Threesome Disaster

[NickelbackFan]

Um, you do know that neither of you were tied to chairs or had guns held to your heads, right? If you felt left out, why didn't you leave? If she didn't want to watch you do another girl, why did she stay and watch?

This is a whole lotta drama for nothing if you ask me...

 

AND... why did this "model" allow your FWB to stay and watch? And why did she put up with her sniveling and crying all the time? Seems like that woulda ruined the mood, to me... Or did you hide the FWB, and the model didn't know she was being watched? Ew, that's creepy...

 

I couldn't leave because we both traveled in the same car, went to a hotel. I wasnt going to leave her there stranded. The other girl who I told the next day sympathized with me and agreed to do it, I know crappy thing. She wasnt in tears screaming in crying but had tears. I didnt notice them till after i phased her out and concentrated on other things.

[Bryanp]

I am curious about something. You discussed the rules and she deliberately broke it. When she said NO why didn't you immediately stop it. When didn't you say you broke the rules and it is over. Then tell her you were leaving and ask if she wanted you to drive her back. The fact that you accepted this suggestion and sat and watched seems kind of weird to me. Really why didn't you stop it?

[2sure]

Think whatever you want but Ive had experience with plenty of threesomes 2 guys, 2 girls, etc.

 

Your entire scenerio reflects that you cannot handle a threesome or a FWB.

 

Your FWB sounds like she was solid enough...until you spitefully put her in a situation she felt uncomfortable enough to cry in . Thats violating, thats abuse. Why she didnt just walk I dont understand.

[NickelbackFan]

I am curious about something. You discussed the rules and she deliberately broke it. When she said NO why didn't you immediately stop it. When didn't you say you broke the rules and it is over. Then tell her you were leaving and ask if she wanted you to drive her back. The fact that you accepted this suggestion and sat and watched seems kind of weird to me. Really why didn't you stop it?

 

It all happened fairly quickly and when all was said and done, he was gone and out the door. Not that it matters. It was awkward to say the least. In hindsight I should of did that.

[NickelbackFan]

Think whatever you want but Ive had experience with plenty of threesomes 2 guys, 2 girls, etc.

 

Your entire scenerio reflects that you cannot handle a threesome or a FWB.

 

Your FWB sounds like she was solid enough...until you spitefully put her in a situation she felt uncomfortable enough to cry in . Thats violating, thats abuse. Why she didnt just walk I dont understand.

 

I am not denying that I wasn't ready for a threesome, you are correct. I have been with FWB with her on and off for ten years so it has worked over the years. This situation got out of control, I share most of the blame and recognize that I hurt her, but she also could of walked when I spitefully did what I did, or joined in, because I did offer. She sat there for an hour an watched.

[2sure]

So, what are you looking for here?

 

If you are both sad and upset and have been FWB for 10 years....

 

If you are looking for a way to make it up to her, if you think you can...

Apologize. Tell her your insecurity got the better of you. Tell her you are ashamed of your own behavior and that you hurt her.

 

She is probably pissed off that you ruined what is for many, a positive sexual experience, damaged her confidence and self esteem, and undermined her trust in your friendship.

[1_trick_pony]

I'm telling you, the best thing you can do to make it up to your FWB is to leave her alone for the rest of your respective lives. I think she would be much better off in life without you and probably vice-versa. I doesn't sound like you'll be able to get over this perceived slight.

[NickelbackFan]

So, what are you looking for here?

 

If you are both sad and upset and have been FWB for 10 years....

 

If you are looking for a way to make it up to her, if you think you can...

Apologize. Tell her your insecurity got the better of you. Tell her you are ashamed of your own behavior and that you hurt her.

 

She is probably pissed off that you ruined what is for many, a positive sexual experience, damaged her confidence and self esteem, and undermined her trust in your friendship.

 

Ok you have a few valid points, but in retrospect she also damaged my self esteem, trust in friendship etc, see the double standard ? I apologized to her for my behavior and we are remaining just friends. I am fully aware of my actions and I feel terrible that I hurt her. She is upset also that she hurt me also. I came on here to vent, not to justify my actions or be villafied. It wasnt so much an insecurity, it was her what I perceived at the time of disrespect by violating our boundaries that we set. Again, I have apolgized and am very guilty by my actions, but I also feel her actions were somewhat hurtful also, that is what im trying to convey.

