Fantasizing...

[Bangle]

I've been told off.

[Mrs.Smith]

grow up...

[Bangle]

Oh and I'm not in a relationship btw.

[Mrs.Smith]

hmm... I wonder why?? good luck with that

[harmfulsweetz]

I really couldn't care less if the guy I was with (I'm single btw, all hypothetical) was fantasizing about other women-keep it in your head, and I'm good with that.

 

I do it, all the time. In all honesty, I think I'm more like a man than a woman Whoever posted the thing about when a man first looks at a woman he thinks about what his penis will feel like inside her, well I think the same when I see a hot guy, obviously the other way around-:o god, I'm open tonight. That pun wasn't intended.

 

Sorry, but it says something when a man is even criticised for his thoughts, something which have no outer effect on anything, sure if he goes on about it disrespectfully-i.e. gawking, boasting this and that, then there's a problem, but if it stays in his head, or mine (as the case seems to be) don't care whatsoever. It's not because I don't have my insecurities either, but I'm not about to project those onto someone else, which I find so often, women and men do. We project our insecurities onto others, expecting them to work on them and their actions, which 'caused' the insecurity (they probably didn't) rather than trying to work on the reasons we are insecure.

 

Jersey, I'm fairly sure I've had this discussion with you. I do find you post a lot of insightful and intelligent things, and sometimes I find myself agreeing, but the whole women vs men thing has got to go. You seem to spend a vast amount of time on these boards preaching about how women may as well not try to please their partners because heck, they watch porn, they fantasize about other women and wack off to that, and it never seems to develop or change. I'll admit it, a few years back, I was like you. I thought porn was the devil. It was evil. My guy watched it, and it discredited everything I did for him. Well, now, I've grown and developed as a person, and now watch porn, enjoy it, and see it for what it is. Entertainment. You spend a long time preaching about how men should practice self control and restraint, with regards to things I believe are second nature to men, and some women. They were watching porn before you came on the scene sister. You have the right to prefer they don't. You do not have the right to request that they work on their strengths and forget their weaknesses, why is sexuality a weakness? I watch porn, (did so while I was in an LTR) fantasize about other men (whilst in an LTR) and I don't see myself as weak or my actions a weakness. Because I don't place the connotations that it's bad. Back to my point, you are requesting they stop porn watching, fantasizing about other women, and you do what? You spend no time whatsoever working on your weaknesses, which is your insecurities which if you worked on, you may come out of it, and wonder what the fuss was all about. Just sayin'.

[Bangle]

^^ that is why I love British women, so open minded.

[harmfulsweetz]

^^ that is why I love British women, so open minded.

 

:love: thanks:love:

[CLC2008]

I think fantasizing is normal and harmless in itself, to a degree...

 

I would NOT be okay with fantasies involving my friends, neighbors, etc.

 

Roles reveresed. Would a guy mind if his partner envisioned herself having sex with one of his friend's? Would he mind if she masturbated while thinking of one of his co-workers or something along those lines?

 

I would hope not.

 

Regardless, people are entitiled to have their own private thoughts and we can't really hold people accountable for things that haven't happened or what "could" occur. There are limitations to certain things and hopefully people's choices are in alignment.

[Mrs.Smith]

I really couldn't care less if the guy I was with (I'm single btw, all hypothetical) was fantasizing about other women-keep it in your head, and I'm good with that.

 

 

I think its interesting to see a woman post with a different mindset. Although, like I have already stated you can't just jump in a judge some one because they don't agree with you. You can't say that all women who don't agree with this is because they are insecure. It's not all about insecurities. No question about it, if you are struggling with them this topic could greatly affect your opinion on it though. And honestly, with how open you are in your sexuality we could even say that that resulted from your own insecurities. Everyone is different and we each have our own thoughts and opinions on what is right. This turned from a simple question to a debate, which was not intended.

