no one understands me

[adidas6380]

ok heres my deal. i was dating this girl, brianna, for about 5 months and then we broke up back in november. i spent that whole month without her. but at the end of the month we got back together. and we were together for another month then we broke up again. since the first time we had broken up it seems like i have only beemn hurt by the things that has happened. the first time she broke up with me she said was becuase she wanted to spend more time with her friends. her friends were making her feel guilty about not hanging out with them as much. but then we got back together and then comes christmas break and she is in charleston for the break. i

 

talk to her online a lot and things were still pretty good. but then one night we were trying to make some plans for NYE and she wouldnt say anything really about them so i asked her if she wanted to spend it with me or her firends. but she siad that she didnt know. she is a very hard girl to understand. and with her friends always there influencing her it doesnt make it any easier for me. but then the day before she leaves to come home she decideds taht she doesnt want to spend it with me anymore. and i got kinda mad at that because you are supposed to spend it with you boyfriend right? but she said it was because of that question that i asked her. which i have talked to people about it and they said taht it wouldnt bother them at all and that it was jsut stupid for her to do that.

 

so the day she gets back i go to her hosue to talk to her about it and i was so close to breaking up with her. but i didnt. i was going to tell her that i couldnt handle it anymore that i am only getting hurt by all of this. but then as i got there i started to think that maybe i could stand a little more of it. bad mistake. i leave her hosue and i think we are fine. we talked abotu everything and i thought we were straight on all of it.

 

so later that night i get online and i get in a fight with one of her friends. jsut about how they treat her and the things they do that ultimatly effect me. and she went and told brianna. so then brianna kinda gets mad at me for that. but her friends have been involved in pretty much our whole relatioship and it was only hurting me. so then i asked her if we can jsut have our relationship without her friends being as involved as they are. she replied by saying, if you cant handle my friends then maybe we shouldnt be together. and of course i tried to say sorry abotu it because during our whole relationship i have been a doormat. but she wouldnt except it. so that night we broke up again.

 

i thought that i was ok with it and everything and i told her that night that i was actually relieved in a way. but then istarted to hang out with this one girl which was one of her friends. who was also a friends of mine, so i thought. but brianna got really mad and started getting jealous and all of that. but then later i find out that this girl that i was hanging out with did tell brianna to break up with me. so i got pissed. i told her to get lost and all of that. i got mad. and when i am mad i say things taht i might regret which i did regret saying that to her then.

 

we decided that we would stay friends because we will be working with each other in the summer and we will see a lot of each other. the one thing that really made things worse is that she said she might want to get back together ever the summer or somethig. and taht she actually hopes that we do. so that made it worse because now that just keeps me holding on.

 

but out of everything it seems like i am the only one getting hurt in all of this. i keep getting in fights with brianna and i still love her and i will always have feelings for her. and she said the same. she told me that one of the reasons that she did break up with me was because she didnt want a bf during the school year. but now i found out that she does like another guy and is thinking about going out with him. so she just lied to me. she never really told me what the real reason was for her breaking up with me was. i kept hearing different things and i jsut got more and more confused. for the past three months i have been so confused with everything going on. i didnt know why it was going on or why i cared so much. i guess i just care so much for brianna.

 

but last night i had one of the biggest fights but it was more her firends saying stuff. we have been hanging out over the past few nights. but we didnt last night becaseu they never asked me to do anything and i did ask one of them if they wanted to do something but they said no. but they went and hung out with these other guys. and then i get online and i talk to one of her friends and i asked them what they were up to and she was like umm these guys jsut left. and i asked them what they were doing and she just goes of on this like oh they were over here we were all cuddleling and stuff like that and i asked about brianna and she was like yeah she was with this one guy and omg they were so cute so yeah that bugged me. and then they put up an away message saying stuff like naked boys and drysex and stuff like that so i felt like that was towards me trying to make me jealous.

