BW asked for sep, MM devastated

[lilagirl]

Soooooooo

 

Let me clarify... I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with my MM. I dream of his children every night. I have MANY content days with him, and many days of knowing I deserve more. I think for me... with my stbxH... I am content right here... playing the "field" is not on my list of priorities. My focus is my children, and the A is a nice addtion, that allows me the time me and my children need to heal... some days I focus on him more than I would like...some days I am frustrated, some days I would walk away in a second, some days, I just want all this over. Always... My dreams begin and end with him.

 

UPDATE:

 

BS appologised this am, and begged him not too leave. Being so close to a decision (made for him) MM is really torn today. He feels tremendous guilt knowing that she wants to work on it, but him with his heart with me. he doesn`t believe they can be happy...

 

So... we start again... ever get the feeling of de ja vu?

 

I am going on vacation soon for 10 days. i will be unable to communicate with him for the most part, as communication relies on her availability... Also, i will be with people who cannot know... so odds are that when he is "free", I will not be. I think that will be good for him.

 

I will be beginning a process of my own when i return to provide him a timeline. Something tell me, he will need a push, despite his process he is going through.

[lilagirl]

Not only did I not pray for devastation. I prayed for her freedom and that she finds peace with someone who respects and loves her. I would have to assume he has some "sense" for him to come to them. Since I don't assume that, I didn't pray for it. The Lord allows for divorce in the case of adultery. Do I think God wants anyone to live with someone who continues to expose them to diseases and emotional abuse....nope. You don't have to pray for devastation, it has already been visited on that family at his hands. That is no laughing matter.

 

okay, fair enough devastation wasnt the right word, how it was phrased made me laugh...

 

Your intent is definately recieved

[Fieldsofgold]

Not only did I not pray for devastation. I prayed for her freedom and that she finds peace with someone who respects and loves her. I would have to assume he has some "sense" for him to come to them. Since I don't assume that, I didn't pray for it. The Lord allows for divorce in the case of adultery. Do I think God wants anyone to live with someone who continues to expose them to diseases and emotional abuse....nope. You don't have to pray for devastation, it has already been visited on that family at his hands. That is no laughing matter.

 

that's the truth!

[bittersweet memories]

Devestation for WHOM? This could end up being the best thing that ever happened to her.

 

 

Could be? Will be...without a doubt.

[Dexter Morgan]

Ugh... I am feeling so much pain for him. He is heartbroken.

 

now he can feel what his W felt.

 

 

All of the aspects that make it hard for him to decide keep flashing before his eyes. He is scared for his children.

 

should have thought of that before he entered an affair.

 

 

My MM has never lived alone, and is very fearful of it, due to a "condition" of his. I would be worried for him alone as well. I would never allow a man to live with me for the sake of it

 

I think you need to take him in, you helped in this, so don't back out on him now.

 

 

my children do not need that racket.

 

oh, i see:rolleyes:

 

 

I feel so bad for their entire family, and am pushing him to make it work with her.

 

it is in his wife's best interest to not.

 

but if they do work it out, you are going to break contact with him, right??

 

 

I am wondering about other OWs - I want nothing more than to have my prince charming... but this pain that they are all in... It breaks my heart. Do other OWs feel this contradiction as well?

 

if you read alot of threads by LS OW/OM, you will see that there are alot of them that feel no remorse or sense of obligation to feel bad for the wife because they aren't the ones that married them.

 

so there are some OW that feel this, but most on LS here do not, as evidenced by their comments about the wives.

 

but again, if they end up getting back together, you are going to stay out of their marriage and break contact with him, right?

[Dexter Morgan]

(((((Lila)))))

 

There seem to be some special circumstances around your MM's situation which make it harder than normal to deal with.

 

I am wondering however why you are pushing him to make it work with her? It seems like their relationship is not healthy. Wouldn't it be better if you supported him in becoming independent enough to live by himself for the first time in his life? It is the BS asking for separation after all. Why would you counteract that?

 

probably because she feels partly responsible and feels that she is abandoning him after helping him betray his wife.

 

and since she wanted to have her fun with him, but not take him in, then who better to make sure he has a place to live without being alone with his "condition" than the very woman they both helped to eff over?

