The Meaning of This Indiscretion?

[forevertoday]

I've been with my gf for about 5 years now. She's pretty much my first serious gf, (I'm 22). I love her and I wouldn't like things to be any different.

Few night ago I was out with friends(guys) in some club where this fine girl came on to me, we danced a bit then she goes for the kiss. I initially avoided, explaining her that I have a serious gf. She says it's alright it's no big deal. Since I was a little high on some coke I said alright but not here on the dance floor since someone might see and I do not want that.

She dragged me to the bathroom and we started making out heavily there. I started feeling kinda paranoid (being high and all) and slowed things down to a halt (as hard as that was), apologized and left.

I know I am a jackass for doing this in the first place but the thing that made me gather some anonymous opinions is the fact that the kiss and everything felt SO DAMN GOOD I mean the coke might have its part but I woke up the next day with way less regret that I thought I'd have if not at all. The whole experience made me prone to cheating now. What the hell is up?

[Darren Steez]

Cocaine kills....relationships

Coca cola.. good to share with your girlfriend...you decide.

[forevertoday]

I've only specified that to clarify that I was not hundred percent myself. I believe alcohol or whatever would not have changed the main issue of the post.

[Spectre]

If you're feeling that good kissing someone else then obviously you don't belong with the current girl you're with.

 

So do her a favor and just dump her.

[ADF]

You talk about this as something that happened to you, rather than something you did. That's just a way of dodging responsibility.

 

You cheated because you wanted to. Don't blame it on cocaine. That may have lowered you inhibitions somewhat, but it doesn't absolve you of your responsibilties. It sounds like you are planning to cheat again if the circumstances allow it. I would break up with your GF before you do that.

[forevertoday]

If you're feeling that good kissing someone else then obviously you don't belong with the current girl you're with.

 

So do her a favor and just dump her.

 

Aw come on I'm still human and male. It's like you're saying that once committed the opposite sex won't attract you anymore.

[forevertoday]

You talk about this as something that happened to you, rather than something you did. That's just a way of dodging responsibility.

 

You cheated because you wanted to. Don't blame it on cocaine. That may have lowered you inhibitions somewhat, but it doesn't absolve you of your responsibilties. It sounds like you are planning to cheat again if the circumstances allow it. I would break up with your GF before you do that.

 

I think that post hit the spot. Well put.

I totally need to get this out of my system I guess. However I am not willing to break up with my gf no way I can't even think about that. There must be a way to do both things without anyone having to do any suffering.

Edited June 6, 2010 by forevertoday

[ADF]

I totally need to get this out of my system I guess. However I am not willing to break up with my gf no way I can't even think about that. There must be a way to do both things without anyone having to do any suffering.

 

So what does that mean? You're goijng to cheat on your GF but not tell her? That's just sleazy. Have a little respect for this woman you supposedly care about.

 

The only "suffering" you care about it your own. You could care less about hurting your GF. You just don't want to deal with her anger/sorrow if she catches you.

 

Guys like you are the reason women in their 20s have trust issues. Please, please don't be one of those guys who destroys women's ability to trust.

[sweetjasmine]

Aw come on I'm still human and male. It's like you're saying that once committed the opposite sex won't attract you anymore.

 

There are committed human males who are attracted to the opposite sex who don't make-out heavily with other women in the bathroom of a night club.

 

Start taking responsibility for your actions, dude.

 

I think that post hit the spot. Well put.

I totally need to get this out of my system I guess. However I am not willing to break up with my gf no way I can't even think about that. There must be a way to do both things without anyone having to do any suffering.

 

In other words, what you're asking is, "How can I have my cake and eat it too? How can I get away with cheating so my girlfriend doesn't get mad at me and break up with me?"

[forevertoday]

I'm not a cold hearted bastard hurting her is the last thing on earth I'd do! However if I come up with a proper agenda and she never finds out, I don't see the harm in that. The only wrong would be on some kind of moral level.. which is worth for getting this out of my system.