 

so i sent them a message saying that they sounded like sluts with that away message. and they got all pissed. and she started calling me mean and selfish. first off this is the same girl that was telling me at church that i was such a doormat and i need to stand up for myself. the funny thing is that they all talk about each other behind their backs. but now she is calling me selfish because i only think about myself and maybe i finally did do something for myself but im still confused on waht i actually did for myself. i told them that i have been hurt the worst out of all of this.

 

before i tell you why i will tell you what my life has been liek. i have always been like a social outkast. i have never really had any friends till this year. i ahev not had the best life either. when i was a little kid i never got along with anyone. i was always fighting with my brother and sister. i didnt get along with my parenst. and this was when i was liek 8 or 9. but there was a point at that time where i was sitting in my room with a knife sitting in front of me jsut wondering if it was worth it.

 

but now back to this story. so they were pretty much the only friends i have had. she says i am selfish because i say that i have been hurt worst then all of them. well i ahve. i lost my girlfriend, all i was getting was pain caused by them. and then i was about to lose all my friends. and to top it off that day i found out that my dad is probably going to be out of a job in 2 months. so nothing was going for me anymore. they call me selfish for all of this. they say i am a mean guy. i have sat there and been a freakin doormat so they can all be happy. all i worried about was making them happy. and this is where it ended me. but at the end of that fight this one girl was pretty much talking for everyone and said that they all wanted me out of the lives pretty much. so yeah i was pretty upset. i didnt want to lose brianna and she said that she didnt agree with what that other girl said. i still love her and i always will.

 

but i talked to her today and things still arent good. so i finally told her that we should jsut stay away from each other for awhile so that i can get things striaght. i still want her back but i cant with all of this going on. i fell liek i have messed up every chance there was to us getting back together. so ui dotn know what to do abotu that now. i told her i will still take her to the prom. and she still wants to go with me.

 

im so confused about all of this. they dont understand where i am coming from in all of this. and i wish they would jsut sit down and think about it all. and maybe they will see what they have done to me. but i dont know if i can ever really feel like i did before all of this. its been a month since brianna and i broke up and i still cant get my mind off of her. but i know i have to move on but it is so hard. i jsut need some help figuring oue what i am supposed to do to fix this all. but i dont even know if it can be fixed.

[dyermaker]

What you need is closure, not redemption.

 

I think that you invest your self-worth in another person, most girls, especially young ones, cannot handle that. Reasonably so, it's very unhealthy. You claim that you are confused, but you need to stop allowing them to confuse you. Read: Knowing why she keeps breaking up with you is not going to help.

 

Don't take her to the prom, Don't worry about what her friends say- For the love of God stop contacting her friends, you already know whom they're fighting for. You don't love this girl, you just love the idea of her--you glorify her in your head, but this is not someone you should be pursuing.

 

Just because she was your first, doesn't mean she should be your last.

[DerangedAngel]

Just because she was your first, doesn't mean she should be your last.

 

Beautiful. I wish you could have coached my ex.

 

Stop chasing after her, she is not your life! Get out and make new friends, meet new girls. It is very scary when a guy feels so strongly about you when you're so young. Trust me, if she wants to get back with you later, you'll know. Girls like her (or how I am assuming her to be) are good at getting what they want. If she changes her mind later, then it's your call, but right now... give it up.

 

Don't take her to the prom. Don't be her doormat. And don't annoy the hell out of her.

 

Things will look up. Good luck.

 

-Deranged

[adidas6380]

Thanks for what yall have said. but the thing about prom is that i promised her no matter what happens that i would still take her. and i am not the type of guy that breaks that type of promise. but we are on like a total break from each other right now. we arent talking to each other or hanging out so i will see what happens after that. i know what yall are saying is what i need to do but i still have to get over this and taht will take a long time. it jsut bugs me so much because even though i know she has the final decision in this she was influenced by her friends this whole time. i want her to do what she wants to do. she puts so much power into the hands of her friends and they hate me so yeah they will do anything to hurt me. but after this break i will see how i feel and if i dont feel the same then i will move on but if i do then i dont know what i will do.