 

Lila, if the wife wants it over, leave it alone. She deserves to move on to a better life.

 

let him live alone with his "condition" and if you are feeling guilty about that, then just suck it up and abandon him.

Edited June 3, 2010 by Dexter Morgan

[lilagirl]

I hate to say this but you are being a home breaker if sounds like a bunch of ****.I asked for a sep she probably wants some Peace in her life.He thinks Im not doing it but I have it all planned.My husband quit believing in god all of a sudden,You sound somewhat evil and very contractive sorry but look at your post.I did not tramp around or nothing,rewriting history sounds like to me.You put the wife down but you helped ruin their life,You are not telling him the truth yourself so I would leave him alone.And as far as deseases Hes sleeping around. God bless you

 

I am not sure what this means, its pretty broken.

 

Now I am evil... hummm... God bless an atheist....huhmmm... Are we now getting into religious superiority?

 

I can see how you feel that I am evil. Not only am I an OW, but I am also turning my back on the lord. Sheeesk, how do I live with myself. At least I have the devil to blame when i get out of my A fog...

 

I have never lied to MM. Ever. He is aware of every thought that goes through my head, as I am his. My MM has dealt with many demons with his condition. I have been there every step of the way. I would never turn my back on him. He is my best friend.

 

As far as diseases... for your information, like any responsible people, we both knew we didn`t have any, however went to get tested anyway before any sexual contact occurred. Prior to MM I was in a 9 year relationship with my stbxH.

 

As far as my heart and morals go, you will be hard pressed to find someone as gentle and caring as I am, to all people. Regardless of their spiritual beliefs, moral actions (I am a strong believer in not judging anyone until you have walked in their shoes), or any of the other BS that people judge and mistreat others for. I am extremely close to my family, and have a strong bond with my children. I volunteer, and go out of my way to care for others who are less fortunate than I. I have strong morals, beliefs and my own personal spirituality that guide me. I just don`t need to believe in a spirt in the sky to have them. I hardly think that is evil.

[cyabye]

I am not sure what this means, its pretty broken.

 

Now I am evil... hummm... God bless an atheist....huhmmm... Are we now getting into religious superiority?

 

I can see how you feel that I am evil. Not only am I an OW, but I am also turning my back on the lord. Sheeesk, how do I live with myself. At least I have the devil to blame when i get out of my A fog...

 

I have never lied to MM. Ever. He is aware of every thought that goes through my head, as I am his. My MM has dealt with many demons with his condition. I have been there every step of the way. I would never turn my back on him. He is my best friend.

 

As far as diseases... for your information, like any responsible people, we both knew we didn`t have any, however went to get tested anyway before any sexual contact occurred. Prior to MM I was in a 9 year relationship with my stbxH.

 

As far as my heart and morals go, you will be hard pressed to find someone as gentle and caring as I am, to all people. Regardless of their spiritual beliefs, moral actions (I am a strong believer in not judging anyone until you have walked in their shoes), or any of the other BS that people judge and mistreat others for. I am extremely close to my family, and have a strong bond with my children. I volunteer, and go out of my way to care for others who are less fortunate than I. I have strong morals, beliefs and my own personal spirituality that guide me. I just don`t need to believe in a spirt in the sky to have them. I hardly think that is evil.

 

WOW!

 

Cya

[RedDevil66]

As far as my heart and morals go, you will be hard pressed to find someone as gentle and caring as I am, to all people. Regardless of their spiritual beliefs, moral actions (I am a strong believer in not judging anyone until you have walked in their shoes), or any of the other BS that people judge and mistreat others for. I am extremely close to my family, and have a strong bond with my children. I volunteer, and go out of my way to care for others who are less fortunate than I. I have strong morals, beliefs and my own personal spirituality that guide me. I just don`t need to believe in a spirt in the sky to have them. I hardly think that is evil.

 

I volunteer, work with elderly, charities, give the shirt off my back to anyone who asks. Open my home to many who are less fortunate etc. (I can go on and on) but I cheated with a married man which made me lack ALL morals, integrity and self respect. Sugar coat it however you see fit, but at the end of the day, a cheat is a cheat is a cheat.

