Email from the exW to his kids I need input quick

[lilagirl]

Hurting...

 

I am so sorry for your pain. I know that you believe reading his email will help you with closure. It is hurting you more. You need to stop the compulsion to do that.

 

You know he is safe with his children, and that is all you can ask. Stay out of his email. For your own sake, if not for his. It hurts you when you do it, and not giving you the answers you are craving.

 

You don`t deserve this pain, or the pain he has caused you over the past years. You deserve better. Closure with him may not be possible... ever... all you can hope for is a day when you stop obsessing over him.

 

In the past when he went NC... Did you find peace eventually before he came back? If so... focus on that, and focus on where you need to get too. What is your end state of mind that you desire? What would 6 months look like if it all ended perfectly for you - aside from having him healed, healthy and back in your life . Focus on a healthy you...

 

PS: congrats on taking the step to counselling. I have no doubt it will help you.

[califnan]

....so kill me..

 

I think Hurting looking at his email account is mischievious .. but humorous .. and just for a season .. And with the affair, she was also Entitled to verbal closure from him - which he did not provide her ..

[HurtinginTexas]

THIS IS NOT HER EMAIL ACCOUNT. This was a converstaion between the exW and the 38 year old kids. the daughter than sent it to him to read. It was in his account. He knows I have the email and password. He shoudl change it then shouldnt he or maybe he wants me to see it..Fine I will stop..I just wanted support...Im hardly a stalker if I was Id go to his wife, sit and wait for him at work, outside apartments, and thats not my interest. Merely trying to find out the depth of lies that have been happening sinec I NEVER GET ANY HONESTY.

[HurtinginTexas]

He did do it to get attention. It doesnt matter if someone wants to do it they do it. Hes done this bfore on Xmas 2007 and didnt do it. He did it to get the wife to drop everything and hopefully come crawling back. I know how he works and it didnt go as planned. You are RIGHT its over..Its just a shame I was lied to and wasted alot of my life and was soooo gullible and pathetic as to fall for it over and over..

 

No I havent had any other hardships so that wasnt my story..my only hardship was him and being left and back and forth a bazillion times and all the lies and fake marriage proposals and plan setc;; ALL BS;;Nice waste of 4 years almost and humiliated again..Why be nice I just get used.

[bentnotbroken]

THIS IS NOT HER EMAIL ACCOUNT. This was a converstaion between the exW and the 38 year old kids. the daughter than sent it to him to read. It was in his account. He knows I have the email and password. He shoudl change it then shouldnt he or maybe he wants me to see it..Fine I will stop..I just wanted support...Im hardly a stalker if I was Id go to his wife, sit and wait for him at work, outside apartments, and thats not my interest. Merely trying to find out the depth of lies that have been happening sinec I NEVER GET ANY HONESTY.

:eek::eek:You expected honesty from a cheater? HMMMMM. You still should have been in his email and sure as hell not posted it here...paraphrased or not.

[fooled once]

He did do it to get attention. It doesnt matter if someone wants to do it they do it. Hes done this bfore on Xmas 2007 and didnt do it. He did it to get the wife to drop everything and hopefully come crawling back. I know how he works and it didnt go as planned. You are RIGHT its over..Its just a shame I was lied to and wasted alot of my life and was soooo gullible and pathetic as to fall for it over and over..

 

No I havent had any other hardships so that wasnt my story..my only hardship was him and being left and back and forth a bazillion times and all the lies and fake marriage proposals and plan setc;; ALL BS;;Nice waste of 4 years almost and humiliated again..Why be nice I just get used.

 

I know you are hurting.....but break it down and really look at it.

 

He was cheating on his wife. That alone should have caused a red flag.

 

He flip flopped, in your words, a bazillion times.... RED FLAG

 

The lies, the moodiness, the unhappiness... RED FLAG

 

Hon, you kept allowing him to do this to you. That is why I personally think you need counseling. You kept allowing him to walk on you, to treat you poorly, to disrespect you, etc. You need to find out why you kept putting up with it...and it wasn't out of "love" for him. It was almost as if you were willing to do anything, tolerate anything to win the "prize" ... him. Sorry, but he is NO PRIZE and thankfully, you lost that. I am not trying to be mean or put you down, but the fact that you are snooping in someone else's email .... doesn't matter if at 'one time' he gave you the password. You know you shouldn't be in it. Lock yourself out of it so that he has to change the password. You are only hurting yourself by continuing to snoop. You won't find answers .... you will probably never have true answers because he isn't capable of providing them.

