"Being Whipped"

[Bangle]

Whipped: being completely controlled by your girlfriend or boyfriend...in most cases a guy being completely controlled by his girlfriend.

 

I see more and more men who enter relationships becoming whipped, several of my mates are so whipped that I don't see them from one month to the next and when I do they are always busying texting their girlfriends or they bring their girlfriends with them.

 

I arranged a man's only weekend far away from my hometown and only two friends attended with me, the rest were not allowed to go because their girlfriends were worried they would stray and then they gave me lame excuses that they were busy (busy being whipped). I have upset several friends by telling them straight up that they are so whipped it's revolting.

 

It seems like a modern trend, my cousins in Wales have also noticed the same thing, my cousin is even whipped by his lover. There's a facebook group called "Girls want sex, men wants cuddles and talks" and this is so true. What has caused this role reversal? It seems women are now the more dominant of the sexes and it seems that men have become more and more feminine, either way it's embarrassing, these men are poor excuses of men.

 

Is it possible to have a girlfriend and not be whipped? I mean actually have time to spend on your own and not constantly be undermined and questioned? Can you have a girlfriend who lets you have friends and lets you see those friends, who doesn't mind you going out and getting drunk and who doesn't try and control every aspect of you i.e. your apperance? I am a traditional guy, I like to take charge and hate it when women try and order me around. Am I the one with the problem or is the modern man more interested in his penis size, how much gel is in his hair and tans and are more than happily whipped?

[Yamaha]

Have you ever thought of the fact they like spending time with the gf and enjoy it more than hanging with ther boys?

[Woggle]

I notice it to and it is depressing. Men like this are not living. They are just merely existing.

[Bangle]

Have you ever thought of the fact they like spending time with the gf and enjoy it more than hanging with ther boys?

 

Yet when they split up with their women they are ringing my phone, sending me texts and wanting to meet up and go for drinks. So these men are more than happy to have friends when they are single, but they'll ditch friends when a woman comes along? Clearly they do not value friendship and as such should be cut off immediately. My best friend of 18 years has all but vanished in the last two years since he met his girlfriend, it's disgusting really and it makes me ashamed to be male really.

[Yamaha]

Yet when they split up with their women they are ringing my phone, sending me texts and wanting to meet up and go for drinks. So these men are more than happy to have friends when they are single, but they'll ditch friends when a woman comes along? Clearly they do not value friendship and as such should be cut off immediately. My best friend of 18 years has all but vanished in the last two years since he met his girlfriend, it's disgusting really and it makes me ashamed to be male really.

 

Then are they really your friends?

 

LOts of people like this....

I would look for friends that hang with you through the good and bad.

[Woggle]

Any man no matter how good his marriage is needs time with the guys. Being around other men recharges us.

[Yamaha]

Any man no matter how good his marriage is needs time with the guys. Being around other men recharges us.

 

I agree.

 

OP. You need to find guys who fit friends into their lives along with the gf.

[Bangle]

Then are they really your friends?

 

LOts of people like this....

I would look for friends that hang with you through the good and bad.

 

It's happening to more and more men where I live and I have been on forums with people from Finland, England, the US and Australia all stating the samethings, so clearly it is a growing problem in many social circles. I just cannot see why a man cannot have a girlfriend and keep his friends? Can a balance not be met? I went to a club with three mates and one bought his girlfriend along because they cannot be apart for more than two minutes and she has no friends (with a personality like hers who can blame anyone for not befriending her), they walked out of the club together without saying goodbye to us, we wasted our time trying to phone him and look for him and in the end we gave up and carried on with our night. I didn't hear from him after sending him a text asking him if he was ok? for nearly a week.

[Feelin Frisky]

My brother was totally whipped by his wife. I thought he was a saint to put up with her crap. I decided to stay single than marry what I saw as a woman who wanted what she wanted it the way she wanted it when she wanted it. I'm no servant. Too bad the sex was so good and she was so hot and beautiful that I let it go on. But I fought with her every time she became so emotionally clingy or domineering. My brother up and had an affair which puts a positive check in my my unwhipped book but he got caught and stay with the witch--knuckling under. Bad.

 

I'm am kind, faithful and true. I refuse to hook up with anyone who can't connect those dots and give me the benefit of the doubt.

[Bangle]

 

OP. You need to find guys who fit friends into their lives along with the gf.