It's not evil (though some cheaters are pure evil), you're a lost spirit that lives in denial. Doesn't make you bad, it makes you lost

[Dexter Morgan]

As far as my heart and morals go, you will be hard pressed to find someone as gentle and caring as I am, to all people.

 

oh my, now lets add delusional narcissism to the list.

 

I know you probably want everyone to believe that, and in a small way you might be some of that. but to all people? except the wife and now the MM.

 

face it, now that the MM is going to be on his own, this scares you, because you wanted to sleep with this woman's husband, you just didn't want him to be free to want to start a relationship with.

 

I don't think the wife would find much "caring" in a woman that slept with her husband.

 

And I don't think I'd be hard pressed at all to find people that are much more caring.

 

 

Regardless of their spiritual beliefs, moral actions (I am a strong believer in not judging anyone until you have walked in their shoes)

 

and why would anyone walk in your shoes?

 

sorry, some people will never walk in your shoes by choice and conviction.

 

 

or any of the other BS that people judge and mistreat others for.

 

and you don't think by sleeping with this woman's husband that you weren't an accomplice to mistreating her?

 

 

I have strong morals

 

if you did, you wouldn't have slept with someone elses husband

Edited June 3, 2010 by Dexter Morgan

[torranceshipman]

You make him sound like a helpless little child. He's a grown man, for pete's sake! If he wants to leave, he needs to leave - but sounds like he is way too scared to be alone to do that. Sounds like a lot of BS about the W being a bit crazy - if he seems so upset I'd guess she is threatening a separation and he is desperate to keep her. I'd leave this messed up situation if I were you.

[torranceshipman]

I volunteer, work with elderly, charities, give the shirt off my back to anyone who asks. Open my home to many who are less fortunate etc. (I can go on and on) but I cheated with a married man which made me lack ALL morals, integrity and self respect. Sugar coat it however you see fit, but at the end of the day, a cheat is a cheat is a cheat.

It's not evil (though some cheaters are pure evil), you're a lost spirit that lives in denial. Doesn't make you bad, it makes you lost

 

This is a great post - 100% worth listening to.

[lilagirl]

but I cheated with a married man which made me lack ALL morals, integrity and self respect. Sugar coat it however you see fit, but at the end of the day, a cheat is a cheat is a cheat.

It's not evil (though some cheaters are pure evil), you're a lost spirit that lives in denial. Doesn't make you bad, it makes you lost

 

I firmly disagree with you. I am not sugar coating what I am doing. It is wrong and I struggle with her pain. Does that mean I lack ALL morals... absolutely not. I hardly think conducting an A filled with love, and the strongest emotional attachment that I have ever found means I am at the bottom of the moral barrel... come on. Yes, its not right...I agree with that... and hopefully we will have a resolution to this mess soon

 

oh my, now lets add delusional narcissism to the list.

 

I know you probably want everyone to believe that, and in a small way you might be some of that. but to all people? except the wife and now the MM.

 

face it, now that the MM is going to be on his own, this scares you, because you wanted to sleep with this woman's husband, you just didn't want him to be free to want to start a relationship with.

 

I have no fears if MM and W separate. It is exactly what I hope for. I in no way feel I am to blame for the breakup of their marriage... Being torn has nothing to do with not wanting him in my life - or the challenges he faces... I would be happy to welcome him into my life 100%. Thats why I am here, despite my moral dilemma

 

I don't think the wife would find much "caring" in a woman that slept with her husband

 

Nor do I.

 

Let me correct you. I have done more than sleep with him. That would be easy. I have developed the strongest connection that he and I have ever felt.

and why would anyone walk in your shoes?

 

sorry, some people will never walk in your shoes by choice and conviction.

 

Whose a narcisist now? You are so much better - must be nice not to have your own inner struggles and live your life morally correct.

 

I never asked anyone to walk in my shoes. I simply said that I don`t judge people. If someone wrongs me, It allows me to make my assumptions then about the kind of people I want in my life. Do I judge people who I really don`t know... that I don`t understand what motivates them to do the things they do.. no... I don`t do that.

Edited June 3, 2010 by lilagirl

[jennie-jennie]

WOW!