 

All you can do is let go, grieve the ending of this dysfunctional relationship, get some counseling to help you and then move on.

 

I truly believe if he came through the door today, you would open your arms to him and forgive him again.

 

He only did to you what you allowed....so be mad at him, but also look inward and try to understand WHY this was allowed to happen to you.

 

I hope you can find some peace. Don't look for answers though -- you will drive yourself insane trying to understand someone who is so mentally screwed up. You can't understand crazy.

[pureinheart]

Please Loveshack can you interpret this for me

 

I am so hurt. I ve been going to therapy and had 4 sessions. I am feeling a bit better still have my highs and lows. I went on his emmail today (yes its no contact yes its morally wrong but Im desperate to search for answers). I find below.

 

From the exW to his grown kids (38 and 34 in AZ):

 

"Good Morning - I hope your Dad is doing well. It's going to be hard for

him to go to counseling but I pray he does it... I don't want any

secrets between us anymore - honesty is SO important even when it hurts! You can work thru hurt... So if he doesn't want you to talk with me about him - that's fine, just let me know... Hopefully he doesn't want

me to stop contact with you guys?"

 

From the daughter:

 

"Yeah, he's doing ok. We had a long talk and he's going to go to

counseling. He didn't say anything about stopping contact with us. Why

would you say that?

 

He's not happy about you saying you shouldn't talk for the next year but

he understands that there will be a lot to go through.

 

My personal opinion is that you guys don't talk but I know that's hard

on him...and probably you because you ask about him a lot. I just don't

want him working on himself and you get close to him and pull away

again. He can't deal with that and I don't want it to push him back or

get him upset and thinking bad things about himself again. I know there

is a lot to work through but he doesn't need to be punished forever for

what has happened.

 

He does know he has a lot to talk to you about and he can't hold

everything in for a year. Know what I mean? He said he'd like for you

to call once in awhile..."

 

From her:

 

" I don't have the answers. For me right now its best your Dad and I have

no contact; and I think when he has a few counseling sessions, he'll

understand why. I have to think about "me" first - it's very hard and

maybe not fair to your Dad right now - but it's what I have to do...

I'm just glad he is going to counseling and you guys are there for him.

Encourage him to call and talk to friends - he has a lot of friends; he

just needs to reach out to them like I did..."

 

I am so devastaed. I never was "IT" for him was I. I was a cheap replacement an, A on the side that really meant nothing. And when she had had enough she divorced him. It took him 10 months to realize I guess I wasnt the one and he wanted her back.

 

Whats killing me inside is that hes been so awful to me, and a liar and manipulative that I dont know if this was a plaoy or lie to get her entangled again. Or he really just wants her back , and was trying to escape from me. I feel so horribel thinking his time with me has been so awful that hes wanted to kill himself to get attention. And move away and get counseling which he wouldnt for me.

 

How do I interpret this? I feel like writing him and saying Im sorry I have made you so miserable, why didnt you end it so long ago. He has run from me. I feel like dying even more so now, than I thought he was just being a nasty liar with mental issues.

 

Hey Hurting,

 

If you can, try not to let HIM, or what's going on with his ex or stepkids/kids define who YOU are. Most of your OP sounds like you are wrapped up in his world, and it seems to be just that as he is not reciprocating.

 

Please don't let him define YOU...((((hurting)))))

[whichwayisup]

You are RIGHT its over..Its just a shame I was lied to and wasted alot of my life and was soooo gullible and pathetic as to fall for it over and over..

 

And now there's nowhere to go but up. Do the counselling, heal yourself, get strong and live your life.

 

Make your own closure, and really begin your grieving process so you'll be able to let go completely.

 

And, most of all, no more looking in his email. There's no point in looking as it's just going to cause you more pain and keep you in this drama.

[Mimolicious]

Its just a shame I was lied to and wasted alot of my life and was soooo gullible and pathetic as to fall for it over and over..

 

 

His W was lied to and wasted years of her life too. That should tell you that this moron is good for nothing.

 

If you can find any strenght in this- His W walked away and hasn't let him back in her life because he is TOXIC! Learn something from her and do the same!

[HurtinginTexas]

Youre right.

 

But it just hurts that he even wants to get away from me and go back to the exW, and sadly to say whether the exW goes NC for a year, or 6 months or 6 weeks she may take him back.