 

The point that I was trying to make, was none of us are trying to "control" what our spouse is thinking about. They are their own private thoughts and should be kept private unless they want to share them. I would just hope that they would have the decency not to fantasize about someone I have a personal relationship with. If they think my best friend is attractive, cant they just leave it at that? Why wouldn't or why can't they control the fantasy about her? Bottom line, I think this is the point the Jersey was trying to make also. Although its "second nature", men very well can control it, IF they choose too. Instead it seems like most fall back on "I'm a man" excuses.

 

And on the porn thing... I may not agree with it but I would much rather my husband be watching porn than fantasizing about my sister. Porn is a lot less personal. I think it's more about watching the act and seeing the body parts... when you are fantasizing about physically being with someone it's a much more intimate thing. Porn stars are just that, they are on tv or computers they aren't the neighbor that comes over for dinner.

[Mrs.Smith]

I think fantasizing is normal and harmless in itself, to a degree...

 

I would NOT be okay with fantasies involving my friends, neighbors, etc.

 

Roles reveresed. Would a guy mind if his partner envisioned herself having sex with one of his friend's? Would he mind if she masturbated while thinking of one of his co-workers or something along those lines?

 

I would hope not.

 

Regardless, people are entitiled to have their own private thoughts and we can't really hold people accountable for things that haven't happened or what "could" occur. There are limitations to certain things and hopefully people's choices are in alignment.

 

 

Very nicely put

[Feelin Frisky]

I think at one time there were caves where adult early humans had group sex. It's in our nature to want differentiation. Men have even developed sperm whose duty it is to kill other sperm. Hint hint. So if we're monogamous it's not some kind of deal breaker if you use your mind to get you off. Just don't be hurtful and spill it. Hugh Hefner got the idea for that "Grotto" from somewhere. Me thinks it was the primordial jizz cave.

[harmfulsweetz]

I think its interesting to see a woman post with a different mindset. Although, like I have already stated you can't just jump in a judge some one because they don't agree with you. You can't say that all women who don't agree with this is because they are insecure. It's not all about insecurities. No question about it, if you are struggling with them this topic could greatly affect your opinion on it though. And honestly, with how open you are in your sexuality we could even say that that resulted from your own insecurities.

 

How exactly do you work that out? I have my insecurities sure, and I'm the first to admit, I've struggled with this very issue in the past, so I'm not immune to it. However, my openness about my sexuality stems from being comfortable in myself, I'm comfortable in my sexuality, I enjoy sex, thinking about it and doing it, and I can bet, pound for pound, more men would want to be with a woman who has my mindset than a woman with the mindset of 'you can't/shouldn't be thinking that'. A woman who is comfortable in themselves and their sexualities and others sexualities, wouldn't have this sort of problem.

 

 

Everyone is different and we each have our own thoughts and opinions on what is right. This turned from a simple question to a debate, which was not intended.

 

The problem is when you ask this kind of question it will stem debate, it's bound to. One set of people think one thing is acceptable and another think something else is acceptable, and a debate ensues. Nothing wrong with a bit of healthy discussion-nothing wrong at all with that.

 

The point that I was trying to make, was none of us are trying to "control" what our spouse is thinking about. They are their own private thoughts and should be kept private unless they want to share them.

 

Which was my point exactly. I made near to the same exact point, I said if they are just thoughts which that spouse/partner makes no attempt at divulging, boasting or whatever about, it's not an issue. however, if they do, then that's an entirely different ballgame.

 

I would just hope that they would have the decency not to fantasize about someone I have a personal relationship with.

 

I would hope so too, but if they're private thoughts, it's not that big of a deal because you don't know, we can only hope they don't.

 

If they think my best friend is attractive, cant they just leave it at that? Why wouldn't or why can't they control the fantasy about her? Bottom line, I think this is the point the Jersey was trying to make also. Although its "second nature", men very well can control it, IF they choose too. Instead it seems like most fall back on "I'm a man" excuses.

