Affair with cop. Any one else in my shoes??????

[sadness]

Joyce,

 

you cheated for one very simple reason - you are selfish, and in some way think that your better than your husband.

 

What did you tell yourself that gave you permission to cheat?

 

You need to tell your husband, before he decides if he wants to be with you for the rest of his life, shouldn't he deserve to know who he's married to?

 

Cheating is not quite as common as Hollywood and the internet would have you believe. Sure 50% or so of all marriages have been touched by infidelity - but there are serious demographics to take into account as well. Do you live in Marin county?

 

Being unfaithful is the single most selfish thing you could possibly do to someone you love. You husband will in all likelyhood chose to divorce you if/when you tell him. How can he respect himself for keeping you? How could you respect him for keeping you?

 

I'm not sure where the whole cop thing comes into play unless you have a thing for pseudo-power and uniforms. The best advice has already been given:

 

End you affair and tell your husband. If you won't tell him, then simply divorce him and don't look back - he deserves better

 

What are the long term benefits of this activity?

You get to lead two lives? Check

You get really good at lying. Check

You start to believe your own lies. Check

You blame your husband for not believing your lies. Check, check.

 

You will end up divorced either way. And before you remarry, make sure you have the emotional capacity to be in a long term monogomous relationship.

[Joyce]

Dear sadness,

 

I did have an affair on my H but I told him. I think you are confusing me with midlifeaffair.

[sadness]

Joyce,

 

my apologies, you are absolutely correct.

[Joyce]

Sadness,

 

It's not a problem.

 

Hey isn't it crazy that mid life affair posted question and has never responded to anyone's advice?? Maybe she was looking for sympathy or something. Or maybe she just doesn't like what we had to say.

[sadness]

It speaks volumes for her self-esteem that she would need to receive "validation" for her actions...

 

Sorry, anyone that has been through it will not condone, excuse, or simply dismiss such a thing.

[maddiexx]

[color=indigo][/color]

 

Dear All,

I am completely new to this site- found it by accident actually so i thought id register and see what happens:

 

I live in the uk.

 

My husband and I have been separated for almost 4 months now, he's a new police pfficer and his girlfriend is also a new police officer.

 

Let me tell you the history:::

 

Ive been with my husband 10 yrs, should be 10 and half but we separated 4 yrs ago for 6 months due to him meeting someone he fancied who he worked with. I know that although they didnt actually have sex until after he left me, the intention was there as were the signs that he had fallen for someone else - never telling me he loved me, moodiness etc etc

 

now, firstly let me explain about my relationship with my husband - we were very very loving, everyone and anyone looking at us could see how much we were in love. He has always spoken so highly of me, saying im his soul mate etc etc and how im his rock , and the kids are his life (we have 5 children together)

 

so, it was real shock when he said he didnt love me anymore and left me for this collegue he worked with, moved in with her very suddenly. they lasted 3 months, then i found someone else and to cut long story short, we got back together after a separation of 6 months and as hard as things were, we were happy, very happy!!!

THis valentines day he got my name tattood on his arm and i met his work collegues who all told me they were sick about hearing about how lovely his wife is, they told he that he doesnt stop talking about me and the kids.

Anyway, i have to say, ive been very controlling to him for the past 10 yrs, almost living his life for him and the month before he left, i constantly nagged him and he got reputation in the station for being "under the thumb"

 

so, he met this other police officer, theyve been together since june, theyve moved in, bought lots of new furniture etc etc .

 

In july i had huge wake up call, believe me when i say it suddenly hit me just how controlling id been to my husband and i have been in councelling since.

 

I still love him very very much. I didnt take my marriage vows lightly and i wish so deeply for one last chance with him, as the person i am now, im not as controlling, im learning ways to stop being controlling. I want another chance to see if our marriage can work becuase the two times hes been with someone else, whether its related or not, its been when i have been at my worst, nagging him constantly, 24 hrs a day.

 

His present girlfriend keeps tabs on him completely, hes not allowed in my house and when he does he's constantly clock watching. shes putting alot of pressure on him to divorce me but he knows i wont agree to divorce.

 

 

i just dont know how to stop these feelings for him. My mum always told me that from a very young age i have always said that the man i married would be the man i loved for all my life!!!

 

can anyone offer advice?????????????????????

 

I thanks you all for your time....