jealousy over boyfriends 3 1/2 year relationship before, long sorry

[xxbrokentoyxx]

My problem involves the typical female thing jealousy. I just started my first real relationship with this guy whos great but a couple years older than me so he has more experince. His past girlfriend he was with for 3 1/2 years and he really really loved her.

 

They went through a lot together that only the two of them can understand and then she got pregnant. When she was like 2 months pregnant her and her mom moved far away. Well me and my guy were friends for a lil bit before we started dating so we would get drunk together and he would talk about how much he loved her etc.

 

Now that we're dating i'm really paranoid about her. SHe still calls and talks to his mom, and she's trying to mess with his head. She came up here for christmas, and we had been staying at his mom's for a month or two. anyway she had the audacity to yell downstairs while the two of us were laying in bed. "she was like come say goodbye to your son" he had this smile on his face when he first heard her voice, and things havent been the same since. I guess the baby looks like him even though we're not sure.

 

Now i feel weird about it all the time, like whenever a baby commercial comes on i feel like he's thinking about her, and we were talking one night and filling out this couple questionaire for fun and it asked our favorite song and he said this one that reminds him of her. he didnt say that but i know that the song does. he brings her up a lot, like out of the blue, and even though she doesnt live here it feels like she's here. im scared about the next time she comes up here. i dont know what to do. i cant get over this jealousy.

 

the worst is when i get jealous i take it out on him and get mad at him for no reason

please please helP@

[asdfg]

Dosent sound like hes over her yet since he brings her up so much. Better hope you werent a rebound.

[niko1999]

Well, for one thing you have to realize as well that she is going to be a part of his life for the rest of his life, becuase they do have a child together. As far as him seeing baby comercials and stuff, incidently, he is going to think about his baby which is going to lead to him thinking about her. The two are tied together, her and the baby, and with one thought is going to come another thought.

 

With him acting differently after seeing her that one time, maybe it got him thinking. How differenlty has he been acting? If this was the first time he saw his child, then he IS going to act differently, to some extent. Espeically if he doesnt see his child that often, he is probably worried about missing out. And perhaps he does miss her, to some extent. I dont think her saying for him to come down and say goodbye to his son was audacious of her, I think she was being reasonable, and giving him a chance to see his son, before he goes away for a long time again.

As for her calling his mom, his mom IS the grandmother of this child dont forget. She is a part of his mother as well, beucase of this child. As far as him saying, this song reminds me of her, blah balh blah, dont worry too much about it. For one thing, guys have a tendency to not think before they speak, and think ahead, 'gee, this might hurt her if I say it, even if I dont mean to hurt her by seaying it, becuase it has nothing to do wiht my relationship with my ex'. Ya get what Im saying?

 

Its natural for you to feel a little jealous, I would too. I mean, she is the ex, and she is still a part of his life, and there is nothing you can really do about that, except deal with it, or leave it. If it bothers you that much, simply explain to him that HER being around bothers you, but not the child. Tell him how you feel, that you feel perhaps he is acting a little differently, but be gentle about it, becuase he may not evenr ealize that he is acting differenlty. good luck

[xxbrokentoyxx]

thank you niko a lot, when he does bring her up it usually relates to him complimenting me by saying i do something better than her or he's a lot happier with me but you know he's still bringing her up. and i get really paranoid. am i really a rebound? he says he loves me and i believe him and i feel the same but they were together for a long time. we're together all the time, we live together now and its nice but im still scared. i just dont know what to do if i should contiue with the relationship and deal or what. but i have dreams all the time well more like nightmares of him leaving me for her. i just need more advice. please...i've never really been in a relationship before and this is really hard.