 

Cya

 

Interesting how different people react differently to your post, Lila. I really liked it! :bunny:

[jennie-jennie]

You make him sound like a helpless little child. He's a grown man, for pete's sake! If he wants to leave, he needs to leave - but sounds like he is way too scared to be alone to do that. Sounds like a lot of BS about the W being a bit crazy - if he seems so upset I'd guess she is threatening a separation and he is desperate to keep her. I'd leave this messed up situation if I were you.

 

We are not privy to information about the MM's condition, and thus can make no judgment about his situation.

[jennie-jennie]

This is a great post - 100% worth listening to.

 

Another example of how differently we react to other people's posts.

[jthorne]

We are not privy to information about the MM's condition, and thus can make no judgment about his situation.

Really? Based upon everything that we are privy to, I don't see this as being much different than any other affair.

[jennie-jennie]

Really? Based upon everything that we are privy to, I don't see this as being much different than any other affair.

 

He clearly has some kind of medical condition or handicap, which makes him dependent on other people and thus scared to live on his own. That is what I was referring to.

[bentnotbroken]

He clearly has some kind of medical condition or handicap, which makes him dependent on other people and thus scared to live on his own. That is what I was referring to.

 

 

Lack of backbone isn't recognized as a handicap. If he needs medical attention...let him hire a nurse. It's sad his wife asked him to stay.

[silverplanets]

Lack of backbone isn't recognized as a handicap. If he needs medical attention...let him hire a nurse. It's sad his wife asked him to stay.

 

Unfortunately without the OP giving any detail it's all speculation ...

 

I just wanted to say the bit in bold gave me a good chuckle :)

 

OP - what IS this condition ... come on ... you can't mention it and then not give any details????

[jthorne]

Lack of backbone isn't recognized as a handicap. If he needs medical attention...let him hire a nurse. It's sad his wife asked him to stay.

This is exactly what I was thinking. If he's so powerful and "owns the room", he can get help. He doesn't need to continue to keep his W and Lila around as wet nurses.

 

That being said, I hope Lila's 10-day break is productive.

[lilagirl]

This is exactly what I was thinking. If he's so powerful and "owns the room", he can get help. He doesn't need to continue to keep his W and Lila around as wet nurses.

 

That being said, I hope Lila's 10-day break is productive.

 

you make a valid point. THis is what makes his decsiion so difficult. He can only let his real self out with me... The deep emotions he feels about his condition have never been shared with anyone other than me.

 

To all others, he is an amazing, powerful man, who is unphased by his condition. He has a successful career despite what he goes through and lives his life, and inspires others to overcome adversity as well. He is still that man, that others see, but with me, he is allowed to feel vulnerable.

 

hense split self... Ready... set... ATTACK!

[jennie-jennie]

Unfortunately without the OP giving any detail it's all speculation ...

 

I just wanted to say the bit in bold gave me a good chuckle :)

 

OP - what IS this condition ... come on ... you can't mention it and then not give any details????

 

From my own experience I know it is important to respect the boundaries of how much other posters want to reveal on LS. I had to ask Tony to delete half a thread to protect my anonymity after I finally gave after for the pressure from other LS posters and revealed what country I was from. And I can tell you that Tony was furious about it. He imprinted the importance of not giving out TMI (Too Much Information).

 

I found Bent's post distasteful, not funny. Since when do we make jokes about people's medical conditions/handicaps?

[jthorne]

I found Bent's post distasteful, not funny. Since when do we make jokes about people's medical conditions/handicaps?

I highly doubt it was meant to be funny. I know my response was not.

If he has a medical problem, he can get help. That is no reason to keep two women's lives in limbo.

[jthorne]

Whatever the intention was, it was distasteful. And so was your comment about "wet nurses". Sorry, but that is how I perceived it.

No need to be sorry.

But while we're slightly off topic, I don't see why anyone knowing your country is so bad. If your country is as liberal as you say it is, surely you're not the only unapologetic other woman living there. I'm sure I'm not the only other Reformed Other Woman from Texas. I'm just confused why you think you invaded your own privacy, but that's neither here nor there. It's nice of Tony to remove the posts for you.