Land_Of_The_Lost Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 I’m not sure what forum best fits this, but thought I would try this one. I followed some of the best advice I have read here on LS and joined Al-Anon around a year ago. It has really been an eye-opening experience. For some reason, the group I go to is about 90% women and all the sponsors are women. I have been told by a close friend at Al-Anon that I really need to get a sponsor. It is a fantastic group, but I am male and married. I don’t know if it’s appropriate to work through the steps with an opposite sex sponsor. Anyone ever dealt with this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Land_Of_The_Lost Posted July 9, 2010 Author Share Posted July 9, 2010 Not even any AA member’s that have worked the steps like this? Link to post Share on other sites
Liketherest Posted July 9, 2010 Share Posted July 9, 2010 I’m not sure what forum best fits this, but thought I would try this one. I followed some of the best advice I have read here on LS and joined Al-Anon around a year ago. It has really been an eye-opening experience. For some reason, the group I go to is about 90% women and all the sponsors are women. I have been told by a close friend at Al-Anon that I really need to get a sponsor. It is a fantastic group, but I am male and married. I don’t know if it’s appropriate to work through the steps with an opposite sex sponsor. Anyone ever dealt with this? Avoid a same sex sponsor at all cost. If it's not insanity you could be at high risk for a break up. Ask one of the the women to help you find a SS sponsor at the meeting only. Sticking to that plan won't give you any opportunity to go astray. JLR:o Link to post Share on other sites
Liketherest Posted July 9, 2010 Share Posted July 9, 2010 Not even any AA member’s that have worked the steps like this? It's not advised, but if one is not drinking, cheating, or hurting themselves because their spouse is drinking, there's not much a twelve stepper can say. Think it through, you'll be exchanging phone calls, going to meet semi-privatly to work the steps. You not only disrespecting yourself but your wife aswell by choossing a SS sponsor. LTR Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted July 9, 2010 Share Posted July 9, 2010 you can choose an opposite sex sponsor. just be sure and choose one that has done their own step work - and one that you aren't physically attracted to. i am a gal - i have successfully sponsored many men and many women. if someone is following the principles of the program - you don't place your sponsee at risk. you are there to be helpful. stick to the step work - it helps to stay on track. if you do - all the other situations will take care of themselves the way they're supposed to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Land_Of_The_Lost Posted July 23, 2010 Author Share Posted July 23, 2010 Sticking to that plan won't give you any opportunity to go astray. Thank you for the concern, but I am very comfortable with the boundaries I have maintained throughout our marriage. I discussed this with my wife and she was fine with me having an opposite-sex sponsor. My problem is, since my wife is one of reasons I am in Al-Anon, I’m not sure if that is what she is really comfortable with, or just to comfort me… Link to post Share on other sites
Author Land_Of_The_Lost Posted July 23, 2010 Author Share Posted July 23, 2010 you can choose an opposite sex sponsor. just be sure and choose one that has done their own step work - and one that you aren't physically attracted to. i am a gal - i have successfully sponsored many men and many women. if someone is following the principles of the program - you don't place your sponsee at risk. you are there to be helpful. stick to the step work - it helps to stay on track. if you do - all the other situations will take care of themselves the way they're supposed to. Thank you for the reply. Is this from an AA perspective or an Al-Anon one? There will be no ill will... Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted July 23, 2010 Share Posted July 23, 2010 Prefer not to expose which 12 step I use as its irrelevant in the schematics of things. Its an unwritten rule yet a well advised wisdom to stay with the SAME SEX SPONSOR. MAles Use Males, Females Use females. Its not to say that there is a line that is crossed, because that is NOT how this program works, but for some its human nature to cross.... I've just seen and been witness to sponsors who cross the line and its not healthy as you will hit 4 levels of bonding. One thru experiences, One thru having to confess, One thru emotional, One thru sharing success. SO the relationships need to be mentored thru healthy guidelines. I would recommend that you weigh the pros and cons of choosing an opposite sex partner since you do carry the Marital commitment as part of the sharing of rather personal experiences. Your program can be well grounded in the early stages by sticking with a Long term'd sponsor (meaning lots of experience in recovery under their belt). My best to you in your journey. Link to post Share on other sites
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