I guess this is what happens when you luckily find your perfect partner so early and don't get the chance to experiment

Edited June 6, 2010 by forevertoday

[sweetjasmine]

I'm not a cold hearted bastard hurting her is the last thing on earth I'd do! However if I come up with a proper agenda and she never finds out, I don't see the harm in that. The only wrong would be on some kind of moral level.. which is worth for getting this out of my system.

I guess this is what happens where you luckily find your perfect partner so early and don't get the chance to experiment

 

Jesus, you sound just like my first serious bf and ex. We hadn't been together for 5 years like you and your girlfriend, but he still caused me a great deal of pain that lasted for several months. Even today, I sometimes catch myself being distrustful of my current partner even though he's never given me a reason not to trust him. I absolutely hate that stupid knee-jerk reaction, but hey, at least my ex got to screw around some and have fun, right?

 

People almost always find out when their partner is a regular cheater, and it's going to hurt her a million times more than if you just dumped her today and it could very well affect her relationships for the rest of her life. You're being remarkably and disgustingly selfish with your "what they don't know don't hurt 'em" attitude. Your girlfriend is not your "perfect partner" if you're trying to plot some way to bang other chicks without her knowing. Do her a favor and dump her before she finds out the hard way what you're really like.

[forevertoday]

People almost always find out when their partner is a regular cheater

I'm not planning on being a regular cheater, all I want is a a one-2 time thing (while visiting friends in some other town) . I think most guys would support me on this. I would happily marry my girlfriend eventually but I don't think I could take things to the next level having slept with her only ever. The thing at the club only kind of reminded me of that. And I can't [PAUSE] <do ma thing> [uNPAUSE] relationship.

Edited June 6, 2010 by forevertoday

[seibert253]

I'm not planning on being a regular cheater, all I want is a a one-2 time thing (while visiting friends in some other town) . I think most guys would support me on this. I would happily marry my girlfriend eventually but I don't think I could take things to the next level having slept with her only ever. The thing at the club only kind of reminded me of that. And I can't [PAUSE] <do ma thing> [uNPAUSE] relationship.

 

I'm a guy and I don't support you on this as a matter of fact I think it's idiotic. You've got alot of maturing to do my friend.Oh, lay off the coke, it makes people do stupid sh#t.

[sweetjasmine]

I think most guys would support me on this.

 

 

I certainly hope not. It'd be depressing if most men were lying selfish scumbags.

 

I would happily marry my girlfriend eventually but I don't think I could take things to the next level having slept with her only ever.

 

Then dump her and go screw around and have fun. Or tell her that you want to screw around on the side but keep her, and let her make an informed decision.

 

How would you feel if she had banged a few guys during your relationship and didn't tell you about it because she "didn't want to hurt you"?

 

The thing at the club only kind of reminded me of that. And I can't [PAUSE] <do ma thing> [uNPAUSE] relationship.

 

If you can't do ya thang while in a relationship, then end your relationship. Don't be a giant a-hole and lie to and deceive your "perfect" girlfriend just because you want to get your rocks off.

 

Do you really not see how unbelievably selfish and immature you are? You're not at a point in your life where you should be in an exclusive relationship. Break up with your girlfriend and avoid exclusive relationships until you're done growing up.

[ADF]

I'm not planning on being a regular cheater, all I want is a a one-2 time thing (while visiting friends in some other town) . I think most guys would support me on this. I would happily marry my girlfriend eventually but I don't think I could take things to the next level having slept with her only ever. The thing at the club only kind of reminded me of that. And I can't [PAUSE] <do ma thing> [uNPAUSE] relationship.

 

Dude, your moral compass needs some serious adjustment. Here's something to remember for the rest of your life: OTHER PEOPLE ARE JUST AS REAL AS YOU ARE. If you wouldn't want your GF screwing other guys behind your back--and you wouldn't--then don;t do anything like that to her. It is very simple.