 

It STILL hurts that I wasnt enough to move ahead with in life. Or that he never wanted or intended to follow through on his promises and thats what alot of fights were about. It hurts that I could be used for so long. I really thought he loved me. Guess he didnt. It hurts to think he never loved me. It hurts to think that he is just and seems to be going on his merry way and doesnt miss me, or what we had, or has any thoughts of the many trips, experiencse and wonderful things we did and shared. How does one just bottle all that up and forget about it.

 

I am in therapy. Ive been NC for 9 days. Its kind of a dull pain now. I know Im worth more. Im an electrical engineer with an MBA. Good job. Good looking. Nice. Sweet. I just dont get why hed lied to me. Why I wasnt enough for him. I could never take him back. Its just about him, and why he is missing me or wants to see how Im coping. Nothing not a word. How does one move on so quick. How could he not care that I hate him for what hes done.

[ladydesigner]

Youre right.

 

But it just hurts that he even wants to get away from me and go back to the exW, and sadly to say whether the exW goes NC for a year, or 6 months or 6 weeks she may take him back.

 

It STILL hurts that I wasnt enough to move ahead with in life. Or that he never wanted or intended to follow through on his promises and thats what alot of fights were about. It hurts that I could be used for so long. I really thought he loved me. Guess he didnt. It hurts to think he never loved me. It hurts to think that he is just and seems to be going on his merry way and doesnt miss me, or what we had, or has any thoughts of the many trips, experiencse and wonderful things we did and shared. How does one just bottle all that up and forget about it.

 

I am in therapy. Ive been NC for 9 days. Its kind of a dull pain now. I know Im worth more. Im an electrical engineer with an MBA. Good job. Good looking. Nice. Sweet. I just dont get why hed lied to me. Why I wasnt enough for him. I could never take him back. Its just about him, and why he is missing me or wants to see how Im coping. Nothing not a word. How does one move on so quick. How could he not care that I hate him for what hes done.

 

Because they can sweetie and they do. I don't think my XAP caures one iotta about how he let me down or made me feel in the end. You cannot take this personally or even as a reflection on you. This was about HIM. Not you or his wife.

 

Keep up the IC and get healthy. It sounds like you are going through an anger stage of grief. Eventually you will see him for who he really is. When that time comes, your aha moment, is when you will begin to let go of this toxic relationship.

[fooled once]

Youre right.

 

But it just hurts that he even wants to get away from me and go back to the exW, and sadly to say whether the exW goes NC for a year, or 6 months or 6 weeks she may take him back.

 

It STILL hurts that I wasnt enough to move ahead with in life. Or that he never wanted or intended to follow through on his promises and thats what alot of fights were about. It hurts that I could be used for so long. I really thought he loved me. Guess he didnt. It hurts to think he never loved me. It hurts to think that he is just and seems to be going on his merry way and doesnt miss me, or what we had, or has any thoughts of the many trips, experiencse and wonderful things we did and shared. How does one just bottle all that up and forget about it.

 

I am in therapy. Ive been NC for 9 days. Its kind of a dull pain now. I know Im worth more. Im an electrical engineer with an MBA. Good job. Good looking. Nice. Sweet. I just dont get why hed lied to me. Why I wasnt enough for him. I could never take him back. Its just about him, and why he is missing me or wants to see how Im coping. Nothing not a word. How does one move on so quick. How could he not care that I hate him for what hes done.

 

This is what I mean about obsessing about him and his feelings. You, unfortunately, will never really know what he felt or is feeling. He is a sick man -- and I mean that seriously.

 

It really isn't about you ((hug)) it is about him. He lied maybe to get you to 'take care of him'. He lied for many reasons, but again, you will probably never know what they are because even IF you one day talk to him, do you really think he would tell you the truth? I am not sure he is capable of the truth.

 

I know it hurts. I know it hurts to know that you gave your ALL and yet, it was taken for granted, it was tossed aside and that you feel you didn't do enough/do the right things, etc.

 

Life shouldn't be about walking on eggshells in a normal relationship. Hell, couples argue, couples fight, couples disagree. He just seems to be a manipulative user and that is NOT good qualities in a life mate.

 

Keep going to counseling. Keep letting yourself grieve. Just stop beating yourself up that you weren't good enough for you. And don't expect him to show you any care or concern .... remember, it is all about HIM and no one else.

[califnan]

Youre right.