 

I have one and he has the same attitude towards to women that I do, he has a girlfriend but his girlfriend respect him and is generally a fantastic girlfriend. She lets him have Friday and Saturday with his friends and she goes off with her friends and they spend all day together on a Sunday. She doesn't hassle him with calls and texts when he is with his friends. This is what I would want in a relationship, but it seems far too many women are so possessive that they'll emotionally manipulate their boyfriends who are all too ready to be whipped.

 

Quite sad really, if this is how I have to be to enter a relationship then I'd rather be single.

[linwood]

Lets see.

 

Spend a weekend with you and a half dozen sweaty drunken guys or spend it with a soft sexy willing woman?

 

I`m taking door #2...call me whipped if you will.

[Bangle]

Lets see.

 

Spend a weekend with you and a half dozen sweaty drunken guys or spend it with a soft sexy willing woman?

 

I`m taking door #2...call me whipped if you will.

 

Even Ashley Cole got bored of door #2 and is now out enjoying door #1.

[skydiveaddict]

Quite sad really, if this is how I have to be to enter a relationship then I'd rather be single.

 

 

Be careful what you wish for my friend

[Woggle]

Lets see.

 

Spend a weekend with you and a half dozen sweaty drunken guys or spend it with a soft sexy willing woman?

 

I`m taking door #2...call me whipped if you will.

 

I would pick #1. Men don't know how to bond anymore.

 

I agree with the poster who said that men ditch their friends but then crawling back when the woman they are so loyal to breaks their heart. I admit that I did it myself in my first marriage but I learned my lesson and I know that my friends who are more like brothes always come first. They have been the only constant and tried and true in my life.

[Ronni_W]

and it seems that men have become more and more feminine, either way it's embarrassing,

Actually, it's also embarrassing for (some of) us (women) when we see other women doing the 'whipping'.

 

But. There is nothing "feminine", IMO, about lacking the courage to (a) stand up for one's own needs, desires and assertive rights; (b) set firm boundaries around how one expects to be treated and what one will, and will not, tolerate; and © just say, "no!"

All of this crap is just plain dysfunctional, and it's not "feminine" (or "masculine") to be just bloody plain dysfunctional. IMO.

 

I asked a guy this just other day: "When did it become fashionable for you guys to be such pussies? More importantly, why are YOU following this fashion trend???"

 

And, like your buds, Bangle -- he got so irate with me, and defensive, and juvenile-ranty on my ass. It's like "today's guy" just can't help himself. It's sad for both genders, really. I don't know if it's cos guys have some wicked fear of not finding another woman to love them, or what. But I think, as a group, it might be well past time for you'all to figure out WTF is going on.

 

And yeah...we women have our own crap that WE ought to be figuring out, too. It's not faulting and blaming, that I'm into. More like, "Come on, girls and boys...we each and all can bloody well do better than this, yes?"

 

/end rant

[Woggle]

This generation is the first one to be raised without positive male role models. We were raised by women and taught manhood from a woman's point of view. Also men have had all the manhood nagged out of us by society. We are told to be senstive and get in touch with our feminine side when on reality that approach does nothing for us.

 

I think there needs to be a grow back our balls type of movement because the men who refuse to be neutered are the ones who are doing just fine.

[carhill]

My theory is that a man who has strong male friendships will preserve them during his periods of romance, relationships and marriage. A man with weak male friendships will forgo or abandon them. Going through a divorce, I've seen this dynamic firsthand and have talked with male friends about it. As the demographic of my male friends ages, I'm finding it much easier to bond with them; they're more open and accepting of my particular style of friendship, strengthening the comparatively weak bonds I had prior. I've also, due to being married, become used to women being irritated with 'guys doing what guys do' and see it as a necessary part of having healthy boundaries wrt male friendships. If our 'bonding' pisses the misses off, so be it. Life goes on

[Ronni_W]

This generation is the first one to be raised without positive male role models. ... We are told to be senstive and get in touch with our feminine side

Wogs, yeah -- that same guy I just talked about...we also discussed his childhood male role models.

The thing is, there is a HUGE difference between being sensitive and being all pussy-doormat. I think it's that the differences (between those two) are the 'unknown factor', and that (normal, reasonable, sane) WOMEN are having difficulty helping guys get some insight into and clarity around it.

 

I do think the old paradigms of what it means to "be a man" (and a woman) have shifted forever. It's kind of that we, each and collectively, have to figure out the new definitions and behaviours. And this is what we're all having major difficulty with.