[dyermaker]

the thing about prom is that i promised her no matter what happens that i would still take her. and i am not the type of guy that breaks that type of promise

 

You also said to us that you'd always love her. When relationships end, promises are broken--It's your call if you want to remain loyal to a girl who's walking all over you, but it's not because you're this man of great character, I see it as the opposite.

[adidas6380]

what do you mean you see it as the opposite??? as in im weak?? i think i might be. but like i said i am going to go through this time period without talking or hanging out with her and see waht happens then.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by adidas6380

what do you mean you see it as the opposite??? as in im weak?? i think i might be.

 

I didn't mean it in a rude or critical way--but yes, I think that remaining loyal to this girl isn't a sign of good character or strong values, but rather of emotional dependence and denial.

[adidas6380]

i didnt take it in offence. i agree with you. but it is hard to get over your first love. some people say that they never get over their first. and it will take me a long time. even tho in our relationship i did have so much pain and suffering since the first time we broke up, she also did give me the best time of my life. and i am glad taht i did get to spend that time with her. she is a very hard girl to understand. she is so different then most girls. like what you expect a girl to do she does the opposite. she is so hard to read. but so am i. i am different then most guys as well. im not just out to get laid. i have set very high morals for myself. but now that i look at everything i realize that maybe those morals are too high. maybe a long break is what we need. this is my last year in high school and one thing that scared her was that she thought i was making me decision of college for her but it wasnt. but now she has been making me lean towards a college. but its not to be close to her. its to get away from her. i have a chance to go to a college in michigan for tennis. my coach can probably get me a scholership there. but i dont really want to go that far away from home. i want to stay here in charlotte. like most girls would be like omg hes staying here for me thats so sweet. but not her. this long break will let us see how we really feel about each other. and whatever happens, then it is meant to be that way. so all i can do is wait and see how things play out. i know i sound weak, but that is me.. but now i am starting to do stuff for myslef. like when i told her that i want to jsut get away from her for awhile it was for me. she didnt really want too. but we are doing it so i can get things straight. but what i have noticed about my feelings now are that most of them are probably more anger then sarrow. but i dont know if it is towards her or her friends. looking back on everything they are the ones that seem to cause everything that has happened. i know she is young and immature. but i do still love her but i dont know if i am willing to wait for her to let her grow up. but who knows. i may even end up finding the girl of my dreams in the next week or so. who knows. but i still got to get things straight before i can do anything and i have a long time to do it.

[dyermaker]

You don't sound weak at all, you sound like you're heading in the wrong direction, and giving her the benefit of the doubt, while still working on yourself--sounds healthy to me, I wish you luck.

[adidas6380]

thanks a lot!!!

[adidas6380]

ok i am still doing what i said i would. i have not said one word to her. but she is about to break. i was driving around in the store area and she was walking in there and she saw me but i kept going. i didnt stop to say hey or anything so i am doing good at that. but yesterday she just randomly started talking to a friend of mine online. this is the convo:

 

BrUnEtTe588: hey

Fhhspitcher: hi there!

BrUnEtTe588: is this britney?

Fhhspitcher: yeah...and you are brianna...right?

BrUnEtTe588: yeah

Fhhspitcher: whats up?

BrUnEtTe588: nuttin much just got home

Fhhspitcher: ohhh...i see

BrUnEtTe588: yeah had to babysit!

Fhhspitcher: haha...i had to babysit this morning...ugh...REALLY early

BrUnEtTe588: yeah i had to babysit this morning too but then i had to babysit agian for 5 kids!

BrUnEtTe588: the youngest was 5 months and then it was a 2 year old then a 5 year old then a 6 year old and then a 7 year old!

BrUnEtTe588: omg those kids are a hand fun!

BrUnEtTe588: full*

Fhhspitcher: OMG

Fhhspitcher: lol! bless your heart!

