here think I am satan for what I have done. Just an update she contacted me tonight and again requested to have another threesome to make it up to me that she screwed up the first one, unbelievable. I would never say yes and put myself in that situation ever again. To be honest, our sexual relationship has ended and I have some thinking, healing, and growing up to do when it comes to a bruised ego. I wish this girl all the best in the world, she has been through a lot and words cannot express how terrible I feel that I hurt her the way that I did, and she keeps coming back for more, Im thinking she has major issues but I will still be platonic friends with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Brightmoon Posted June 5, 2010 Share Posted June 5, 2010 I can assure you that I have been in love before, and I am no way shape or form in love with this girl. Do I care for her, yes. I agree that the sexual part of our friendship complicated things but I didnt really think that she liked me that much that she would sacrifice her morals for something I fantasized about. She has a history of infidelity, is divorced due to infidelity and I truly wont sacrifice my standard on cheating to date someone. Our relationship is sexual yes, but I do care for her as a friend and have been there for her financially, and in many other ways. Im really not a bad guy albeit people here think I am satan for what I have done. Just an update she contacted me tonight and again requested to have another threesome to make it up to me that she screwed up the first one, unbelievable. I would never say yes and put myself in that situation ever again. To be honest, our sexual relationship has ended and I have some thinking, healing, and growing up to do when it comes to a bruised ego. I wish this girl all the best in the world, she has been through a lot and words cannot express how terrible I feel that I hurt her the way that I did, and she keeps coming back for more, Im thinking she has major issues but I will still be platonic friends with her. Does she know you only want a platonic relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Author NickelbackFan Posted June 5, 2010 Author Share Posted June 5, 2010 Does she know you only want a platonic relationship? She absolutely knows I only want a platonic relationship. I took her out to dinner tonight. She wanted Thai food. I never had Thai food. Very spicy and I have a sensitive stomach. Lets just say I was doing 125 miles an hour on the Harley to make it home to go potty! Never again with the Thai Food! Things are looking a little better, we discussed and talked about things more in detail and I feel a lil better as does she. Link to post Share on other sites
Brightmoon Posted June 5, 2010 Share Posted June 5, 2010 She absolutely knows I only want a platonic relationship. I took her out to dinner tonight. She wanted Thai food. I never had Thai food. Very spicy and I have a sensitive stomach. Lets just say I was doing 125 miles an hour on the Harley to make it home to go potty! Never again with the Thai Food! Things are looking a little better, we discussed and talked about things more in detail and I feel a lil better as does she. Lol @ your introduction to Thai food . Well, alls well that ends well Nickel!. Glad you are both feeling better about it. Cool. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NickelbackFan Posted July 21, 2010 Author Share Posted July 21, 2010 Hello Loveshackers. Just thought I would bump this thread. Well, sad to say but my FWB and I are no longer speaking. The friendship just kind of faded out. She started seeing another guy about a week or so after the disaster occurred. I wish her the best. I guess it is for the better. The friendship would of never been the same given what happened. Even over a month after this happened, I am still beating myself up over what happened and what I did. I even went to see a therapist because the guilt was eating away at me for how horrible I treated her. Little by little, day by day I am making peace with myself. I learned alot about myself that I didn't know and I learned many lessons. Most of the members who bad mouthed me and chastised me were essentially correct, I thought with my penis and had absolutely no respect for this girl. It just hurt having to see it for me to understand what I did. Link to post Share on other sites
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