Anger, doormats, self-sabotage--it's all on this website link

[You Go Girl]

I was very Angry yesterday. So today I plugged just the word 'anger' into google, and found this excellent site.

I'm posting a link to just one page of the site, and it takes time to read just that one link. But there are also many other pages of useful information.

http://www.guidetopsychology.com/anger.htm

 

This particular page discusses anger, which is at the base of every divorce, whether wanting it or not. Both parties are consumed by anger because they are hurt.

Some people act out. Some repress their anger and become doormats. Some self-sabotage, like me.

Figure out which you are.

[trippi1432]

Interesting site...I'm in that second step myself...hung up the phone on the ex today because he is becoming his old "anxious" self due to the fear of quitting his job last week. His choice, not mine.

 

I recall from our coping classes on anger though, it's not the action of someone, something...etc that makes us angry.....WE DO IT TO OURSELVES. For example, and it may be reflected in the site, if a car cuts you off on the freeway, you get ticked...angry....maybe lash out at the driver yelling, flipping them off.

 

Then you get up the road a bit and see that same car at the emergency room door at the hospital taking a pregnant woman out of the car. Does your anger change then or are you still mad that they cut you off?

 

I'm angry right now....I let my ex talk to me disrespectfully again, which he hasn't done in quite a while...but I own that anger and I can dispell that anger at any time...simply by saying...who cares....not my problem.

 

I will keep reading the site...thanks for sharing it.

[hopesndreams]

Figure out which you are.

 

Where's the multiple choice questions? I thought it was a fun quiz to take.

 

Does that make you angry? lol

[trippi1432]

Figure out which you are.

 

Where's the multiple choice questions? I thought it was a fun quiz to take.

 

Does that make you angry? lol

 

I'm hoping that was directed at the OP....right H&D?

[hopesndreams]

Only having a laugh. I really was expecting one of those cosmo type quizzes. Haven't done one of those in ages.

[trippi1432]

Only having a laugh. I really was expecting one of those cosmo type quizzes. Haven't done one of those in ages.

 

LOL!! Cosmo has a great one in the December 2009 edition....called Is Stress Turning You Into a Raging B*tch? Not a quiz, but a funny article!! :lmao::lmao:

[hopesndreams]

LOL!! Cosmo has a great one in the December 2009 edition....called Is Stress Turning You Into a Raging B*tch? Not a quiz, but a funny article!! :lmao::lmao:

 

Is that directed at me?

[trippi1432]

Is that directed at me?

 

LOL!! Ask any man these days....might be all of us woman!!

[You Go Girl]

I'm angry right now....I let my ex talk to me disrespectfully again, which he hasn't done in quite a while...but I own that anger and I can dispell that anger at any time...simply by saying...who cares....not my problem.

 

I will keep reading the site...thanks for sharing it.

 

People, perhaps subconsciously, like to spread their anxiety, misery, whatever. You know the saying misery likes company.

I wonder if your ex felt some need to share his anxiety with you by giving you such a gift--here's a little anxiety yourself.

lol are people as evil as I sometimes perceive them?

 

yw!

After reading some more it appears to be Christianity based, which I didn't realize at first. I'm a happy heathen myself, but the underlying Christianity poses no problem for me.

H had laid everything out on the table and basically told me how it would all go down, his decisions, mine, of little imput. He would decide who would get what, I was to sit and listen.

Then, after I accepted it all, he reneged the next day. I think he was quite upset that I had agreed to everything.

Let's just say it threw me into a loop which was probably his intention. He thought, wow, this was too easy for her. How can I make it more difficult? I'll pull the plug on the whole thing, that's how. I'll leave her high and dry wondering where our agreements went.

This is what sent me into a bout of anger that I didn't know how to redirect the energy from.

Malicious and intentional? I think so.

[trippi1432]

People, perhaps subconsciously, like to spread their anxiety, misery, whatever. You know the saying misery likes company.

I wonder if your ex felt some need to share his anxiety with you by giving you such a gift--here's a little anxiety yourself.

lol are people as evil as I sometimes perceive them?

 

yw!

After reading some more it appears to be Christianity based, which I didn't realize at first. I'm a happy heathen myself, but the underlying Christianity poses no problem for me.

H had laid everything out on the table and basically told me how it would all go down, his decisions, mine, of little imput. He would decide who would get what, I was to sit and listen.

Then, after I accepted it all, he reneged the next day. I think he was quite upset that I had agreed to everything.

Let's just say it threw me into a loop which was probably his intention. He thought, wow, this was too easy for her. How can I make it more difficult? I'll pull the plug on the whole thing, that's how. I'll leave her high and dry wondering where our agreements went.

This is what sent me into a bout of anger that I didn't know how to redirect the energy from.

Malicious and intentional? I think so.

 

On my ex YGG - This was just how he was around all of his family or anyone that he "perceived" wanted something from him (time, energy, work....etc). He was stressed to the gills and the last year of our marriage I tried to get him to de-stress and start saying No to some of his family's requests for his own sanity. Instead he checked out of the marriage and found another woman who would not put up with his drinking. I'm sure a lot of it had to do with not having any pressures on him with her...her kids were her responsibility, his kid was out of the picture most of the time, and he blew off his side of the family. He didn't have a mortgage and he had stopped paying his credit cards a long time ago. I paid the joint debt and everything else...so it was pretty easy for him. Believe me, everything was pretty easy for him including me paying the $4900 to the attorney for all the divorce papers.

 

Now he does tell his family no, only lets his mother and ex-drinking buddy in on his life with the new GF and has basically disowned his sister, brothers and nephews. A couple of months ago, he wasn't so stressed because our son lived with me.....now he has to be a full-time daddy and deal with all the details I dealt with for all those years. School registration, bus information, class schedule, doctor appointments, ortho appointments, starting a new job (possibly), trying to have a new relationship (and she has 2 kids)....so, back when it was my "duty" to figure all this out....now it's HIS DUTY.

 

So, his anxiety and misery are back....go figure. There were some people here on LS that had made some bets on the son going to live with the ex....waiting to see, but they just might be right.

 

YGG - Go get a lawyer...if he laid it out on the table and is reneging on his original offer, you aren't going to get a fair settlement without one. And if he is the egomaniac like you say, he's going to try to come out looking as good as he can if you don't get a lawyer.

[RedDevil66]

A great read, thanks for sharing this