love obsession

[Priyachandru]

I am in love with someone. I have been talking to him for two years.He is a really nice guy. However, for the past few months I have become too obsessed with him. I am so upset if our date is cancelled even if its not his mistake. I keep thinking about him all the time. My behaviour has changed towards him. I just pull fights for no reason and I keep complaining all the time. This has reduced his liking towards me.Though he still loves me the same , my behaviour has taken him a bit away from me. I torture him. I feel guilty about it. But I become mad if wat I want doesnt happen and do such things. I ask him to call when his parents are around and when he cant. Such acts of mine has pissed him. I also blackmail him these days if wat I want doesnt happen. I tell him that I will kill myself. He doesnt like such acts of mine. I dont want to do this. But I dont know how to get out of this obsession. Please help.

[Fieldsofgold]

Maybe he has done something you are reacting to. If so, writing about it here, or seeing a counselor might help. A counselor can help you sort through it and deal with it. We can share our personal experiences and offer support.

 

If he has done nothing to elicit such a reaction from you, and this is a behavior change for no reason you can think of, you might have a medical problem. You might want to see a doctor to make sure there is not a medical problem causing this behavior change. Things like head injuries, tumors, or hormonal/body chemistry changes can drastically affect your mood, personality, and outlook on life.

[bananalaffytaffy]

Is he married? Why are you posting this in OW?

[Feelin Frisky]

Get thee to a nunnery.

 

But seriously folks, if you can go this far as to blackmail and such, we can't really help you. You have serious ego complex and probably brain neurotransmitter malady that drives your brain to flood your gut with fight or flight adrenaline every time you don't get exactly your way. Try helping yourself by seeing a psychiatrist and explain the scenario. He or she will probably recognize some physical brain dysfunction and prescribe you an SSRI. It's up to you to not expect overnight miracles but mark every credit you see of positive change over time. Change or add differing new meds if you feel interfered with or controlled by them. The best ones will be transparent--you won't feel them but you'll notice favorable adjustments that begin to even out your world and, perhaps, help you realize finally that he has a world too and the cosmos doesn't revolve around you.

[Priyachandru]

Yes Frisky, its exactly what you said. I feel like fighting when what I want doesnt happen. Its an urge , I just feel like killing myself. And I wasnt like this before. He says I have changed so much. He still loves me and he is a very nice guy. I dont want this relation to break under any circumstance. I have put him through a lot of stress for the past few months because of my attitude. I simply want to change it, but my changes last only for a while.

[stillafool]

Yes definitely get medical help otherwise there is no doubt you will lose him and probably become devastated. You should tell him you know that you have been treating him badly and you are going to seek help. At least you will have acknowledged your behavior and he may appreciate the idea of your getting help.

[Priyachandru]

And I havent addressed one more problem of mine. There is one girl in our class who goes out with her guy often. They meet each other so often and the guy showers gifts on his girl for her birthday , valentine's day or any such ocassion. I kind of start feeling bad that I am not able to meet my boyfriend more often or that he hasnt given me much of a gift even after an year has gone. I even feel angry on him at times. Am I being unjust here? My guy does some web designing at home and he earns as well. And his is a close knit family , he cant come out as and when he wishes, I do know this. He does make time out for me. Is comparing with someone else right? What should I do?

[stillafool]

First off, stop comparing your boyfriend to your friend's boyfriend. I'm sure he could compare you to one of his friend's girlfriends and the way she treats her bf versus the way you treat yours. You wouldn't like that one bit, would you? Again, if you are unhappy with your bf just break up with him and find another one. You can't control what he does and who he is. You can express to him your fears and concerns and hope for a change. If change doesn't happen you can either accept things the way they are or move on to someone else who treats you the way you want to be treated. This is all you can do.

[Priyachandru]

Thanks stillafool. I will learn to stop comparing and accept the way he is.