asia2269 Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 I would like to start by stating that threesome is not just getting naked and having sex. You have to make sure everyone involve knows it is just for fun and nothing else. Well my fantasy was to have a threesome but in this case I just wanted to watch. My fiancee who always tells me that he never cheated or flirted with anyone while he is in a relationship baffles me. For one thing he is good-looking, very passionate and sleek. So I got this woman to join us. As I watched I noticed he was not having sex with her but making love. It was so intense and passionate. It was just a fun thing and we did a conference call and agreed that all of us should know what was going on. He picked a fight where he left me for 1 1/2 hour and told me he was just cooling off. Come to find out he was talking to her. The both lied and denied of course. The it happened again and this time they were texting and talking. I felt my fiancee being cold as if he wasn't there. He was so mesmerized with this woman but didn't pursue it due to the fact she has a 1 year old child and still inlove with the baby's dad. So I pulled the plug and both were livid. I explained because I want to focus on my relationship with him. So far I have not contacted this woman. As for my fiancee he claims he has not talked to her or seen her. It almost caused our break-up. I have been cheated on twice and this third time I was told I couldn't claim it since I initiated it. We fought to a point that he hurt me. So this man who cliams he doesn't flirt and never cheated. My question to everyone and before you guys judge me yes it's my fault for initiating it and yes it bit me back so hard. Do you think this guy is worth marrying or is he just egging me on until another woman who has no hang-ups turns up and he says bye to me. Also another question if I didn't know any of the sexual text and calls can you guys say that he did cheat on me. I need your thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
NickelbackFan Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 As you already know I can sympathize with your situation. You read my saga and responded maturely. Get ready for the venom and judgement that will spewed and hurled at you from our less than tactful Loveshackers. These posters have deep rooted psychological issues and project their inadequacies and insecurities vicariously through your situation. Link to post Share on other sites
JustJoe Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 OP, your problems are basically, self-inflicted. You initiated the threesome, and while you may have tried to make it "just for fun", you should have known better. Threesomes (I've had 4 or 5 FMF's) should NEVER happen if you are in a committed relationship, but only between casual partners. Now, you are jealous and have trust issues with your BF, and he is quite right in being pissed about how you are acting. Having said that, I know it isn't easy for you to deal with this situation. IMO, you and he AND the other woman should sit down and rationally discus what is happening, and what it means to EACH of you. Then you and him, without her, need to discus where your relationship is, and if it can be salvaged. Right now, you should avoid any further sex with her, until you have a clearer idea of each of your boundaries. Link to post Share on other sites
Author asia2269 Posted June 7, 2010 Author Share Posted June 7, 2010 Thanks Nickelback fan...With this experience I was judged in one corner was told I sabotaged a beautiful realtionship and the other corner was told by friends they understood what I did for testing a man before we say "i do". There were some things that came about and that is what if. I guess I'll never know. So far it has been peaceful but at the back of my mind still remains will he do that again. He still denies that he cheated though and eventhough I was blamed he is aware he played some part for he could have said no or should've have not talked to her behind my back. They both took advantage of the situation and guess what I will always be the culprit. It gave them the reason that they do what they had to do. Hopefully this will be the end of it and not a beginning of something I created. Thanks once again nickelback for you too have a mature approach to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author asia2269 Posted June 7, 2010 Author Share Posted June 7, 2010 Just Joe the biggest mistake I did was not really know the girl that well. I didn't realize I was dealing with a woman who was longing for a man who would treat her right and that is what my fiancee did for her. Threw her trash, bought her baby medicine when he was sick and bought food. After the incident we did a conference call just to amke sure everyone is on the same page for my fiancee was bothered and yet if only one can see the sexual chemistry between those two was intense and amazing. He said he made a chice and chose me. He wanted to move forward with this experience. The only way we can is for us to cut all ties which I did when I pulled the plug after 4 days but it didn't stop them from talking. So far he claims it's over between them. Who knows this is the time for me to just Trust. I tell you this that was great about what you said regarding a commited relationship it should have not happened. I'm hoping this is the end of it. take care! Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 No the biggest mistake you made was to bring 2 people together for intimacy---and they got themselves entangled---and you are stuck with it. You have allowed your BF, the luxury---of doing OW---now, and for all time, there is gonna be in his mind--"she allowed me to do it once, and we survived---why not again/cept this time she won't know"---- Cuz you were so kinky, that you wanted to watch your partner stick it in another woman (just the facts) and get off on it---(Don't throw in you were testing your BF, cuz cheating is about him taking another woman for himself---not about you setting it up)----You got burned ---now you have to try to repair, what you tore apart The both of you now have some long hard work ahead, if your relationship is to survive Link to post Share on other sites
