noemy Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 Hey there ! Okay I'll try to be as concise as possible... I met this guy a few months ago, at the university, he's a foreign student, and is going to stay here for 2 or 3 years at least. He's very sociable, has many friends, has A LOT of success with girls, and I am more the shy, and reserved type of girl, so not the kind of girl who openly flirts with the guy she likes, or is a loudmouth in parties you know... I was the one taking the initiative, asking him out, and all, but not on a romantic basis, just as friends... We soon felt close enough to talk about private stuff, and he told me that he had recently (3 or 4 months ago) ended a very destructive relationship with a overly possessive girl, who didn't leave him any space, was totally suffocating him. I wanted to get to know him better, all the more since we had quite a lot in common, same maturity, same tastes, and our conversations were really not superficial. In a strange way, I quickly felt close to him, as if I could understand him, as if I knew him well..But, the thing is, he started to put some distance, turning down all my invitations, being always polite and nice, but very detached and cold whenever we saw each other, so I told myself "well, either he figured out I have some feelings for him that he doesn't reciprocate, and tries to subtly push me away or he 's just bored with hanging out with me...or he doesn't want our relationship to go any further than mere buddiness.." I hadn't seen him for a month, no news, and suddenly he contacts me again, saying he misses me. Ok. I saw him at a party later, and since he was harassed by attractive girls, I took my chance, summoned up my courage and told him in the lamest way that I liked him a lot, without any expectations, just to get rid of all that... We had a great talk, and he explained to me that he was not ready for a relationship, that things would be different if he hadn't had this relationship before, but that he did like me too, and knew I wasn't like all the hysterical girls who have a crush on him. He seemed happy that I told him that, said that we could now get closer, without all those misunderstandings, and hidden feelings.. So my question is : is this a total rejection (meaning we're just friends, and that's never going to change) or a temporary rejection (he has to sort his life out before beginning something new which makes total sense) ? Is there hope or not ? See, I know I'll never be able to see him just as a buddy, I don't need him to be my boyfriend, I hate when everything is labelled, that makes me uncomfortable, but I'm gonna get hurt if I keep hanging out with him for years without him really caring about me... Link to post Share on other sites
Author noemy Posted June 2, 2010 Author Share Posted June 2, 2010 Please guys, tell me ! When you don't like a girl, and want to turn her down gently, is that the kind of stuff you say to her ? I really need help ! Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 It's a tough spot. On one hand, he's just getting over a relationship and you certainly don't want to be the rebound girl. Yet, you can't put your feelings on hold. Whether it's flat out rejection or "temporary" rejection as you call it, you've got to move on. Show him that you can live your life without him in it. Show him that it's up to him to decided if he wants you in his life. You've told him where you want him to be, it's up to him to decide. A bit of fair warning though, back off from him for a bit. The more you hang around the more you become like the other crazy girls. Just live your live, go a dates with other guys and see what else is out there. Usually, when this stuff happens, the only rare thing that can make two people come together is a good dose of distance. Give him time to realize what his life would be without your around. Link to post Share on other sites
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