 

But it just hurts that he even wants to get away from me and go back to the exW, and sadly to say whether the exW goes NC for a year, or 6 months or 6 weeks she may take him back.

 

It STILL hurts that I wasnt enough to move ahead with in life. Or that he never wanted or intended to follow through on his promises and thats what alot of fights were about. It hurts that I could be used for so long. I really thought he loved me. Guess he didnt. It hurts to think he never loved me. It hurts to think that he is just and seems to be going on his merry way and doesnt miss me, or what we had, or has any thoughts of the many trips, experiencse and wonderful things we did and shared. How does one just bottle all that up and forget about it.

 

I am in therapy. Ive been NC for 9 days. Its kind of a dull pain now. I know Im worth more. Im an electrical engineer with an MBA. Good job. Good looking. Nice. Sweet. I just dont get why hed lied to me. Why I wasnt enough for him. I could never take him back. Its just about him, and why he is missing me or wants to see how Im coping. Nothing not a word. How does one move on so quick. How could he not care that I hate him for what hes done.

 

----------------

 

Hurting, Another poster suggested that your live-in relationship made him think of being tied down - as in marriage.. and I do consider that a thought.

 

And I have tried to tell you that maybe his exwife going ahead with her life, represented a strength to him, and made her more attractive to him..

 

But you must know that when a woman attaches herself to another woman's husband, the success rate of the theft - is not that great.

 

Since they are divorced and he is a free man and he still does not want to commit to you - you should completely walk away from all of this, and cut your losses.

 

I'm all for free enterprise, but the money wasted on IC for all of these people who have had affairs outside of marriage and for those who have had affairs with others' spouses - is purely a waste..

 

People should take responsibility for their own part in these affairs - thus avoiding a waste of time and IC $$$.

[Fieldsofgold]

I hear you asking over and over, in different ways, "How could he do this to me? Why would he do this to me? What can I do to change things?"

 

Why, indeed, would he want to treat you the way he has, when you have loved him so much and given so much?*

 

I was in a physically abusive marriage. I was kind, loving, supportive, did everything I could for this man. (He complained that I treated him like a king!) How could he hit me, beat me, cheat on me, be vicious and cruel to me when I was doing everything I could to love and support him?

 

The answer is that he did it to me because he is a sick man with serious character defects. He is not capable of being kind, loving, or giving --- to anyone, for any length of time. He was not capable of that kind of relationship with me or anyone else, and after observing him in multiple relationships for 35 years, I know it is true. He did it to me, because I was the one he was with.*

 

As I healed and repaired my self-esteem, my questions came to be: why didn't I recognize he had serious issues, and why didn't I extract myself from the abuse immediately? Why did I accept unacceptable behavior? Why couldn't I recognize the sickness of him/the relationship and it would take a lot more than "love" to heal him?*

 

Back to your situation - Why, indeed, would this man want to treat you the way he has, when you have loved him so much and given so much?

 

Like my ex, he does what he does because he is a sick man, with serious character defects. It *really is* all about him, his issues, his sickness, his character. He did it to *you* because you were the person who happened to be there. *For you to keep asking why he did it to you, is like asking why a deaf person won't listen to you. *It's because that's who he is. It's because that is his set of problems. WHOEVER he's with, he will still have that same general set of problems. * **

 

Better questions to be asking might be: "How can I recognize when I am with a dysfunctional person? Why am I willing to accept unacceptable treatment? Why do I think I can change someone and make them be something they are not? How can I see the person/relationship for what it is, and extract myself?" These are the sorts of questions that would benefit you, now and in the future.*

 

My concern is that if you don't get answers to these questions, you will repeat these hurtful choices.

 

Individual and group counseling helped me immensely. But it took me a loooong time, and it took finding the right counselor.*

 

(please ignore the extra *'s in the text. My phone just does that sometimes.)

[Silly_Girl]

Like my ex, he does what he does because he is a sick man, with serious character defects. It *really is* all about him, his issues, his sickness, his character. He did it to *you* because you were the person who happened to be there. *For you to keep asking why he did it to you, is like asking why a deaf person won't listen to you. *It's because that's who he is.

 

Yes, that's so true. I used to say all those things to, about a previous relationship. Put my heart and soul in, and 'anyone in their right mind would appreciate and value that, and respond to it, wouldn't they?'. Er... yes. And he was not stable and it wouldn't have mattered if I'd won the Euromillions and handed him 80 squillion quid, or donated both my lungs to his poorly grandma. He'd still have abused me.