Author asia2269 Posted June 8, 2010 Author Share Posted June 8, 2010 No the biggest mistake you made was to bring 2 people together for intimacy---and they got themselves entangled---and you are stuck with it. You have allowed your BF, the luxury---of doing OW---now, and for all time, there is gonna be in his mind--"she allowed me to do it once, and we survived---why not again/cept this time she won't know"---- Cuz you were so kinky, that you wanted to watch your partner stick it in another woman (just the facts) and get off on it---(Don't throw in you were testing your BF, cuz cheating is about him taking another woman for himself---not about you setting it up)----You got burned ---now you have to try to repair, what you tore apart The both of you now have some long hard work ahead, if your relationship is to survive jnj express...i didn't get off with them...i am not going to repair it....he did pick me for now...but if another woman comes along not tangled in that situation without me being part of it he will leave in a heartbeat...it would be a huge miracle if this relationship survives...you have to understand he didn't have any other woman nor' slept with anyone for 6 years while he was separated...he taste the forbidden fruit and tried another one...do you think he would stop...NO...so lesson learned...he realize his capacity that he can get anyone he wants...he is not only good-looking, charming but knows how to take care of a woman by going above and beyond...who wouldn't want that?....i tell you this i'll give it within 6 months he will stray...he is not strong enough... Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 I dated someone for a while once and she told me she had a 3some. Needless to say I let the relationship quietly die after hearing that. Link to post Share on other sites
Shakz Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 I honestly believe no good can come from a threesome when people are in a committed relationship. Its great for a fantasy, or for a trip to Vegas, but not for people in love. There will always be jealousy. Unless, of course, those people are very, very liberal when it comes to sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author asia2269 Posted June 8, 2010 Author Share Posted June 8, 2010 I honestly believe no good can come from a threesome when people are in a committed relationship. Its great for a fantasy, or for a trip to Vegas, but not for people in love. There will always be jealousy. Unless, of course, those people are very, very liberal when it comes to sex. Thanks Shakz you are absolutely right. I am not liberated that experience I call it a good mistake for I found out the truth and the downfall it hurts very much. Link to post Share on other sites
Author asia2269 Posted June 8, 2010 Author Share Posted June 8, 2010 I dated someone for a while once and she told me she had a 3some. Needless to say I let the relationship quietly die after hearing that. You are smart for getting yourself out of that relationship Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 He cheated on you. Having the threesome, whether it was what you thought it might be or not, whether you liked it or not is an entire OTHER issue. You may have initiated the threesome...but HE did the cheating all by himself. Do not let him , yourself, or anyone else confuse that . He cheated on you / betrayed you/ lied to you...several times over and then when you put your foot down and argue...he physically HURT you???? No, THIS IS NOT THE KIND OF MAN YOU MARRY. Link to post Share on other sites
Author asia2269 Posted June 8, 2010 Author Share Posted June 8, 2010 He cheated on you. Having the threesome, whether it was what you thought it might be or not, whether you liked it or not is an entire OTHER issue. You may have initiated the threesome...but HE did the cheating all by himself. Do not let him , yourself, or anyone else confuse that . He cheated on you / betrayed you/ lied to you...several times over and then when you put your foot down and argue...he physically HURT you???? No, THIS IS NOT THE KIND OF MAN YOU MARRY. 2sure that was awfully sweet of you to say that...I've been blamed he blamed me as well...I know it's a mtter of choice and one cannot be forced into doing something...That was a very powerful statement and I really feel relieved that you saw this situation from a different angle... Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 I can't find the part where he physically hurt her ... that is a whole different issue to me. OP - you had a relationship with a man who apparently is a very monogamous person. Right? Was he very "into" your scene, or did you have to convince him? What kind of a "test" is that for a relationship? I have real trouble with that part. Can you please explain? This could never happen to me at this stage of my life because I have a lot of confidence, but when I was much younger and insecure, I can imagine that if my loved one really pushed for a threesome I might have gone along with it, not happily but only out of fear of losing him if I were to withhold that. If the other person (assuming it was a guy) and I had a great connection, and he seemed really into me and not likely to require such activities (whether for "fun" or for a "test") that guy might start to be very appealing. I might tend to move in his direction. Link to post Share on other sites