[Ann_Igma]

I'm not planning on being a regular cheater, all I want is a a one-2 time thing (while visiting friends in some other town) . I think most guys would support me on this. I would happily marry my girlfriend eventually but I don't think I could take things to the next level having slept with her only ever. The thing at the club only kind of reminded me of that. And I can't [PAUSE] <do ma thing> [uNPAUSE] relationship.

 

What if she feels the same way and wants the chance to experience a few more guys as well? Perhaps you should be open with her so you can both get those experiences in.

 

And if not, if she decides to just go find some on the side without you finding out, will that be ok?

[Trimmer]

I guess this is what happens when you luckily find your perfect partner so early and don't get the chance to experiment

 

Actually, it's apparently what happens when your girlfriend unluckily finds her very imperfect partner so early. But once she realizes - and don't worry, one way or another she will - she'll have more chances to experiment, so all is not lost.

[impz]

I'm not planning on being a regular cheater, all I want is a a one-2 time thing (while visiting friends in some other town) . I think most guys would support me on this. I would happily marry my girlfriend eventually but I don't think I could take things to the next level having slept with her only ever. The thing at the club only kind of reminded me of that. And I can't [PAUSE] <do ma thing> [uNPAUSE] relationship.

 

Really, strangely enough, I never did that or fathom any thoughts of 2-timing my wife (before that, my girlfriend) ever simply because I LOVE HER. I wonder if love is just a game for you, or that it is so disposable and weak that you can even fathom such a thought.

 

I don't really understand even my peers with the same gender. Let's see how you will react if your girlfriend tells you, "hey love, I gonna go screw someone big time and have a bukkake section just before we marry. It's just for the experience anyway." If you say, "go for it", I guess birds of the feather flock together...

 

Oh, drugs and clubbing together? You are asking for serious trouble.

[Toki]

Once you let the genie out the bottle, or in this case, your penis out of your pants... you can't just close it back up and pretend it never happened. I'd go so far as to say, it's physically/mentally impossible, if you go out and cheat on your gf, the cycle isn't just going to go away... I mean take your Cocaine using for an example, the first time you did Cocaine you probably said to yourself something like "well... I shouldn't be doing this, I guess I'll just do it once." So how many years have you been doing coke again? Same with what you're proposing to do, if you go behind her back to get a little pussy on the side, you're not going to just stop, and go back to the life you had previous to it. If somehow you manage to do that, then congratulations, you're a psychopath. (seriously).

 

If I was you, and you were seriously considering going through with this, I'd either check myself into rehab, or I'd dump my girlfriend before going on a major sleaze binge. Stop thinking about yourself or your next high for one goddamn minute, and seriously consider the ramifications of what you're doing to your girlfriend. The plants may not have grown, but you've certainly sown the seeds of your own destruction. Don't drag her down with you.

[forevertoday]

What if she feels the same way and wants the chance to experience a few more guys as well? Perhaps you should be open with her so you can both get those experiences in.

 

And if not, if she decides to just go find some on the side without you finding out, will that be ok?

Of course that will not and never will be ok. Neither the open relationship thing is to me. Argh I guess I am selfish.

 

 

I never thought everyone would be so totally against me. Everyone is so righteous in here. I guess what I'm proposing might actually be out of line. This and she waking me up this morning saying how much she loves me while I was half asleep also made me feel really bad about it. However my friends weren't so direct in sharing your opinion while most of them didn't.

 

As for a coke I'm not considering myself an addict, I only do it like once a week when I'm going out to a party or club.

 

Maybe you're right and I gotta rethink this......

Edited June 7, 2010 by forevertoday

[Ann_Igma]

Of course that will not and never will be ok. Neither the open relationship thing is to me. Argh I guess I am selfish.

 

 

I never thought everyone would be so totally against me. Everyone is so righteous in here. I guess what I'm proposing might actually be out of line. This and she waking me up this morning saying how much she loves me while I was half asleep also made me feel really bad about it. However my friends weren't so direct in sharing your opinion while most of them didn't.