[Fieldsofgold]

Yes, that's so true. I used to say all those things to, about a previous relationship. Put my heart and soul in, and 'anyone in their right mind would appreciate and value that, and respond to it, wouldn't they?'. Er... yes. And he was not stable and it wouldn't have mattered if I'd won the Euromillions and handed him 80 squillion quid, or donated both my lungs to his poorly grandma. He'd still have abused me.

 

Humorous, but sadly true. You just can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.

[RedDevil66]

Youre right.

 

But it just hurts that he even wants to get away from me and go back to the exW, and sadly to say whether the exW goes NC for a year, or 6 months or 6 weeks she may take him back.

 

It STILL hurts that I wasnt enough to move ahead with in life. Or that he never wanted or intended to follow through on his promises and thats what alot of fights were about. It hurts that I could be used for so long. I really thought he loved me. Guess he didnt. It hurts to think he never loved me. It hurts to think that he is just and seems to be going on his merry way and doesnt miss me, or what we had, or has any thoughts of the many trips, experiencse and wonderful things we did and shared. How does one just bottle all that up and forget about it.

 

I am in therapy. Ive been NC for 9 days. Its kind of a dull pain now. I know Im worth more. Im an electrical engineer with an MBA. Good job. Good looking. Nice. Sweet. I just dont get why hed lied to me. Why I wasnt enough for him. I could never take him back. Its just about him, and why he is missing me or wants to see how Im coping. Nothing not a word. How does one move on so quick. How could he not care that I hate him for what hes done.

 

I really am sorry for your pain. When I was carrying on with a married guy 11 yrs ago, I felt what you feel now.

But listen up, his promises came out of lies. You don't listen to promises constructed from deception. Liars LIE!

And no one can use you without your permission.

You are worth more, but it's going to take a lot of HARD work to build back your self esteem and integrity.

Just look at LS and you will see you have two choices, stay a desperate OW or be a strong PRIMARY woman and don't live the crazy/sick life of cheating .

 

Ask yourself, not why were you not enough for him, but why are you not enough for you to find a relationship with a man who is not a cheating piece of garbage.

Stay in therapy, keep posting and stay focused

[RedDevil66]

I hear you asking over and over, in different ways, "How could he do this to me? Why would he do this to me? What can I do to change things?"

 

Why, indeed, would he want to treat you the way he has, when you have loved him so much and given so much?*

 

I was in a physically abusive marriage. I was kind, loving, supportive, did everything I could for this man. (He complained that I treated him like a king!) How could he hit me, beat me, cheat on me, be vicious and cruel to me when I was doing everything I could to love and support him?

 

The answer is that he did it to me because he is a sick man with serious character defects. He is not capable of being kind, loving, or giving --- to anyone, for any length of time. He was not capable of that kind of relationship with me or anyone else, and after observing him in multiple relationships for 35 years, I know it is true. He did it to me, because I was the one he was with.*

 

As I healed and repaired my self-esteem, my questions came to be: why didn't I recognize he had serious issues, and why didn't I extract myself from the abuse immediately? Why did I accept unacceptable behavior? Why couldn't I recognize the sickness of him/the relationship and it would take a lot more than "love" to heal him?*

 

Back to your situation - Why, indeed, would this man want to treat you the way he has, when you have loved him so much and given so much?

 

Like my ex, he does what he does because he is a sick man, with serious character defects. It *really is* all about him, his issues, his sickness, his character. He did it to *you* because you were the person who happened to be there. *For you to keep asking why he did it to you, is like asking why a deaf person won't listen to you. *It's because that's who he is. It's because that is his set of problems. WHOEVER he's with, he will still have that same general set of problems. * **

 

Better questions to be asking might be: "How can I recognize when I am with a dysfunctional person? Why am I willing to accept unacceptable treatment? Why do I think I can change someone and make them be something they are not? How can I see the person/relationship for what it is, and extract myself?" These are the sorts of questions that would benefit you, now and in the future.*

 

My concern is that if you don't get answers to these questions, you will repeat these hurtful choices.

 

Individual and group counseling helped me immensely. But it took me a loooong time, and it took finding the right counselor.*

 

(please ignore the extra *'s in the text. My phone just does that sometimes.)

 

outstanding post and wonderful advice.