Author asia2269 Posted June 8, 2010 Author Share Posted June 8, 2010 I can't find the part where he physically hurt her ... that is a whole different issue to me. OP - you had a relationship with a man who apparently is a very monogamous person. Right? Was he very "into" your scene, or did you have to convince him? What kind of a "test" is that for a relationship? I have real trouble with that part. Can you please explain? This could never happen to me at this stage of my life because I have a lot of confidence, but when I was much younger and insecure, I can imagine that if my loved one really pushed for a threesome I might have gone along with it, not happily but only out of fear of losing him if I were to withhold that. If the other person (assuming it was a guy) and I had a great connection, and he seemed really into me and not likely to require such activities (whether for "fun" or for a "test") that guy might start to be very appealing. I might tend to move in his direction. He was very into the scene it's a male ego kinda thing that he wants to be the best any woman can ever have. Yes they were both into each other. He gets mad at me when their private moments are being stepped on. Insecurity yes I believe I have insecurities because he is good looking. Plus he told me I got chunky. I'm average and I guarantee you he will rock your world. So I'm not here to compete with anyone. You will be surprise as to how good he is hands down. Infact the experince boost his morale and ego. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 (edited) Wait a minute now... The OP stated: I have been cheated on twice and this third time I was told I couldn't claim it since I initiated it. We fought to a point that he hurt me. Then another poster effectively turned that into a statement, adding the "physical" element: He cheated on you / betrayed you/ lied to you...several times over and then when you put your foot down and argue...he physically HURT you???? Although the OP has not subsequently answered this question directly. Please be clear and direct: did he physically injure you, or are you talking about hurting you emotionally? Edited June 8, 2010 by Trimmer Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 He was very into the scene it's a male ego kinda thing that he wants to be the best any woman can ever have. Yes they were both into each other. What I am asking is: Was he very into having the threeway scene or did you have to convince him? PLEASE explain about the "test" aspect. Also, DID he hurt you physically? I'm average and I guarantee you he will rock your world. So I'm not here to compete with anyone. You will be surprise as to how good he is hands down. Um ... no, he's not going to be rocking my world! Link to post Share on other sites
Author asia2269 Posted June 8, 2010 Author Share Posted June 8, 2010 Wow. Good luck. I feel sorry your sad. Thanks 3 doors down..We'll see what happens... Link to post Share on other sites
Author asia2269 Posted June 8, 2010 Author Share Posted June 8, 2010 Wait a minute now... The OP stated: Then another poster effectively turned that into a statement, adding the "physical" element: Although the OP has not subsequently answered this question directly. Please be clear and direct: did he physically injure you, or are you talking about hurting you emotionally? Yes he wanted to talked to me and I didn't want to talk anymore so he grabbed my arm and twisted it which I got bruised...He wanted to throw me out just with my robe..Emotionally it bit me... Link to post Share on other sites
Author asia2269 Posted June 8, 2010 Author Share Posted June 8, 2010 What I am asking is: Was he very into having the threeway scene or did you have to convince him? PLEASE explain about the "test" aspect. Also, DID he hurt you physically? Test I have been cheated on 2 times and he said he has been very faithful to all his women infact never had any relationship for 6 years and then I came along... Yes he did grabbing and twisting my armed that bruised...Throwing me out by pulling me Um ... no, he's not going to be rocking my world! Good I'm glad you are not easy... Link to post Share on other sites
Author asia2269 Posted June 9, 2010 Author Share Posted June 9, 2010 Wait a minute now... The OP stated: Then another poster effectively turned that into a statement, adding the "physical" element: Although the OP has not subsequently answered this question directly. Please be clear and direct: did he physically injure you, or are you talking about hurting you emotionally? When you get a bruised when someone grab your arms and twist it it's not considered physical? I know it is. But for others unless they are black and blue then its physical injury Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 When you get a bruised when someone grab your arms and twist it it's not considered physical? I know it is. But for others unless they are black and blue then its physical injury Sure it's considered physical. It just took many tries to get that clarified. There is quite a bit that is beyond my comprehension in this whole scenario. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 When you get a bruised when someone grab your arms and twist it it's not considered physical? I know it is. But for others unless they are black and blue then its physical injury Absolutely yes. Note, though, that you never stated anything this clearly before I asked my question, which is why I asked it. Now that you have clarified, yes, I agree, a bruise is physical injury, and is no way for friends, lovers, partners, or spouses to interact. Link to post Share on other sites
JustJoe Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 I also missed the abuse part, Asia. You should leave this guy. Violence has no part in any kind of relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 Hey Asia----you keep talking about your (maybe) BF's looks----looks are in the eye of the beholder---and looks are only skin deep----there are a lot more things to think about when hooking up with a partner. Also as to good looking guys----there are an inumerable amount that are married, who are true to their wives, and who don't cheat----The world is filled with all kinds of people----If this guy is not for you anymore----leave and find another partner----just don't test him by dangling another woman in front of him Link to post Share on other sites
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