Am I The Crazy One??

[boston11]

I am completely at my wit's end, and do not know where to turn or what to do. My brother is almost 27 and has been a heroin addict for several years. He has been a problem for the entire family basically since he was 13 years old after the sudden death of my father. My family includes my brother (27), older sister (23) who has a 5 year old son, my twin sister (21) and myself. We all still live at home as my sisters and I are still in college working toward degrees.

My brother has been in and out of jail basically from the age of 16 or 17. My mother has enabled him since then. She would hand money over to him and basically he ran the house for many years. Recently, over the past few years my brother has sent our family through a crazy roller coaster ride that I have been dying to get off of!! My brother returned from his longest jail time in August of 2009. He had been using heroin prior to going to jail but he was "clean" for a little while. However, being back in the same environment that he used in always triggers him to start up again. He is a master at manipulating, lying, and controlling my mom. His eyes could be rolling in the back of his head and nodding off and she would think nothing of it.

He has stolen countless things from mostly my mom and older sister because they are the easiest target. My twin sister and I have no tolerance for it.

 

My mom is struggling very much trying to pay bills and keep a roof over our heads. Everyone but my brother understands and does whatever we can to lessen the burden for her. The cycle of heroin use, detox, treatment centers, manipulating his way to return home, heroin use at home and then fighting with my mom to get him out of the house has gotten out of control.

 

My mom will say that she does not want him there but then will let him come home for dinner and he will just stay and she can't get him out. I am trying so hard to explain that she needs to just let go and try to understand that he is killing himself and will most likely die. I don't know if it is horrible to say but at this point I almost wish that he would.

Last week he almost did die - he got a needle stuck in his arm and had to have it surgically removed.

 

I just don't understand how my mother and older sister can still give him money and allow him to steal money and other items (gps, multiple ipods, jewelry) from them and still want to answer his calls and drive all over the place at the drop of a pin to bring him to another treatment center until he calls and makes up an excuse as to why he got kicked out.

 

 

Am I stuck? Do I just stop fighting and let him continue his drug use, manipulation and stealing from my family?

 

Sorry for such a long post - needed to vent.

-Frustrated sister.

[TaraMaiden]

Ok.... "Slap- harsh post" coming up:

 

This isn't your problem.

This is their choice.

 

You don't have to buy into this, and you don't have to share the load.

You're an adult now, and under no obligation to anybody to be a part of this if you don't want.

 

I know of a woman whose father is frankly - a complete and total loser.

she has done everything she can to suggest to him ways of hauling himself out of the doldrums, but he listens to this advice then completely ignores it.

so she's stopped trying.

 

Now, if he complains to her about his situation, she merely replies:

 

"I don't want to hear it. You're making choices, and I tried to show you a different way to play this. You have continuously ignored me and dismissed my help, support and advice. So suck it up, and deal with it. This is nothing to do with me, and all up to you, to change if you want to.

You can't contribute to a downward spiral then complain about it."

 

Much as it might be difficult - you're going to have to respond in kind.

It will be the only way to save your sanity.

And who knows - it may prompt them to rethink their positions and actions....

[BlkAzian]

Thats right her advice is dead on.....