 

I'm not a man, I'm a woman and I think it's in my second nature too. Not to necessarily fantasize about my hypothetical partner's best friend/relative or whatever, but to see someone I'm attracted to, or find attractive, and wonder about it. Not with the intentions of doing anything, just a nice thought to pass the time, when at work, or doing whatever mindless thing I'm doing. It's all in good fun. You act like it's something that physically affects you, it doesn't, it's a thought, which if not divulged, bears no meaning on reality. I'm sure many of my exes had thoughts about other women in passing, and I wouldn't have known a thing, that's life. We can't mind read. Which is lucky for me

 

And on the porn thing... I may not agree with it but I would much rather my husband be watching porn than fantasizing about my sister. Porn is a lot less personal.

 

I will concede if I had a sister and my partner was thinking of her, and I found out, ouch that would sting. Then again, I don't, and well, that makes that scenario impossible.

I think it's more about watching the act and seeing the body parts... when you are fantasizing about physically being with someone it's a much more intimate thing. Porn stars are just that, they are on tv or computers they aren't the neighbor that comes over for dinner.

 

Not really. I know and understand that a fantasy is just that, a fantasy, something I play out in my head, it could be about any Tom, Dick or Harry, whoever the flavor of the day happens to be, it's not personal. I like to look at them, and wonder, and once I'm done with that fantasy, I'm done. I'm sure it's the same for men. Finding someone attractive isn't the be all and end all of things, there are other elements which stand out and matter far more in the grand scheme of things. People can fantasize about the most physically attractive person in their world at that given time, but still find you the single most attractive person overall. It bears no reflection on the relationship or on their feelings towards you as a partner and a person. It's sexual, and it's entertaining. Minds do and will wander, so long as hands do not, it's all good.

 

 

 

My response is in italics.

 

I'm a big believer in the idea that this whole thing is all about insecurities, and being comfortable with yourself and others, accepting what you can control, and what you cannot. People so often ask for men/women to change things about them which bring up the worst in the person requesting change. i.e. a woman hates her man watching porn, he does so infrequently but so all the same, because it flares her insecurities. Rather than wondering-why am I so bothered by that image on the screen? What is it about that that makes me feel not good enough/inferior/like I'm not satisfying him enough? Is it the porn/him/me? Sometimes, people need to look inwards to find the answers they need, rather than projecting the questions outwards, at others.

 

Anyone who says it is not about insecurity, is lying. What else could it be about? Top and bottom of it, many women want to be the be all and end all of their partner's life, sexuality and all, and believe it is entirely possible to be. When they realize this is not the case, they throw a hissy fit, getting all pissy because you guessed it-he had a naughty thought, watched porn, looked at another woman. Alter expectations and you may find you could be happier.

 

When I was insecure, I expected the same thing. I expected that it was entirely possible that I could be the be all and end all of his thoughts, his sexuality, everything. I was quite arrogant to think about it. It almost split us up on so many occasions, because I could not grasp that in reality, I was enough, I was good enough, in fantasy, I was enough too, but sometimes, the mind wanders.

[harmfulsweetz]

It makes no logical sense to me that when this topic comes up, shaming comments like "thought police" get tossed around. If this topic was about politics and what you felt was right vs someone else, you wouldn't be telling them they were "thought police" because they disagreed.

 

Further, since no one mandated that they wanted to personally control what others thought, "thought police" is a gross injustice to having an open communication.

 

While things are often explained as *just* fantasy, it's a peek into the a part of the person that can say alot about a person. And even if it's *just* fantasy, iti can still be threatening because it does express a certain level of disatisfaction.

 

 

 

Completely? Of course not. Somewhat? Yes. People make do with what they have. Ask anyone here if they would love to win the lottery and everyone would say yes. Even if it was to give it all away to charity.

 

So while I understand a bit of fantasy is totally normal, I think the level of time some people spend in fantasy world isn't. And women are told with undeniable regularity how much men will fantasize about this woman or that women. Not even drawing a line when it comes to a girls own sister or best friend. I don't see men drawing many lines at all when it comes to their sexuality. Infact, I think modern day man is perversally both out of control with their sexuality, using it to justify any number of "natural" behaviors, and ironically prude about it in other regards. It's pretty humilating as woman to realize that your man, the man that suppose to be loyal to you, is thinking about boffing your best friend. When do men ever draw the line? For alot of women, it seems like men never do.

