thisismystory Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 (edited) Awhile ago, I posted here stating drastic changes in my boyfriend after his trip abroad. I tried talking to him about it but he didn't really say much, only stating that I think too much. Later, he wrote to me saying he knows he was being a bad boyfriend but couldn't really provide me with an answer. Anyways, time passed and things seem to be falling into place again. There's still a lot of things we used to do that we don't do anymore (i.e. calling on the phone to say goodnight before we sleep, saying 'I love you' before we say goodbye), but I'll attribute it to the relationship getting comfortable. I do really miss the old days though. His friends recently came to me saying they've been noticing a change in his behavior =__=. They've been wanting to talk to him for awhile (Proof that I wasn't thinking too much!). Anyways, they said they're afraid of losing him as a friend. He doesn't seem to like to hang out with them anymore, just his new study abroad friends. Now I'm faced with a dilemma. His friends don't really know how to bring it up to him. His friend made up an imaginary convo on the phone: Friend: Hey man, I noticed you're difference ever since you got back from studying abroad. It's kind of drastic in a short amount of time. Is anything wrong? My bf: Nothing. Friend: Oh, ok. My bf is a pretty private guy, so it's hard even opening up to his friends. They liken him to a wall; if someone tries tp chip away at it, he'll re-fortify immediately. I'm pretty close to his friends as well. I'm not sure if I should talk to my bf about it -- telling him that his friends are concerned for him, wants to know what happened in Singapore, and scared that they're losing him as a friend. A part of me wants to find out why too. Or at least, reinstate the relationship to what it was like before he went abroad. Another part of me is not sure whether I should bring this up the next time I visit because my personal issue with him "changing" should be in the past. It'll be like bringing old stuff up and I've brought this issue up enough times in the past. And well... thinking about it makes me sad. I'm hoping you guys can give me some insight? Thanks in advance! Edited June 4, 2010 by thisismystory Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 How long was he gone and how far apart are you two now distance wise? How far away from where he studied does he live now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author thisismystory Posted June 4, 2010 Author Share Posted June 4, 2010 He studied abroad for 4 months from August - December. We didn't notice changes until he went to Singapore for a week in March though. We're 700 miles apart. He goes to school in NY. I don't know how far that is from China in terms of mileage. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 He studied abroad for 4 months from August - December. We didn't notice changes until he went to Singapore for a week in March though. We're 700 miles apart. He goes to school in NY. I don't know how far that is from China in terms of mileage. It sound to me like he is experiencing what I call the "disposable blues". He goes somewhere afar and meets some people he likes only to have to part with them. He comes home and the girl he is dating is afar and he begins to wonder how and why he even should try to keep the connections he has made now that he knows nothing is ever permanent. That and he might have been seeing someone else while he was gone. I don't want to instill doubt in you as you will likely never be able to know for sure. But it happens. I have two guy friends that went to the same area to study for a couple years. One white, the other black. The black guy was ignored by the girls he tried to make a connection with. The white guy had girls all over him and met the one who ended up being his wife. Both came back seeming different to their friends but for different reasons. The white guy came back really unmotivated - everyone was so willing to help him achieve his goals over there. He doesn't do much with himself anymore. The black guy came back a bit jaded, but more spiritual as the only people he connected well with were priests and monks because they were the only people who didn't see him as black first and a person second. He always thought of the states as being the home of racism and now he knows better. So for him, the change was a religious one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thisismystory Posted June 4, 2010 Author Share Posted June 4, 2010 I'm pretty sure he wasn't seeing someone else; our relationship is still pretty strong. I feel like it doesn't bother me as much anymore because I spent some time with my boyfriend for 2 weeks last month actually - getting used to the change. He talks to me about his new friends but sort of outgrew his old friends. His change bothered me for months but I guess I grew accustomed to it. I realized it wasn't worth talking about anymore. Sure, our relationship changed a bit and it's gonna take awhile before I build up the same level of confidence I had in our relationship before he studied abroad. But he still treats me right. That's all that matters. But his friends, all of a sudden, want to point out to him that he's changed. Guess it has been bothering them for awhile. I'm not sure if I should talk to him about it since they can't seem to talk to him. My boyfriend keeps his personal stuff like the Great Firewall of China. I'm not sure if it's my place to, and I really don't want to seem like I'm purposely bringing it up to mention how his changed bothered me as well. I don't think my bf even realizes that he has changed and it has been affecting his childhood friends. It's even harder to talk to him about it while I'm 700 miles away. Link to post Share on other sites
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