 

There are these stupid "lists" that advise men to, for example, "treat her like a goddess"...but it doesn't say how that is supposed to look in real life. (It does NOT mean to just say, "yes, yes, and how high do you want me to jump, dear?") And it also doesn't advise men to ask, in exchange, to be treated like a god -- which men have every right to ask and, IMO, should be asking as a fair and reasonable exchange.

 

That is. If it ain't being reciprocated, boys and girls, then do not just become doormats and yes-men (and yes-women)! Use your bloody god- (and goddess-) given intellects, for goodness' sake.

 

I mean, that's fine to use "it's how I was raised" and "it's what society drilled into my head." But. We are all adult now, are we not? At what point to take responsibility for what we are choosing to keep in our brains about how we were raised, and what we were told by "society" and the important women in our lives? When is that just all our bloody excuses to not think and discern for our ADULT selves?

Edited June 2, 2010 by Ronni_W
punctuation & emphasis

[skydiveaddict]

Very well said Ronni

[Pyro]

fine line between making time for your SO and being whipped.

 

You can even spend just about every waking moment with your SO and not be whipped.

 

I'd say being a "nice guy" and being whipped are pretty much the same thing.

[Ronni_W]

I'd say being a "nice guy" and being whipped are pretty much the same thing.

No, that's not accurate. "Nice guys" can also be assertive and have healthy boundaries. One does not have to abandon oneself in order to be "nice" -- that's just a myth or a wrong conclusion based on wrong information.

 

People who are willing to use their intellects can figure out the difference.

[Pyro]

No, that's not accurate. "Nice guys" can also be assertive and have healthy boundaries. One does not have to abandon oneself in order to be "nice" -- that's just a myth or a wrong conclusion based on wrong information.

 

People who are willing to use their intellects can figure out the difference.

 

I put nice guys in quotations for the reasons that I was referring to them as pushover guys with no spine.

 

A true nice guy is balanced.

[Bangle]

 

You can even spend just about every waking moment with your SO and not be whipped.

.

 

That to me is apart of the whole being whipped scenario. How can anyone spend every waking moment with just one person? I'd be so depressed if that happened to me which it won't. I'm very traditional, I make boundaries before I get into a relationship with someone. I let them know that I need and want time to spend with family, friends and myself. That's not to say she'll play second fiddle to any of these things, but if a woman thinks I am going to be at her beck and call every five minutes and that I'd rather spend an evening with her watching sitcoms instead of being with friends then she is mistaken.

 

I always look to strike a balance between a girlfriend and friends and if a woman has a problem with that then she gets left off my list of things to do.

[Ronni_W]

I put nice guys in quotations for the reasons that I was referring to them as pushover guys with no spine.

I get that, and also used quotes. But the "nice guy in quotes" label is still confusing the hell out of nice, balanced guys -- they have no idea how to act in order to have the best chance of scoring with the ladies.

 

Because the nice, balanced guys are hearing, "Don't be a 'nice guy'" when what they should be told is, "Don't be a pussy-doormat." If that makes sense?

 

I think if we stopped referring to pussy-doormats as "nice guy in quotes", then we'll be doing everyone a great big service. Let's just start calling them pussy-doormats and not use any quotes...and hopefully things will become clearer, and we'll all get along better.

 

I'm not saying it's 'the' solution, or even a good one...I'm just saying let's try doing something different and hopefully we'll start getting better results. (And again, I'm talking about both genders.)

[Nikki Sahagin]

Hmmm, well firstly i'd like to say there are just as many 'whipped women' as there are men, BUT I know this is a thread focusing on whipped men.

 

Well...

 

I would say most of what people have already said is right.

 

However I think whipped men split into two camps:

 

1) Who is genuinely whipped. The gf is a bit of a tyrant and he doesn't do things because he is afraid of hurting her.

2) The whipped man who is not really whipped but just enjoys spending more time with his gf than with his friends. His friends may say the gf has made him whipped, but the reality is, he puts her ahead of his friends and has chosen to.

 

I think some people misuse the word whipped also.

I remember my ex got a tattoo of my name once, just a fake one. I never asked him too or ever knew about it - he just got it done. But all his friends were running around saying 'you're whipped!'. How can you really tell the difference between someone who does things or makes sacrifices for a partner because they want to, or because a partner is controlling them? Unless you know the girlfriend and you've seen how she dominates and controls him, then you don't really.

 

I would also think maybe the friendships aren't as strong as you'd think. Is it that the gf is being too controlling or are you just not that close friends?