 

 

 

I agree that having a healthy libido and an avenue to express it is important. I disagree that expressing it through porn or any fantasy that pops into your mind is always healthy. Or the fact that more men probably spend more time in fantasy land on their computers or Iphones, then in real life engaging with real women and finding things in the real world to be excited about.

 

 

 

 

Who talked about repression? Self control does not equal repression. I seee very few lines or boundries men draw when it comes to their sexuality. If a man feels it sexually, it seems to be automatically justifyable. It seems that more men are eager to tout their lack of self control and indulgences then they are the real qualties that make for good stable partners.

 

 

 

 

Childish much?

 

A) You are clearly insecure yourself Bangle or yuo never would have made such comments.

 

B) I do have my insecurities. This I never denied. How does this make my comments any less intelligent? It doesn't.

 

So nothing is wrong with thoughts as no one acts on them. Are thoughts pedophiles have okay as long as they don't act on them? I certainly don't think so. Just because you have a thought, doesn't mean you committed any awful act. But it doesn't mean it's healthy or right either.

That's a BS comparison and you know it. We are not talking about pedophilia at all, and they are totally different things. It is not a crime actually to have pedophillic thoughts, because eh, you need to an action and the thought to create a crime. You can't exactly sieve through someone's mind can you? You are trying to bring a comparison about something which is universally disgusting and vile, and urgh, and downright morally wrong, to something which is actually quite natural.

It's not wrong or unhealthy to fantasize, I think it's unhealthy to try and be someone's be all and end all, and have them be yours, perhaps that's just me. But I'm realistic.

I'm just tired of seeing men defend their weaknesses instead of practicing their strengths.

 

 

Response in italics.

Edited June 12, 2010 by harmfulsweetz

[Bangle]

HarmfulSweetz, you are a rare kinda girl, I only wish I lived in the UK, I would fall in love with you after a first date, you strike all the right chords. You're beautiful and excellent, wow, what a woman you are.

 

[harmfulsweetz]

HarmfulSweetz, you are a rare kinda girl, I only wish I lived in the UK, I would fall in love with you after a first date, you strike all the right chords. You're beautiful and excellent, wow, what a woman you are.

 

 

 

Thank you :love:

 

I just think it's sad that it always seems to come down to these silly arguments about something which essentially has no bearing on reality.

[Bangle]

Yes and you know how men operate and work which is why you'll make the perfect partner for any man.

[MrNate]

My response is in italics.

 

I'm a big believer in the idea that this whole thing is all about insecurities, and being comfortable with yourself and others, accepting what you can control, and what you cannot. People so often ask for men/women to change things about them which bring up the worst in the person requesting change. i.e. a woman hates her man watching porn, he does so infrequently but so all the same, because it flares her insecurities. Rather than wondering-why am I so bothered by that image on the screen? What is it about that that makes me feel not good enough/inferior/like I'm not satisfying him enough? Is it the porn/him/me? Sometimes, people need to look inwards to find the answers they need, rather than projecting the questions outwards, at others.

 

Anyone who says it is not about insecurity, is lying. What else could it be about? Top and bottom of it, many women want to be the be all and end all of their partner's life, sexuality and all, and believe it is entirely possible to be. When they realize this is not the case, they throw a hissy fit, getting all pissy because you guessed it-he had a naughty thought, watched porn, looked at another woman. Alter expectations and you may find you could be happier.

 

When I was insecure, I expected the same thing. I expected that it was entirely possible that I could be the be all and end all of his thoughts, his sexuality, everything. I was quite arrogant to think about it. It almost split us up on so many occasions, because I could not grasp that in reality, I was enough, I was good enough, in fantasy, I was enough too, but sometimes, the mind wanders.

 

A hot response from a hot woman. You always understand. Hopefully, Jersey will one day.