[NickelbackFan]

It is not about making it up to eachother. It is about pinpointing where things went wrong and talking about it. We both hurt eachother period. I take full responsibility for hurting her in a way that in retrospect was immature and spiteful.

[Jilly Bean]

Nickel - I don't know why the mob rule is ganging up on you so harshly.

 

People - it's not like he came on here bragging about the story. He opened by saying he knows he was wrong, and that the whole thing ended up being a mess.

 

I think when a poster willingly admits their own contrition and culpability, there is no need to continue to bash him. It accomplishes nothing.

 

Nickel - have you decided how you will handle things with the girl going forward? I know you said you're talking, but it's strained. I still think a real heart to heart would make you both feel better. I'm sure right now, she's not aware of your remorse. And you are not aware of what I'm sure is hers as well...

 

Is that an option?

[NickelbackFan]

Nickel - I don't know why the mob rule is ganging up on you so harshly.

 

People - it's not like he came on here bragging about the story. He opened by saying he knows he was wrong, and that the whole thing ended up being a mess.

 

I think when a poster willingly admits their own contrition and culpability, there is no need to continue to bash him. It accomplishes nothing.

 

Nickel - have you decided how you will handle things with the girl going forward? I know you said you're talking, but it's strained. I still think a real heart to heart would make you both feel better. I'm sure right now, she's not aware of your remorse. And you are not aware of what I'm sure is hers as well...

 

Is that an option?

 

Jilly they are most likely responding harshly because something I said or done triggered something in their past, simply Psychology 101. Yes its strained and we still talk. She is aware of my remorse. I have told her today how upset I was about the situation. She agreed. Some posters were right when they said she might have feelings for me I am getting that vibe also. I know I don't have those feelings for her and I have known this girl for ten years. She is a nice girl who didnt deserve my knee jerk reaction to what happened. But my ego and my pride took control and I felt the need to make her feel how I felt, disrespected and uncomfortable. Boy, if I can only change the past.

[Jilly Bean]

Nickel - did you tell her all that?

[NickelbackFan]

Nickel - did you tell her all that?

 

Yes I did and a myriad of other things.

[Jilly Bean]

Well, that's a good start! And I'm sure it went a long way, too.

 

And if she has feelings for you, and was more upset because of it, that's not your problem. You were adhering to the rules of the FWB arrangement, and if she put herself in situations that caused her pain, you don't own that.

[Mme. Chaucer]

This is kind of off topic, but boy, I must be even older and more out of it than I thought. I mean, I'm not a prude or born yesterday (not by a long shot!) but it all seems so seamlessly facile ... the FWB trend in general, and that evidently folks can get a third party for sex at a moment's notice, on a whim.

[Dexter Morgan]

She was very willing to be involved in this Tara. I did not rope her into anything.

 

so it wasn't the fact that she wanted to get hammered by another guy other than you, it was just that you didn't get to participate as much?

 

you wanted to put her in a situation where she was getting pleasured by another guy, and she wanted it too. THAT is the part that should bother you.

 

I always have to shake my head at people that do 3somes and swing, then complain about the outcomes.

[Dexter Morgan]

There seems to be a double standard here. It is ok for her to reject me and for me to be hurt and my fragile little ego means nothing right ?

 

where was your ego in knowing that another man would be putting his penis in her??

 

 

Her actions were just as hurtful but because she is the female everyone including you tara are taking it as she is the victim in all this.

 

no, neither of you are victims. neither one of you has any right to complain. the day either one of you agrees to let another party eff the other, the basis for complaint is gone.

