ex keeps telling me how happy he is...going insane!

[bolase]

This is what my ex boyfriend is doing, and does. ARGHGHGH. We dated 1.5 years, he broke up with me a year ago when I was overseas for a short trip, and he began dating a mutual friend who he is still with. I know he feels guilty about this, still.

 

I try no contact, but he starts email conversations, then always ends them on his terms saying he cant wait for some event he's off to, or just that he's stoked or so happy.

 

JUST now, it really got to me I guess or I wouldn't jump on here - after my last message linked to an article he would've usually been interested in, he virtually ignores it, tells me that he's got a guitar, special cooking, a fire going, and that he's a very happy X (his name) (yes he said it in those words)...

 

Of course, that hurts me and it seems manipulative too. I've started dating someone else which is going well. But not long ago my ex begged to have lunch and talk to me, which we did, and he said he doesnt deserve to be my friend etc. Frankly the fact that I reply to his emails makes me angry at myself, it's like taking the bait to get hurt when he throws back an "I'm happy :)" as though he's saying 'don't try to get me back or anything, even though I'm talking to you, it's just to make myself feel less guilty for my behaviour'. And yeh it really hurts and frustrates!! Anyone else have the same thing happen at all?

 

rant...thanks for reading!

 

It brings up all these feelings, and makes me wonder if the relationship with my new guy is ever going to be like it was at the beginning with my ex (he made so much effort to show me he was keen, lots of affection and open emotion while my new guy is awesome but quite closed off and shy). I can't help but cry and cry today, and I just wish my ex would stop contacting me.

Edited June 7, 2010 by bolase
same thing twice

[jlr]

People who are really happy don't need to keep saying it over and over, unless they're trying to convince themselves.

 

They especially don't say it to an ex, because a happy person wouldn't need to rub that in.

 

He's either just a cold ******* who likes to rub **** in. Which means deep inside he's not a happy person.

 

Or, he's guilty about it all. And it eats at him. And his way of dealing with it is by telling YOU he's happy. This way, he hears it from his own mouth (or sees it) and also knows it brings you down. Misery loves company.

 

Stop reading his crap.

[Heatemyheart89]

Do you really want this man in your life if it makes you this unhappy?work on making you happy not him.screw his guilt.

[DustySaltus]

Please read the link in my signature. No Contact is your best option here. Who cares what he is up to anymore? He also forfeited all rights to know ANYTHING about your life.

 

You can stop hurting ANYTIME YOU WANT TO. Put the focus back on yourself instead of wondering how great his life is. It's irrelevant.

[Disintegration]

Sorry you are upset and in a bad place today. You just have to completely stop all communication with him. No more emails. Ignore him. I know it may be difficult but the sooner you start to sooner you can get on with your life once and for all without the constant reminder of him or what is going on in his life.

[TaraMaiden]

Yeh, what DustySaltus said.

Totally.

Completely.

Utterly.

 

You'll notice, over time, that several members have the same link-signature.

This is no accident.

it's because we know it works, and it says it better than anything else we could say to you.

 

so while you're at it, read mine as well.

it's exactly the same, but hopefully, it will help to really get it through to you, that... honestly?

It's the way to go.

[davisc123]

Don't let him do it to you anymore! This person certainly doesn't sound happy, but he obviously enjoys that momentary gratification when he sucks you into a conversation only to end it so abruptly.

 

This isn't behaviour of someone who feels guilty, he is being extremely selfish. Just ignore him completely.

[bolase]

thanks, I will try, although I am pretty good at not initiating contact. and I never txt back. We have tons of mutual friends - most people I know in this town are also friends with my ex to some degree. So we will always hear about the others lives..while i am still around here anyway.

[Nikki Sahagin]

Its incredibly difficult when you are tangled up with mutual friends because even if you don't see your ex, you will see people that know him and they will often let something slip. SO many of my friends accidentally tell me things about my ex and I have to sit there with a straight face when my heart is lunging out of my chest.

[DustySaltus]

I understand that there will be situations that you cannot avoid contact. However, you can tell your friends what I have told mine from time to time: I don't want to hear anything about them because I am trying to heal. Good luck.

[bolase]

Yeah Nikki that happens a little bit! One friend in particular always updates me when she sees him, but I guess I dont want to admit to her that it still affects me! She hasnt been in a relationship for 4 years so maybe shes just a bit immune to it and can't imagine the feelings..

After I didn't reply to the 'I'm so happy' email, he emailed me again this morning asking how some things were going and where i was going to be living and about the garden..guess I don't reply. Got to stay..s.trong...

[ADF]

Oh, he doesn't feel guilty about anything. And he enjoys torturing you. What do you mean you wish he would stop talking to you? MAKE HIM STOP. Cut off all contact with this loser.