[Anela]

 

Anyone who says it is not about insecurity, is lying. What else could it be about? Top and bottom of it, many women want to be the be all and end all of their partner's life, sexuality and all, and believe it is entirely possible to be. When they realize this is not the case, they throw a hissy fit, getting all pissy because you guessed it-he had a naughty thought, watched porn, looked at another woman. Alter expectations and you may find you could be happier.

 

I know a man who told me that his jealousy destroyed his last relationship; it isn't just a female thing.

 

In my case, when it comes to a man ogling strangers, it has been an insecurity thing (as well as ogling women a lot younger than him - college-age). I wouldn't appreciate his fantasizing about anyone close to me, like my sister, though. (He also had no problem rebuffing another girl's advances, when he was trying to catch my attention - he made it clear that he wasn't interested... he was 100% focused on me in that respect - at least outwardly).

[Anela]

Also, when I'm seriously interested in a man, I only fantasize about him.. maybe that makes me a sad person, I don't know. It would be nice it it were true for him, in regards to me, as well.

 

(I'm British, too.)

[Anela]

I think fantasizing is normal and harmless in itself, to a degree...

 

I would NOT be okay with fantasies involving my friends, neighbors, etc.

 

Roles reveresed. Would a guy mind if his partner envisioned herself having sex with one of his friend's? Would he mind if she masturbated while thinking of one of his co-workers or something along those lines?

 

I would hope not.

 

If he expects me to be fine with his fantasizing about, and ogling other women, then he'd better be okay with my doing the same when it comes to other men.

[harmfulsweetz]

Also, when I'm seriously interested in a man, I only fantasize about him.. maybe that makes me a sad person, I don't know. It would be nice it it were true for him, in regards to me, as well.

 

(I'm British, too.)

 

 

Yay, another Brit! :love::love: Hurrah!

 

That's not sad. Every person is different, I'm distractable. I'll admit it, I only genuinely have it really bad for one guy at a time, although if I'm in an LTR I'm guilty of fantasizing about other men.

 

MrNate, thanks. :love::love: Muchos your way :o

[harmfulsweetz]

If he expects me to be fine with his fantasizing about, and ogling other women, then he'd better be okay with my doing the same when it comes to other men.

 

 

Men have a tendency to be less sensitive about this kind of thing than women, although I agree, insecurities and jealousy run in both genders. I was dating this guy once who if a good looking guy walked into the room, he'd practically sulk like I'd said I wanted to screw the guy over the table and basically punish me for any interaction with a guy on any level-professional, social or just in passing, it runs both ways.

 

But a fantasy is what it is, it should not be elevated to a higher status just because a person is so insecure in themselves, they make their whole relationship bound to this insecurity. Perception is a great thing, and we hold the power to change ours simply by looking and understanding things from the other side, and actually, when asking the questions, listening to the answers with an open mind.

[Jersey Shortie]

I'll admit it, a few years back, I was like you. I thought porn was the devil. It was evil. My guy watched it, and it discredited everything I did for him. Well, now, I've grown and developed as a person, and now watch porn, enjoy it, and see it for what it is. Entertainment.

 

Harmfulsweetz, you were probably nothing like me even if we once shared a similar few on a topic. And I say similar because it clearly wasn't identical. That's fine that you like and enjoy porn and that you consider it a growing experience. But I don't personally think the acceptance of porn means one has "grown" and "developed" or not "grown" and "developed". You consider it a growth and development for yourself and that's fine. But it's a bit arrogant to assume that is how everyone would/should go about their personal experiences to truly "grown" and "develop". Which is exactly what you are suggesting by regaling us with exciting tales of your journey in conquering porn.

 

There actually was a time when I did accept porn as part of something men just "did". But as I got older and saw more of how men changed for it and some of the things I was exposed to from it, I also grew and developed. Which has lead me to my beliefs today. I think porn has changed men. And not for the better. I think porn has changed society, and not for the better.