[stace79]

Wow, I love how all you people are assuming I sat out on my own like you were some fly on the wall. Not to get into detail, but I tried to get into the bed when it started and she pushed me away and said "no". That was not part of the plan. She acknowledged this. I did not willfully sit out because I wanted to watch. And yes, I did apologize to her for retribution because I do feel bad for making her upset, but does anyone give a **** that I was upset ? Regardless of if put myself in this situation and made mistakes which I owned up too, I am still upset. It is a huge ego killer and a self esteem killer when your pretty much told to leave the bed. Haste and immaturity drove me to sleep with another girl in front of her. In the end, we both got hurt but yes I have apologized.

 

I think the bottom line is that neither of you seem to have much respect for each other. Maybe she was mad that you even asked to "share her" to begin with, and thought she would teach you a lesson by shutting you out. It sounds like you both have a ton of growing up to do, and I agree with the poster who said this situation is toxic for both of you. The fact that you both intentionally hurt each other is sad. You both need to end it and move on.

[NickelbackFan]

so it wasn't the fact that she wanted to get hammered by another guy other than you, it was just that you didn't get to participate as much?

 

you wanted to put her in a situation where she was getting pleasured by another guy, and she wanted it too. THAT is the part that should bother you.

 

I always have to shake my head at people that do 3somes and swing, then complain about the outcomes.

 

Dexter, you are correct. I made a mistake and should of never of broached the topic. Thank god we werent in a relationship. There is alot that is bothering me other then what you said.

[Woman In Blue]

The other girl was a lot more prettier, nicer body, not that I care and plus I was going at it with her for a good hour.

Right. That's why you've mentioned it a couple times about her being "model material." Your ego is pathetic. Even posting here claiming how "hurt" you are and what a fool you are, you STILL have to brag about some skank you screwed. Her "model" looks don't mean much when she's willing to screw anyone who asks her, and let anyone WATCH who wants. And let's not forget how "hung" you are and how you out-performed by an HOUR the other guy.

 

Do you honestly think anyone is impressed with that stupidity you're spewing?

 

Hey - here's a thought.

 

Quit living for your d*ck.

Edited June 3, 2010 by Woman In Blue

[Brightmoon]

So what's the situation now Nickel?

 

You seem to have talked to her loads and you are still feeling bad.

 

What's up?

 

She has feelings for you.. deffo.

 

What will you do now?

[NickelbackFan]

Right. That's why you've mentioned it a couple times about her being "model material." Your ego is pathetic. Even posting here claiming how "hurt" you are and what a fool you are, you STILL have to brag about some skank you screwed. Her "model" looks don't mean much when she's willing to screw anyone who asks her, and let anyone WATCH who wants. And let's not forget how "hung" you are and how you out-performed by an HOUR the other guy.

 

Do you honestly think anyone is impressed with that stupidity you're spewing?

 

Hey - here's a thought.

 

Quit living for your d*ck.

 

Everyone on this forum and website has a right to post their feelings. If you don't like what I have to say, then stay the eff out of the my thread. I was stating facts and acknowledging my ego as a reason this whole situation went awry, not that I owe you an explanation because you are a nobody, a zero.

[NickelbackFan]

So what's the situation now Nickel?

 

You seem to have talked to her loads and you are still feeling bad.

 

What's up?

 

She has feelings for you.. deffo.

 

What will you do now?

 

Brightmoon, thank you for being one of the few mature posters and inquiring genuinely about this situation. We spoke for about three hours and had a heart to heart. It hurt, but it was definately needed. It turns out she does have feelings for me. I told her the majority of my guilt was me retaliating and hurting her and that I could never forgive myself for hurting her. She said she forgave me. We went over what went wrong and I kind of see things from her point of view although I don't necessarily agree on all her points. I pointed out that I essentially created this situation and she disagreed and said see wanted to please me. She basically is the type of girl that would do anything to make me happy, even sacrificing her morals. I feel like I exploited this by asking her to have a threesome with her agreeing, I never took into consideration her feelings or her just wanting to make me happy. I have a lot of guilt on all fronts. When the fog cleared I see this was all my fault and a situation I created and I childishly retalited. Two weird things came out of this heart to heart, one she asked if she could make things up to me by having another threesome and doing it the right way, I said absolutely not, and two, she revealed to me that seeing me with another girl while hurtful, made her "curious". We continue to talk as friends and I felt the need to send her two dozen roses and a teddy bear to her job today with an I am sorry card.

