Can you REALLY love your spouse, without a sexual relationship?

[soserious1]

One of the long loving looks was in the middle of a 2 week "no sex" situation because she had pelvic inflammation and I had made it totally clear that I felt sorry for her and was totally cool waiting until she felt better. I was going out of my way to be nice - BECAUSE I didn't want her to think I was annoyed/frustrated with her about a lack of sex. It was sincere, no hidden agenda.

 

And ummm - she doesn't like spinach.

 

Mem, you totally may have meant for those looks to be "long and loving" but if you'd been in such conflicts over sex that you actually had to tell her that you were "totally cool" with going without for 2 weeks it is entirely possible

that those looks made her feel like a chicken in a coop being eyed by a wolf.

[mem11363]

I have learned that she only likes them when she initiates and I reciprocate. No big deal. Lesson learned.

 

But she didn't recieve it well. Why not?

 

I doubt it is because she doesn't like to be treated well, or feel loved. More likely she doesn't feel loved by long, loving looks. Maybe, to her, it feels more like sandpaper than the heat lamp you intended.

 

If so, I can kind of relate!

[mem11363]

SS1,

I took no offense. I also like you. My pattern is an adaptation to my wife. If I had married someone different my style would likely be adapted to what works with them. I think your views on sex are a bit more sharply etched than mine. But if I had been jacked around the way you were I would be in a mental hospital so your reaction to it is certainly not surprising.

 

I was actually engaging in a conversation with Mem (whom I like) about the reasons his system wouldn't work on me. Bullet point conversation is clear & to the point.

 

My hormone levels are just fine, I have always been a person with a low emotional temp and am comfortable

in that state of being.

 

As for the rest, if my saying that I will never again tolerate being in a low sex-no sex relationship without good reason and would immediately confront my partner and end the situation over it is hostile, I say good for me! Being the peacemaker, struggling to rationalize why my very modest

needs couldn't be met within my marriage cost me years of pain and thousands of dollars. It won't happen again.