 

While I fully acknowledge that porn is entertainment for many, I won't lie and say it's only entertainment with no lasting affects on men and society. The fact that 12 year olds know what porn is and that porn-stars name become household names says alot about our cultures acceptance of porn. Or rather are weird dual acceptance of the pleasure we get from it and yet our belittlement of the people in it. And porn doesn't have to be something men do. But it's something men have conditioned themselves to do.

 

You spend a long time preaching about how men should practice self control and restraint, with regards to things I believe are second nature to men, and some women. They were watching porn before you came on the scene sister. You have the right to prefer they don't. You do not have the right to request that they work on their strengths and forget their weaknesses, why is sexuality a weakness? I watch porn, (did so while I was in an LTR) fantasize about other men (whilst in an LTR) and I don't see myself as weak or my actions a weakness. Because I don't place the connotations that it's bad. Back to my point, you are requesting they stop porn watching, fantasizing about other women, and you do what? You spend no time whatsoever working on your weaknesses, which is your insecurities which if you worked on, you may come out of it, and wonder what the fuss was all about. Just sayin'.

 

Of coures I have the right to request they work on their strengths and forget their weaknesses! I actually believe deep in my heart men would find more fullfillement if they stepped back from their computers, from their porn, and practiced the things that really define men. Instead of using a scapegoat to give them a 5 second high and a fleeting feeling of manliness. I think men can be extrodinary and wonderful. But not if the pander to their whims of fancy out of laziness and instant gratification.

 

Lets be clear because you seem confused. Sex is not bad. Wanting to see others naked and having sex isn't bad. The medium of what porn is? It isn't exactly healthy. So while i understand why men enjoy porn, I don't understand why so many men choose to subbcumb to it instead of practice the real things that make men more respected. No man feels proud of himslef after getting off to a porno. No man feels like he acted like more of a man worthy of respect. There is a good reason for that. Not because he should be ashamed of his sexuality and his needs. But because he know he indulged and subcumbed to a weakness for 5 second of worthless pleasure. Porn is popular not because it satisfies but because it doesn't satisify at all.

 

And I never said I shouldn't spend time working on my own weakness. Your response is so trite because again you make the assumption that the right answer is your answer which is accepting porn. And I just don't agree with that and that has nothing to do with my personal weaknesses.

[harmfulsweetz]

Harmfulsweetz, you were probably nothing like me even if we once shared a similar few on a topic. And I say similar because it clearly wasn't identical. That's fine that you like and enjoy porn and that you consider it a growing experience. But I don't personally think the acceptance of porn means one has "grown" and "developed" or not "grown" and "developed". You consider it a growth and development for yourself and that's fine. But it's a bit arrogant to assume that is how everyone would/should go about their personal experiences to truly "grown" and "develop". Which is exactly what you are suggesting by regaling us with exciting tales of your journey in conquering porn.

 

 

 

There actually was a time when I did accept porn as part of something men just "did". But as I got older and saw more of how men changed for it and some of the things I was exposed to from it, I also grew and developed. Which has lead me to my beliefs today. I think porn has changed men. And not for the better. I think porn has changed society, and not for the better.

 

While I fully acknowledge that porn is entertainment for many, I won't lie and say it's only entertainment with no lasting affects on men and society. The fact that 12 year olds know what porn is and that porn-stars name become household names says alot about our cultures acceptance of porn. Or rather are weird dual acceptance of the pleasure we get from it and yet our belittlement of the people in it. And porn doesn't have to be something men do. But it's something men have conditioned themselves to do.

 

 

 

Of coures I have the right to request they work on their strengths and forget their weaknesses! I actually believe deep in my heart men would find more fullfillement if they stepped back from their computers, from their porn, and practiced the things that really define men. Instead of using a scapegoat to give them a 5 second high and a fleeting feeling of manliness. I think men can be extrodinary and wonderful. But not if the pander to their whims of fancy out of laziness and instant gratification.