[whichwayisup]

I want to start out by saying that I am an idiot and a fool and I totally deserve what is coming to me. I created the situation I am about to describe and it blew up in my face. I just need to vent. I have a friend with benefits, nothing more nothing less, just a sexual relationship. It has been a fantasy of mine (in retrospect I should of kept it a fantasy) to have a threesome, tag team a girl with another guy. The situation arose the other night and it went horribly wrong. To make a long story short. I was ignored the whole time and did not participate. This made her very upset and we got into an argument. I was hurt, felt disrespected that I didnt participate and basically had to watch the other guy do her. The next day I told her she needed to see how I felt so I invited another girl over and made her sit there and watch us have sex. The other girl is way better looking, model material. When all is said and done, there is alot of jealousy. I made a huge mistake, Im hurting, my FWB is hurting, and I am very depressed. She cried as she watched me have sex with the other girl. But now she knew how I felt when I had to watch and not join in.

 

Bottomline is you and your FWB are not that. You have feelings for eachother and having the 3 some's proved it.

 

Do you love her?

 

It's time to have that talk. Either go for it and see where things go, be exclusive or break up, no more sex.

 

I do have to say it was cruel of you to make her watch you have sex with another woman. Just because you hurt and wanted to make her hurt.

[Brightmoon]

Brightmoon, thank you for being one of the few mature posters and inquiring genuinely about this situation. We spoke for about three hours and had a heart to heart. It hurt, but it was definately needed. It turns out she does have feelings for me. I told her the majority of my guilt was me retaliating and hurting her and that I could never forgive myself for hurting her. She said she forgave me. We went over what went wrong and I kind of see things from her point of view although I don't necessarily agree on all her points. I pointed out that I essentially created this situation and she disagreed and said see wanted to please me. She basically is the type of girl that would do anything to make me happy, even sacrificing her morals. I feel like I exploited this by asking her to have a threesome with her agreeing, I never took into consideration her feelings or her just wanting to make me happy. I have a lot of guilt on all fronts. When the fog cleared I see this was all my fault and a situation I created and I childishly retalited. Two weird things came out of this heart to heart, one she asked if she could make things up to me by having another threesome and doing it the right way, I said absolutely not, and two, she revealed to me that seeing me with another girl while hurtful, made her "curious". We continue to talk as friends and I felt the need to send her two dozen roses and a teddy bear to her job today with an I am sorry card.

 

 

(I don't know how to multi quote so I have emboldened the bits I am referring to.)

 

Tee hee.. I am so glad I grew up .

 

Wow! so she admitted she has feeling for you! It was obvious to most people here that she had very deep feelings for you and that is why she went along with your plans and why she watched and cried while you had sex with the "model".

 

Nickel, stop going on about what went wrong with the threesome now. Its done. Leave it alone. Draw a line under it. What matters now is what you do next regards her now that you know how she feels about you.

 

What are you going to do with the information that she does have feelings for you?

 

I think you have feelings for her too, but you are adamant you don't.

 

Surely this has to be the end of the road for you both if you don't feel the same about each other?? Surely.

 

Oh, and the thing about her wanting to try again and being bi curious (I presume that was what you meant) that is all part of her hanging on to you IMO. I really would not put too much in store by this. She is in love with you and although she is her own person and needs to stand by her own decisions, she is quite vulnerable. Easily exploited, as you have seen.

 

It was a sweet gesture... the flowers and teddy...but she may take it as a sign that her feelings are reciprocated. A mixed message perhaps.

 

Nickel. Sort it out!! Either tell her you feel the same or let her go.

Do not string her along because you want to continue FWB. That is dead in the water. Step up to the plate and be honest with her and yourself.

 

Draw a line under the threesome....hopefully you have learned a lot about yourself from it.

 

Sort out your relationship with her....make it a priority..no mixed messages.. no selfishness. Be honest. Do right by her. Got that Nickel?

As a dear friend of mine used to say: p!$$ or get off the pot!.

 

All the best Nickel. Look forward to hearing how you get on .

Edited June 4, 2010 by Brightmoon