yes Posted January 28, 2004 Share Posted January 28, 2004 so you've convinced me that non-related people can become essential to each other (or just one way), etc. now my question is - how can you tell that somebody cares? how can you tell you've become essential? i don't mean to say i won't care about anybody unless they care about me - but it'd be nice to know if they care back (and i know words are not to be trusted unless supported by actions!). the obvious answer is - are they there for you when you're in trouble? but many people are simply helpful, and they'll help out just because they're around. e.g. if i see somebody i know slip and break smth, of course i'll drive them to the hospital and all that, but it doesn't mean i care about this person. shed some light plz (it seems i managed to get this old w/out learning anything(or much) about human r/s's...) -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Aonz Posted January 28, 2004 Share Posted January 28, 2004 Originally posted by yes so you've convinced me that non-related people can become essential to each other (or just one way), etc. now my question is - how can you tell that somebody cares? how can you tell you've become essential? i don't mean to say i won't care about anybody unless they care about me - but it'd be nice to know if they care back (and i know words are not to be trusted unless supported by actions!). the obvious answer is - are they there for you when you're in trouble? but many people are simply helpful, and they'll help out just because they're around. e.g. if i see somebody i know slip and break smth, of course i'll drive them to the hospital and all that, but it doesn't mean i care about this person. shed some light plz (it seems i managed to get this old w/out learning anything(or much) about human r/s's...) -yes oh man you do ask some hard questions I learnt that most people will help someone if their in trouble even if that person is a stranger, but that’s not always case. Knowing weather someone cares about you? I dunno really but they shouldn't care what you look like, should always listen to what you have said and should always be willing to help you no matter what. Knowing if you’re essential to someone? That’s a scary thought but I would hope they could go on without me. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 28, 2004 Share Posted January 28, 2004 Now there's an odd question! You can tell by their behaviour. If they're there for you all the time, then they probably care. Generally, if you are talking about a love interest, at some point people tell each other that they care about each other. I think it's unrealistic to expect to become 'essential' to very many people in your life. This doesn't mean you won't have good friends, but to be 'essential' implies a much deeper level of involvement which you'll find with only a few other humans. Link to post Share on other sites
brashgal Posted January 28, 2004 Share Posted January 28, 2004 Yes, I agree with Moimeme - maybe the use of the word 'essential' was a little over the top. You can tell that someone cares when they are there for the good as well as the bad - they share. Sometimes they tell you what a good friend you are but more often it's unspoken. I have lots of acquaintances or fair-weather friends. I can count my REAL friends on one hand. Link to post Share on other sites
Bronzepen Posted January 28, 2004 Share Posted January 28, 2004 There is an old saying that rings truth when it comes to someone caring about you. "You can count with your fingers the number of friends you have by the number that come to visit you when you are in the hospital and your gonna have fingers left over." Anyone can pickup a phone and call but a true friend will take the time to come and see you personally when your sick in bed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted January 28, 2004 Author Share Posted January 28, 2004 i like that hospital-based definition =) thanks for everyone's replies! -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Errol Posted January 28, 2004 Share Posted January 28, 2004 Am I just old fashioned? I ask people and I tell people. [color=darkblue]I care about you. I couldn't imagine what my life would be like without you in it. How do you feel about me? Would your life change for the worse if I was not in it? You care if I'm hurt, but do you care if I'm happy? I don't like to see you unhappy - it makes me unhappy too, because I care about your feelings.[/color] It almost seems like people are afraid to communicate with the people in their lives, and would rather play games or look for "signs" then risk being open and upfront and just asking and telling. The worst thing that can happen is someone saying "No, I don't really care - you are not that important to me" and really, it might hurt your feelings, but aren't you better off knowing? I know that doesn't hold true for everyone -- but I've seen this trend in the posts. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 28, 2004 Share Posted January 28, 2004 Good on ya, Errol! It's a goofy world - one in which people can reject your affection but will willingly accept your rejection! The worst thing that can happen is someone saying "No, I don't really care - you are not that important to me" That can be kinda unpleasant, you must admit. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted January 28, 2004 Author Share Posted January 28, 2004 nobody would say "i dont care" - they'd say "of course i care" and you're still in the dark as to whether they were just being nice or truly care. also, saying it is easy - unless actions support it, you don't really know. so i guess it's true that u find out who your friends are when you get in trouble ... hm. time to get in trouble? lol -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Errol Posted January 28, 2004 Share Posted January 28, 2004 Originally posted by yes nobody would say "i dont care" - they'd say "of course i care" and you're still in the dark as to whether they were just being nice or truly care. also, saying it is easy - unless actions support it, you don't really know. so i guess it's true that u find out who your friends are when you get in trouble ... hm. time to get in trouble? lol -yes If you don't trust their answer then why stay friends? To be an important part of someones life means that you have some kind of history or connection with them. Relationships are built. If you are at a point in a relationship with someone and they have become important to you, or maybe even essential, then you should trust them to tell you the truth when you ask. If someone asks you, would you really lie to them just because the truth is uncomfortable? I've visited people in the hospital because it was the right thing to do -- not necessarily because they were someone really close to me. The effort was appreciated, but there was no wondering about some deeper meaning or importance. Link to post Share on other sites
cdn Posted January 28, 2004 Share Posted January 28, 2004 If someone asks you, would you really lie to them just because the truth is uncomfortable? Actually, there are a few possibilities. One is that I might give more thought to the r/s, since the very fact that the questions was being posed would suggest that I am important to the person asking. Usually, friendships are in balance, so this question would make me think about what the other peson meant by it and whether we were out of balance and, if so, why. I might realize that I have undervalued the person asking. Another is that I wouldn't "hear" the question with the same depth of meaning it was asked with and might therefore answer in the affirmative, not realizing what I was affirming. A third is that I would feel encroached upon, i.e., if the person asking the question and I did not have a meaningful r/s, I might feel somewhat uncomfortable by the question. In this instance, I might not know how to respond at all. And last is that I would understand the question completely and realize that I don't feel that the person asking is as important to me as he/she would like. In this case I would not lie, but I would soften response to the extent possible without being untruthful. There is always the chance that the other person would hear more (or less) than I was saying. So I think I agree with Yes that actions can speak louder than words, or at least that actions and words need to be acting in concert. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 28, 2004 Share Posted January 28, 2004 nobody would say "i dont care" - they'd say "of course i care" Perhaps so, but facial expression and tone of voice can convey the truth of the matter. Not to mention actions. Link to post Share on other sites
Bronzepen Posted January 28, 2004 Share Posted January 28, 2004 Originally posted by Errol I've visited people in the hospital because it was the right thing to do -- not necessarily because they were someone really close to me. The effort was appreciated, but there was no wondering about some deeper meaning or importance. Bottom line is that you care. You made the effort to go see someone. Yes is just looking to see if someone really cares or not. Not how deep, important or how close someone is to a person, just that they care. Link to post Share on other sites
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