BrUnEtTe588: haha yeah but i have been sitting for those kids since the 2 year old was born so i no them pretty well

Fhhspitcher: awww...i see

BrUnEtTe588: hah ayeha

Fhhspitcher: yeah i had to get up at like 5 this morning...

BrUnEtTe588: aww that sux! well my rents had to get up to go to the super bowl today so i didnt get up to say bye cuz i didnt want to and plus i will see them monday or somthing like that

BrUnEtTe588: since i had to sit 2 times today i just slept!

Fhhspitcher: haha....bless it

BrUnEtTe588: haha yes

BrUnEtTe588: so did you play laser tag on friday?

Fhhspitcher: yep yep

BrUnEtTe588: yeah i was goning to go but then christopher got this bright idea that we need to stay away from each other for a month or so!

Fhhspitcher: maybe that is for the best though...like i know that you guys have been having problems...

BrUnEtTe588: yeah he sends you everything that me and him and that him and andi had said to each other!

BrUnEtTe588: i no he does

BrUnEtTe588: i no we are having problems and i agree with him about it being for the best but you no it is so hard somtimes when you see him somewere and you start to talk and then relize that ooo yeah we arent talking anymore!

BrUnEtTe588: i did that today

BrUnEtTe588: i saw him at the arbo and i started to dial his number and be like i see you chris but then i relized that oo yeah we arnet talking anymore

Fhhspitcher: i just don't know what to tell you...it isn't my place to get into all this...but i do think that you should take the break and be respectful of chris

BrUnEtTe588: i am being respectful of him and i do what i think is best and what he asks me to do!

BrUnEtTe588: ok now that christopher is back on you arent really talking so i am going to go to bed but you no how hard it is for me to do this when i love him so much and to see him with other ppl hurts even more and when he puts things on his away message like "out having fun for ONCE" you no how hard that is when he tells you that he loves you and all **** like that but then when you break up he puts **** like that on his away message?!?!?!?! but yeah i will just tlak to you later ok byebye

Fhhspitcher: i just think that if you are being respectful then you shouldn't be talking to me about all this...i mean i really don't know you that well

 

a lot of it is small talk then she starts talking about it. some of the stuff she said is kinda weird because last week she was the one sitting there telling me that she likes this other guy. but now that i think about it iyt seems like she might have jsut said that to try to make me jealous and of course it did. but i dont know what to really think about this that much... its seems like she still wants me but i wont take her back unless it can be jsut me and her in this relationship not me her and her two friends. but i dont know if thats really what this means.

[adidas6380]

ok. now something else has happened. since we stopped talking she has been so depressed. so i guess she really did want me back or what ever. but i finally talked to her today and this is our convo:

 

BrUnEtTe588 (6:09:23 PM): yeah

 

Auto response from BrUnEtTe588 (6:09:23 PM): watching tv!!! leave me some.

 

Brianna if you get on send me a text to get on i need to talk to you..

 

Adidas6380 (6:10:48 PM): ok im back

BrUnEtTe588 (6:10:50 PM): hey

Adidas6380 (6:10:54 PM): hey

Adidas6380 (6:11:01 PM): ok what been going on

BrUnEtTe588 (6:11:18 PM): chris do you how hard this is for me to not tlak to you

Adidas6380 (6:11:32 PM): its been just as hard for me too

Adidas6380 (6:11:46 PM): but brianna like i said it is for the best

BrUnEtTe588 (6:11:51 PM): but chris have you come home every day and cired!