[Fieldsofgold]

outstanding post and wonderful advice.

 

Thank you. Lessons learned at a great cost.

[RedDevil66]

Thank you. Lessons learned at a great cost.

 

I can relate. I went to the same "school" as you :-)

[HurtinginTexas]

I thank and appreciate all the wonderful advice and support. Its getting easier each day. Still NC. Theres no point really. What could he even say to me. Or me to him. And to all you have been offended by reading his emails it was the only way to REALLY know whats been going on. Id never get the truth from him. He seems to be bringing his son down to help him move away from our apt that I no longer live in this week. And he says on facebook he will be back to work by the 18th of June. Its to bad we work on the same base. It would be so easier for me if he stayed away and in Phoenix. But he has to come back at some point. I will die if I see him or have to drive by him.

 

I guess hes trying to purge himself of all last traces of me. Why he didnt change his phone number I dont get. Or his email. I see its not changed only because of facebook. He appears to all his friends on facebook and to his family that hes happy, that his "kids" have been taking wonderful care of him since his broken ankle (even though it was me) and he talks of going back to Maine in the summer to see family (even though I kept asking when hes take me and he never addressed the issue).

 

I know hes upset that his little plan of "Im gonna hurt myself backfired and the exW didnt jump to get right back in. I hope he gets counseling but I think it was an act . Just knwoing Im forgotten just like that, or that he trying to forget what I thought was me being a loving supportive woman in his life. To see that he wants to ESCAPE me it what stings. If he even contacted me ever I wouldnt even know what to say its been so absurd.

 

The very friends he lost because of the divorce I see he talking to a few on facebook. The ones he complained about about blowing him off right after the D. The very ones I TOLD HIM to contact and get in touch with and tell them how he feels and he told me "what friends. He had no friends. And he wasnt gonna bother". Now hes talking to them again.

 

If I was stronger or less insecure as this relationship has done a number on me I would have seen the BS for what it was and refused to have him use me or walk on me but I never saw it. If I was a better person I suppose Id say "If I truly loved him unconditionally" that Id let him go and set him free to heal himself away from me, so I guess I have a selfish love.

 

I hope that karma or a higher power will make this man feel badly or regret what hes done or lost. It really feels bad that I meant nothing. It will hurt even more if he trys to conatct out of boredom. I guess it will hurt if he never trys at all either wondering what happened between us that was so awful that our time meant nothing.

 

Has anyone else been left, or dropped so badly? As many times as me?

 

Did they ever feel badly? Or come back at soem point? Or was it all teh same BS over and over?

[califnan]

Just dropped once and it was as bad as it gets .. And with a tremendous financial loss as well.. and the OW (after my husband's death) .. has picked up a richer one - is fluorishing - and in the process of cleaning him out, before - or after he dies.

 

And I also know that it isn't over - until it is over.

[fooled once]

I thank and appreciate all the wonderful advice and support. Its getting easier each day. Still NC. Theres no point really. What could he even say to me. Or me to him. And to all you have been offended by reading his emails it was the only way to REALLY know whats been going on. Id never get the truth from him. He seems to be bringing his son down to help him move away from our apt that I no longer live in this week. And he says on facebook he will be back to work by the 18th of June. Its to bad we work on the same base. It would be so easier for me if he stayed away and in Phoenix. But he has to come back at some point. I will die if I see him or have to drive by him.

 

I guess hes trying to purge himself of all last traces of me. Why he didnt change his phone number I dont get. Or his email. I see its not changed only because of facebook. He appears to all his friends on facebook and to his family that hes happy, that his "kids" have been taking wonderful care of him since his broken ankle (even though it was me) and he talks of going back to Maine in the summer to see family (even though I kept asking when hes take me and he never addressed the issue).

 

I know hes upset that his little plan of "Im gonna hurt myself backfired and the exW didnt jump to get right back in. I hope he gets counseling but I think it was an act . Just knwoing Im forgotten just like that, or that he trying to forget what I thought was me being a loving supportive woman in his life. To see that he wants to ESCAPE me it what stings. If he even contacted me ever I wouldnt even know what to say its been so absurd.

 

The very friends he lost because of the divorce I see he talking to a few on facebook. The ones he complained about about blowing him off right after the D. The very ones I TOLD HIM to contact and get in touch with and tell them how he feels and he told me "what friends. He had no friends. And he wasnt gonna bother". Now hes talking to them again.