Lets be clear because you seem confused. Sex is not bad. Wanting to see others naked and having sex isn't bad. The medium of what porn is? It isn't exactly healthy. So while i understand why men enjoy porn, I don't understand why so many men choose to subbcumb to it instead of practice the real things that make men more respected. No man feels proud of himslef after getting off to a porno. No man feels like he acted like more of a man worthy of respect. There is a good reason for that. Not because he should be ashamed of his sexuality and his needs. But because he know he indulged and subcumbed to a weakness for 5 second of worthless pleasure. Porn is popular not because it satisfies but because it doesn't satisify at all.

 

And I never said I shouldn't spend time working on my own weakness. Your response is so trite because again you make the assumption that the right answer is your answer which is accepting porn. And I just don't agree with that and that has nothing to do with my personal weaknesses.

 

1) I am not arrogant or expectant of people to just do as I say, or else, however, the majority of your posts revolves around men being unsatisfiable, insatiable creatures who selfishly abandon the needs and wants of their partner for porn or fantasizing about other women. Needless to say, I think I did grow and develop in accepting porn in the ways of accepting myself. I rejected porn because I was intimidated, threatened by it's presence, and once I dealt with the real issue and not the one I was using to cover it all up. Perhaps to you that is arrogant that I said that I never once said someone else should just put aside their insecurities, or whatever, watch porn, grow as a person because heck, it worked for me :laugh:

 

2) What if they don't view porn as a weakness? After all, your view of porn is that it is a weakness, they may not see it as such. Sorry, but now who is being arrogant? You expect men to just what? Drop the porn and do as you say? Why? Because an image on a screen frightens you? Threatens you? Wow, I thought I was the one being arrogant and silly here

 

3) Nope, I don't, I don't have the answer, I have an answer, but not the answer. But neither do you. You have an answer, but not necessarily the right one, but of course, you expect us to take that as the right answer.

 

You make the assumption that (and you've posted this many times) that if a man watches porn or whatever, it belittles you and your actions for him, rendering them pointless. As a PP said, knock it off. I'm not trying to say I'm right here, but you never listen to reason at all. I get it, you don't like/appreciate or want anything to do with porn. That is you. Not men. And not all men like/appreciate or want anything to do with porn. Find one of those instead of preaching to those that do. This has nothing to do with the rights and wrongs of porn, this has to with each person's right to do as they wish, and be the person they want to be.

 

It's fine to not like porn or men fantasizing about other women-though I'm still scratching my head, trying to work out how in the hell you would know that?

[Jersey Shortie]

That's a BS comparison and you know it. We are not talking about pedophilia at all, and they are totally different things. It is not a crime actually to have pedophillic thoughts, because eh, you need to an action and the thought to create a crime. You can't exactly sieve through someone's mind can you? You are trying to bring a comparison about something which is universally disgusting and vile, and urgh, and downright morally wrong, to something which is actually quite natural.

 

It's not wrong or unhealthy to fantasize, I think it's unhealthy to try and be someone's be all and end all, and have them be yours, perhaps that's just me. But I'm realistic.

 

I didn't say it was wrong or unhealthy to fantasize, what I did say is that I think people today use it as a convienant excuse to over-indulge. There is this mentality if you feel a twinge down under, you need to act on it "now". It's an over-indulgence that goes beyond food. And I think some of the things that are out there, that people fill their mind with, is unhealthy.

 

As for my example of pedophilia, of coures it's not a crime to have a pedohpilic thought. But people would certainly look at that person differently knowing what they were fantasizing about. So to make claims that "it's just fantasy" and "it's all good", is not really true for most people because if you up the stakes, people change their idea about what is a acceptable fantasy when it comes to something like pedohila. Why? Because it matters what we fantasize about. Because it is infact a commentary on an aspect of ourselves. So having pedophilic thoughts is not a crime, but who wants to be around the person who is having them?

 

I could make the argument that anal sex isn't natural, yet lots of people love it. Technically, your anus isn't made for sex because it doesn't have any natural lubircation, but that doesn't stop people from fantasizing about it. There are alot of "unnatural" thinks when it comes to sex. And I think such things nad fetishes have increased among the population.