BrUnEtTe588 (6:11:53 PM): i no

BrUnEtTe588 (6:12:00 PM): but chris i dont no if i can do it

Adidas6380 (6:12:24 PM): is it jsut that that is bothering you

BrUnEtTe588 (6:12:46 PM): no it bothers me that when i try and say bye you cant even say bye back

Adidas6380 (6:12:54 PM): i do say bye

BrUnEtTe588 (6:13:03 PM): under your breath

Adidas6380 (6:13:14 PM): i say it and not under my breath

Adidas6380 (6:13:19 PM): i guess you jsut dont hear me

Adidas6380 (6:14:07 PM): and another thing

Adidas6380 (6:14:16 PM): why did you start to talk to brittany

BrUnEtTe588 (6:14:23 PM): i was just talking to her

BrUnEtTe588 (6:14:30 PM): and then we got on the subject

Adidas6380 (6:14:46 PM): you said to her taht it was hard for you to see me with other people

Adidas6380 (6:15:01 PM): i dont get that right there

BrUnEtTe588 (6:15:29 PM): and that bothered me sooooo much that you sent her EVERY conversation that we have had together chris....she doesnt no us she shouldnt be in our buiness!

Adidas6380 (6:15:44 PM): hold on!!!!!

BrUnEtTe588 (6:15:48 PM): ok

Adidas6380 (6:15:50 PM): what about katie and andi knowing everything

BrUnEtTe588 signed off at 6:16:06 PM.

BrUnEtTe588 signed on at 6:16:17 PM.

Adidas6380 (6:16:40 PM): isnt that what cuased you to bring up the break up

BrUnEtTe588 (6:17:08 PM): what bring up the break up?

Adidas6380 (6:17:12 PM): you told me that if i couldnt handle your friends then we shouldnt be together

Adidas6380 (6:17:23 PM): taht is what you said to me

BrUnEtTe588 (6:17:27 PM): i no i did

BrUnEtTe588 (6:17:37 PM): but what does what i just said have anything to do with my friends

Adidas6380 (6:17:51 PM): brittany is one of my friends

Adidas6380 (6:18:01 PM): she has been there for me through our whoel relationship

Adidas6380 (6:18:16 PM): she was one of the first people taht knew we were going out last summer

Adidas6380 (6:18:26 PM): taht i told

BrUnEtTe588 (6:20:13 PM): still chris who cares.....she still doenst have to to see all the conversations i didnt even send katie all the convos that we have had chris and plus i am a girl girls tell there best friends everything.....but guys tell there GUY friends or friends that no the other perosm chris i dont no the girl she has no right to be in my busniess

Adidas6380 (6:21:12 PM): jsut because i know katie and andi doesnt give themt he right to be in my business

BrUnEtTe588 (6:21:32 PM): there wernt in yours they were in mine and plus chris you told them everything too

BrUnEtTe588 (6:21:41 PM): i wasnt the only one you were friends with both of them!

Adidas6380 (6:21:46 PM): yeah i know

BrUnEtTe588 (6:21:48 PM): im NOT friends with brittney

Adidas6380 (6:22:03 PM): but thats not what we are talking about here tho

Adidas6380 (6:22:09 PM): brittany is one of my friends

Adidas6380 (6:22:14 PM): she has helped me out so much

BrUnEtTe588 (6:22:15 PM): i no she is but she inst mine

Adidas6380 (6:22:23 PM): like you have no idea how much she has helped me

BrUnEtTe588 (6:22:37 PM): then go out with her chris if you like her and she has hellped you go out with her

Adidas6380 (6:22:40 PM): she has helped me out more then my sister has

Adidas6380 (6:22:52 PM): i odtn want to go out with her

BrUnEtTe588 (6:22:57 PM): ok then

Adidas6380 (6:22:58 PM): she is a friend

Adidas6380 (6:23:16 PM): but im jsut saying she is one of my friends so i am going to talk to her about how i feel and stuff like that

Adidas6380 (6:23:49 PM): and why did you tell her that it was so hard for you to see me with other people

Adidas6380 (6:23:53 PM): i just want to know that too

BrUnEtTe588 (6:24:10 PM): cuz chris i still love you chris and it is hard to see you sit there and flirt with what is her name!