 

If I was stronger or less insecure as this relationship has done a number on me I would have seen the BS for what it was and refused to have him use me or walk on me but I never saw it. If I was a better person I suppose Id say "If I truly loved him unconditionally" that Id let him go and set him free to heal himself away from me, so I guess I have a selfish love.

 

I hope that karma or a higher power will make this man feel badly or regret what hes done or lost. It really feels bad that I meant nothing. It will hurt even more if he trys to conatct out of boredom. I guess it will hurt if he never trys at all either wondering what happened between us that was so awful that our time meant nothing.

 

Has anyone else been left, or dropped so badly? As many times as me?

 

Did they ever feel badly? Or come back at soem point? Or was it all teh same BS over and over?

 

Please stop reading his email and stalking his facebook. I know it is easy for me to say that, but you are only hurting yourself.

 

I have a big feeling when you see him, you will beg him to come back I just don't see you ready to realize that he doesn't love you like you DESERVE to be loved. I think you will hang onto him, just because you are insecure and want someone to love you. The fact that you ask if they come back is what makes me think this.

 

I hope you continue your counseling. I hope she can get you to see the reality that he is nothing but a manipulative, liar who uses people. I hope she can also get you to stop checking his email and start purging him from your life.

[Fieldsofgold]

I thank and appreciate all the wonderful advice and support. Its getting easier each day. Still NC. Theres no point really. What could he even say to me. Or me to him. And to all you have been offended by reading his emails it was the only way to REALLY know whats been going on. Id never get the truth from him. He seems to be bringing his son down to help him move away from our apt that I no longer live in this week. And he says on facebook he will be back to work by the 18th of June. Its to bad we work on the same base. It would be so easier for me if he stayed away and in Phoenix. But he has to come back at some point. I will die if I see him or have to drive by him.

 

I guess hes trying to purge himself of all last traces of me. Why he didnt change his phone number I dont get. Or his email. I see its not changed only because of facebook. He appears to all his friends on facebook and to his family that hes happy, that his "kids" have been taking wonderful care of him since his broken ankle (even though it was me) and he talks of going back to Maine in the summer to see family (even though I kept asking when hes take me and he never addressed the issue).

 

I know hes upset that his little plan of "Im gonna hurt myself backfired and the exW didnt jump to get right back in. I hope he gets counseling but I think it was an act . Just knwoing Im forgotten just like that, or that he trying to forget what I thought was me being a loving supportive woman in his life. To see that he wants to ESCAPE me it what stings. If he even contacted me ever I wouldnt even know what to say its been so absurd.

 

The very friends he lost because of the divorce I see he talking to a few on facebook. The ones he complained about about blowing him off right after the D. The very ones I TOLD HIM to contact and get in touch with and tell them how he feels and he told me "what friends. He had no friends. And he wasnt gonna bother". Now hes talking to them again.

 

If I was stronger or less insecure as this relationship has done a number on me I would have seen the BS for what it was and refused to have him use me or walk on me but I never saw it. If I was a better person I suppose Id say "If I truly loved him unconditionally" that Id let him go and set him free to heal himself away from me, so I guess I have a selfish love.

 

I hope that karma or a higher power will make this man feel badly or regret what hes done or lost. It really feels bad that I meant nothing. It will hurt even more if he trys to conatct out of boredom. I guess it will hurt if he never trys at all either wondering what happened between us that was so awful that our time meant nothing.

 

Has anyone else been left, or dropped so badly? As many times as me?

 

Did they ever feel badly? Or come back at soem point? Or was it all teh same BS over and over?

 

I don't know if you realize it or not, but your posts are about him, him, him, him.

 

This is not healthy. You cannot control him. You cannot do anything for him.

 

You have an unhealthy obsession with this guy, and not nearly enough concern or interest in your own self and well-being. If you do not start learning to think about yourself and take care of yourself, "yourself" will eventually be destroyed. You will lose your soul. Take it from one who has been there. You will wake up one day and not even know who you are, because you have sacrificed yourself for so long, for this guy. And after him, there will be another one like him. And so it will go.

 

You have got to start having thevsame level of concern for *you.*

[lovinmylife]

you have mentioned that you want him to realize what he has lost. i think he already has realized it... his wife. she has moved on and he realized what he lost with her. he seems to be mourning the loss of her and you seem to be mourning the loss of him, but he is not mourning the loss of you. like others say, stop making him a priority while he is considering you as an option... if that