 

I'm not trying to be righteous or totally against you at all, just trying to get you to see how your girlfriend would feel about your actions. I don't in general mind what other people do (including coke and open relationships) as long as they don't hurt anyone else in the process of doing it.

 

But what you're thinking of will be hurtful to your girlfriend.

 

Perhaps if you decided to try a few new things with your girlfriend instead, it might help you get over the urge for something different. And if not, at least it's a lot of fun!

 

Also, I'm guessing your friends are likely guys in their early 20s who like to party? If so - of course they're going to cheer you on to try sleeping with other girls. But if you truly love your girlfriend and she truly means something to you, I would seriously recommend trying to find another way to get this out of your system.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Please don't be so quick to kick "morals" to the curb. After all is said and done, in most areas of life, our moral compass is ALL we have to guide us.

 

I'm sorry that you had to make out with a stranger and deceive your girlfriend to recognize that you are not ready to be in a truly committed relationship. You're NOT.

 

The posters sound harsh when they say stuff like "do her a favor and just dump her" but it is really the right thing to do.

 

If you are a real man rather than still a kid, you will have the courage to tell your girlfriend that you've realized that you need to have a "break" when each of you will be free to explore whatever without being accountable to each other. If your relationship is truly strong, you will end up back together.

 

I think that the fact that you go out to party and do coke with the guys once a week also points to the reality that you don't belong in a committed relationship. What does your girlfriend feel about that? Does she go out and drink / drug with her friends often as well?

 

Get in touch with your own morals and ethics. There is a such thing as "doing the RIGHT thing," regardless of whether you get caught, or what your buddies or strangers on the Internet tell you.

[forevertoday]

I think that the fact that you go out to party and do coke with the guys once a week also points to the reality that you don't belong in a committed relationship.

That might be true however I am in this too deep already and there's no way back, I mean there is but I'm not willing to take it and risk never getting it back. I guess it's as you said, don't have the courage, still a kid.

 

What does your girlfriend feel about that? Does she go out and drink / drug with her friends often as well?

 

She knows I'm really into partying but she trusts me and she's fine it with. Occasionally I take her along, whenever she feels like it. And no she doesn't go out with her friends as often and when she does, I usually come with since I rarely refuse a good night's out.

Edited June 7, 2010 by forevertoday

[impz]

Of course that will not and never will be ok. Neither the open relationship thing is to me. Argh I guess I am selfish.

 

 

I never thought everyone would be so totally against me. Everyone is so righteous in here. I guess what I'm proposing might actually be out of line. This and she waking me up this morning saying how much she loves me while I was half asleep also made me feel really bad about it. However my friends weren't so direct in sharing your opinion while most of them didn't.

 

As for a coke I'm not considering myself an addict, I only do it like once a week when I'm going out to a party or club.

 

Maybe you're right and I gotta rethink this......

 

Well, my logic is that the girl seems to have no discretion and is actually devoted to you for a change. If both parties have a similar mindset, I think what you do is perfectly fine as both of you know it's ok to go around and have flings. It's already agreed upon. I just do not hope for a woman, who clearly likes her man, to suffer because of what you are doing to her. That's about it.

 

Rather than righteous, I believe that it is really how you consider the relationship, and provide trust to the relationship. Perhaps you are not at the stage where you want to be tied down to a single woman as yet? If so, you should have a serious think whether you can enjoy yourself just spending life with a single woman now. I don't think partying or drugs in itself is a bad thing (other than coke being somewhat dangerous for your health), but if it affects your judgment and make you make out with another girl, then you should question yourself why you insist on doing this.

[forevertoday]

Well, my logic is that the girl seems to have no discretion and is actually devoted to you for a change. If both parties have a similar mindset, I think what you do is perfectly fine as both of you know it's ok to go around and have flings. It's already agreed upon. I just do not hope for a woman, who clearly likes her man, to suffer because of what you are doing to her. That's about it.

 

I didn't get this part. What girl are you talking about and what agreement? Are you talking about a generic situation?

Edited June 8, 2010 by forevertoday