thegoodlife Posted June 7, 2010 Share Posted June 7, 2010 I recently came back into contact with an old friend and we've since expressed that we've grown romantic feelings towards one another and have decided to head down that path slooowly. We are still in the process of getting to know each other again and we don't want to rush a relationship. A little background: We originally met 7 years ago through a friend of mine he was dating at the time (their relationship soon ended and we both have not talked to her since), and then he and I fell out of contact about 5 years ago. Two nights ago he had told me about an old friend of his that was continually posting sarcastic/borderline rude comments on his facebook wall for no reason and he started getting sick of it so he deleted that guy as a friend. I don't frequent facebook but later that night I checked out his wall and read some of the comments he was telling me about (which really were rude and childish). Then I noticed that below one of those comments, my guy had a status about finally talking to that special someone he's had his eye on...and this was just a few days before we came into contact again, so it obviously wasn't written about me. Later that night while on the phone, I brought up that I looked at his FB wall to read those comments and I noticed his status about that 'special someone'. I explained that I trust him and I'm sure that if something had developed with that person, he wouldn't be talking to me now, but I had to ask just in case. I reminded him that I've been cheated on in every relationship, and in the past year I've begun seeing 3 men that were dating other women at the same time as me and I had no idea until I ended up hurt, and I just want to know what I am getting into before I get into it. He explained that it was a woman at his work he'd had his eye on and it turns out she is married. He then went on to say he is glad I was able to address a concern with him, and it comforts him that I cared enough to ask. And that was that. Then all of yesterday he was unusually quiet and disconnected from me. He eventually told me that it "appalled him that I went through his FB comments and brought one up" (it was the 5th one down on the page, so it's not as if I went digging through pages to find something). He basically attacked me and told me that I should have never asked him that because we aren't dating and what he does or says to other people is none of my f*cking business, he's almost lost all interest in me because he can't imagine how bad I'll be if we were to date, and he has never really had a getting-to-know-you period before a relationship and I've basically ruined it with "drama". I rebutted with my opinion that as someone who is interested in pursuing a relationship with him, I think it is my business if he is seeing someone else, as that would change the situation, and how he feels about dating and multi-dating is part of getting to know him. I mean, it was going to come up eventually and I think I had a suitable reason for asking him. It was one question and he made me feel like absolute crap about it. I'm generally a pretty trusting person, but if I have a question or concern I have no problem bringing it up as I did. I don't think it's fair I be made out to be some insanely jealous girlfriend over it. Today he was back to his usual self and didn't bring up last night. But now I'm feeling really down about the whole thing, and I'm sort of turned off from him. I want to talk to him about how his post reaction to my question made me feel (especially since he was so kind when I first asked him), but I'm scared it will bring out some more nastiness from him. I definitely can't get into a relationship where I will be attacked for ever having a legitimate concern. Am I overreacting? Should I attempt a conversation about how this made me feel, or should I let it go? *sigh* Link to post Share on other sites
Morals Posted June 7, 2010 Share Posted June 7, 2010 Facebook is a tough line to cross. It's very public information, but if you mention something about someone's wall, they tend to think you are 'stalking' them. I would definitely communicate your concern about being unable to communicate. Sometimes even your best friends need time to cool down. Maybe there was a level of mis-communication. The only thing you can do is apologize for offending them, or doing something wrong. Let them know you still care, and ask them what they expect from you. If you care about him, try to work it out. Relationships are going to have their ups and downs. If the two of you can't resolve this issue before you are even in a true relationship, how long do you think it will last? Link to post Share on other sites
Narf Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 That isnt a good start :/ I think asking the question was justified as knowing if he is seeing others at the same time seeing you is very valid to you... If you attacked him about it and brought it up a lot then yeah i think his reaction was valid but if you asked and then let it go cause his reply was good and you could move on without the doubt and build trust with him... Then i dont get him, Maybe it is a bit of his past coming back... Maybe he has had jealous controlling g/fs before just like you have had cheating b/fs... I would let it go for the moment... but it is something i would watch out for... His reaction was extreme and now he is going back to normal as if it didnt happen... Becareful... Link to post Share on other sites
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