BrUnEtTe588 (6:24:16 PM): at the car every day

Adidas6380 (6:24:38 PM): she is in my swimming class and i didnt even know she was coming out to my car today

Adidas6380 (6:24:44 PM): i was like what the hell are you doing here

Adidas6380 (6:25:01 PM): but still you told me that you like erik the other week

BrUnEtTe588 (6:25:05 PM): ok still you sit there and flirt with her

Adidas6380 (6:25:11 PM): im a flirt

Adidas6380 (6:25:13 PM): you know i am

BrUnEtTe588 (6:25:24 PM): chris that could have been like a day thing

BrUnEtTe588 (6:25:30 PM): maybe i dont like him anymore

Adidas6380 (6:25:31 PM): what

Adidas6380 (6:25:55 PM): you told me to move on

BrUnEtTe588 (6:25:55 PM): omg chris i dont have to like somone for a long time if i said i liked erik then i might not like him now

Adidas6380 (6:25:59 PM): so im trying

BrUnEtTe588 (6:26:06 PM): so you are trying what?

Adidas6380 (6:26:11 PM): to move on

BrUnEtTe588 (6:26:11 PM): ook

BrUnEtTe588 (6:26:19 PM): i no you are but you dont have to do it right in front of me

Adidas6380 (6:26:26 PM): i dont mean too

Adidas6380 (6:26:30 PM): it was that one time

BrUnEtTe588 (6:27:02 PM): still chris it is hard for me

BrUnEtTe588 (6:27:06 PM): and i no it is for you

Adidas6380 (6:27:36 PM): how hard would it be for you if i did get another gf now

BrUnEtTe588 (6:27:49 PM): really hard

BrUnEtTe588 (6:27:51 PM): why?

Adidas6380 (6:28:18 PM): so you still arent willing to let me go

BrUnEtTe588 (6:29:39 PM): no i am TRYing so hard to let you go but i still love you but right now i just wish we could be friends

Adidas6380 (6:30:08 PM): if you cant let go then tell me

BrUnEtTe588 (6:30:18 PM): i just told you chris

Adidas6380 (6:30:39 PM): ok so you dont want me back but then again you dont want to let go

BrUnEtTe588 (6:33:15 PM): chris i do wnat you back but i think i just want to be single for awhile

Adidas6380 (6:33:37 PM): ok

Adidas6380 (6:34:07 PM): but if we do end up getting back there are some things we have to straighen out

BrUnEtTe588 (6:34:22 PM): like.

Adidas6380 (6:34:43 PM): if we are going out again i want it to be me and you

Adidas6380 (6:34:48 PM): not me you katie and andi

BrUnEtTe588 (6:35:37 PM): so are you saying i cant talk to my friends?

Adidas6380 (6:35:50 PM): no im not sayig taht

Adidas6380 (6:36:02 PM): they did play a big role on our relationship

Adidas6380 (6:36:06 PM): you may not admit it

Adidas6380 (6:36:16 PM): but you can ask alomost everyone and they will say they did

BrUnEtTe588 (6:37:21 PM): well then you need to stop telling them too

Adidas6380 (6:37:27 PM): ok i will

Adidas6380 (6:37:42 PM): im not event alking to andi anymore

BrUnEtTe588 (6:38:06 PM): i no you aren t

Adidas6380 (6:38:12 PM): yeah

Adidas6380 (6:38:16 PM): but look i got to go

Adidas6380 (6:38:19 PM): i'll talk to you later

Adidas6380 (6:38:24 PM): ok

Adidas6380 (6:38:34 PM): bye

 

so i dont know what is going to happen now. im not even sure if this is what i really want right now. i think that i still want this break. and that we should be single for awhile.. but who knows

[dyermaker]

Stop giving her hope, tell her it's over and don't let her guilt trip you about moving on with your life.

[adidas6380]

But i do want her back.. i giess i do. even tho she hurt me she still gave me the best days of my life..

[dyermaker]

That's because you aren't giving yourself the chance to find someone else-- Trust me, you have no obligation to make your first love the only love you'll ever have.